how honest should a MFP friend be?

Options
24567

Replies

  • adjones5
    adjones5 Posts: 938 Member
    Options
    If people don't ask me, I assume they aren't looking for advice. The majority of us know when we aren't making good choices.

    Agreed.
  • zoe4friends
    zoe4friends Posts: 727 Member
    Options
    I would definitely like to have an honest opinion about my dairy. I think we al have those days, but if it keeps continuing I would be honest and give some advice and suggestions
  • kyrstensmom
    kyrstensmom Posts: 297 Member
    Options
    Caution: Might sound harsh, but honest is how I roll.

    I would want someone to be honest with me, and by making my food diary public, I open myself to criticism and/or praise. That being said, I also delete people who I see constantly making bad choices, excuses for why they are off the wagon again, etc....I don't have time for excuses (I've made plenty myself in the past, but this time around I've had a mind-shift). I want to be supportive, but also don't want to constantly listen to I can't, I didn't, I won't, its too hard, its too early, etc., so I choose not to surround myself with those "friends". For me this place is a tool, not a social networking site, and if I don't agree with your methods or negative habits, I don't need you on my list.
  • cjpg
    cjpg Posts: 433 Member
    Options
    Sometimes my women friends on here get mad because I get on them for eating under 1100 calories and under 100g of carbs... they believe the less you eat the more weight you will lose and the less carbs the weight you will lose..... you will lose weight at first, but that weight is muscle and is not permanent... makes me sad to see people do that to their bodies.... I want to help them so I don't really care if they get mad at me

    But this is the other end of the spectrum. The OP is asking about those who eat junk foods, not undereating.

    I would strongly voice against anyone who starves themselves to lose weight, but I wouldn't feel the same if someone overate once or twice and/or ate junk food regularly. They're just two separate scenarios.
  • mznisaelaine
    mznisaelaine Posts: 2,262 Member
    Options
    Sometimes my women friends on here get mad because I get on them for eating under 1100 calories and under 100g of carbs... they believe the less you eat the more weight you will lose and the less carbs the weight you will lose..... you will lose weight at first, but that weight is muscle and is not permanent... makes me sad to see people do that to their bodies.... I want to help them so I don't really care if they get mad at me

    I dont get mad at you!!

    But I try my best to eat enough calories!
  • Bunnyfufu87
    Bunnyfufu87 Posts: 39
    Options
    I have logged crap food "McDonalds grilled chicken sandwich " but i was still under calories. Maybe they are doing portion size like me I can eat what I want as long as its in my calorie goal for the day.
  • moriaht
    moriaht Posts: 251 Member
    Options
    People know they eat bad... From personal experience! Lol I wouldn't be mad if someone said something but I know just as well as them that I need to get my act together. It's just hard sometimes. Let it be.
  • kmshred
    kmshred Posts: 393 Member
    Options
    i like mine brutal!
  • auntiebabs
    auntiebabs Posts: 1,754 Member
    Options
    If they ask for advice I give it freely, if they don't I don't usual even look at their diary, because I can't keep my big mouth shut...

    In light of my new favorite saying...
    "You don't have to be perfect, you just have to be better"
    one thing to consider is that even though over all it seems like bad food choices, it may be an improvement over what they were eating before even if it is just portions size.

    If someone complains about being hungry I'll sometimes check their journal to see what they are eating, often it's too much sugar or artificial sweetened foods which both increase appetite. I have a definite sweet tooth, if I can cut back on sugar for 2 weeks a lot of the cravings go away and I feel more satisfied with what I do eat.
  • amybell68
    amybell68 Posts: 275 Member
    Options
    I guess I should have added that they are young and I'm just not sure they have been getting the right information!! I don't want to judge anyone, I too have made poor choices, I just care so much for this person and I really am scared for them and the choices they are making, (donuts, pop, McDonalds, etc....) I appreciate all your comments and I will really think about it before I say anything!!!
  • mrschappet
    mrschappet Posts: 488 Member
    Options
    If people don't ask me, I assume they aren't looking for advice. The majority of us know when we aren't making good choices.

    Agreed.


    But if the diary is public aren't you wanting people to look and give feedback, isn't that kinda the point of having it unlocked?
  • Acg67
    Acg67 Posts: 12,142 Member
    Options
    okay I have not had this problem until now, I have lots of friends who make their food journal public, and I usually take a look just to see how their day went so I can support them or get good ideas, but what do you do when a person is making such bad choices???? I mean just junk.....do you say something, or keep it to yourself, I really know these people need friends too.....but I just don't know if I can sit by and say nothing!!! Advice?? Anyone??

    context is key, depends on how much so called junk it is. what if they are hitting all their macros through whole foods and fit in some "junk" everyday?
  • honeysprinkles
    honeysprinkles Posts: 1,757 Member
    Options
    If they ask for advice I give it freely, if they don't I don't usual even look at their diary, because I can't keep my big mouth shut...

    In light of my new favorite saying...
    "You don't have to be perfect, you just have to be better"
    one thing to consider is that even though over all it seems like bad food choices, it may be an improvement over what they were eating before even if it is just portions size.

    If someone complains about being hungry I'll sometimes check their journal to see what they are eating, often it's too much sugar or artificial sweetened foods which both increase appetite. I have a definite sweet tooth, if I can cut back on sugar for 2 weeks a lot of the cravings go away and I feel more satisfied with what I do eat.
    I really like that. Even if I have 2 bad days a week, that's so much better than the 6 or 7 that I used to have! I think that's a great thing to keep in mind to stay motivated too!
  • Helenatrandom
    Helenatrandom Posts: 1,166 Member
    Options
    A friend pointed out to me when I first began that I needed to eat more protein and not just look at calories. I was grateful and do much better in that aspect now.
    Recently I pointed out to her that she has been low on calcium lately. She didn't notice and was grateful.
    Just be kind, and mention a specific concern, rather than critiquing their whole diary. If they are receptive, be encouraging of gradual improvement. If they aren't, shrug and say no more...
  • honeysprinkles
    honeysprinkles Posts: 1,757 Member
    Options
    Sometimes my women friends on here get mad because I get on them for eating under 1100 calories and under 100g of carbs... they believe the less you eat the more weight you will lose and the less carbs the weight you will lose..... you will lose weight at first, but that weight is muscle and is not permanent... makes me sad to see people do that to their bodies.... I want to help them so I don't really care if they get mad at me

    But this is the other end of the spectrum. The OP is asking about those who eat junk foods, not undereating.

    I would strongly voice against anyone who starves themselves to lose weight, but I wouldn't feel the same if someone overate once or twice and/or ate junk food regularly. They're just two separate scenarios.
    I think this falls under the same line of thinking that makes people think it's okay to tell a thin person to "go eat a cheeseburger" yet rude to comment on what an overweight person is eating. it's all the same idea to me.
  • bry_all01
    bry_all01 Posts: 3,100 Member
    Options
    I've had people ask me why or how i eat what I do to stay this size. Since I did not ask for advice, it irked me, because they didn't bother to see how small portions were. In my opinion, unless asked, its not our business. And, before anyone asks, my diary is open to friends, because people can get ideas from others diaries, and I find that helpful.
  • paxetamore
    paxetamore Posts: 399 Member
    Options
    Is this every day or just once in a while?

    This ^ because it depends on lots of things...
    Do they know better?
    Is it an off day?
    Or is this a pattern they don't see?

    This whole lifestyle change thing is a process, in other words, I have good days and bad days. I'm at the point now where I know it is a "bad" day, even though it's about 1,000 calories less than I used to eat without any exercise whatsoever.

    So... get to know your mfp friends, and then you will know who needs encouragement and who needs a swift kick in the pants :laugh:
  • ChrisStoney
    ChrisStoney Posts: 479 Member
    Options
    well, what can you say? They logged it and ate it, so I'm sure they know that they're eating junk. But, I think it depends on the person. Some might be encouraged by some feedback, others might not want it. I would probably just not say anything.
    I should add that I eat my fair share of junk, so I don't have a lot of room to be making judgments as it is. And on days when I eat bad, I know that I ate bad, so I don't really care for the comments. They don't offend me, I know that people usually have good intentions, but it doesn't really help me any either.

    Ohh, so if I wrote "nice food chioces *kitten*" that might be acceptable? Ok Thanks! LOL
  • flyawaybyebye
    flyawaybyebye Posts: 250
    Options
    Sometimes my women friends on here get mad because I get on them for eating under 1100 calories and under 100g of carbs... they believe the less you eat the more weight you will lose and the less carbs the weight you will lose..... you will lose weight at first, but that weight is muscle and is not permanent... makes me sad to see people do that to their bodies.... I want to help them so I don't really care if they get mad at me

    But this is the other end of the spectrum. The OP is asking about those who eat junk foods, not undereating.

    I would strongly voice against anyone who starves themselves to lose weight, but I wouldn't feel the same if someone overate once or twice and/or ate junk food regularly. They're just two separate scenarios.
    I think this falls under the same line of thinking that makes people think it's okay to tell a thin person to "go eat a cheeseburger" yet rude to comment on what an overweight person is eating. it's all the same idea to me.

    This. I think it's bizarre that people have no problem at all telling those they think are undereating or are too thin to eat more, but wouldn't dream of saying anything to someone eating too much or all the wrong things. I am happy to give advice if it's asked for, and I'd happily accept it from someone I invited into my life, but I keep my journal locked with a key so that I can moderate who sees it and whose advice I get. I figure anyone who leaves their diary totally open is totally willing to accept feedback from anyone who looks at it, and those who don't, would rather not have the advice. :)
  • DakotaKeogh
    DakotaKeogh Posts: 693 Member
    Options
    I struggle with this. I want to be a supportive friend. But it's hard to see day after day of high fat, high cal, high sugar and keep biting my tongue. I just want to say something simple like "it's not just the calorie number. it's what the calories are." But even that feels like a bridge too far. I don't have a clue what to say a year after joining.

Categories