My Life Is Full Of Drama

JasiBella

I think you and your hubby should sit down, talk things out. I can tell the communication is not there. What my cousin does with her hubby is they alternate a day during the weekend to go out with their own friends.. let's say she choose Saturday to go out with her friends then next weekend is her hubby's turn.

^^^^That's what I said.

And I agree with you. They have to talk. She asked for some advice and I'm sure she knew there were going to be some not so nice comments but that's what you get when everyone thinks differently.

All we can do is give her advice. The rest is up to her and her husband.

There is so much support, motivation & encouragement on this site. That does not mean every comment is going to be in your favor.

keiko

I was hard on her but I also told her to volunteer or take classes to get adult interaction.
And she could work with her husband then she'd be spending more time with him. But it doesn't sound like she wants to because she can't flirt with other guys there.

KatieEppers

^^^^That's what I said.

And I agree with you. They have to talk. She asked for some advice and I'm sure she knew there were going to be some not so nice comments but that's what you get when everyone thinks differently.

All we can do is give her advice. The rest is up to her and her husband.

There is so much support, motivation & encouragement on this site. That does not mean every comment is going to be in your favor.

Very well said!

hmo4

I agree with all of your comments. It may just be easier to talk to strangers in a kind of anonymous way. After all, she is a "baby having babies". Sounds like she loves and is taking care of the kids. I'm sure she's not working as daycare $$ would be a joke! Yes, we all are allowed our own opinions, as highly different as they may be, but I tell things straight up-it's me, blunt. Sorry if I offended anyone. Some stuff just sounded a little "rough", but maybe it'll help. I NEVER had a supportive, positive Mom, and since I`ve done most of the raising of my kids, I make sure I`m not like her. My kids are that age and close to, and I let them know I will always support and be there no matter how bad situations get. So now I have teens and their friends that talk to me, sometimes a little too openly, but hey, they all know I`m here.:flowerforyou:


Funny how this poor girls problem has kept us debating over it`tonight-Sorry BG, it`s not funny.....

Fitness_Chick

I agree with all of your comments. It may just be easier to talk to strangers in a kind of anonymous way. After all, she is a "baby having babies". Sounds like she loves and is taking care of the kids. I'm sure she's not working as daycare $$ would be a joke! Yes, we all are allowed our own opinions, as highly different as they may be, but I tell things straight up-it's me, blunt. Sorry if I offended anyone. Some stuff just sounded a little "rough", but maybe it'll help. I NEVER had a supportive, positive Mom, and since I`ve done most of the raising of my kids, I make sure I`m not like her. My kids are that age and close to, and I let them know I will always support and be there no matter how bad situations get. So now I have teens and their friends that talk to me, sometimes a little too openly, but hey, they all know I`m here.:flowerforyou:


Funny how this poor girls problem has kept us debating over it`tonight-Sorry BG, it`s not funny.....

Well Hot for someone not having a positive role model as a Mother, you sound very very supportive as a Mother, KUDOS to you and it's awesome the kids have someone to come to when they need to talk (friends of your kids etc.).:flowerforyou: So many many kids sadly don't...:ohwell:

FC

hmo4

Thanks FC, I`m proud of my kids. They are all special and doing great things. That`s truly where BG has to be at with her kids, cause he`s not around and spending time or bonding too much with them. Fortunately she`s home fulltime cause right now she`s both parents.:flowerforyou:

ivykivy

As a girl whose dad owned his own business and still does... I see the business as being more important than me. He chose to spend more time working on his business because that is what he wanted to do. He could have gotten a job working for someone 9 to 5 but his chose to work for himself. It was his priority and his children were not. It may not have been his intention to portray it but that is what I have in my mind until this day. The only memories I have are those when he was sleeping in his recliner or yelling at me for being late to school. I still sting him by saying my mom and grandmother raised me. He hates that. But he has to come to terms with how I feel

Hopefully if BG's husband is spending quality time with his children on a regular basis he will realize the importance of it not only now but later in life.

geo1177

Let us take a moment to read all reactions of people, and realize we all have ways of creating suffering for ourselves and others. We are unaware of it therefore there is no one to blame. So the best course of action, now that we ARE aware, is to show compassion and unconditional support.

Much Love Missy, just follow what feels right in your heart, the rest will sort itself out.
Much love to everyone. Remember life is short and precious, let it be filled with joy and peace and love for one another.

Geo

HealthyKt78

I've now skimmed through the other posts. Shame on all of you for not supporting a young Mom with 3 tiny kids and no stimualtion at home but diapers and Dora the Explorer. And him? Hello! You married a baby -cradle robber, knocked her up and leave her day in and day out with the kids. SHE WANTS ATTENTION-hense the short skirts and flirting. Drinking alcohol will potentially cause huge damage. But, dancing and getting out with your friends is great. They can't even begin to relate to your life, no one can-unless you've lived it. That is my life in a nutshell, although mine wasn't at a Restaurant day in and day out, mine was out of town for months at a time. He'd phone home and talk about T-Bar ceilings. Like I cared, I was lonely, bored and needed him to at least give me a break. :explode: So, BG, as someone who is also social, type A personality, who also loves to go out and dancewith the girls,adores her kids more than anything, will listen anytime and give you suggestions, after all, I'm an old broad now who has lived and learned a ton. My oldest is 19 and building a future, and I've already prewarned him that if he impregnates someone, I will be taking the kid to help so they both can finish their career goals, and build their lives before marriage/divorce comes into play and the kid is bounced all over the place. :flowerforyou: Hang in there, and find a friend to support you.:smooched:

Finally! After reading all these judgmental posts I've been waiting on someone who was actually in support of this young women. I completely agree with you.

Find a babysitter and go out every once in awhile. There is absolutely no harm in that. If you want to get a job, then get one. There are many fun jobs though where you can get attention and not have to expose yourself. Just be a regular bartender. You can "flirt" and make great tips in the process. Flirting is natural and as long as it stops at flirting and you don't want it to lead to anything I see nothing wrong with that. Another idea is have your own party. If any of your friends have kids invite them all along too. Maybe hire a babysitter to watch over all the kids and then have your own adult party in another room. That way the kids are all having fun and their supervised and the adults are having fun too.

Talk to your husband. If the situation continues, then it probably won't change. If you can't handle it, then get a divorce but be ready to support yourself of course.

Marriage means many things to different people. I really don't like seeing the posts that are saying "I hate how people treat marriage now a days" or something similar. People get married for many different reasons and sometimes, it just doesn't work out. You shouldn't judge people because their marriage isn't working. She asked for help and many of you attacked her. I agree with the post that said supporting doesn't always mean you'll get answers your agree with but in no way does supporting mean attacking someone because of their lifestyle.

MissGorgeous

some people get me and some people dont
im a great mom...my whole day week month...LIFE
is about my kids i dont leave them to party
i put my kids to sleep and have my mother in law watch them
or if they go to spend the night over at her house
and everything is in order in my house ill go out and havefun
but nothing comes before my kids

finally someone got it
he could golf and snowboard and not go to disneyland with his family?
and someone else said it HE CHOOSES TO WORK THAT MUCH
HE MAKES A DESISON EVERYDAY TO GO TO WORK WHEN HIS EMPLOYEES WANT MORE HOURS....MY HUSAND MAKES A CHOICE
TO WORK ON HIS DAYS OFF.

anyways in case anyone was wondering
he texted me and asked me to come have dinner at the bar
and we could talk and i told him no its cold and rainy and the kiddos are in PJs. and he said no worries my moms already on her way over to stay while you come here

so i went and told him how i fee
and he said
i understand how you feel
i would be upet if you had a job that came before the kids and i
when we decided to open a second bar
i promised i would let my brother take care of everything there
and not get wrapped up in working all the time
but we have kids who come FIRST
and i have been doing things both places but starting monday my brother will be taking over the other bar and ill be back off on sundays and wensdays
i noticed that ive been working alot and hanging out with my brothers alot and i knew it was starting to affect us and the kids

he also told me he will start getting up in the mornings to take talon to preschool with me and will start going to allisons Good Morning Sunshine classes and we will be doing our family fun sunday trips again (seaworld disneyland wild animal park -- season passes)

and he told me hes lucky to have such a supportive wife
and hes sorry for not treating me the way i deserve to be treated
and he would never do anything to intentinally hurt me or our family
and thanked me for being such a good mom and wife
and also told me he knows its hard on me and said he appreciates all i do around the house and for him and the kids!

so thanks for all the comments and support and advice

MissGorgeous

I've now skimmed through the other posts. Shame on all of you for not supporting a young Mom with 3 tiny kids and no stimualtion at home but diapers and Dora the Explorer. And him? Hello! You married a baby -cradle robber, knocked her up and leave her day in and day out with the kids. SHE WANTS ATTENTION-hense the short skirts and flirting. Drinking alcohol will potentially cause huge damage. But, dancing and getting out with your friends is great. They can't even begin to relate to your life, no one can-unless you've lived it. That is my life in a nutshell, although mine wasn't at a Restaurant day in and day out, mine was out of town for months at a time. He'd phone home and talk about T-Bar ceilings. Like I cared, I was lonely, bored and needed him to at least give me a break. :explode: So, BG, as someone who is also social, type A personality, who also loves to go out and dancewith the girls,adores her kids more than anything, will listen anytime and give you suggestions, after all, I'm an old broad now who has lived and learned a ton. My oldest is 19 and building a future, and I've already prewarned him that if he impregnates someone, I will be taking the kid to help so they both can finish their career goals, and build their lives before marriage/divorce comes into play and the kid is bounced all over the place. :flowerforyou: Hang in there, and find a friend to support you.:smooched:

THANK YOU!!!

Hannah_Banana

Okay, as a mommy at 20 (only of one kid though) I do understand - a little. My partner is 26, and for us, that is a workable age gap. However, there are still moments when I realize how MUCH more he got to do. It is hard, because we feel jealous that they got to experience all that LIFE and we didn't. We have so many more repsonsiblities than they did at our age - they can't possibly understand. No one can, honestly - unless you have been there. Yes, I realize that we may have brought it on ourselves, but my little man was a complete surprise (I was on the pill) - so sometimes it is simply that luck isn't in our favor. I wouldn't trade him for the world, but it did ensure that my young adulthood ended abruptly.

I am going to make a statement that does not necessarily pertain to this situation, and that some people will undoubtably disagree with but here goes: I don't think anyone should be afraid of divorce. I believe that people get ONE shot at life, and I believe you should enjoy your life. That does not mean irresponsible, particularly when you have children, but it does mean that you should not stay in a situation you are unhappy with.

Just because you possibly made a mistake by getting married so young, does NOT mean you are stuck. By all means, if you want to stay with him, get counseling - but maturity doesn't happen overnight. You both need to accept the huge gap in age between you and you BOTH have to be patient while your life desires catch up to his.

If you do need to go your seperate ways, don't be afraid or burdened by guilt. No one should ever berate you because of what turned out to be poor choices - we have all made our share. :flowerforyou:

heal4444

You got married at 17. You're 19 with 3 kids. You are very young. In terms of job, relationship, other adult interaction, I think what you need is perhap, maybe:

A sense of your own identity
A sense of your own individuality
A sense of your own personality
A sense of your own goals, dreams, and aspirations.

Right now, you feel like you are 2nd to your husband, to his business, to your kids.

So, who are you? What are you about? Who are you? What are your personal likes, dislikes, hopes, fears, and visions of what you can contribute to this life of yours besides being a mom, and a wife?

Instead of finding the answer at a bar, may I suggest you take a part time, 1 credit night course. You're a brand new mom, 3 mths, toddler and a step son you said. Just one course, anything of your interest. It could be a sport, a craft, an art, a business course, a health course, a cooking course, any kind of course to create for you and you only - that most important love of all - the love of yourself. Find and go on an adventure of self discovery. Discover who you are.

Because you were married and had kids so young. You never got a chance to do that. Don't put that off till your kids are 5 yrs, 15, 25, 35 yrs old. Do it now.

Get someone to look after your kids for a couple of hours a week and go to that course at a local community centre. Learn a skill, interact with other adults and most important of all, learn about yourself, build some confidence in yourself that you are brave enough to go on a new adventure.

This way, you'll be a happier mom. You'll explore what other options there are in terms of possible job interest, you'll expand your network of people you know, you'll have meaningful, appropriate adult interaction, you'll be a more rounded person which makes you a more equal partner in your marriage.

Love yourself. Develop yourself. I think that is what you want to do. You are #1. It's all a matter of how you go about loving yourself, and putting yourself as #1 by pursuing personal growth. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: Take good care.

MissResa

some people get me and some people dont
im a great mom...my whole day week month...LIFE
is about my kids i dont leave them to party
i put my kids to sleep and have my mother in law watch them
or if they go to spend the night over at her house
and everything is in order in my house ill go out and havefun
but nothing comes before my kids

finally someone got it
he could golf and snowboard and not go to disneyland with his family?
and someone else said it HE CHOOSES TO WORK THAT MUCH
HE MAKES A DESISON EVERYDAY TO GO TO WORK WHEN HIS EMPLOYEES WANT MORE HOURS....MY HUSAND MAKES A CHOICE
TO WORK ON HIS DAYS OFF.

anyways in case anyone was wondering
he texted me and asked me to come have dinner at the bar
and we could talk and i told him no its cold and rainy and the kiddos are in PJs. and he said no worries my moms already on her way over to stay while you come here

so i went and told him how i fee
and he said
i understand how you feel
i would be upet if you had a job that came before the kids and i
when we decided to open a second bar
i promised i would let my brother take care of everything there
and not get wrapped up in working all the time
but we have kids who come FIRST
and i have been doing things both places but starting monday my brother will be taking over the other bar and ill be back off on sundays and wensdays
i noticed that ive been working alot and hanging out with my brothers alot and i knew it was starting to affect us and the kids

he also told me he will start getting up in the mornings to take talon to preschool with me and will start going to allisons Good Morning Sunshine classes and we will be doing our family fun sunday trips again (seaworld disneyland wild animal park -- season passes)

and he told me hes lucky to have such a supportive wife
and hes sorry for not treating me the way i deserve to be treated
and he would never do anything to intentinally hurt me or our family
and thanked me for being such a good mom and wife
and also told me he knows its hard on me and said he appreciates all i do around the house and for him and the kids!

so thanks for all the comments and support and advice

I'm glad that you two were able to talk, but most importantly, that he was actually willing to listen. Everyone has different problems in their marriage, and to assume that we know everything that goes on behind closed doors would be a big mistake.

Even though my DH is gone so much, he makes an effort to take our youngest to preschool whenever he can, and we also make time for him to have Daddy/Oldest Daughter outings so just the 2 of them can spend some time together without our little one vying for all the attention. If your DH wasn't trying to spend time with you and your little ones, then it sounds like his priorities weren't straight, either.

I definitely agree that the 2 of you should be going out together... Spend time dancing and flirting with each other, and take your good friends out with you. It's always a confidence-booster getting hit on by other guys, but it's even better having your husband out with you when it happens... Having someone else appreciate what he already has may make him look at you in a different light.

The most important thing that a couple can do is talk to each other, and as long as the two of you continue on with it, your marriage will improve. Whatever you decide to do with your marriage, just make sure that you do what is best for you and your kids. What we say on this thread shouldn't matter-only YOU know what is best for yourself and your family.

MissGorgeous

Okay, as a mommy at 20 (only of one kid though) I do understand - a little. My partner is 26, and for us, that is a workable age gap. However, there are still moments when I realize how MUCH more he got to do. It is hard, because we feel jealous that they got to experience all that LIFE and we didn't. We have so many more repsonsiblities than they did at our age - they can't possibly understand. No one can, honestly - unless you have been there. Yes, I realize that we may have brought it on ourselves, but my little man was a complete surprise (I was on the pill) - so sometimes it is simply that luck isn't in our favor. I wouldn't trade him for the world, but it did ensure that my young adulthood ended abruptly.

I am going to make a statement that does not necessarily pertain to this situation, and that some people will undoubtably disagree with but here goes: I don't think anyone should be afraid of divorce. I believe that people get ONE shot at life, and I believe you should enjoy your life. That does not mean irresponsible, particularly when you have children, but it does mean that you should not stay in a situation you are unhappy with.

Just because you possibly made a mistake by getting married so young, does NOT mean you are stuck. By all means, if you want to stay with him, get counseling - but maturity doesn't happen overnight. You both need to accept the huge gap in age between you and you BOTH have to be patient while your life desires catch up to his.

If you do need to go your seperate ways, don't be afraid or burdened by guilt. No one should ever berate you because of what turned out to be poor choices - we have all made our share. :flowerforyou:

i dont see my self with anyone else
ive done that....and i just dont see me without him
i love him and may not always be happy but who is
he treats me good and the kids WHEN hes around
he tries to put hisfamily first
and after talking tnight
he works so much because he wants his family
to have and do things his parents couldnt afford for them to do
but i told him alot of that isnt important but TIME is priceless
matieral things are nice sure but they arnt forever and memories are
you think our kids are gunna grow up and tell people yeah my dad and mom ownd 3 houses and run two bar and grills and drive such and such cars...
NO they are going to tell people about us reading them bed time stories as kids or us singing songs and dancing around being goffy....you dont care what we have as long as we are around!
my parents worked alot and took vacations alot
gave me anything and everythiing i wanted
yes i liked it...but
but i missed out on time with my parents
i didnt get bedtime storiesor dance around silly with them
but i want my kids to look back and say man my parents were always around and great parents
not....my dad always worked so i hung out with my mom

MissResa

i dont see my self with anyone else
ive done that....and i just dont see me without him
i love him and may not always be happy but who is
he treats me good and the kids WHEN hes around
he tries to put hisfamily first
and after talking tnight
he works so much because he wants his family
to have and do things his parents couldnt afford for them to do
but i told him alot of that isnt important but TIME is priceless
matieral things are nice sure but they arnt forever and memories are


This makes you and your situation look completely different than the post in the beginning of the thread. I think that it is easy to forget how young you are, and how different our situations are, too. I wouldn't ever think about going out to party, or find a job that allowed me to flirt with other guys, but I'm not 19, either. I've experienced all that, and am ready for the next chapter in my life.

Reading you post about how much you love him, and how you do want to be a good mommy to your kids, makes you seem more like a good mom who is unhappy in her marriage, and less like an unhappy person who doesn't like where her life has ended up. Like I posted earlier, we don't know your full situation, and the bad thing about posting on this website is that we don't know you as a person. I hope that you are able to work things out, but if not, I hope that things go well for you and your kids.

MissGorgeous

i dont see my self with anyone else
ive done that....and i just dont see me without him
i love him and may not always be happy but who is
he treats me good and the kids WHEN hes around
he tries to put hisfamily first
and after talking tnight
he works so much because he wants his family
to have and do things his parents couldnt afford for them to do
but i told him alot of that isnt important but TIME is priceless
matieral things are nice sure but they arnt forever and memories are


This makes you and your situation look completely different than the post in the beginning of the thread. I think that it is easy to forget how young you are, and how different our situations are, too. I wouldn't ever think about going out to party, or find a job that allowed me to flirt with other guys, but I'm not 19, either. I've experienced all that, and am ready for the next chapter in my life.

Reading you post about how much you love him, and how you do want to be a good mommy to your kids, makes you seem more like a good mom who is unhappy in her marriage, and less like an unhappy person who doesn't like where her life has ended up. Like I posted earlier, we don't know your full situation, and the bad thing about posting on this website is that we don't know you as a person. I hope that you are able to work things out, but if not, I hope that things go well for you and your kids.

hes a bartender he gets to flirt and have fun EVERY NIGHT haha
i think maybe when im looking for some fun
ill go work at his bar and have fun as well!

MissResa

My husband and I had issues when we were in our 1st year of marriage. My dad is the one that gave me a piece of advice I'll never forget... If you are in a bad marriage, and have done everything that you possibly can to try to make it work, and are STILL unhappy, then it's okay to get out of it. No one will think badly of you if you do.

Hearing this from my dad is exactly what I needed, because it took some of the pressure off of me, but also made me realize that I hadn't been giving 100%. We've been married for almost 10 years now-I got married when I was 19.

I don't think that you're a bad person for venting on this post. We all need to let out a little steam sometimes. And I really do wish you all the best. As for your husband... Bartending and flirting every night? Have your mother in law babysit for you and go "help" him at work. Maybe a little competition at his bar will be good for both of you

FitJoani

you want to... see other people? Hunny, you're MARRIED. You've commited yourself to one man. Yes, you are young, but that doesn't mean you get to up and go off to see other men. If the marriage was a mistake and you're unhappy in it then maybe you should seek a divorce, or at least some couple's counseling. I'm I'm being totally honest you sound like a high school gilr who's getting a little bored with her first crush.

Have to agree here. Probably not what you want to hear, but you are married and part of being married is being faithful.

sadly this is absolutely true....you may need to end it before it ends in major disaster

kerrilucko

I just want to clarify, if any think I insinuated you were abad mother, that was by no means my intention! I don't know you personally and I don't know your parenting style. Actually this post has very little to do with being a mother. You posted comments and questions including intimate details of your life with your husband, and requested feedback. I gave you feedback. I am not a mother, but I do know what it is like to be in a long term committed relationship (I have been with my fiance for 5 years now, since I was your age). I gave you my honest opinion, which I think is what you were looking for. I'm glad you got to talk with your husband about things, communication is important. AND I never said you shouldn't get to go out and have adult time, I was simply pointing out that by going to clubs that you are going to not only are YOU breaking the law, you are also asking those club owners to break the law as well and that is very irresponsible. Again, I made no comment on you as a parent, I don't know you as a parent so I have no basis to say anything in that area at all. Best of luck to you and your husband. In the future perhaps these issues should be discussed more privately. As you can see many people have strong opinions about the things you wrote. :flowerforyou: