how honest should a MFP friend be?
Replies
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If people don't ask me, I assume they aren't looking for advice. The majority of us know when we aren't making good choices.
Agreed.
But if the diary is public aren't you wanting people to look and give feedback, isn't that kinda the point of having it unlocked?0 -
okay I have not had this problem until now, I have lots of friends who make their food journal public, and I usually take a look just to see how their day went so I can support them or get good ideas, but what do you do when a person is making such bad choices???? I mean just junk.....do you say something, or keep it to yourself, I really know these people need friends too.....but I just don't know if I can sit by and say nothing!!! Advice?? Anyone??
context is key, depends on how much so called junk it is. what if they are hitting all their macros through whole foods and fit in some "junk" everyday?0 -
I really like that. Even if I have 2 bad days a week, that's so much better than the 6 or 7 that I used to have! I think that's a great thing to keep in mind to stay motivated too!If they ask for advice I give it freely, if they don't I don't usual even look at their diary, because I can't keep my big mouth shut...
In light of my new favorite saying...
"You don't have to be perfect, you just have to be better"
one thing to consider is that even though over all it seems like bad food choices, it may be an improvement over what they were eating before even if it is just portions size.
If someone complains about being hungry I'll sometimes check their journal to see what they are eating, often it's too much sugar or artificial sweetened foods which both increase appetite. I have a definite sweet tooth, if I can cut back on sugar for 2 weeks a lot of the cravings go away and I feel more satisfied with what I do eat.0 -
A friend pointed out to me when I first began that I needed to eat more protein and not just look at calories. I was grateful and do much better in that aspect now.
Recently I pointed out to her that she has been low on calcium lately. She didn't notice and was grateful.
Just be kind, and mention a specific concern, rather than critiquing their whole diary. If they are receptive, be encouraging of gradual improvement. If they aren't, shrug and say no more...0 -
I think this falls under the same line of thinking that makes people think it's okay to tell a thin person to "go eat a cheeseburger" yet rude to comment on what an overweight person is eating. it's all the same idea to me.Sometimes my women friends on here get mad because I get on them for eating under 1100 calories and under 100g of carbs... they believe the less you eat the more weight you will lose and the less carbs the weight you will lose..... you will lose weight at first, but that weight is muscle and is not permanent... makes me sad to see people do that to their bodies.... I want to help them so I don't really care if they get mad at me
But this is the other end of the spectrum. The OP is asking about those who eat junk foods, not undereating.
I would strongly voice against anyone who starves themselves to lose weight, but I wouldn't feel the same if someone overate once or twice and/or ate junk food regularly. They're just two separate scenarios.0 -
I've had people ask me why or how i eat what I do to stay this size. Since I did not ask for advice, it irked me, because they didn't bother to see how small portions were. In my opinion, unless asked, its not our business. And, before anyone asks, my diary is open to friends, because people can get ideas from others diaries, and I find that helpful.0
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Is this every day or just once in a while?
This ^ because it depends on lots of things...
Do they know better?
Is it an off day?
Or is this a pattern they don't see?
This whole lifestyle change thing is a process, in other words, I have good days and bad days. I'm at the point now where I know it is a "bad" day, even though it's about 1,000 calories less than I used to eat without any exercise whatsoever.
So... get to know your mfp friends, and then you will know who needs encouragement and who needs a swift kick in the pants :laugh:0 -
I should add that I eat my fair share of junk, so I don't have a lot of room to be making judgments as it is. And on days when I eat bad, I know that I ate bad, so I don't really care for the comments. They don't offend me, I know that people usually have good intentions, but it doesn't really help me any either.well, what can you say? They logged it and ate it, so I'm sure they know that they're eating junk. But, I think it depends on the person. Some might be encouraged by some feedback, others might not want it. I would probably just not say anything.
Ohh, so if I wrote "nice food chioces *kitten*" that might be acceptable? Ok Thanks! LOL0 -
I think this falls under the same line of thinking that makes people think it's okay to tell a thin person to "go eat a cheeseburger" yet rude to comment on what an overweight person is eating. it's all the same idea to me.Sometimes my women friends on here get mad because I get on them for eating under 1100 calories and under 100g of carbs... they believe the less you eat the more weight you will lose and the less carbs the weight you will lose..... you will lose weight at first, but that weight is muscle and is not permanent... makes me sad to see people do that to their bodies.... I want to help them so I don't really care if they get mad at me
But this is the other end of the spectrum. The OP is asking about those who eat junk foods, not undereating.
I would strongly voice against anyone who starves themselves to lose weight, but I wouldn't feel the same if someone overate once or twice and/or ate junk food regularly. They're just two separate scenarios.
This. I think it's bizarre that people have no problem at all telling those they think are undereating or are too thin to eat more, but wouldn't dream of saying anything to someone eating too much or all the wrong things. I am happy to give advice if it's asked for, and I'd happily accept it from someone I invited into my life, but I keep my journal locked with a key so that I can moderate who sees it and whose advice I get. I figure anyone who leaves their diary totally open is totally willing to accept feedback from anyone who looks at it, and those who don't, would rather not have the advice.
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I struggle with this. I want to be a supportive friend. But it's hard to see day after day of high fat, high cal, high sugar and keep biting my tongue. I just want to say something simple like "it's not just the calorie number. it's what the calories are." But even that feels like a bridge too far. I don't have a clue what to say a year after joining.0
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Tell them...0
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Sometimes my women friends on here get mad because I get on them for eating under 1100 calories and under 100g of carbs... they believe the less you eat the more weight you will lose and the less carbs the weight you will lose..... you will lose weight at first, but that weight is muscle and is not permanent... makes me sad to see people do that to their bodies.... I want to help them so I don't really care if they get mad at me
Maybe you should threaten to discipline them if they don't eat more calories.0 -
okay I have not had this problem until now, I have lots of friends who make their food journal public, and I usually take a look just to see how their day went so I can support them or get good ideas, but what do you do when a person is making such bad choices???? I mean just junk.....do you say something, or keep it to yourself, I really know these people need friends too.....but I just don't know if I can sit by and say nothing!!! Advice?? Anyone??
context is key, depends on how much so called junk it is. what if they are hitting all their macros through whole foods and fit in some "junk" everyday?
That just tells me they haven't changed lifestyles. They're winging it to make it work for now. And, seriously, no one sustains that. People who over-indulge in food have to completely change. I know I did.0 -
okay I have not had this problem until now, I have lots of friends who make their food journal public, and I usually take a look just to see how their day went so I can support them or get good ideas, but what do you do when a person is making such bad choices???? I mean just junk.....do you say something, or keep it to yourself, I really know these people need friends too.....but I just don't know if I can sit by and say nothing!!! Advice?? Anyone??
context is key, depends on how much so called junk it is. what if they are hitting all their macros through whole foods and fit in some "junk" everyday?
That just tells me they haven't changed lifestyles. They're winging it to make it work for now. And, seriously, no one sustains that. People who over-indulge in food have to completely change. I know I did.
so you're saying if someone gets 80% of their cals and macros from whole foods, 20% of cals from junk would be bad? the more restrictive the diet the less adherence to said diet there is nothing wrong if people are getting the majority of their macros from nutrient dense whole foods0 -
Sometimes my women friends on here get mad because I get on them for eating under 1100 calories and under 100g of carbs... they believe the less you eat the more weight you will lose and the less carbs the weight you will lose..... you will lose weight at first, but that weight is muscle and is not permanent... makes me sad to see people do that to their bodies.... I want to help them so I don't really care if they get mad at me
I guess keto diets just make people's muscles atrophy? CHO is non essential0 -
I guess it depends on the situation, really. For instance, I work at McDonald's and don't get paid all that much. Health foods are expensive and working 50+ hours a week doesn't give me much time to cook anyway. So I do end up getting a lot of my food from work. I just try to make the best decisions I can, control my portions, and stay under my calories. Its been working for me so far.
If you're really concerned, I don't think it would hurt to PM them and express your worries as a friend. I know if my friend was worried about seeing my diary and all of the McDonald's foods I log, I wouldn't be offended at all, especially knowing it came from a place of real concern.
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I really like that. Even if I have 2 bad days a week, that's so much better than the 6 or 7 that I used to have! I think that's a great thing to keep in mind to stay motivated too!If they ask for advice I give it freely, if they don't I don't usual even look at their diary, because I can't keep my big mouth shut...
In light of my new favorite saying...
"You don't have to be perfect, you just have to be better"
one thing to consider is that even though over all it seems like bad food choices, it may be an improvement over what they were eating before even if it is just portions size.
If someone complains about being hungry I'll sometimes check their journal to see what they are eating, often it's too much sugar or artificial sweetened foods which both increase appetite. I have a definite sweet tooth, if I can cut back on sugar for 2 weeks a lot of the cravings go away and I feel more satisfied with what I do eat.
Completely agree with this! Any 'babystep' towards a goal is still in the direction of what you're trying to achieve. It's important to have respect for your progress to your goals!0 -
I think this falls under the same line of thinking that makes people think it's okay to tell a thin person to "go eat a cheeseburger" yet rude to comment on what an overweight person is eating. it's all the same idea to me.Sometimes my women friends on here get mad because I get on them for eating under 1100 calories and under 100g of carbs... they believe the less you eat the more weight you will lose and the less carbs the weight you will lose..... you will lose weight at first, but that weight is muscle and is not permanent... makes me sad to see people do that to their bodies.... I want to help them so I don't really care if they get mad at me
But this is the other end of the spectrum. The OP is asking about those who eat junk foods, not undereating.
I would strongly voice against anyone who starves themselves to lose weight, but I wouldn't feel the same if someone overate once or twice and/or ate junk food regularly. They're just two separate scenarios.
My comment is relating to consistency. If someone consistently undereats, thats a problem. If someone consistently overeats, that's a problem. if someone overeats 'once or twice' and/or eats junk food 'regularly', but not excessively, then that's completely different.
No one needs to jump into the 'thin vs thick' argument. They're both an issue, and why anyone would be on this site (including myself).0 -
I don't want the food police breathing down my neck so I keep my diary private. I know it could be better and I don't want to hear it from others.0
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I tell people that what they're eating isn't good for them. I believe I've even used the words.... "couldn't keep a hamster alive" before... People crash-diet on here, & post it, looking for praise. It's not a crash-diet site. It's a lifestyle change site. If what they're doing isn't sustainable, people need to know.0
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lol good one but I really wish I could!!!Sometimes my women friends on here get mad because I get on them for eating under 1100 calories and under 100g of carbs... they believe the less you eat the more weight you will lose and the less carbs the weight you will lose..... you will lose weight at first, but that weight is muscle and is not permanent... makes me sad to see people do that to their bodies.... I want to help them so I don't really care if they get mad at me
Maybe you should threaten to discipline them if they don't eat more calories.0 -
I'll be 100% honest with you. Unless someone asks me to evaluate their food diary - I mind my own business. I HATE, HATE, HATE when someone is allowed access to mine and takes it upon themselves to comment, criticize or critique it. Unless I ASK for your opinion on my diary - please don't offer unsolicited advice. We are all on our own private journeys and I feel like I'll eat what I want, when I want and I refuse to have to defend my food choices to anyone else. It is my body and I'll put what I want in it. I truly wish people would worry more about their OWN journey and less about someone else's journey. To each their own is what I say.
Unless this person is whining, complaining, pissing, moaning and *****ing about not losing weight and asking for advice - I would keep my mouth SHUT.0 -
If I'm going to comment, it's going to be to highlight something positive. Great job on calories! (which I also say if they were over but not by much). Wow, look at all that protein! OMG your lunch looks delicious! That was a great workout! Why is there a smiley face next to your protein shake? Etc. I don't comment on things that I may perceive as negative. I don't feel like it's my place to tell anyone they're doing something wrong. Maybe that's b/c I'm not perfect myself (nowhere close). I like to focus on the positive. But then again I have not had any friends where I saw anything absolutely horrible or insanely dangerous (like eating super super low calorie for more than a couple of days of not feeling well). If I saw something like that on a regular basis, I'd be really concerned and I'd be freaked out b/c I wouldn't know how to say something about it w/o it just seeming like an attack.
As far as food choices go, well I sit here drinking my diet mt. dew as I type and I just finished off a weight watchers ice cream bar, so yeah I don't judge my friends' choices. They are adults. If they ask for general opinions on their diaries or suggestions for different food options, I might give a few. But I'm not going to criticize unsolicited b/c they'd probably tell me I have no room to talk. LOL0 -
I think this falls under the same line of thinking that makes people think it's okay to tell a thin person to "go eat a cheeseburger" yet rude to comment on what an overweight person is eating. it's all the same idea to me.Sometimes my women friends on here get mad because I get on them for eating under 1100 calories and under 100g of carbs... they believe the less you eat the more weight you will lose and the less carbs the weight you will lose..... you will lose weight at first, but that weight is muscle and is not permanent... makes me sad to see people do that to their bodies.... I want to help them so I don't really care if they get mad at me
But this is the other end of the spectrum. The OP is asking about those who eat junk foods, not undereating.
I would strongly voice against anyone who starves themselves to lose weight, but I wouldn't feel the same if someone overate once or twice and/or ate junk food regularly. They're just two separate scenarios.
I hate how it seems to be socially acceptable for someone to say to a thin person "Go eat a cheeseburger" but it isn't socially acceptable to say to a fat person "How about put the cheeseburger down?".
It irks me to no end how some of my "heavy" acquaintances think it is okay to comment on what *I* eat, but if I comment on what THEY are eating -- all hell breaks loose.0 -
If I'm going to comment, it's going to be to highlight something positive. Great job on calories! (which I also say if they were over but not by much). Wow, look at all that protein! OMG your lunch looks delicious! That was a great workout! Why is there a smiley face next to your protein shake? Etc. I don't comment on things that I may perceive as negative. I don't feel like it's my place to tell anyone they're doing something wrong. Maybe that's b/c I'm not perfect myself (nowhere close). I like to focus on the positive. But then again I have not had any friends where I saw anything absolutely horrible or insanely dangerous (like eating super super low calorie for more than a couple of days of not feeling well). If I saw something like that on a regular basis, I'd be really concerned and I'd be freaked out b/c I wouldn't know how to say something about it w/o it just seeming like an attack.
As far as food choices go, well I sit here drinking my diet mt. dew as I type and I just finished off a weight watchers ice cream bar, so yeah I don't judge my friends' choices. They are adults. If they ask for general opinions on their diaries or suggestions for different food options, I might give a few. But I'm not going to criticize unsolicited b/c they'd probably tell me I have no room to talk. LOL
I do the same thing! Instead of a WTG i point out something they did really good on that day or a meal that looks yummy :]
I don't comment negatively unless I see them under eating constantly. But love it when people comment on my diary. I like criticism :]0 -
You don't know their stats/goals either.
Ie. plenty of people on here trying to gain weight as well. Eating some pop tarts is a nice easy way to down 400cals & mass carbs instead of a few cups of rice.
I keep my mouth shut unless asked for advice 0 -
okay I have not had this problem until now, I have lots of friends who make their food journal public, and I usually take a look just to see how their day went so I can support them or get good ideas, but what do you do when a person is making such bad choices???? I mean just junk.....do you say something, or keep it to yourself, I really know these people need friends too.....but I just don't know if I can sit by and say nothing!!! Advice?? Anyone??
context is key, depends on how much so called junk it is. what if they are hitting all their macros through whole foods and fit in some "junk" everyday?
That just tells me they haven't changed lifestyles. They're winging it to make it work for now. And, seriously, no one sustains that. People who over-indulge in food have to completely change. I know I did.
You know what? People can change their lifestyle and still enjoy the things they enjoy in life. I'm a perfect example of that. I don't eat fast food and I don't drink pop. I do, however, enjoy cookies and cake. The vast majority of the food I eat is good (or at least better for me than what I used to eat) and if I want to indulge in a cookie (or more!), a piece of cake (no frosting, please) or something "sugary" as a treat, I will.
Does it mean I'm winging it? Does it mean I haven't changed?
60lbs lost.
145lbs.
Maintaining for over a year.
Yeah. I think I got it all figured out.
Restrict yourself if you choose. I only have ONE life to live and I plan to enjoy it..0 -
I still eat things that many consider 'junk' but amazingly I choose to eat a lot less of the junk and more of the nutritious stuff. That doesn't mean I haven't changed. It's actually a very big change for me. You should see what I was eating before I started logging on MFP. Just b/c someone has choices that you would not choose for yourself does not mean they haven't changed. Everyone's experience and perspective are different.0
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I appreciate when someone points out something I could change in my diet or in my exercise routine. I am aware of my faults and things I should change.... It doesn't bother me unless they point it out like 10 times in a row- "OK heard you the first time" but I don't mind at all someone making an observation! I have made good changes based on advice. If I had somone who was so sensitive they would be offended if I pointed out something to them- well I don't have any, so that's good!!
If you have good advice and don't pass it on why bother having a friends list?0 -
Couldn't agree more with your last post chevy. No need to give up all "unhealthy" food.
Yes people DO sustain that. Not everyone healthy eats that way 100% of the time
You can get fat off of healthy foods too.
I eat junk occasionally. I am doing just fine
And when I slip up, I have a few friends point it out. Then I make sure to fix it the next day!0
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