Nice/Romantic Gesture OR Trying Too Hard
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I think he was raised with manners...lots of women SAY they want a nice guy, then when they meet one they find something wrong with him when he does something nice...just saying
I agree, and this is how you know when a woman has a major self-esteem deficiency, which most women do these days. A woman who gets mad at you for treating her well clearly doesn't think very much of herself, and if you're going to hang around for that, well, be prepared for an emotional roller coaster.
I don't understand why women no longer think they are special. When did it become a bad thing for a man to pick you up at your place (with flowers even!), take you out for a nice evening (and by "nice," I don't mean "expensive;" I mean "pleasant"), and escort you home at the end of the night? Now, if you suggest picking a woman up rather than having her meet you somewhere or if you bring her flowers or if you insist on paying for her meal, you're "creepy" or "moving too fast."
I had a blind date last week with a friend of a friend. He called me the day before we went out to ask where I wanted to meet. I told him I meet friends at restaurants; I don't meet gentlemen I'm dating anywhere. That was all I had to say. He acted like a man, came to my door, and treated me like a queen the entire night. I told him he made me feel special, and he said "That's the highest compliment you could've paid me." We already have plans to see each other again tomorrow night and again after Christmas. It is not that complicated, y'all.
Meeting a man you're dating at the restaurant keeps them from knowing where you live. I don't want someone I don't know well in or near my home, because you just don't know about people. Plus, you can end the date when you want and not have to be driven home.0 -
I'm going to call that guy lucky because he just got saved from a train wreck.
He may not think so right now but imagine the future issues if she thought that about the roses.
I have to admire how well and succinctly you made the point I was trying to earlier, but took two paragraphs to even attempt! :flowerforyou:0 -
Want to know who killed romance and chivalry?
yeap agree with this one. women want romance, when they get it's not ok either...then it's over the top, go figure. I like romance. He just probl. did not know what he was doing.0 -
Whoa.. do you know how much a good 12 pack and a box of condoms cost?Now ok maybe a dozen was too much, but give the guy some credit. I have NEVER had a man buy me flowers!! I would be honored that he even thought of that. I would take the flowers over say a 12 pack and a box of condoms, especially on a second date. He was being sweet and thoughtful, shouldnt be deducted points for that!
J/K :happy:
Define 'box' of condoms..a 3 pack for a great night or a dozen for a nice long weekend? :drinker:
3 for just a night??? are you kidding me?!?!?!? maybe a 6 pack for a night, a dozen or more for a weekend!! lol
:bigsmile: :bigsmile:
Don't need a condom for everything...need to give the parts a rest in-between...calluses are not fun on the naughty bits..:bigsmile:
You said naughty bits. Hysterical! This thread is quite interesting.0 -
Many of the posts don't seem to realize that most men have no idea what goes on in a woman's head. Poor guy tried doing something nice and was turned away for it. He could have brought much worse things. That said ya it was a bit over the top, but isn't it part of a newly dating couple to help guide the other to what is acceptable to them? Just saying, for it to last that is going to be a necessity sooner or later. If the person doesn't get it after a nudge or so... well they kind of had it coming for not reading the persons responses.0
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I think the flowers were a nice idea. I'm not sure that I would disregard someone over flowers but hey, if it's meant to be than it will be - this apparently was not.
^^ I agree with this post.^^ If she liked him and didn't have any allergies to scents or flowers she would have been head over heels about what a great and considerate guy he is. She must not have felt that way from the two date encounter.0 -
I guess I can only say what my reaction would be, but that kind of thing would cause me to pull away, fast. It would indicate the guy has too much invested already, make me nervous about allowing him to continue letting those feelings get stronger and risk anything messy or where I'd feel really bad later on...0
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I thought that was a bit harsh, poor guy trying to do something nice.
After the first date with my husband (we'd been speaking on the phone for a while), he sent a bunch of gerberas to work. He got major brownie points because gerberas are bright and cheerful and not too serious. Also, flowers sent to someone's work adds points because everyone wants to know who got them and who they are from.
He had a sliding scale of flower giving (which he kept up regularly for years), gerberas mean you like someone, yellow roses means it is getting serious, red roses means love.
He came upon that on his own, bless him, but then the language of romance is different for everyone.
GG0 -
I'm going to call that guy lucky because he just got saved from a train wreck.
He may not think so right now but imagine the future issues if she thought that about the roses.
^^This.0 -
message me his number. Id be more than grateful to receive flowers~! >-<0
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If he brought flowers on the second date ... that was a " Gentleman " and she is a fool. If you seek the bad guys, stop looking for the good one's .. heck, there aren't many left as it is ! LOL !0
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I'm sure theres a lot of worse things he coulda brought her.0
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For goodness sake, can we stop speaking in sweeping stereotypes?0
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a dozen roses is not as big of gesture as it used to be....many times you can buy a dozen roses for less than twenty bucks. I don't think that was the only reason she dumped him....he may have been coming on strong in other ways.0
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Honestly, she had two dates to judge him by. She may think she's dumping him because of the flowers but everything he said and did on those dates factored into the decision.
This!0 -
I would not be weirded out by this. Sounds like a nice dude...send him my way.0
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*sigh* I suppose they were not for each other. If she read too much into a guy being nice, then she didn't deserve him. If he did it as a way to show off, then he didn't deserve her. Either way, if ONE action caused this rift - they were not a good match.
The first time I visit someone's home, I hate to arrive empty handed. It's something I grew up with. Sometimes I do, but it takes a few minutes for me to get over it... And I might bring something the second time I visit - once I get to know the person better so I can better match my gift with them (Wine vs. some kind of pastry, etc.)
I've given roses to someone before on a first date, but that was rather unusual for me; and so was the way we arrived at the first date. I think she liked the gesture, at least she said she did.
Chilvary is NOT dead Panda; just not appreciated as much.
That was a bit different lol. You knew me better than 1st and 2nd date anyway. I did like it. Anyone flipping through my Facebook could see I like flowers
I thought it was appropriate for the occasion, and very sweet.
BUT I call the OP's scenario "The Difficult Plight of the Actual Nice Guy". Her friend's rejection of him didn't mention that he was "fake" or being insincere so the problem really was that he more into her than she as into him, and he didn't pick up on it. Like Contrarian said - without the script, he couldn't have known.
I've had a few "he's too into me" guy experiences. But then I realized *I* was the problem. I wasn't into them - their personalities. We didn't "click". They were just being themselves - actual nice guys who had little in common with an eccentric, sarcastic nerd. I would have been turned off by anything 'cause I just wasn't into them.
I wouldn't pinpoint roses as the gesture that did it for this guy. It was (more than likely) the friend's lack of self-awareness that she shouldn't have taken the 2nd date in the first place. Bringing flowers could have been "forgivable" if that had been the only thing that poor sucker did wrong. I suspect she already had a feeling about him, and never thought it through before taking date 2.
That date was doomed before he even showed up on her doorstep.0 -
Yes. This whole thing has nothing to do with him giving her flowers and everything to do with her not being into him. Had she been into him, she'd have thought that it was the most awesome gesture "evar".
Again it goes back to the difference between being flattered, and being stalked by a creepy guy.
If she's into you, and you hit on her... she's flattered. If she's not into you, and you hit on her... you're a creepy guy.0 -
I guess I can only say what my reaction would be, but that kind of thing would cause me to pull away, fast. It would indicate the guy has too much invested already, make me nervous about allowing him to continue letting those feelings get stronger and risk anything messy or where I'd feel really bad later on...
Maybe the roses were cheap....or free0 -
This sort of thing makes me so sad for men. Women can be picky, and read in to the most innocent of gestures! If she really did eliminate him from future dates because he was a gentleman, then I feel sorry for her, too.
pretty much what i was thinking....
yep, so sad0 -
what? I've had guys bring me flowers on the first date and I think its the sweetest thing. He was trying to impress her/make her feel good... what girl doesn't like that? Stuff like this makes me annoyed bc some guys try so hard/are so nice and girls just want nothing to do with them. I nabbed myself a sweetheart and I love him. He still buys me flowers just because
I think this has to do with commitment issues.... just bc he buys you flowers doesn't mean you have to marry the guy. A necklace or some other kind of gift, yeah maybe thats a little weird but flowers? thats no big deal and just a super sweet gesture. I feel bad for the guy! even if he just came into the flowers for free he still gave them to her. who cares?0 -
guys can't win, can they? If they are not hopelessly romatic, we call them cold and distant. If they make a sweet gesture like bringing us flowers they are stalkers who try to hard. Give the guy a break- he did something nice for you- accept the nice gesture and get over yourself!!
I agree.
He was probably just trying to make a good impression!0 -
I love flowers, but red roses are so formal! Plus, a dozen red roses is pricey! On a second date, I think a smaller bouquet of daisies or something is more appropriate. But I wouldn't reject a guy outright for something like that.0
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No No No. That would freak me out having someone give me a dozen roses on a second date. But I was never much of a dater .0
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Good grief! What's wrong with him handing you flowers on the second date?!?!0
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Funny, I remember every show growing up basically taught you to be romantic, that women loved receving flowers ,especially for no reason! Even candy!...and now you see charm bracelets are coming back around. Your girl wearing your class ring with a boatload of string wrapped around it so it would fit them. They were proud to wear it, they bragged about it to their girlfriends, or so we thought they did anyway. You held hands on your way to class, got the door for them wether it was a building door or car door. You let them sit down first and got their chair for them. You would sit and talk for hours at night, not text, talk! The tv shows back then made you believe in true love and romance...you would make a compilation of love songs for them as a gift, let them have one of your shirts that had your cologne on it because they said they would wear it or sleep with it at night.
Romance....goes back to being the nice guy and never getting the girl you wanted...you just wanted her to like you, you wanted her heart to melt when you gave her something hoping she understood the sentiment behind it...show her appreciation for being with you, always labeled as cheesy, but in your heart you thought you were sweeping her off her feet....just being a hopeless romantic....
Now these things like that are frowned upon.Your scrutinized for your efforts...instead of the sentiment behind it getting the attention it should deserve. Its sad really....just my opinion...
this0 -
I hate flowers.....he was definitely a desperate try hard.0
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It's way over the top unless both parties are desperate and socially awkward.No No No. That would freak me out having someone give me a dozen roses on a second date. But I was never much of a dater .
Then who cares?0 -
I have brought flowers with me on first dates before but just about 20 dollars woth of assorted flowers..no red roses..mostly lillies..i also find that bringing just one big sunflower is a nice gesture..i think red roses on a first date is insane and as a guy would never do that.
I feel that some women make us feel like we are walking on ice. if we go right we are wrong, if we go left we are wrong, and if we follow a straight line then we are just boring.
Some women love nice guys, some women love guys who are bad a$$es and trouble maker . I learned to have a i dont care attitude and I know that sucks but todays dating sucks...It would be nice to just meet the right person and click. no superficial crap0 -
The answer to your question:
If it's a guy she finds attractive and wants to be with, it was a nice / romantic gesture.
If it's a guy she does not find attractive, he was trying too hard.
If a guy she finds attractive hits on her, it's flattering.
If a guy she does not find attractive hits on her, it's creepy.
This.0
This discussion has been closed.
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