how honest should a MFP friend be?

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  • nalfavi
    nalfavi Posts: 174 Member
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    I make mine public for a reason. If I didn't want advice, critiques, ideas, etc, I'd make my diary private! I personally love the advice and "slaps on the wrists" some friends give me. I've gotten such good ideas on my comments and in mail from people who have checked out my diary and gave some healthier ideas.

    I think if a person makes their diary open to you, they're inviting comments about it.
  • shaynes14
    shaynes14 Posts: 106 Member
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    I make terrible choices at times but I try to stay within my calorie limit. I just can't stay away from pizza, and my choices have been unusually bad of late. I know I am eating junk. If someone were to tell me, I would like to think I would realize they are just trying to remind me of why I do keep my diary open....accountability. I agree too that if you open your diary, you open yourself up for people to help you.
  • lellaoa
    lellaoa Posts: 1
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    Personally, half of the reason I came to this site was accountability. I have a serious problem with binge eating, so if my friends said something to me, it would invariably help. I'm at a point where I can take criticism too, but if someone is still in denial they may not respond so well.
  • PennyLane1114
    PennyLane1114 Posts: 36 Member
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    I have also been thinking the exact same thing! I know that I don't always make the best food choices, but staying within my calorie limit is really important to me. If I want a treat, then I will workout a little harder that day. Some diaries I've looked at consistently have soda and fast food with absolutely no exercise for over two weeks... It's hard to sit back and not say anything. I am not here to hurt one's feelings, but when your profile information says things like "I've been trying to lose weight my whole life"... I find it REALLY hard to believe they're even trying at all. It's kind of a touchy subject to call someone out. Hmm... what shall we do....
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    I make mine public for a reason. If I didn't want advice, critiques, ideas, etc, I'd make my diary private! I personally love the advice and "slaps on the wrists" some friends give me. I've gotten such good ideas on my comments and in mail from people who have checked out my diary and gave some healthier ideas.

    I think if a person makes their diary open to you, they're inviting comments about it.

    I have people who ask to see my diary simply because they are shocked at how much I eat and that I can maintain. I tell them my diary isn't anything special, but I won't hide it from my friends. However, if you decide you're going to go into it and start giving me crap for my choices? I'm gonna tell you to zip it. I'm doing just fine and don't need anyone's help to know I shouldn't eat cookies all day or whatever. I don't hide what I eat - I'll share it with those I trust (friends) but I don't need to hear some stranger's advice on what I should or shouldn't be eating.
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    I have also been thinking the exact same thing! I know that I don't always make the best food choices, but staying within my calorie limit is really important to me. If I want a treat, then I will workout a little harder that day. Some diaries I've looked at consistently have soda and fast food with absolutely no exercise for over two weeks... It's hard to sit back and not say anything. I am not here to hurt one's feelings, but when your profile information says things like "I've been trying to lose weight my whole life"... I find it REALLY hard to believe they're even trying at all. It's kind of a touchy subject to call someone out. Hmm... what shall we do....

    What I would say is... you never know how they USED to be. I know it sounds silly or ridiculous, but what if only drinking 2 cans of Coke a day IS an improvement from their previous 10 cans? You never know how someone USED to be that would make even their not so ideal choices now not seem quite so bad.

    Don't assume you know or understand what they're working on. Some people are proud when they give up multiple cans of pop or 3 fast food meals a day. And while you're looking at their diary thinking "Dang, they need to get it together" - maybe they ARE taking baby steps to get it together. Not everyone can go cold turkey with things. Some people HAVE to take baby steps or they give up.

    I always tell people - don't judge. You never know their circumstances.
  • KayteeBear
    KayteeBear Posts: 1,040 Member
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    I usually don't say anything at all but I wouldn't say anything about eating junk unless they ask for ideas for eating better. At least they're eating. Now in the case of somebody who's only eating 300 calories a day I may say something because is damaging to the body more than eating junk.
  • ChrisStoney
    ChrisStoney Posts: 479 Member
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    I have also been thinking the exact same thing! I know that I don't always make the best food choices, but staying within my calorie limit is really important to me. If I want a treat, then I will workout a little harder that day. Some diaries I've looked at consistently have soda and fast food with absolutely no exercise for over two weeks... It's hard to sit back and not say anything. I am not here to hurt one's feelings, but when your profile information says things like "I've been trying to lose weight my whole life"... I find it REALLY hard to believe they're even trying at all. It's kind of a touchy subject to call someone out. Hmm... what shall we do....

    What I would say is... you never know how they USED to be. I know it sounds silly or ridiculous, but what if only drinking 2 cans of Coke a day IS an improvement from their previous 10 cans? You never know how someone USED to be that would make even their not so ideal choices now not seem quite so bad.

    Don't assume you know or understand what they're working on. Some people are proud when they give up multiple cans of pop or 3 fast food meals a day. And while you're looking at their diary thinking "Dang, they need to get it together" - maybe they ARE taking baby steps to get it together. Not everyone can go cold turkey with things. Some people HAVE to take baby steps or they give up.

    I always tell people - don't judge. You never know their circumstances.

    I never say dang...
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    I have also been thinking the exact same thing! I know that I don't always make the best food choices, but staying within my calorie limit is really important to me. If I want a treat, then I will workout a little harder that day. Some diaries I've looked at consistently have soda and fast food with absolutely no exercise for over two weeks... It's hard to sit back and not say anything. I am not here to hurt one's feelings, but when your profile information says things like "I've been trying to lose weight my whole life"... I find it REALLY hard to believe they're even trying at all. It's kind of a touchy subject to call someone out. Hmm... what shall we do....

    What I would say is... you never know how they USED to be. I know it sounds silly or ridiculous, but what if only drinking 2 cans of Coke a day IS an improvement from their previous 10 cans? You never know how someone USED to be that would make even their not so ideal choices now not seem quite so bad.

    Don't assume you know or understand what they're working on. Some people are proud when they give up multiple cans of pop or 3 fast food meals a day. And while you're looking at their diary thinking "Dang, they need to get it together" - maybe they ARE taking baby steps to get it together. Not everyone can go cold turkey with things. Some people HAVE to take baby steps or they give up.

    I always tell people - don't judge. You never know their circumstances.

    I never say dang...

    How nice for you. Then insert whatever phrase you prefer in there....
  • ChrisStoney
    ChrisStoney Posts: 479 Member
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    just joking, you don't hear that in Massachusetts unless you are watching 'Joe Dirt' or something like that....
  • paxetamore
    paxetamore Posts: 399 Member
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    If you have good advice and don't pass it on why bother having a friends list?

    Cheers to this! My friends and I have an unspoken open communication policy. If ya don't want to give and receive (not just one or the other) then better just drop me from your friend list. If someone is stuck in a rut, we help. If someone is traveling down a dangerous path, we say so, etc. Granted we are no professional experts... we only offer suggestions. We are not mean, insulting, or otherwise disparaging about encouraging each other... the name of our game is support and lots of woohoo's!
  • Veganniee
    Veganniee Posts: 460 Member
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    There's a few angles to this one. If you have a friend who is consistently making bad choices and complains of not losing I'd mention something about having a look at their food and how they can improve it. If it's not a regular occurrence I'd keep quiet! Another aspect is that at least they are being honest. There's plenty of people who will only log the good stuff and hide the bad.

    I keep my food diary public to encourage me to be accountable. I've promised myself I will log everything. I wouldn't take offence if someone offered an opinion on how to improve, but if they criticised me for my overall choices, I'd wonder what their reasons were. One of my friends asked me about the amount of calories, or lack of, that I'd consumed and I welcomed that. At least she took the time to read my diary and comment. We could all do with another perspective at times!
  • ChasingHaven
    ChasingHaven Posts: 126 Member
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    I still eat things that many consider 'junk' but amazingly I choose to eat a lot less of the junk and more of the nutritious stuff. That doesn't mean I haven't changed. It's actually a very big change for me. You should see what I was eating before I started logging on MFP. Just b/c someone has choices that you would not choose for yourself does not mean they haven't changed. Everyone's experience and perspective are different.

    I agree with this. Getting here and joining is step one. Consistently logging your food no matter what your choices? Step two. If they're really serious they'll take this info and learn. It's gotta be their journey on their terms. They're the only one who can do it. From my experience- my husband nagging at everything I put in my mouth? Not helpful or motivating.

    Now if the owner of that food diary is moaning and completely clueless as to why they can't lose the weight? That's when I'd step in and make suggestions.
  • Elf_Princess1210
    Elf_Princess1210 Posts: 895 Member
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    I would only say something if I were asked. I tend to look on friends diaries for inspiration, because I tend to get in a food rut.
  • VivaLaBrownGirl
    VivaLaBrownGirl Posts: 12
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    Like some said, if someone isn't asking for advice, you can leave it be. However, if something is bothering you and you feel you need to say something, find the least confrontational way to mention it.
  • Jessamyfrm
    Jessamyfrm Posts: 89
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    I say keep hush unless they ask for your opinion/advice, that way then you can make some friendly criticism and suggest better choices without offending. Some people on here are quite emotional people and will take it to heart and it might knock them back a bit if they're not aware.
  • LTGPSA
    LTGPSA Posts: 633 Member
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    This is a toughie. I can see both sides of it, and I typically don't look at others' diaries much because I'm tempted to comment. On the other hand, when you open your diary - aren't you opening yourself up for comment? Isn't this site about helping each other? I've gently asked one of MFPals "where are your vegetables?" Otherwise, I really haven't commented much. There's a fine line there (because it's hard to know how people will react) - tread lightly. :flowerforyou:
  • Maximus0005
    Maximus0005 Posts: 85 Member
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    If they are somehow losing weight with all the junk you could ask them how they are doing it. I think that would be a valid question. And if they have some big secret please let the rest of us know lol
  • anacsitham5
    anacsitham5 Posts: 814 Member
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    I am brutally honest and warned my MFP friends up front that I would be. I would like the same from my MFP friends, but only one will ever say anything if she doesn't like what I ate for the day. I appreciate her input and concern.
  • GouchisGirl
    GouchisGirl Posts: 321 Member
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    If people don't ask me, I assume they aren't looking for advice. The majority of us know when we aren't making good choices.

    An open diary is kind of like asking for advice. If you "know" the person really well I would PM them with a note, but if not I would just let them be.......

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