Why can't men pick up after themselves.

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  • WarriorMom2012
    WarriorMom2012 Posts: 621 Member
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    You are engaged to a man who wears wife beaters. That should have been a neon sign right there :noway:

    It's a nick name for a men's sleeveless undershirt... although, not the nicest of nicknames.

    I know what it is...it was more a comment on his fashion sense!
  • jenniet04
    jenniet04 Posts: 1,054 Member
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    The sooner you realize men think differently than women do, the sooner you will find bliss. :-)
    This really. It's just stuff and small stuff at that...
    After 13 years I've realized I have to pick my battles. Diet Coke cans on the side table and random shoes in the living room really are minor things (at my house).

    ^^^This exactly. My hubby drives me crazy with dirty socks and shoes on the floor, not taking care of clean clothes, leaving stuff on the counter, but he does clean the kitchen ocassionally and the bathroom, he cooks and he actually stays home and takes care of our boys (and yet he gets upset when our boys leave their stuff all over the house!). Talk with him about it and let him know that it bothers you , but it's really not something to battle over.
  • Sublimely_Self_Righteousreused
    Sublimely_Self_Righteousreused Posts: 935 Member
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    You can't act like the porn star woman he wants, he shouldn't have to act like the perfect soap opera guy you want!
  • Justjoshin
    Justjoshin Posts: 999 Member
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    <Deleted before women everywhere cry. >
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
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    Why do you call them snot rags?
  • fit4mom
    fit4mom Posts: 1,352 Member
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    <Deleted before women everywhere cry. >
    Or you fear the wrath that has no name.:devil:
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    This couple I'm friends with, they have a big Rubbermaid tub in their guest bedroom. I asked them what's up with that, and the wife tells me that their therapist said that instead of asking him to do something he'll never do, she could try chucking everything he leaves out into that tub. If he's looking for something, he has to sift through that thing for it. And once the tub's full, he goes through it and puts things away or throws them out.

    You can't get by on the simple asking him to do it, but then doing it anyway when he doesn't do it. Sit down and have a real discussion with a real plan (such as the Rubbermaid tub story above, but use whatever idea works for you) for when he inevitably doesn't do it.

    Another thing is to alter your perspective on the issue. Think seriously, is he doing something for you that is either nice or helpful to you that you're forgetting about? Can you make yourself feel better about cleaning up some of his messes? Remember that your jobs are equal so don't factor in that you clean up everything else. He works outside of the home, you work inside of it. So all of that aside, what other stuff does he do that might make you feel less annoyed with this?
  • AZTrailRunner
    AZTrailRunner Posts: 1,199 Member
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    You can't act like the porn star woman he wants, he shouldn't have to act like the perfect soap opera guy you want!

    LOL... It's all about compromise... or else better start working on that gag-reflex. LOL
  • lor007
    lor007 Posts: 884 Member
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    Am I the only one who finds the term "snot rag" a bit disturbing?
  • messyinthekitchen
    messyinthekitchen Posts: 662 Member
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    I know guys. I know this is small in comparison to what he could do. And men I am not generalizing. And I don't want to seem ungrateful for him because I am so so grateful. He in wonderful to me. I love him. He works very hard. And I wouldn't want to be with anyone else. But I also am extremely busy everyday. And if all I ask of him is to pick up after himself it's not a big deal. I understand it's the small stuff but it is the fact that he not required to do anything else and if it will make me happier then just do it. I am not going to stand around and clean up after him just because it's not THAT big of a deal. He is not perfect nor am I. And I know for sure he deals with crap I do that bothers him. But if he expressed to me that I was doing something that was really bothering him. I would stop it. And I want him to do the same. I am a student, a mother, a home maker and run small business from home. My time limited. So if it saves me 20 minutes a day that would be wonderful.
  • Justjoshin
    Justjoshin Posts: 999 Member
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    <Deleted before women everywhere cry. >
    Or you fear the wrath that has no name.:devil:

    Nice try, but I really just decided to be nice today.
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
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    Am I the only one who finds the term "snot rag" a bit disturbing?

    No, I asked the same thing.
  • messyinthekitchen
    messyinthekitchen Posts: 662 Member
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    pick up all his crap and dump it on his desk...let him sort it out. Do it daily until he gets the hint.

    what a wonderful idea!!

    would you want to be married to someone who did this to you? It seems very parental, and not a very nice parent at that.

    I'd never treat my husband this way, and he would never do it to me either.

    Awesome!! I am so happy for you two.
  • MFPAddict
    MFPAddict Posts: 2,303 Member
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    This is definitely not a guy thing, but a person thing. My wife and I each have our spots where we put mail and various other things when we walk in the door. Her spot is constantly a mess and it drives me nuts. My spot rarely is a mess more than one night.
  • shiggyshane
    shiggyshane Posts: 215
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    not all men are like that i cook, clean and stuff and YES i do wear wife beaters to..i mean tank tops :)
  • Jeff92se
    Jeff92se Posts: 3,369 Member
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    This is definitely not a guy thing, but a person thing. My wife and I each have our spots where we put mail and various other things when we walk in the door. Her spot is constantly a mess and it drives me nuts. My spot rarely is a mess more than one night.

    Is your wife my wife's sister?!
  • ThePhoenixRose
    ThePhoenixRose Posts: 1,985 Member
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    I'm totally your husband. It's not just men. Some of us are programmed differently, and it really does seem like a lot of extra effort to put things back where they should be. I'm working on it though! And I'm the stay at home mom, so i just have to clean up after myself... Oh well...
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
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    Really - that's small stuff.

    I was going to say it, but you said it first. And nicer than I was going to.

    No, it's not small stuff. He's a bad roommate. If they can't find a happy medium now, they should not be planning to marry.

    Eh to me - it's small stuff. I don't make a mountain over "You left some crumbs on the counter..." or a glass here or some clothes here. He draino's the tub when my hair clogs it, takes out the trash, does all the yard work, brings home the bacon and more (I do too but still) ...

    And there are some couples who bicker about what I consider small stuff every day. Life's too short. If he leaves stuff in the wash - I transfer it to the dryer. If it's in the dryer I fold his clothes - and vice versa. If the counter is "crumby" regardless of who's crumbs they are, if I see it, I clean it - and vice versa. I'm not gonna get in a frenzy and ***** about every imperfection. I love my imperfect husband. If it REALLY bothers someone - have a discussion. If you can't discuss it = that's a problem.
  • fit4mom
    fit4mom Posts: 1,352 Member
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    <Deleted before women everywhere cry. >
    Or you fear the wrath that has no name.:devil:

    Nice try, but I really just decided to be nice today.
    AWE! Well then your just a nice guy. :flowerforyou: ((huggs))
  • solpwr
    solpwr Posts: 1,039 Member
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    This couple I'm friends with, they have a big Rubbermaid tub in their guest bedroom. I asked them what's up with that, and the wife tells me that their therapist said that instead of asking him to do something he'll never do, she could try chucking everything he leaves out into that tub. If he's looking for something, he has to sift through that thing for it. And once the tub's full, he goes through it and puts things away or throws them out.

    You can't get by on the simple asking him to do it, but then doing it anyway when he doesn't do it. Sit down and have a real discussion with a real plan (such as the Rubbermaid tub story above, but use whatever idea works for you) for when he inevitably doesn't do it.

    Another thing is to alter your perspective on the issue. Think seriously, is he doing something for you that is either nice or helpful to you that you're forgetting about? Can you make yourself feel better about cleaning up some of his messes? Remember that your jobs are equal so don't factor in that you clean up everything else. He works outside of the home, you work inside of it. So all of that aside, what other stuff does he do that might make you feel less annoyed with this?

    Like.


    To the OP: Its a conundrum.

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