how honest should a MFP friend be?

amybell68

okay I have not had this problem until now, I have lots of friends who make their food journal public, and I usually take a look just to see how their day went so I can support them or get good ideas, but what do you do when a person is making such bad choices???? I mean just junk.....do you say something, or keep it to yourself, I really know these people need friends too.....but I just don't know if I can sit by and say nothing!!! Advice?? Anyone??

gregpack

We could probably all make better food choices, but if it is working for them and they are losing, I say let it be.

ADTeachTX

I have said something to someone before but always PM and in a supportive way...like, I am concerned about you because I see...

Contrarian

If people don't ask me, I assume they aren't looking for advice. The majority of us know when we aren't making good choices.

sunkisses

I don't say anything unless asked. My friends are adults so I presume they've got eating all figured out by now.

Abevemi

I think that something should be said...after all, the point of having friends is to offer support - surely that should be good and/or bad!

maryd523

I agree with the other posters...they know they aren't eating healthy, if you say anything you risk becoming a nag. Encourage them when they do well, otherwise leave it alone. They know you are looking.

cjpg

Just be honest - if they're decisions are detrimental to why their dieting to begin with then voice your opinion.

The only thing to be careful of is different people respond to different attitudes - what you say could motivate one person and demoralise another.

Ultimately though, if what you say is factual, the truth and what you feel in your heart of hearts to be right then voice it. Real friends will welcome change, no matter how harsh the words come out of a true friend.

Just don't pester them over and over. Say it once, if they don't listen it really is them that misses out. Unfortunate, but you have your own journey to deal with too so only put that stress on yourself if you know you handle it.

directorj

Having my diary public, makes me make better choices because I know someone is watching

samantha1953

But are they still losing? Are they complaining that they're not or not feeling great? I guess it wouldn't hurt to say something like "if you upped your protein and cut back on the sugar you may feel fuller and have more energy." Just make sure your kind and supportive.

honeysprinkles

well, what can you say? They logged it and ate it, so I'm sure they know that they're eating junk. But, I think it depends on the person. Some might be encouraged by some feedback, others might not want it. I would probably just not say anything.

Julesaf

Honestly? They know it's bad. I say do NOT say anything. They probably feel bad about it already. Your saying something won't help.

maceycarey

If people don't ask me, I assume they aren't looking for advice. The majority of us know when we aren't making good choices.

this

christine24t

The person probably knows they are making bad choices. For example, tonight I ate a pint of ice cream. Do I know it was bad? Yes, i don't need someone to tell me. But someone could say, "you'll make better choices tomorrow" or "congrats on burning x calories at the gym." Spin it to be positive.

flyawaybyebye

If it's one bad day, no, I wouldn't say anything. If they eat nothing but McDonalds and Taco Bell around the clock, and have expressed concern about their health in any way (not losing well, feeling tired, etc.) I'd definitely say something. Everyone is here to learn from one another, and I'd assume they're wise enough to take the advice they think applies and leave the rest. Ultimately, I wouldn't lecture or say they "have to" do anything in particular, but some suggestions are certainly not a bad idea!

honeysprinkles

well, what can you say? They logged it and ate it, so I'm sure they know that they're eating junk. But, I think it depends on the person. Some might be encouraged by some feedback, others might not want it. I would probably just not say anything.

I should add that I eat my fair share of junk, so I don't have a lot of room to be making judgments as it is. And on days when I eat bad, I know that I ate bad, so I don't really care for the comments. They don't offend me, I know that people usually have good intentions, but it doesn't really help me any either.

HonkyTonks

I have been making some bad food choices recently, due to having work parties and so on, and pretty aware of those poor choices - but logging them is way better than not logging them cause I am keeping myself accountable and aware.. I don't mind people giving me advice on ways to meet my nutrient targets and food ideas and so on but I probably would prefer people not just criticise me for not eating the right foods.

mrschappet

I would give your honest opinion but try to be sensitive... we are here to support each other to live a healthier lifestyle even if that means giving some constructive criticism that may hurt a little...

glenr79

Sometimes my women friends on here get mad because I get on them for eating under 1100 calories and under 100g of carbs... they believe the less you eat the more weight you will lose and the less carbs the weight you will lose..... you will lose weight at first, but that weight is muscle and is not permanent... makes me sad to see people do that to their bodies.... I want to help them so I don't really care if they get mad at me

ninerbuff

If they are losing consistently, getting in their essentials (macro and micro nutrients) getting in their water, and exercising, then IMO you don't need to interfere with their program. Last thing people want is being "policed" about their choices if they are successful on their journey.

A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Sd0510

Is this every day or just once in a while? If it is only once in a while, maybe it is their cheat day or something.

This is tough, because on one hand, they might be insulted if you tell them they are eating bad, but on the other hand, they might be thankful you are helping them because they needed advice.

It comes down to whether or not you want to tell them. If you feel like it will help them for the better, then you should tell them. They may be wanting to change it themselves but not know how.

Sorry I'm not much help. =/

adjones5

If people don't ask me, I assume they aren't looking for advice. The majority of us know when we aren't making good choices.

Agreed.

zoe4friends

I would definitely like to have an honest opinion about my dairy. I think we al have those days, but if it keeps continuing I would be honest and give some advice and suggestions

kyrstensmom

Caution: Might sound harsh, but honest is how I roll.

I would want someone to be honest with me, and by making my food diary public, I open myself to criticism and/or praise. That being said, I also delete people who I see constantly making bad choices, excuses for why they are off the wagon again, etc....I don't have time for excuses (I've made plenty myself in the past, but this time around I've had a mind-shift). I want to be supportive, but also don't want to constantly listen to I can't, I didn't, I won't, its too hard, its too early, etc., so I choose not to surround myself with those "friends". For me this place is a tool, not a social networking site, and if I don't agree with your methods or negative habits, I don't need you on my list.

cjpg

Sometimes my women friends on here get mad because I get on them for eating under 1100 calories and under 100g of carbs... they believe the less you eat the more weight you will lose and the less carbs the weight you will lose..... you will lose weight at first, but that weight is muscle and is not permanent... makes me sad to see people do that to their bodies.... I want to help them so I don't really care if they get mad at me

But this is the other end of the spectrum. The OP is asking about those who eat junk foods, not undereating.

I would strongly voice against anyone who starves themselves to lose weight, but I wouldn't feel the same if someone overate once or twice and/or ate junk food regularly. They're just two separate scenarios.

mznisaelaine

Sometimes my women friends on here get mad because I get on them for eating under 1100 calories and under 100g of carbs... they believe the less you eat the more weight you will lose and the less carbs the weight you will lose..... you will lose weight at first, but that weight is muscle and is not permanent... makes me sad to see people do that to their bodies.... I want to help them so I don't really care if they get mad at me

I dont get mad at you!!

But I try my best to eat enough calories!

Bunnyfufu87

I have logged crap food "McDonalds grilled chicken sandwich " but i was still under calories. Maybe they are doing portion size like me I can eat what I want as long as its in my calorie goal for the day.

moriaht

People know they eat bad... From personal experience! Lol I wouldn't be mad if someone said something but I know just as well as them that I need to get my act together. It's just hard sometimes. Let it be.

kmshred

i like mine brutal!

auntiebabs

If they ask for advice I give it freely, if they don't I don't usual even look at their diary, because I can't keep my big mouth shut...

In light of my new favorite saying...
"You don't have to be perfect, you just have to be better"
one thing to consider is that even though over all it seems like bad food choices, it may be an improvement over what they were eating before even if it is just portions size.

If someone complains about being hungry I'll sometimes check their journal to see what they are eating, often it's too much sugar or artificial sweetened foods which both increase appetite. I have a definite sweet tooth, if I can cut back on sugar for 2 weeks a lot of the cravings go away and I feel more satisfied with what I do eat.

amybell68

I guess I should have added that they are young and I'm just not sure they have been getting the right information!! I don't want to judge anyone, I too have made poor choices, I just care so much for this person and I really am scared for them and the choices they are making, (donuts, pop, McDonalds, etc....) I appreciate all your comments and I will really think about it before I say anything!!!