Baby help! Going a bit crazy!

BioShocked89

My daughter Scarlett is two months old and about 3 weeks ago it was time to start putting her in her crib. (She's a larger baby, 9 lbs 15 oz at birth, now 12 lbs 1 oz, and was shaking her bassinet when she was kicking and crying)

She refuses to sleep in her crib unless she is horribly exhausted (asleep) by the time we put her in. Otherwise, if she slightly wakes to find herself in the crib she screams for what seems like hours on end.

I've tried the overly nice approach (coming to her rescue after a few minutes and taking her into our bed).
I've tried the tough love approach (letting her cry it out-the kid has amazing lung capacity because she NEVER quits and gives herself a sore throat in the process)
I'm trying the half-soft half-tough approach (let her cry for longer periods of time, making the checks fewer and far between, and NO picking her up)

NOTHING IS WORKING! I'm afraid if I keep up any of the following methods she'll either hurt her throat, or NEVER let me and her father sleep alone again. Or in this instance, (the half and half approach) I have to stay up with her all night until she gives in to exhaustion.

IDEAS!???!?!?!?!?!?! How did you other MFP moms do it?

Iamfit4life

I hate to suggest this.

Some people think it's "bad mommy" but does she take a pacifier? That's why I did if things got really bad.

But other than that, unless something was really wrong. I let them cry, they have to get used to sleeping in their cribs.
And I know it's heart wrenching.

Laura_Ivy

I wish I could help but I am a complete wuss when it comes to crying it out....my 2 1/2 year old still sleeps with us. Granted I usually will stick her on her mattress when she passes out,which is in my room, but I am so over it. I hope other mommas here help you out but I just wanted you to know that I can sympathize. I miss having my bed to myself. I hope it gets better for you!!

BioShocked89

Yes, she takes a pacifier and she spits it out after ten minutes or so when she wants out. I just let her cry for twenty minutes and it's killing me.

rockerbabyy

i dont think my kids slept in their cribs until they were a bit older, but we had some nights like that too. just made sure they were swaddled tight and their mobile was on. with #2 we made sure she had her binky. we'd let them cry for a few minutes and then go in and check, but not pick them up.. longer periods of time until they were asleep. of course we made sure they werent hungry or needing a diaper change or something like that. it can be extremely frustrating! i know there was a period of time with our oldest that i would have to rock her to sleep in her room and then transfer her to her crib after she fell asleep. i dont know how helpful that was for you, but it does get better, i promise! my girls are 4 and 5 now and sleep great. just stick with one method you choose and everything will work itself out

kykykenna

Im maybe not the person to answer...lol........neither my husband or I ever ever let either of our girls cry themselves to sleep. Just couldnt do it. Sure it was a pain at time, just rocked them til they fell asleep, and put them to bed. Did swap from sheets in their cribs to fleece....so the bed didnt feel so cold to them...I think it helped!! Haha...........Good luck. They are only babies for a bit, you can get through it no matter what you do,it wont last forever. And no...my kids didnt sleep with me up until they hit Jr High....lol....I did have them in my room in their crib, one until she was one, one at 8 months before they went in their own rooms

LauraMacNCheese

I don't think binkies (pacifiers) are bad...some babies just need that little comfort. Do you have a lullaby player? Sometimes that helps create a peaceful environment and makes it a little easier for the munchkins.

Sometimes though, IAmFit is right...as heartbreaking as it is you just have to let them cry it out...good luck :flowerforyou:

frugalmomsrock

I have to say... at two months, you should just hold her and love her and hold her and love her until she gets to sleep and work on sleep training later. A child this young absolutely does not have the mindset to manipulate you. What she craves is human affection and an attachment to you-which she will gain by you holding her a lot. Enjoy her and hold her as much as you can now-before long, she won't want you because she'll want to explore!!

Lleldiranne

My little guy is 2 1/2 months old. He is the third child I have had sleep in my bed. From the day I brought him home. We have a crib, and I put him in there sometimes when he's asleep, or after a diaper change he loves to watch the mobile. But mostly he's in my bed.

I don't worry about spoiling him because, like I said, this is the 3rd baby I've done this with. The others are now 8 and 10. When they were about 1 to 1 1/2 I started phasing them more into their own beds but still let them come into mine when they needed to. By 3 they were pretty much in their own bed, and now they even put themselves to bed with very little from me - just hugs and kisses and sometimes a brief tucking in.

It all depends on your goals. But I wanted to give my kids time to feel safe and secure. And now they are both very strong, independent, and confident children. So it can work to let her sleep with you, as long as you have a big enough bed and it works for you.

kegonzales

Do you have a night light, mobile, or sound machine? These really helped with my DS. The sound machine was distracting. I had to swaddle my son when I first moved him to a crib and there was some really bad nights for the first 7-10 days. I swaddled him till six months. I did let him cry out and now he goes to sleep just fine (he's 2.5yrs now). You might be oppose to the cry it out method but it worked for me. I found that if I tried to do the "half and half" method it just made things worse when I would go back out with out holding him.

I learned from my first and with my second I started him in his crib much sooner and allowed him to learn to self sooth.

Its not going to be easy but for your well being, and your husband, you need to get her sleep, and self soothing. If you bring her to bed with you and don't intend to keep doing that you are confusing her and teaching her that if she cries hard enough you will bring her to bed with you. Co-sleeping is everyones own choice but be consistent what ever you choose.

crisnis

I don't know what it's called but this worked with both of mine... couple nights of hell and you'll be done, BUT YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW THRU...

Put her in bed - leave the room close the door (or whatever your routine will be) and set a timer for 5 minutes. In 5 minutes if she is up and fussing go in without turning on lights and pat her and try to sooth her for no more than 30 seconds, but DO NOT PICK HER UP. Leave the room and set a timer for 10 minutes and repeat this process adding 5 minutes at a time until she has gone to sleep. It took me two nights and we only got through 4 sessions before they were out and once they learn how to sooth themself you'll be better off. I would never recommend letting a child cry unless you know for certain their needs have been met (fed, warm, clean diaper) - so as long as she is just mad this technique will work. Most everyone I know has used it to some degree or another with good results. It is hard as a mom to hear them crying and know how simple it is to pick them up and make them happy, but letting her learn how to sooth herself is a gift and the sooner she learns it the better. I know you say this hasn't worked, but it just hasn't worked YET - because you have eventually given in she has learned that if she crys long enough you will rescue her, you have to teach her that it won't work... Believe me, she will eventually fall asleep even if it takes an hour.

That being said, she is your child and you have to do whatever you are comfortable doing. I will tell you that I had a friend that found this method cruel and had a 14 month old still waking her up at 2am every morning for a bottle! She finally decided she had to follow thru and doing this method at 14 months is definitely tougher - the longer you wait the more ingrained the habit is to break.

Good luck!

laneybird

Swaddling helped with my son when he was a baby. I wished he would have taken a pacifier, but he never did. Also, I kept some form of noise (I had a humidifier with a fan) and he was a good sleeper. Best of luck to you!!

danger_kitteh

How is she when you put her down? When she's in your room, does she sleep? Do you have a routine with her? Have you tried shifting her bedtime at all? I know it sounds crazy but when you are putting her to bed she could already be "past" the magic moment and overtired/stimulated.

If you don't have a routine (or a very strict one) try establishing one so that she is prepared emotionally and mentally for bed which will help her physically. Calm, quiet, easy going. Work on putting her in the crib and staying calm. Slowly work your way to the door each night. Calm her before she gets too fussy - if she starts to kick it up a notch, quietly talk to her, sing a gentle song. She will figure it out. Babies at 2 months old are learning "cause and effect" but they are not at the age where they have figured out manipulation.

The fleece sheets are a great idea - cotton can be so chilling to little bodies.

I don't know how you feel about co-sleeping (and please don't let this turn into a debate, what works for some doesn't work for others. When done properly and safely, co-sleeping is a wonderful thing), but we used an arms reach co-sleeper until our son was close to 8 months and then moved him into bed with us. He was there until about 26 months when he decided he was ready for a big boy room. We set everything up for him and he has been there ever since (he's 5 now). To us sleep and our physical/mental/emotional health was more important than worrying about him learning to sleep in his own room or what anyone though of us sharing a family bed.

Like kegonzales said, whatever you choose to do be consistent as well as do what is right for you and your family. If it feels like it's working, it probably is.. don't rock the boat.

frugalmomsrock

http://www.parents.com/baby/development/behavioral/can-you-spoil-a-baby/


Just throwing that out there.... there are MANY professionals that agree that it's impossible to spoil a tiny infant...

ThisIsMe_sbd

I think 2.5 months is WAY to young to let her "cry it out" We are just doing that now with my 8 month old. At this point when a new born cries there is prob something wrong. I would try gripe water for gas, tylenol for possible teething pain, and swadling.

Just my opinion..

Jsnbabb1

Ive gone through 2 kids and the transition from bassinet to crib is hard. they go from a comfy tighter space to a large size crib. You could try a few things.
Does she like to be swaddled? my kids loved that but grew out of it quickly.
If you have a bassinet that the legs come off and your only worried about the bassinet falling over because of her kicking while she is awake you could try to put the bassinet in the crib. be sure it wont tip over though.
and maybe a sleep aid. it looks kind of like this picture on this website. its two wedges that keep the baby in one spot while sleeping . it might make her feel more comfortable like your holding her. http://www.sleep-baby-sleep.com/baby-sleep-pillow.htm

eellis2000

I have to say... at two months, you should just hold her and love her and hold her and love her until she gets to sleep and work on sleep training later. A child this young absolutely does not have the mindset to manipulate you. What she craves is human affection and an attachment to you-which she will gain by you holding her a lot. Enjoy her and hold her as much as you can now-before long, she won't want you because she'll want to explore!!

This!!! Yes you want your bed back and letting them cry for a few mins is fine, but 2 months is still a time as i remember it that they are eating every few hours. There will be plenty of time for crib training later.

CRSE1214

At 2 months old you may be expecting too much. Most babies probably don't "sleep through the night" at this age. Is she hungry? Need changed? Burped? Is she too warm or too cool?

My oldest son never actually slept through the night until 13 months old; my youngest son was the opposite he slept through the night almost immediately (which was a nice treat). My oldest also HATED sleeping on his back so we used a wedge and let him sleep on his side or used the bobby pillow to prop him up. Both of my boys slept in our room in the pack in play until 6 months of age and then we moved them into their own rooms and into the crib.

If she does presently sleep with a binky could be that every time she spits it out could make her wake up (this was one of the problems we had with my oldest). Maybe try a lullaby or a nigh light. We played classical music in my sons room (he's 3.5 and we still do), it's soothing and helps him sleep.

BioShocked89

She does have lullaby sound stuffed animals and they calm her down a bit but it never lasts. She starts crying about 5 minutes after I'm out of the room, spits out her pacifier and ignores the music. Like right now, I checked in on her after 20 minutes of crying, I came out of the room at 10:50 (my time) and five minutes later she already has spit out her binky and is crying. She's been at it for the last ten minutes. She's not hungry and I changed her diaper not an hour ago.

How long can a baby cry for?

BobbyClerici

I have 5 kids, and we went through this.

Ear Plugs!
When I put a baby down for nap, that's it.
No negotiation, no reprieve and no parole. Nap Time!

They've been fed, changed and held, and now it's time to take your nap.
Down goes baby, and in my ears go the plugs. Cry all you want - as loud as you want.

We either train our kids or they train us.

And today all my kids are fit, tough and doing well in school as well as enjoying life at the top of the social heap.
And they have ear plugs to thank!

WifeMomDVM

You've gotten great advice already.

Make sure you check with your pediatrician too - maybe your baby is colicky?

I HIGHLY recommend a product called "the miracle blanket" - it's a swaddle blanket (looks more like a baby straight jacket) that they can't bust out of and you can use it until about 4 months old.

Also, until 4 months old, I agree with the other poster- sleep train later, baby isn't manipulating you this young (yet). So hold that baby if you want.

Also, check out the DVD, The Best Baby on the Block- it talks about the 5 S's to bring sleep:

Swaddle
Suckle (pacifer)
Side (lay on side)- done while in your lap, not left in the crib this way
Shake (NOT shaking baby - just a very, very gentle, soft bounce - watch the video!)
Shush (make white "shhhh" noise with your voice)

I know it sounds lame but the 5 techniques, if done properly as shown in the video will calm ANY screaming baby! Rent it at your library. There is a book also - but I haven't read it.

kcmomof2

I have to say... at two months, you should just hold her and love her and hold her and love her until she gets to sleep and work on sleep training later. A child this young absolutely does not have the mindset to manipulate you. What she craves is human affection and an attachment to you-which she will gain by you holding her a lot. Enjoy her and hold her as much as you can now-before long, she won't want you because she'll want to explore!!

I completely agree with all of this.

BioShocked89

Also, I'm not expecting her to sleep through the night, I just want her to sleep in her crib for her usual 3-4 hours at a time.

rachelmarie1

I nursed for awhile, but when I started putting my son in his bed it was any time he would fall asleep, so he could get used to it. Whether it is for a nap or overnight place him in there. If he starts to wake up, pat their back. I remember spending what seemed like hours attempting to creep out of the baby room. I would literally place him in there... pat him till he fell asleep... start to walk away... pat his back again.. leave my hand laying on his back so he could feel me touch him... them gradually move a couple inches away... rinse and repeat the entire process until i was completely out of the room. He took about a week of no sleep hardly for me until he was sleeping in his own bed. I wish you luck.. this process might also work on your daughter if you start it now. :flowerforyou:

frugalmomsrock

I have 5 kids, and we went through this.

Ear Plugs!
When I put a baby down for nap, that's it.
No negotiation, no reprieve and no parole. Nap Time!

They've been fed, changed and held, and now it's time to take your nap.
Down goes baby, and in my ears go the plugs. Cry all you want - as loud as you want.

We either train our kids or they train us.

Just because one is tired of holding baby doesn't mean baby has been held enough to feel secure.

Just saying.

Oh, and I have five also. And 10 nieces/nephews that I helped with-a LOT. And numerous other cousins, great niece/nephews, etc.

Seriously-healthy attachments are formed by you responding to your baby and them learning through this response that they can count on you! I want my children to rely on me, so I've never been afraid to hold them until they were ready to be put down.

crisnis

I have to say... at two months, you should just hold her and love her and hold her and love her until she gets to sleep and work on sleep training later. A child this young absolutely does not have the mindset to manipulate you. What she craves is human affection and an attachment to you-which she will gain by you holding her a lot. Enjoy her and hold her as much as you can now-before long, she won't want you because she'll want to explore!!

This!!! Yes you want your bed back and letting them cry for a few mins is fine, but 2 months is still a time as i remember it that they are eating every few hours. There will be plenty of time for crib training later.

As you can see there are many opinions on the matter, but there are millions of ways to parent with one way not being any better than the other. If you're looking for ways to get her in her crib because that is the choice you have made then look for the suggestions on how to accomplish that... Some parents co-sleep, some room in, some rock their kids to sleep, some doctors agree, some don't... in the end you have to do what works for your family.

kapeluza

Do you have a routine? Do you swaddle? Do you give warm bath and feed before bedtime?
We had a routine everyday for almost 12 months and we never broke it. Playtime, warm bath, swaddle, feed, paci and then we always rocked her to sleep with whitenoise or her seahorse playing in the background. We rarely had any issues getting her to sleep. She slept in her own crib since day 1.
And I couldn't do the whole let her cry it out deal, it stressed the f$ck out of me and the baby. Rockign and pacifer worked well for us. At the end of the day, it's whats works for your baby and you. She is little, a little cuddling and rocking might help ease the situation. You can leave the whole "cry it out" at 6 months, etc.
Do you think she might be teething?


By the way she didn't sleep through the night until after 12mo., but that was ok for us. We just didn't have any issues getting her to initially go to sleep, which seems to be your problem.

sheshe32

I have to say... at two months, you should just hold her and love her and hold her and love her until she gets to sleep and work on sleep training later. A child this young absolutely does not have the mindset to manipulate you. What she craves is human affection and an attachment to you-which she will gain by you holding her a lot. Enjoy her and hold her as much as you can now-before long, she won't want you because she'll want to explore!!

Yes this. Shes still a smallbaby. Cuddle, comfort feed..rock her. The training comes later.

MelissaE27

Being a mom of 3.. I understand my last baby had colic... whew talk about sleepless nights... but I can tell ya. rocking them to sleep and having that bond with them is big.. she is young and will eventually get there.. it takes time she was in your tummy 9 months so just wants the momma touch .. it will get better.. a little at a time.. a noise machine is amazzing.. I had one that simulated noise in the womb.. and it was so soothing ... each baby is a learning experience and you have to do what you think is best.. You will be fine I promise *hugs*

bonnt

Yes, try swaddling. My daughter wouldn't sleep by herself for the first month. We started using a "SwaddleMe" and she would fall asleep fine on her own after a while.

By the way, Psychiatrists are saying that "crying it out" is resulting in more dependence because of abandonment issues. They have lower self esteem. I could go on, it was an article in Psychology Today.

They call the first 3 months after a child is born the "fourth trimester" because they NEED you. They need to feel you, they need your affection. Your baby is probably just uneasy. My 13 lb 4 month old sleeps right next to us every night, and on occasion, I sneak her in bed with us. This is a time you'll never get back.

Good luck.

kapeluza

double*