how honest should a MFP friend be?

1WorkoutAtATime

they are aware one day they will wise up and relaize how much of there hardwork & time they are waisting. But I the fresind I have that admitt and say they wanna stop/change those ar ethe ones I hold accountable...

vim_n_vigor

How well do you know the person? What is that person going through? What are their needs? If you offer unsolicited advice to someone that you don't know what their current goals and needs are, you could very well be giving the wrong advice to them. Maybe your friend used to eat really bad, and is now working on small changes to get better. Even if that is not good enough for you, it could be so much better than what they were eating before. Maybe your friend is recovering from an eating disorder. Maybe 1000 calories is a lot more than what they were eating before and so much healthier for them now. There are so many reasons why what is working for you may not work for someone else. If someone asks, I will say something. If I know my friend's story and circumstances, I will say something. I am not going to search through diaries of people on here if they aren't asking me to do that.

cheeksv

it can be hard becasue people log junk and then complain about how they haven't lost weight. Maybe they aren't ready to commit to being healthy just yet? I would ask about it. Not judge or give advice but maybe so you can see where they are at in their journey or what they are doing. Them maybe you can decide to drop them or support them.

ninerbuff

Being in the Fitness industry and actually dealing with people on a day to day basis, to take away what people really like (especially their favorite junk) will usually lead to weight loss failure in the long run. Anyone can lose weight if they clean up their diet, have calorie deficit and do more physical activity. But will they do it for the rest of their lives that way? No. So once most people reach goal, they indulge in what they used to eat. And that's when the weight returns. I'm sure many here are here for that very reason.
There is NOTHING wrong with having an "unhealthy" meal or item in your daily eating as long as you are getting in the required essentials from good sources. Unless your doctor says it will end up killing you, I believe moderation of favorite foods in controlled portions will help a person maintain a better weight and also make the journey easier. Nothing worse than a client who always whines that they miss eating _____.

A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

rhaya96

I only say something if the person is making ba food choices/not exercising and then turns around and COMPLAINS about the fact they are not losing, feeling better, etc. I'll make suggestions then.

Phoenix1401

I'm always honest...but I dont put them on blast though..if I see a problem or if I want to give them a tip or hint I inbox them.

Sookie_182

sometimes I think it can be ok to say something in as polite a way possible... maybe pm them about it so they don't feel embarassed about it on their page! I know them days when Im being really bold and eating crap I would like ta have some one ta tell me m going off track a wee bit and ta get back into it...

crodrigu73

IMO, I would say something but in a positive way. For example, one of my best MFP friends will ask me how much water I had if I didn't track. It is great for me to be called on that because I am a diet cokaholic! I will literally not drink anything but that all day. But once she started asking about it I have been more committed to getting my 8 to 10 glasses of water in. I made my food tracking public because I wanted to be held accountable.

BobbyClerici

Tell the truth and let the cards fall where they may.
And if they don't like it, too bad.

A real friend is one who'll stand up and say "THE EMPEROR WEARS NO CLOTHES!"

sophjakesmom

Amybell68, I would say be brutally honest. I know there was one time when I went a few days without eating a vegetable :embarassed: and even though I was under my calories (which is always my goal), an MFP friend commented that I must not like veggies. the comment refocused me and reminded me that I need to make sure I am getting all the food groups. While I love the "way to go"s, a quick reminder of what is important is also appreciated.

That's my take, anyway.:ohwell:

bhalter

I don't offer my opinion on their diary unless they're asking for people to look at it and give advice. I don't want someone getting on to me for a burger I had when I was out with friends, so I'm not going to get onto them for the bag of Cheetos they consumed. If they ASK their friends what changes they need to make or express that they are struggling with food choices, then I'll gladly make some recommendations based on what I see in their diary.

OLFATUG

I can't speak for anyone else, but I would welcome the honesty. I try and make the best food choices I can, but I'm no nutritionist. If I am making some really obvious mistake that I just don't see, I'll be glad to hear about it.

angiemartin78

If people don't ask me, I assume they aren't looking for advice. The majority of us know when we aren't making good choices.

this

I agree

lizziebeth1028

I don't like to receive unsolicited advice there for I don't give unsolicited advice. If your friend asks for help then by all means state your opinion. But if they are not asking - don't say a thing.

classyhoney

Don't ask don't tell. When it comes to fitness and weight loss when people want help they will ask. It's always better to PM than to post on profile or comment on statuses if you must say something. Through experience, I've found it best not to say anything.

echoica

what you say could motivate one person and demoralise another.

^this

Debbe2

I'm very honest when asked however only when asked. I am comfortable saying "great job logging everything today" when I see a MFP friend has eaten poorly (IMO) for the day or even over time. In truth I feel that this is their journey and their diary and they NEED to be comfortable enough to log honestly for their own benefit.

KarenG1213

If it's public, say something in a private message in an encouracging way. They may know they need to change their food selections and your encouragement may be just what they need. Just don't nag... good luck and what a good MFP buddy you are to want to help!

_VoV

Seeing a lot of beige food on a food diary, with the only 'color' coming from Skittles, is really disconcerting. But people tend to change when they are ready and nagging doesn't really help. So, I say encourage the positive steps your friends are making, and let one good fitness habit lead to another. If they are in it for the long haul, this evolution will happen on its own.

therealangd

Don't offer unless asked. Unsolicited advice is a big NO NO

HisPathDaily

Again, you NEED to have a relationship first ...

However, it's not unsolicited if your diary is public. If I don't want advice on my diary, then why would I make it public? People can still tell your "posting it" and see if you're under/over if you want ... but If there is a real reason to making a public diary yet not wanting anyone to comment, then by all means let me know. I just don't get it ... if I don't want advice, I'll close my diary (or only open it to some).

So on that note ... if the diary "IS" public, and I "DO" have a relationship with the person, and there "ARE" some obvious patterns of health in question, why not ask lovingly in a private message? This is health, not what color paper plates you like ... if I saw a bus about to hit a friend, why wouldn't I at least tap them on the shoulder? There "are" serious health risks to junk eating (even if your weight is maintaining) ... but if you meet the above criteria, why wouldn't you offer a kind word and ask?

radwyn

Most advice is not true anyway

SarabellPlus3

I think honesty is answering your truth when someone asks you a question.

I think just throwing out "hey! You're not doing this good enough!" is more about the self-esteem boost for the person saying it, than it is about "honesty." If someone asks you to critique their diary, by all means do it. But if you're reading their diary looking for a time to gloat, zip it. They don't need you to share your genius input that a Super-Sized Fries isn't healthy, betcha they already know that.

SarabellPlus3

However, it's not unsolicited if your diary is public. If I don't want advice on my diary, then why would I make it public? People can still tell your "posting it" and see if you're under/over if you want ... but If there is a real reason to making a public diary yet not wanting anyone to comment, then by all means let me know. I just don't get it ... if I don't want advice, I'll close my diary (or only open it to some).

I'll answer. I think mine is public, 1. because it's the automatic setting (it's the status quo, until I started seeing these types of threads, it didn't occur to me that those were publically viewed, or that they could or would need to be changed), 2. I don't care if people read it, anyway. I think it's silly to think you need to educate me on the fact that the few Butterscotch chips I just had aren't healthy, I already know that, I just ate them anyway LOL; just like I tell my friends when I work out, because I log it... It's not really about your response to how I worked out, it's about logging it, and even the positive response and encouragement is nice. 3. if people want ideas, I assume that's where others might look, so I may as well leave it open.

And if someone does comment on the Butterscotch chips I ate, I guess I'll just think it's silly. LOL I think it's condescending to think that I need you to educate me on it, but it's not skin off my hide, really. I don't like having a TON of friends, though, just a few I have time to keep track of, so it wouldn't be a person I'd keep on my list. Not because I hate them or anything, it's just not what I need.

HisPathDaily

OK, good point ... hmm ...

Well, I still say that if I have a "friend" (i.e. we actually talk/dialog) and they are making consistent unhealthy choices I may say something ... and I'm not talking about butterscotch chips ... I'm talking about something obvious ... I know that's subjective (the word obvious) but so much in life is anyway ... if I see a "friend" eating 500 net calories a day for weeks/months because they are paranoid about losing weight in an unhealthy manor ... or if I see someone who is arguably underweight still log tremendous deficits as they never seem to be happy ... GRANTED, these cases may need serious counseling from a professional, but as a friend, we may open dialog and discuss some stuff that we can help eachother with in the meantime ... so I'm not saying to write a note "why did you eat those oreos!?" ... lol ... ... cuz maybe they did for the same reason I did ... cuz they are YUMMY! ... but as a friend, we should help eachother ... so while this may be the exception, not the rule, I still can't say that I wouldn't comment as I think there are times when it may not only be appropriate but helpful.

Anyway, that's me ... and for the record the only reason I didn't have any cookies last night was because we bought those nasty candy cane oreo-like cookies from trader joe's ... the family seems to love them ... not me! So I chose wine ... lol

I'll answer. I think mine is public, 1. because it's the automatic setting (it's the status quo, until I started seeing these types of threads, it didn't occur to me that those were publically viewed, or that they could or would need to be changed), 2. I don't care if people read it, anyway. I think it's silly to think you need to educate me on the fact that the few Butterscotch chips I just had aren't healthy, I already know that, I just ate them anyway LOL; just like I tell my friends when I work out, because I log it... It's not really about your response to how I worked out, it's about logging it, and even the positive response and encouragement is nice. 3. if people want ideas, I assume that's where others might look, so I may as well leave it open.

Hambone23

Ugh. Wanted to add a thought here. I think this is where the Food Notes section of the Food Diary would help. Say you know you had a bad day and why, note it. Or note your intention to do better. That is if you're aware of what you're doing wrong. That could clear up much confusion about why someone is eating the way they are. Just an imho.

jennifermcornett

Just bring up a delicious food you eat that they've "just gotta try!!" Give them some healthier ideas. Maybe they're eating junk because that's what they can afford. Maybe it's because they are incredibly busy... Just toss out a "You've got to try this dish!"

susanswan

I was contacted to be a friend and I accepted. Later on I looked at the food diary! WOW! ALL fast food from Burger King or McDonalds the entire way down the list! There were less than 10 items for the day. Obviously a woman with a lot to lose as she was within her 2000+ calorie limit for the day, but the food was all "crap" in my opinion. I am usually the polar opposite with 30 or more ingredients that make up my usually highly veggie based diet and I cook all of my own food from scratch. I thought about saying something, but am learning late in life to keep a lid on it. Sometimes I am not successful, but sometimes I am. People are mainly here to lose weight. What they choose to do with their health I guess is up to them. I have been told to up my protein before and I resist. I just can't get behind a high protein diet or taking large amounts of processed canned protein in. Mentally, it just isn't going to work for me no matter who says what, and I suppose I should respect the fast food dieter as well. I can quietly lead by example IF someone wants to be lead by my example. Not sure why she friended me as she didn't write a note (a pet peeve of mine!) But as another poster said, "all of my friends are adults" and I am learning that I can do it my way, and I can also let them do things their way. You may not like what I am doing with my diet and that is okay with me. I however, love it! It works for me. So I choose to butt out unless asked. MFP is all about weight loss and staying under/close to calories. Doing those two things gets the thumbs up around here! Healthy choices are secondary.

HisPathDaily

While I certainly understand the rest of your post, I certainly can't agree with the statement below. For you perhaps, yes. However there are plenty of people on here to specifically track their eating habits, nutrition structure, and another stuff. The beauty of MFP is that it's as simple and as complex (virtually) as you want to make it. For many reasons, including some medical and allergic, people use it to track much more than a number.

Many times I too go through a period of heavy tracking on specific balances (fiber, fat, carbs, etc.) ... for me it's a tool that helps me steer towards healthy eating. If you want to use it as strictly a calorie counter, go for it. But MFP is not "all about staying under calories and weight loss".

MFP is all about weight loss and staying under/close to calories. Doing those two things gets the thumbs up around here! Healthy choices are secondary.

bcattoes

I think it would depend on how well you know them. Do you know them to be someone that responds positively to constructive criticism? What is their goal? Are they trying to eat healthy and failing? Many people are quite happy eating junk as long as the scale and/or tape measure shows results. Some people strive for health, others just to be thinner.