Nice/Romantic Gesture OR Trying Too Hard

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  • OSC_ESD
    OSC_ESD Posts: 752 Member
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    If he brought flowers on the second date ... that was a " Gentleman " and she is a fool. If you seek the bad guys, stop looking for the good one's .. heck, there aren't many left as it is ! LOL !
  • DannyMussels
    DannyMussels Posts: 1,842 Member
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    I'm sure theres a lot of worse things he coulda brought her.
  • tjpinch
    tjpinch Posts: 87 Member
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    For goodness sake, can we stop speaking in sweeping stereotypes?
  • tinytubbs
    tinytubbs Posts: 54
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    a dozen roses is not as big of gesture as it used to be....many times you can buy a dozen roses for less than twenty bucks. I don't think that was the only reason she dumped him....he may have been coming on strong in other ways.
  • puggleperson
    puggleperson Posts: 740 Member
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    Honestly, she had two dates to judge him by. She may think she's dumping him because of the flowers but everything he said and did on those dates factored into the decision.

    This!
  • risefromruin
    risefromruin Posts: 483 Member
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    I would not be weirded out by this. Sounds like a nice dude...send him my way.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    *sigh* I suppose they were not for each other. If she read too much into a guy being nice, then she didn't deserve him. If he did it as a way to show off, then he didn't deserve her. Either way, if ONE action caused this rift - they were not a good match.

    The first time I visit someone's home, I hate to arrive empty handed. It's something I grew up with. Sometimes I do, but it takes a few minutes for me to get over it... And I might bring something the second time I visit - once I get to know the person better so I can better match my gift with them (Wine vs. some kind of pastry, etc.)

    I've given roses to someone before on a first date, but that was rather unusual for me; and so was the way we arrived at the first date. I think she liked the gesture, at least she said she did.

    Chilvary is NOT dead Panda; just not appreciated as much.

    That was a bit different lol. You knew me better than 1st and 2nd date anyway. I did like it. Anyone flipping through my Facebook could see I like flowers :smile: I thought it was appropriate for the occasion, and very sweet.

    BUT I call the OP's scenario "The Difficult Plight of the Actual Nice Guy". Her friend's rejection of him didn't mention that he was "fake" or being insincere so the problem really was that he more into her than she as into him, and he didn't pick up on it. Like Contrarian said - without the script, he couldn't have known.

    I've had a few "he's too into me" guy experiences. But then I realized *I* was the problem. I wasn't into them - their personalities. We didn't "click". They were just being themselves - actual nice guys who had little in common with an eccentric, sarcastic nerd. I would have been turned off by anything 'cause I just wasn't into them.

    I wouldn't pinpoint roses as the gesture that did it for this guy. It was (more than likely) the friend's lack of self-awareness that she shouldn't have taken the 2nd date in the first place. Bringing flowers could have been "forgivable" if that had been the only thing that poor sucker did wrong. I suspect she already had a feeling about him, and never thought it through before taking date 2.

    That date was doomed before he even showed up on her doorstep.
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
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    Yes. This whole thing has nothing to do with him giving her flowers and everything to do with her not being into him. Had she been into him, she'd have thought that it was the most awesome gesture "evar".

    Again it goes back to the difference between being flattered, and being stalked by a creepy guy.

    If she's into you, and you hit on her... she's flattered. If she's not into you, and you hit on her... you're a creepy guy.
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
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    I guess I can only say what my reaction would be, but that kind of thing would cause me to pull away, fast. It would indicate the guy has too much invested already, make me nervous about allowing him to continue letting those feelings get stronger and risk anything messy or where I'd feel really bad later on...

    Maybe the roses were cheap....or free
  • fitaliciag
    fitaliciag Posts: 373
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    This sort of thing makes me so sad for men. Women can be picky, and read in to the most innocent of gestures! If she really did eliminate him from future dates because he was a gentleman, then I feel sorry for her, too.

    pretty much what i was thinking....

    yep, so sad
  • angela828
    angela828 Posts: 498 Member
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    what? I've had guys bring me flowers on the first date and I think its the sweetest thing. He was trying to impress her/make her feel good... what girl doesn't like that? Stuff like this makes me annoyed bc some guys try so hard/are so nice and girls just want nothing to do with them. I nabbed myself a sweetheart and I love him. He still buys me flowers just because :)

    I think this has to do with commitment issues.... just bc he buys you flowers doesn't mean you have to marry the guy. A necklace or some other kind of gift, yeah maybe thats a little weird but flowers? thats no big deal and just a super sweet gesture. I feel bad for the guy! even if he just came into the flowers for free he still gave them to her. who cares?
  • Loula2011
    Loula2011 Posts: 38 Member
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    guys can't win, can they? If they are not hopelessly romatic, we call them cold and distant. If they make a sweet gesture like bringing us flowers they are stalkers who try to hard. Give the guy a break- he did something nice for you- accept the nice gesture and get over yourself!! :love:


    I agree.

    He was probably just trying to make a good impression!
  • cantobean
    cantobean Posts: 287 Member
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    I love flowers, but red roses are so formal! Plus, a dozen red roses is pricey! On a second date, I think a smaller bouquet of daisies or something is more appropriate. But I wouldn't reject a guy outright for something like that.
  • fakeplastictree
    fakeplastictree Posts: 836 Member
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    No No No. That would freak me out having someone give me a dozen roses on a second date. But I was never much of a dater .
  • leslielt
    leslielt Posts: 113 Member
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    Good grief! What's wrong with him handing you flowers on the second date?!?!
  • kmshred
    kmshred Posts: 393 Member
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    Funny, I remember every show growing up basically taught you to be romantic, that women loved receving flowers ,especially for no reason! Even candy!...and now you see charm bracelets are coming back around. Your girl wearing your class ring with a boatload of string wrapped around it so it would fit them. They were proud to wear it, they bragged about it to their girlfriends, or so we thought they did anyway. You held hands on your way to class, got the door for them wether it was a building door or car door. You let them sit down first and got their chair for them. You would sit and talk for hours at night, not text, talk! The tv shows back then made you believe in true love and romance...you would make a compilation of love songs for them as a gift, let them have one of your shirts that had your cologne on it because they said they would wear it or sleep with it at night.
    Romance....goes back to being the nice guy and never getting the girl you wanted...you just wanted her to like you, you wanted her heart to melt when you gave her something hoping she understood the sentiment behind it...show her appreciation for being with you, always labeled as cheesy, but in your heart you thought you were sweeping her off her feet....just being a hopeless romantic....
    Now these things like that are frowned upon.Your scrutinized for your efforts...instead of the sentiment behind it getting the attention it should deserve. Its sad really....just my opinion...


    this
  • mamagooskie
    mamagooskie Posts: 2,964 Member
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    I hate flowers.....he was definitely a desperate try hard.
  • MaximalLife
    MaximalLife Posts: 2,447 Member
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    No No No. That would freak me out having someone give me a dozen roses on a second date. But I was never much of a dater .
    It's way over the top unless both parties are desperate and socially awkward.

    Then who cares?
  • Cr8tive_Ingenuity
    Cr8tive_Ingenuity Posts: 181
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    I have brought flowers with me on first dates before but just about 20 dollars woth of assorted flowers..no red roses..mostly lillies..i also find that bringing just one big sunflower is a nice gesture..i think red roses on a first date is insane and as a guy would never do that.

    I feel that some women make us feel like we are walking on ice. if we go right we are wrong, if we go left we are wrong, and if we follow a straight line then we are just boring.

    Some women love nice guys, some women love guys who are bad a$$es and trouble maker . I learned to have a i dont care attitude and I know that sucks but todays dating sucks...It would be nice to just meet the right person and click. no superficial crap
  • servilia
    servilia Posts: 3,452 Member
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    The answer to your question:

    If it's a guy she finds attractive and wants to be with, it was a nice / romantic gesture.

    If it's a guy she does not find attractive, he was trying too hard.

    If a guy she finds attractive hits on her, it's flattering.

    If a guy she does not find attractive hits on her, it's creepy.

    This.

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