Co-Sleeping with kids

dalgirly

Sorry, but that's rubbish. I know people who's babies have died of cot death because they WEREN'T in their parent's bed. Some babies die. It's harsh, but it's a fact. You can't blame the parents for that one. They'll be blaming themselves.

It's not rubbish at all. Newborns die from co-sleeping. Period. Not many. But do you want to tell the parents of a dead baby that for comfort?

Yes SIDS is terrible and we're not entirely sure how to prevent it. We DO know how to prevent parents from rolling over onto their babies. Put them in a crib.

Odds are everything will be fine when cosleeping. The odds are also good that you'll win at Russian Roulette. It's the times you don't that REALLY bite you on the *kitten*.

Just because kids can die from numerous different causes is no reason to ignore simple safety precautions that can save their lives.

Last time I checked my daughter's not dead. In fact she is incredibly secure and knows all the way down in her DNA that her dad and I are there for her no matter what. I don't believe babies can fend for themselves. I think they need nurturing and security.

Question: do you fall out of bed? No? Yeah, you probably are aware of where the edge is, even in your sleep. Similarly, you sure as hell won't roll over and smother your own CHILD.

Humans existed for a really really really really really long time before the Childrens Furniture Industry and the "I need my ME time" mentality took over.

You are right that babies don't fend for themselves --- but they don't need to sleep with a parent. Hundreds of thousands of kids sleep in a crib and are fine. Babies can sooth themselves, if they are taken care of -- changed, fed, kept clean --- then its no issue having them sleep in their own room. Its not at all neglectful or being a bad parent.

Personally I think, do what you want. I will admit (I work with kids) and I cannot stand when they are co-sleepers. Its annoying for me, and the kids are completely unable to sooth themselves (even at 2-5years old). And yeah, thats not 100% of the time, but usually these kids have a very hard time soothing themselves.

Why would you expect a small child to sooth themselves? That is what mothers are meant to do. Why do people want their babies to grow up instantly?

Shock horror, I fed my babies to sleep EVERY NIGHT too. And amazingly, they get themselves to sleep just fine now.

I was more talking about 6-8 month olds, not newborns.

I also never said you shouldn't sooth your babies. I said that babies CAN sooth themselves. So by keeping a baby in their own room isn't being a bad mom. Just like vice-versa having a baby in your room doesn't mean your a bad mom. I do think that there is a point (personally) that kids need to have their own room. But that is just me.

Isn't saying babies can sooth themselves just saying eventually they give up crying because they have learned no one is coming? I wouldn't let my 6 year old cry himself to sleep, I sure as **** wouldn't do it with a baby.

Anyway, for those talking about SIDS, it is lessened dramatically in babies that sleep next to their mothers because they regulate their breathing to be in synch with their mother. Babies are meant to sleep with their parents/mothers, you don't see any animals packing their baby off to sleep at the other end of the nest. SIDS happens when a baby for some reason stops breathing, which is more likely when it can't feel it's mother's breathing pattern.

Its not at all the same. Babies will suck and calm themselves down. Is it terrible to give a baby a soother because its not natural (ok, I may be opening up another can of worms on that one).

And I do think it depends on why they are crying. I am not at all opposed to laying a baby down, and letting them cry (especially if you are losing your mind... aka colicky baby). Its safer to put them down and let them cry it out, and let yourself just breathe. I'm not saying you should let a child cry for hours on end, but if they stir or whine a min or two --- no need to rush in and hold them.

And as for not letting a child cry. I think it depends on what it is for. If they are screaming because they aren't getting what they want, or don't want to do something like go to bed (aka having a temper tantrum), they can scream away in my opinion. If they are hurt or sad or scared its completely different.

This all being said, people should do what they want. I grew up with a great mix of strictness and kindness, and I will probably be that way with my kids (also grew up with a VERY opinionated mom, which in turn has made me the same way). But just because people think differently, doesn't mean they have a wrong way of doing things. I think co-sleeping is weird -- but that doesn't mean its wrong. Just something I wouldn't do.

fteale

if you smoke and your kids sleep in your bed, the smell of the smoke can be contained in the mattress, on you and become a contributing factor to sids. and /or suffocation

is this smoking in the bed or just smoking in general?

I know you're not asking me, but smoking in the house in general is hazardous to a baby. The smoke will sink into ANY mattress, either the parents' bed or the crib mattress. But it will be on your clothes when you sleep, so that does add another layer of problems if you're co-sleeping.

i get that but im just wondering if this theory applies to all smokers or just the ones that smoke in the house. For example, a smoker smokes outside the house, showers completely before coming to bed. does this still apply? Forgive my ignorance, im just trying to understand.

All smokers. Smokers have toxins on their breath that are hazardous to babies. It doesn't matter where you smoke, if you have smoked at all in the previous few months, you shouldn't co-sleep.

fteale

Its not at all the same. Babies will suck and calm themselves down. Is it terrible to give a baby a soother because its not natural (ok, I may be opening up another can of worms on that one).

And I do think it depends on why they are crying. I am not at all opposed to laying a baby down, and letting them cry (especially if you are losing your mind... aka colicky baby). Its safer to put them down and let them cry it out, and let yourself just breathe. I'm not saying you should let a child cry for hours on end, but if they stir or whine a min or two --- no need to rush in and hold them.

And as for not letting a child cry. I think it depends on what it is for. If they are screaming because they aren't getting what they want, or don't want to do something like go to bed (aka having a temper tantrum), they can scream away in my opinion. If they are hurt or sad or scared its completely different.

This all being said, people should do what they want. I grew up with a great mix of strictness and kindness, and I will probably be that way with my kids (also grew up with a VERY opinionated mom, which in turn has made me the same way). But just because people think differently, doesn't mean they have a wrong way of doing things. I think co-sleeping is weird -- but that doesn't mean its wrong. Just something I wouldn't do.

I take it you don't have your own children? I never ever considered co-sleeping before I had my first baby. Hell, I wasn't even going to breast feed and I ended up doing it for nearly 5 years combined. I had watched my sister with her children and had it all worked out until I had my own. Honestly, you just do what feels right, and what feels right may be very different from what you thought would. I thought I'd go back to work, I thought I wouldn't put on weight (LMAO), I thought I wouldn't be one of those boring mothers who talks about nothing but their children, but when they arrive, they change everything completely.

SarabellPlus3

In general, it's not what I want to do, but I don't think it's a big deal if others do it. BUT, all those people who recommend it-- they also say DO NOT do it if you are overweight. DO NOT do it with blankets and pillows on your bed. DO NOT do it with a regular bed, put your matress on the floor alone. While I'm sure it's relatively safe to do it "right," I've literally never in my life seen a single couple do it "right." All the co-sleepers I've known have kept a relatively regular bed, so I don't buy for an instant that co-sleeping in those cases is as safe (or any safer, as some claim), than crib-sleeping.

I did let my first two sleep in our bed sometimes, and it turned into a nightmare. I vowed to never let my third, and I pretty much never have. As a result, my third is a GREAT sleeper, who is in fact still sleepin in, in her crib, at this moment. She goes down so happily and easily, and I really regret not letting my first two get to love their crib like she does.

I really get the inclination to co-sleep for nursing purposes, but the reason a lot of babies DO wake mom up to nurse is because mom is right there. If the baby is in their room, they tend not to wake as much and need to nurse. If baby is right next to you in bed, she wants to nurse more often, and to me, those wake-up-all-night habits just aren't great.


The way I see it, I'm an adult. I'm not going to be limited to grown-up time in my car or on the pool table. I'm not 16 anymore, and while car sex as an adult might sound sexy, it's just not that comfortable and I certainly don't want to be limited to it. And even if we did, you can't just safely leave a 6 month old on an adults' bed alone. I NEVER understood people who said they got any adult time with a baby of a certain age, because when they're rolling over, if you leave them on a bed, they are real apt to roll off if you go away at all.

DarkAngel525

I don't have children, but my best friend has a 6 and 5 year old that still sleep in the bed with her. She admits it is out of laziness and that she (and probably the kids too) don't get the best sleep at night. At first the kids would say they were scared so we would take turns 'falling asleep' with them in THEIR beds. That worked she said for a while, but then they came back with the argument that their mom's room was more cozy. So we revamped their room with cool nightlights and ceiling stickers, a soft radio and that really seemed to work. Now they are all back in the same bed and she admits that it is out of pure laziness. So I guess it is whatever people can handle.

As for the pet debate, I have 2 chihuahuas and they sleep in my bed, under the covers with me! I don't think it's weird, hell, they are only 2 and 4 pounds, I think they need the warmth more than I do! :laugh:

TheRoadDog

My kids never slept in the bed with us. They all adjusted okay.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

if you smoke and your kids sleep in your bed, the smell of the smoke can be contained in the mattress, on you and become a contributing factor to sids. and /or suffocation

is this smoking in the bed or just smoking in general?

I know you're not asking me, but smoking in the house in general is hazardous to a baby. The smoke will sink into ANY mattress, either the parents' bed or the crib mattress. But it will be on your clothes when you sleep, so that does add another layer of problems if you're co-sleeping.

i get that but im just wondering if this theory applies to all smokers or just the ones that smoke in the house. For example, a smoker smokes outside the house, showers completely before coming to bed. does this still apply? Forgive my ignorance, im just trying to understand.

This is all smoking not just in the house versus on the poarch, as the smoke and toxins get into your skin, hair, clothes, sinuses, and lungs. Then your skin, hair, clothes, and stale air from your sinuses and lungs transfer the 2nd hand residuals to your bed clothes, pillows, and mattresses. The residual smoke and toxins impact the babys fragile repratory system.

cabaray

My girls are 12 & 10. When my husband is working nights, we stay up and watch movies on the weekends in my bed. Never fails, they always fall asleep. So yes, my 12 & 10 year old sometimes sleep with me and I have no problem with that!

boomboom011

if you smoke and your kids sleep in your bed, the smell of the smoke can be contained in the mattress, on you and become a contributing factor to sids. and /or suffocation

is this smoking in the bed or just smoking in general?

I know you're not asking me, but smoking in the house in general is hazardous to a baby. The smoke will sink into ANY mattress, either the parents' bed or the crib mattress. But it will be on your clothes when you sleep, so that does add another layer of problems if you're co-sleeping.

i get that but im just wondering if this theory applies to all smokers or just the ones that smoke in the house. For example, a smoker smokes outside the house, showers completely before coming to bed. does this still apply? Forgive my ignorance, im just trying to understand.

All smokers. Smokers have toxins on their breath that are hazardous to babies. It doesn't matter where you smoke, if you have smoked at all in the previous few months, you shouldn't co-sleep.

hmmm interesting. i will make sure to stay far far away from babies then cause Im a smoker. However, I did not smoke for a year after my son and daughter were born. We co-slept for a while with both of them and still to this day my kids love to sleep with us and vice versa. It happens on occasion. I guess we defied the odds cause both of my kids are happy & healthy.

for the record, i dont smoke with a baby on my hip either.

macpatti

hmmm interesting. i will make sure to stay far far away from babies then cause Im a smoker.

Please move out of your home until you no longer smoke or smell like smoke. K? Thanks.

boomboom011

hmmm interesting. i will make sure to stay far far away from babies then cause Im a smoker.

Please move out of your home until you no longer smoke or smell like smoke. K? Thanks.

will do. i think i will go to mexico. wanna go with me?

to the OP, you can still have relations if you co-sleep with your children. Obviously it happens cause i have 2 kids!

macpatti

will do. i think i will go to mexico. wanna go with me?

to the OP, you can still have relations if you co-sleep with your children. Obviously it happens cause i have 2 kids!

Yes, I'll go with you. But, only if we can co-sleep, smoke, and not have relations! :flowerforyou:

boomboom011

will do. i think i will go to mexico. wanna go with me?

to the OP, you can still have relations if you co-sleep with your children. Obviously it happens cause i have 2 kids!

Yes, I'll go with you. But, only if we can co-sleep, smoke, and not have relations! :flowerforyou:

you got it!

stryfe101

my fiance has done this for a while with our now 5 year old daughter. If she doesn't sleep in the bed with her, our daughter usually wakes up at 4 or 5 in the morning....screaming. I can't stand it and will sleep in another bed if our child comes in. So far as relations.....well that doesn't happen much to begin with...

kacylaine

Just out of curiosity, those of you who did co-sleep, how long did you do it? And how did you transition to separate beds/rooms? I might need to know this one day! :flowerforyou:

baisleac

Just out of curiosity, those of you who did co-sleep, how long did you do it? And how did you transition to separate beds/rooms? I might need to know this one day! :flowerforyou:

3 months of bed sharing - I honestly don't know how we would have survived otherwise.
6 months of room sharing - We had a 1 bedroom apartment so there was no other option, but I'm glad it worked that way and when/if we have a 2nd, we'll do it the same way.
Moved into her own room at 9 months because we had to move in with my parents (unemployment issues) and the spare bedroom was too small to include a crib (or even a cradle). The crib went into the office (down a 5 foot hallway).

Again, if/when we have a 2nd kid, the bed sharing will likely last longer (we now have a queen instead of a full bed) and the room sharing will definitely last longer.

ajbeans

Just out of curiosity, those of you who did co-sleep, how long did you do it? And how did you transition to separate beds/rooms? I might need to know this one day! :flowerforyou:

With our daughter, we started off room sharing, but she was in our bed by 3 weeks because it was easier. She was in our bed for about... oh, at least 8 or 9 months. The transfer process wasn't difficult because we moved her into her own room because none of us were sleeping well anymore, including her. She still wanted to nurse to sleep, but I just had a rocker in her room and then put her in bed and it was fine.

With our son, we didn't even bother with the bassinet, and he slept in our bed from day one (which worked out well, since I was on bed rest from blood loss during labor). I honestly don't remember how long he was in our bed, but I want to say he was in his bed in their room from around 12 months? Something like that. He has a big giant head that he throws around a lot, and he kept cracking me in the teeth while we were sleeping, so there was just no other option. Again, I just nursed him down in the rocker and then put him in bed, and we didn't have an issue.

I think a big part of why it was easier is that we did use the crib for naps during the day. I didn't want them to roll off the bed, and I didn't want to stay in the room during their naps, so they were in there for all their daytime naps after the first couple of months. So they were used to the room and the crib and it wasn't a big shock. One thing they needed was a white noise machine in their rooms. I think it helped because they were used to hearing our breathing in the night, and it was too jarring sleeping in a silent room.

baisleac

I think a big part of why it was easier is that we did use the crib for naps during the day. I didn't want them to roll off the bed, and I didn't want to stay in the room during their naps, so they were in there for all their daytime naps after the first couple of months. So they were used to the room and the crib and it wasn't a big shock. One thing they needed was a white noise machine in their rooms. I think it helped because they were used to hearing our breathing in the night, and it was too jarring sleeping in a silent room.

Good point... we used the cradle/crib for daytime naps too, using a fan for a white noise machine.

fteale

Just out of curiosity, those of you who did co-sleep, how long did you do it? And how did you transition to separate beds/rooms? I might need to know this one day! :flowerforyou:

With our first, we started him in his cot in our room every night (had to put him in already sleeping, as he never settled himself), then when he woke at midnight he would come into our bed. At 6 months my husband took him off to the spare room when he woke up so that I could sleep, as I was dying by that point with PND. I think he went into his own room when we moved house when he was 20 months, I can't remember.

With our second I co-slept completely until he was 18 months, he never went in a cot at all. I slept with him in one bed and my husband slept with the older one in the other room. At 18 months we switched so the children went in a double bed together. They slept in the same bed until the youngest was 2, then we put him in a normal adult single bed. He's never fallen out.