Nice/Romantic Gesture OR Trying Too Hard

Elizabeth_C34

This sort of thing makes me so sad for men. Women can be picky, and read in to the most innocent of gestures! If she really did eliminate him from future dates because he was a gentleman, then I feel sorry for her, too.

Agreed- I think some guys just enjoy doing the proverbial "right " thing for women- ie flowers, dinner, dancing etc. I realize this may seem a bit too much for a second date- but really shouldnt be discouraged- unless he showed up w jewelry at the second date- thats no bueno- but flowers are a nice gesture- and without knowing the dude- presumably something he thought was the "right" thing to do. When we discourage this - they stop doing it.. and then we wonder where the gentlemen went, and why they stopped doing the "right" thing.

I like opening doors for women and doing nice things for them. If they don't appreciate it then I'll find someone that does want me to dote over them.

Good for you dude! Smart man you are.

FORKDOWN

There has to be more than just the dozen roses to have scared her off. Really.

Its hard in 1 date to know what a womens love language is but I think most would appreciate the sentiment. For some women its gifts, other women words can melt them, and then for others its doing something for them like fixing their car or some other act.

Cfkearney

I don't think it was the roses. I think she just wasn't feeling any sparks or chemistry or whatever you want to call it and just wasn't into him. I think when we don't like someone we feel we need a reason so we make it up. It comes out as - that gift was over the top, he was too nice, too clingy, trying too hard...the list goes on and on. If she were into him and feeling that chemistry, she would be telling you how perfect he was and that the roses were the most romantic thing ever.

cobracars

I think this guy in the story was actually on MFP saying he had a nice time on the first date and what advice would the womens have for him to make a good impression on the second date.

Stupid him for following their advice! He should have had her meet him wherever they were going, or she could have picked him up and drove for the evening. She should pick the restaurant and the movie..and when she asks him what does he feel like doing he should just respond "I don't care..whatever you want to do". Later he can tell all his friends what a loser she was because of the car she drove, the restaurant she took him to, the movie she picked. :drinker:

Tropical_Turtle

Now ok maybe a dozen was too much, but give the guy some credit. I have NEVER had a man buy me flowers!! I would be honored that he even thought of that. I would take the flowers over say a 12 pack and a box of condoms, especially on a second date. He was being sweet and thoughtful, shouldnt be deducted points for that!

Jenscan

I think this thread is proof for the single men that if a woman is annoyed that you brought her flowers and ditches you because of it, she was going to be a self-absorbed pain in the *kitten* anyway.

Giving a woman flowers on the second date doesn't mean "I'm in love with you, and I want you to marry me and have my children." It means, simply, "I like you, and I wasn't raised in a brothel." As a woman, your response should be a gracious smile and "Thank you. They're beautiful." If you don't like getting flowers and that's not what you "want out of a relationship," tell him that later when you'are actually IN a relationship with him.

I really feel like apologizing on behalf of my entire sex after some of the threads I've seen on here lately.

I disagree. Giving a woman a dozen red roses on a second date means "I want to sleep with you and I'm too lazy to check/stupid to know that this is an inappropriate gift at this point". I'd show him the door, too, because I don't like a man with zero common sense.

I've got news for you, the fact he asked her on a date in the first place probably meant he wanted to sleep with her, the flowers were secondary. Just being honest here. If you are single and a man asks you out on a date, it is becasue he is attracted to you, wther physically or mentally, and he has already thought about sex with you before the appetizer got to the table. Call me a pig or whatever, I am just being truthful. We all want to be loved and to love someone, sex is a part of that. Now with all that being said, flowers or no flowers, most men can't win for losing when it comes to dating. Most of the time we don't know what women want, because most of the time, women don't know what they want.

And let the rants begin..

No, I agree with you actually, a man wants to sleep with a woman right off if he's doing anything remotely resembling conversation, let alone a date. The flowers are just to push the point even further.

PantalaNagaPampa

Chivalry is all but dead because women have kicked it in the balls, stabbed it in the heart, and left it bleeding on the sidewalk.

I will drink to that!!

Elizabeth_C34

I would need to know more aboot your friend before I can criticize her on the horrible act she made. But I will say that this is why women are treated the way they are these days. I always hear the phrase there aren't any good men out there, but you walk all over them. You shoot them down and break them apart inside. They have no reason to live. This is why there aren't any good men.

I get really sick of hearing women complain about "no good men" then they go after the jerks who treat them like crap and complain about that like it's the guy's fault they get away with acting like a turdmonkey. Sheesh. You guys do not have it easy these days.

I don't think women look for men who treat them like crap, I think they look for men who are confident and have that "something about them" and know what women want. sweet, but not too sweet. The problem is, that these men know how to make a woman feel good....which translates into they can get a lot of women, they know it and they do just that.

Confidence does not equal arrogance. I like a confident man too, but not one who is going to disrespect me and treat me like garbage. A lot of women do put up with men who cheat, lie, steal, mooch, and do all sorts of other things to them and then go around complaining about it. I hear it all the time from my girlfriends and it's irritating. You get what you put up with in this world.

Maybe I'm just lucky, but my husband makes me feel amazing. He's smart, sexy, confident, and all man. He could get a lot of other women if he wanted, but he also honors our marriage vows, works hard to do things for me, accepts the things I do for him, and is just flatout awesome. There are great guys out there who fit the bill. Just gotta find them. Like my girlfriends, I wasted far too much time on losers and put up with it because I didn't think I could do better.

Eleanorjanethinner

I would be flattered if a man brought me roses on a second date. It's sweet.

I don't feel sorry for men and don't buy into "women are so difficult" mindset of much of this thread. Both my boyfriend and I liked each other; made it known we liked each other; and didn't play any stupid games or expect each other to read minds as a form of communication. It works for us. I suspect it would work for a lot of people if they just grew up and showed respect to their partner.

Yup, me too - I love flowers! But some people don't.

I guess it's inevitable that we make mistakes as we try to get to know a new person and work out how to please them. But I don't think it's fair to right someone off (if you like them otherwise) for a small mistake. I totally agree that open communication is a billion times better than mind-games or expected the other person to magically know what you like and how you'd like to be treated.

KMSForLife

turdmonkey.

:laugh:

KimmieBrie

I think this thread is proof for the single men that if a woman is annoyed that you brought her flowers and ditches you because of it, she was going to be a self-absorbed pain in the *kitten* anyway.

Giving a woman flowers on the second date doesn't mean "I'm in love with you, and I want you to marry me and have my children." It means, simply, "I like you, and I wasn't raised in a brothel." As a woman, your response should be a gracious smile and "Thank you. They're beautiful." If you don't like getting flowers and that's not what you "want out of a relationship," tell him that later when you'are actually IN a relationship with him.

I really feel like apologizing on behalf of my entire sex after some of the threads I've seen on here lately.

I disagree. Giving a woman a dozen red roses on a second date means "I want to sleep with you and I'm too lazy to check/stupid to know that this is an inappropriate gift at this point". I'd show him the door, too, because I don't like a man with zero common sense.

See - everyone is different. There is no manual or script that will work with every woman, or man. So where exactly was he supposed to "check"?????? There is no online dating manual, no book, script, instructions. Maybe his friends told him to do it. Who knows? He wasn't right or wrong, and neither is she. They just obviously weren't right for each other. End of story.

PantalaNagaPampa

Now ok maybe a dozen was too much, but give the guy some credit. I have NEVER had a man buy me flowers!! I would be honored that he even thought of that. I would take the flowers over say a 12 pack and a box of condoms, especially on a second date. He was being sweet and thoughtful, shouldnt be deducted points for that!

Whoa.. do you know how much a good 12 pack and a box of condoms cost?

J/K :happy:

krist3ng

I don't feel sorry for men and don't buy into "women are so difficult" mindset of much of this thread. Both my boyfriend and I liked each other; made it known we liked each other; and didn't play any stupid games or expect each other to read minds as a form of communication. It works for us. I suspect it would work for a lot of people if they just grew up and showed respect to their partner.

THIS!!

FORKDOWN

I think this thread is proof for the single men that if a woman is annoyed that you brought her flowers and ditches you because of it, she was going to be a self-absorbed pain in the *kitten* anyway.

Giving a woman flowers on the second date doesn't mean "I'm in love with you, and I want you to marry me and have my children." It means, simply, "I like you, and I wasn't raised in a brothel." As a woman, your response should be a gracious smile and "Thank you. They're beautiful." If you don't like getting flowers and that's not what you "want out of a relationship," tell him that later when you'are actually IN a relationship with him.

I really feel like apologizing on behalf of my entire sex after some of the threads I've seen on here lately.

I disagree. Giving a woman a dozen red roses on a second date means "I want to sleep with you and I'm too lazy to check/stupid to know that this is an inappropriate gift at this point". I'd show him the door, too, because I don't like a man with zero common sense.

I've got news for you, the fact he asked her on a date in the first place probably meant he wanted to sleep with her, the flowers were secondary. Just being honest here. If you are single and a man asks you out on a date, it is becasue he is attracted to you, wther physically or mentally, and he has already thought about sex with you before the appetizer got to the table. Call me a pig or whatever, I am just being truthful. We all want to be loved and to love someone, sex is a part of that. Now with all that being said, flowers or no flowers, most men can't win for losing when it comes to dating. Most of the time we don't know what women want, because most of the time, women don't know what they want.

And let the rants begin..

Anotherwords, he gave her roses for her tulips.
:bigsmile:

PantalaNagaPampa

I think this thread is proof for the single men that if a woman is annoyed that you brought her flowers and ditches you because of it, she was going to be a self-absorbed pain in the *kitten* anyway.

Giving a woman flowers on the second date doesn't mean "I'm in love with you, and I want you to marry me and have my children." It means, simply, "I like you, and I wasn't raised in a brothel." As a woman, your response should be a gracious smile and "Thank you. They're beautiful." If you don't like getting flowers and that's not what you "want out of a relationship," tell him that later when you'are actually IN a relationship with him.

I really feel like apologizing on behalf of my entire sex after some of the threads I've seen on here lately.

I disagree. Giving a woman a dozen red roses on a second date means "I want to sleep with you and I'm too lazy to check/stupid to know that this is an inappropriate gift at this point". I'd show him the door, too, because I don't like a man with zero common sense.

I've got news for you, the fact he asked her on a date in the first place probably meant he wanted to sleep with her, the flowers were secondary. Just being honest here. If you are single and a man asks you out on a date, it is becasue he is attracted to you, wther physically or mentally, and he has already thought about sex with you before the appetizer got to the table. Call me a pig or whatever, I am just being truthful. We all want to be loved and to love someone, sex is a part of that. Now with all that being said, flowers or no flowers, most men can't win for losing when it comes to dating. Most of the time we don't know what women want, because most of the time, women don't know what they want.

And let the rants begin..

No, I agree with you actually, a man wants to sleep with a woman right off if he's doing anything remotely resembling conversation, let alone a date. The flowers are just to push the point even further.

Thanks for the back up.. i figured I would be blasted by all the women on this one...

krist3ng

So where exactly was he supposed to "check"?????? There is no online dating manual, no book, script, instructions.

http://www.online-dating-manual.com/

^^ it's a real web site I think

Tropical_Turtle

Now ok maybe a dozen was too much, but give the guy some credit. I have NEVER had a man buy me flowers!! I would be honored that he even thought of that. I would take the flowers over say a 12 pack and a box of condoms, especially on a second date. He was being sweet and thoughtful, shouldnt be deducted points for that!

Whoa.. do you know how much a good 12 pack and a box of condoms cost?

J/K :happy:

LMAO - that is for a whole different conversation

kRpRpLgRl

Funny, I remember every show growing up basically taught you to be romantic, that women loved receving flowers ,especially for no reason! Even candy!...and now you see charm bracelets are coming back around. Your girl wearing your class ring with a boatload of string wrapped around it so it would fit them. They were proud to wear it, they bragged about it to their girlfriends, or so we thought they did anyway. You held hands on your way to class, got the door for them wether it was a building door or car door. You let them sit down first and got their chair for them. You would sit and talk for hours at night, not text, talk! The tv shows back then made you believe in true love and romance...you would make a compilation of love songs for them as a gift, let them have one of your shirts that had your cologne on it because they said they would wear it or sleep with it at night.
Romance....goes back to being the nice guy and never getting the girl you wanted...you just wanted her to like you, you wanted her heart to melt when you gave her something hoping she understood the sentiment behind it...show her appreciation for being with you, always labeled as cheesy, but in your heart you thought you were sweeping her off her feet....just being a hopeless romantic....
Now these things like that are frowned upon.Your scrutinized for your efforts...instead of the sentiment behind it getting the attention it should deserve. Its sad really....just my opinion...

I totally agree. I remember all of those things and they were sweet. Thanks for the reminders!

manderson27

I love flowers, a man couldnt give me enough of them, although I prefer yellow roses myself. Never the less at least he made a romantic gesture and sometimes it really is the thought that counts and he was obviously thinking about her.

sylvuz323

Chivalry is all but dead because women have kicked it in the balls, stabbed it in the heart, and left it bleeding on the sidewalk.

I will drink to that!!

It's sad to admit but yes some women have kicked it in the balls, but usually with reason.

I had an experience where a guy I had met (on a Sunday) sent me a dozen red roses to my job the very next day. The day after that, I received another flower arrangement "get well" because I had surgery. We saw each other the end of the week Saturday, I'm not sure what happened but by the end of Saturday night he was obviously angry with you, I never knew what I did to him. We talked later that night and he called me a "cold hearted *****", at which point I ended the conversation and said well if you feel that way then we have nothing further to say to one another. The following morning I had yet another arrangement of flowers, "I'm sorry"

Now I don't automatically assume that the next guy to bring me flowers has issues, but it is situations like these that make us ladies a bit skeptical.

koosdel

I don't think it was the roses. I think she just wasn't feeling any sparks or chemistry or whatever you want to call it and just wasn't into him. I think when we don't like someone we feel we need a reason so we make it up. It comes out as - that gift was over the top, he was too nice, too clingy, trying too hard...the list goes on and on. If she were into him and feeling that chemistry, she would be telling you how perfect he was and that the roses were the most romantic thing ever.

Either that, or he was ugly.

_JamieB_

He brought her flowers....the nerve of some men...

writtenINthestars

I feel really sorry for men. Without a copy of the script in advance, they will inevitably do something wrong.

Agreed. That was a super sweet gesture.

tinksmommy2006

I feel really sorry for men. Without a copy of the script in advance, they will inevitably do something wrong.

Totally agree! We are way to judgmental as a society on what is right and wrong and on what number of dates we do what ...and so on. My husband when I first met him used to buy me flowers,... on the FIRST date! and they where also ...RED ROSES! lol really whats the big deal?? they guy was trying to impress her...guys used to do things like this back in the "old days" on the first date and they would do it every single date there after. It's called courting. And I find it refreshing:) I mean if it was the flowers that had her thinking he was just trying to hard why not just say something like Hey I really appreciate the gesture but I would rather us get to know each other more before we start spending money on each other. I like you and I am more excited about that:) I mean really at least he had enough money to buy them...so that means he had a job...lol

ps I dont mean any of this to sound rude in anyway but please anyone who is getting upset over flowers if the person is otherwise someone your willing to go out with again...maybe look at yourself and see why you REALLY want to push others away....the flowers probably have very little to really do with it. :flowerforyou:

stcar

I would need to know more aboot your friend before I can criticize her on the horrible act she made. But I will say that this is why women are treated the way they are these days. I always hear the phrase there aren't any good men out there, but you walk all over them. You shoot them down and break them apart inside. They have no reason to live. This is why there aren't any good men.

I get really sick of hearing women complain about "no good men" then they go after the jerks who treat them like crap and complain about that like it's the guy's fault they get away with acting like a turdmonkey. Sheesh. You guys do not have it easy these days.

I don't think women look for men who treat them like crap, I think they look for men who are confident and have that "something about them" and know what women want. sweet, but not too sweet. The problem is, that these men know how to make a woman feel good....which translates into they can get a lot of women, they know it and they do just that.

Confidence does not equal arrogance. I like a confident man too, but not one who is going to disrespect me and treat me like garbage. A lot of women do put up with men who cheat, lie, steal, mooch, and do all sorts of other things to them and then go around complaining about it. I hear it all the time from my girlfriends and it's irritating. You get what you put up with in this world.

Maybe I'm just lucky, but my husband makes me feel amazing. He's smart, sexy, confident, and all man. He could get a lot of other women if he wanted, but he also honors our marriage vows, works hard to do things for me, accepts the things I do for him, and is just flatout awesome. There are great guys out there who fit the bill. Just gotta find them. Like my girlfriends, I wasted far too much time on losers and put up with it because I didn't think I could do better.

Yes, you are lucky! I don't put up with anything like that either, which is why I'm single a lot of the time. They're either TOO bend over and take it from me or a total *kitten*. This is why I am usually single lol

blueandigo

I would need to know more aboot your friend before I can criticize her on the horrible act she made. But I will say that this is why women are treated the way they are these days. I always hear the phrase there aren't any good men out there, but you walk all over them. You shoot them down and break them apart inside. They have no reason to live. This is why there aren't any good men.

LOL
this sounds like criticism without knowledge to me!

This is coming from a man that was cheated on by his ex-fiance who was treated like crap until I came along. Let's just say, I was shot down and broken apart inside. I am slowly but surely moving on : v ).

PantalaNagaPampa

Chivalry is all but dead because women have kicked it in the balls, stabbed it in the heart, and left it bleeding on the sidewalk.

I will drink to that!!

It's sad to admit but yes some women have kicked it in the balls, but usually with reason.

Foreplay?

ShapeUpSidney

My friend went on a date with a guy, all went well and he called to take her out for a second date. He showed up at her house to pick her up and had a dozen red roses for her. She called to tell me that she went on the second date, then told him no more. She felt he was trying too hard, it was too much too soon. In my opinion, they are just flowers. It was a nice gesture, but maybe a bunch of daisies or single rose or two wouldn't have been read into they way she did. Thoughts??? Dating is hard enough as it is and I really feel for the guys out there. Women can be difficult! :flowerforyou:

A dozen red roses is totally inappropriate for a second date.

sylvuz323

Chivalry is all but dead because women have kicked it in the balls, stabbed it in the heart, and left it bleeding on the sidewalk.

I will drink to that!!

It's sad to admit but yes some women have kicked it in the balls, but usually with reason.

Foreplay?
[/quote

Ha, that too.

PantalaNagaPampa

Chivalry is all but dead because women have kicked it in the balls, stabbed it in the heart, and left it bleeding on the sidewalk.

I will drink to that!!

It's sad to admit but yes some women have kicked it in the balls, but usually with reason.

Foreplay?
[/quote

Ha, that too.

YES!!! My kind of woman!!