Wow I really dont want to hear that

mysteria_

Lots of people struggle with body image. Just because you find someone thin, doesn't mean they find themselves to be skinny. Most of the people who say this AREN'T fishing for compliments, just saying.

This is VERY true.

SyntonicGarden

Some of the responses to your initial post were grossly inappropriate. I don't think what you said warranted that much anger towards you. It's your opinion and yeah, you were venting. I completely agree with you that it's frustrating at times, especially when I've hit a plateau (now) and my 115 lb friend grabs the tummy flab that I don't see and complains about how she needs to hit the gym. **sigh**

I try not to blame these gals for their poor body image and low self esteem. A woman's poor body image is probably coming from external sources that just feed into her own insecurities.

If blame needs to be placed, then blame belongs to the media and all of the enhanced, airbrushed models in magazines and whatnot. (Go to Youtube and look up the words Dove Evolution. It's amazing, if you haven't seen it.)

I blame it on athletic teams (like cheerleaders or kickline) that pressure girls to weigh in before games. (If you're a few pounds over by Thursday, you starve yourself before weighing in again on Saturday, taking care to eat only a banana so your potassium levels don't drop to lethal levels. "You're too fat. Here's a banana. Don't die, because it'll mess up the routine. Thanks!")

I blame it on the a**hats who make and sell women's clothing suitable only for 10 year old boys, sacks of potatoes, or women with hourly rates. I have yet to meet a woman who can fit beautifully and confidently into a pair of non-elasticized waist pants. Most women I know have one of two problems: Muffin top over the waistband but have no butt to fill the pants or so much extra waistband, that even with a belt, there's still room to carry several bottles of wine and a picnic lunch. (MC Hammer called. He wants his ill-fitting baggy pants back.)

I also blame it on unsupportive family members or spouses. I had an ex who called me chubby at 125 lbs. That's part of the reason he's an ex. I eventually found an extra 25 to keep those initial 125 lbs company. It was about 12 lbs more than I wanted, so I'm working on a happy medium.

There's currently more than a 14" difference in circumference between my waist and my hips and it's soul crushing to have to go clothes shopping because the clothes usually go back on the rack. It's either the up-to-above-the-knee shuffle or the can't-pull-it-over-the-hips hop. So my family doc told me to lose weight, my family thinks I'm anorexic because of how I've learned to hide the weight, and my husband (and the occasional gaggle of guys at the mall) has an appreciation for my curves.

So basically, I say don't let the really thin gals comments about themselves bug you so much. Their comments are about themselves. They're most likely an internal reflection, deeply rooted in low self-esteem, fostered and perpetuated by unhealthy sources. Wish that they get help and move on with your day. Focus on yourself and make yourself the happiest, healthiest, sexiest, whatever-ist you think you should be!

(And then tell the rest of us how you did it, because we'll be here rooting for you!)

seehawkmomma

I blame it on athletic teams (like cheerleaders or kickline) that pressure girls to weigh in before games. (If you're a few pounds over by Thursday, you starve yourself before weighing in again on Saturday, taking care to eat only a banana so your potassium levels don't drop to lethal levels. "You're too fat. Here's a banana. Don't die, because it'll mess up the routine. Thanks!")

(And then tell the rest of us how you did it, because we'll be here rooting for you!)

If I could hug you right now I would

Thanks

jenn_is_trouble

Some of the responses to your initial post were grossly inappropriate. I don't think what you said warranted that much anger towards you. It's your opinion and yeah, you were venting. I completely agree with you that it's frustrating at times, especially when I've hit a plateau (now) and my 115 lb friend grabs the tummy flab that I don't see and complains about how she needs to hit the gym. **sigh**

I try not to blame these gals for their poor body image and low self esteem. A woman's poor body image is probably coming from external sources that just feed into her own insecurities.

If blame needs to be placed, then blame belongs to the media and all of the enhanced, airbrushed models in magazines and whatnot. (Go to Youtube and look up the words Dove Evolution. It's amazing, if you haven't seen it.)

I blame it on athletic teams (like cheerleaders or kickline) that pressure girls to weigh in before games. (If you're a few pounds over by Thursday, you starve yourself before weighing in again on Saturday, taking care to eat only a banana so your potassium levels don't drop to lethal levels. "You're too fat. Here's a banana. Don't die, because it'll mess up the routine. Thanks!")

I blame it on the a**hats who make and sell women's clothing suitable only for 10 year old boys, sacks of potatoes, or women with hourly rates. I have yet to meet a woman who can fit beautifully and confidently into a pair of non-elasticized waist pants. Most women I know have one of two problems: Muffin top over the waistband but have no butt to fill the pants or so much extra waistband, that even with a belt, there's still room to carry several bottles of wine and a picnic lunch. (MC Hammer called. He wants his ill-fitting baggy pants back.)

I also blame it on unsupportive family members or spouses. I had an ex who called me chubby at 125 lbs. That's part of the reason he's an ex. I eventually found an extra 25 to keep those initial 125 lbs company. It was about 12 lbs more than I wanted, so I'm working on a happy medium.

There's currently more than a 14" difference in circumference between my waist and my hips and it's soul crushing to have to go clothes shopping because the clothes usually go back on the rack. It's either the up-to-above-the-knee shuffle or the can't-pull-it-over-the-hips hop. So my family doc told me to lose weight, my family thinks I'm anorexic because of how I've learned to hide the weight, and my husband (and the occasional gaggle of guys at the mall) has an appreciation for my curves.

So basically, I say don't let the really thin gals comments about themselves bug you so much. Their comments are about themselves. They're most likely an internal reflection, deeply rooted in low self-esteem, fostered and perpetuated by unhealthy sources. Wish that they get help and move on with your day. Focus on yourself and make yourself the happiest, healthiest, sexiest, whatever-ist you think you should be!

(And then tell the rest of us how you did it, because we'll be here rooting for you!)

BRAVO! VERY Well said

honeysprinkles

Okay Okay

So let me explain just a wee bit further(which I should have done in the first place)

First off this is just a VENT. This is how I FEEL.

So I'm eatting my cuccumber snack the girl I work with comes up to me and says "omg I need to start eatting healthier too I'm soooooo fat" than I see her walk back to her desk with a bag of chips.

Okay so A: I dont think its a stab at me. B: I think its insanely rude.

If she thinks shes fat than thats her business! Why does she need to say this in front of me? I am clearly trying to eat healthier and get to a better weight. It possible for a woman to keep that those kind of comments to her self? Or save it for her friends who understand where she is coming from?

I honestly don't understand what's rude about that? it's stupid and maybe annoying, sure, hearing people complain all the time who are unwilling to change, but what is rude?

I think it all comes down to worrying about yourself and your own body image and no one else's.

seehawkmomma

Okay Okay

So let me explain just a wee bit further(which I should have done in the first place)

First off this is just a VENT. This is how I FEEL.

So I'm eatting my cuccumber snack the girl I work with comes up to me and says "omg I need to start eatting healthier too I'm soooooo fat" than I see her walk back to her desk with a bag of chips.

Okay so A: I dont think its a stab at me. B: I think its insanely rude.

If she thinks shes fat than thats her business! Why does she need to say this in front of me? I am clearly trying to eat healthier and get to a better weight. It possible for a woman to keep that those kind of comments to her self? Or save it for her friends who understand where she is coming from?

I honestly don't understand what's rude about that? it's stupid and maybe annoying, sure, hearing people complain all the time who are unwilling to change, but what is rude?

I think it all comes down to worrying about yourself and your own body image and no one else's.

Okay, So she thinks shes fat but can walk to her desk and mow on chips? Like I hate judge that but if she wants to lose weight why not start by not eatting like that? (btw I see her eat. Like a lot. and I mean Kudos to her for being able to eat like a 300lb trucker and not gain weight, but I cant do that)

Yeah, I could "worry about myself" and I am. Hence me being on here. I am trying to be the best me that I can be. Maybe that doesnt bother you, but it bothered me.

I think it was rude. I think she could have gone on with her life WITHOUT saying that.

honeysprinkles

It's either the up-to-above-the-knee shuffle or the can't-pull-it-over-the-hips hop.

I love (and hate) that. So funny, but so true and frustrating!

love22step

Maybe we all need to practice being more sensitive toward others, regardless of whether we consider them fat or skinny or just right, and be less sensitive toward ourselves. Maybe we shouldn't discuss weight at all? Somehow, that doesn't seem right, either. Food for thought here, anyway (no calories in that).

SyntonicGarden

I forgot to add a little more insight.

A few years ago, I had the unfortunate displeasure of going for holiday lunch with some of the guys I worked with. Most of them were awesome and treated me like one of the guys. There was one guy who should've had his husband card revoked. I distinctly remember him saying...

"Every year, I make my wife put her wedding dress on to make sure it fits. I didn't marry a fat chick and I certainly don't intend to BE married to a fat chick. I bought her a treadmill, an elliptical, and a weight set, so she doesn't have any excuses not to fit into that <explicative> dress."

I met his wife at another friend's wedding. She had gained a little weight apparently and we all heard about it after the wedding. (In her elbow maybe? I dunno, because she was still stunning.) How this woman stayed married to this man is a mystery, a lost bet, or several chapters in a good psychological diagnostic statistical manual.

So again, there's no way of telling what people are dealing with or where they get their image of self from. She's probably so wrapped in her own stuff that she's not even thinking about what she's saying or what impact it might have.

withchaco

I live with a cousin my height, who fluctuates between 105-110 pounds... She hates her flabby belly/ legs and wants to lose weight. Doesn't bother me when she complains in front of me. They say you are your worst critic... She's just being harsh on herself. She does not judge others with the same standards. I don't think it's rude, particularly because she knows I'm not bothered by it.

Maybe we all need to practice being more sensitive toward others, regardless of whether we consider them fat or skinny or just right, and be less sensitive toward ourselves. Maybe we shouldn't discuss weight at all? Somehow, that doesn't seem right, either. Food for thought here, anyway (no calories in that).

IMHO, the heart of the matter is that for so many people (especially us women), their self esteem is WAY too heavily dependent on their weight/ body image. People need to learn to love and respect themselves regardless of how much they weigh, or what they look like. There is so much more to a person than their weight. People should be able to discuss their weight without feeling like they're being attacked.

seehawkmomma

Heres the thing.

I have friends who are skinny mini's who tell me this all the time. But these are my friends. I know why they are saying. And it doesnt bother me.(and I also know they are saying this and eatting healthy and trying hard to be in shape)

I dont know this girl besides seeing her at work.

And I thought about this for a minute and I guess I did see this as a stab at me(previously I said I didnt but I've been thinking about it)

And I guess it bothered me that she would have the nerve to say something like that to me when she knows how hard I've been working to lose weight. If it was a friend I'd tell her to shut her pie hole but this is someone I dont know.

Different standards.

JipsyJudy

I'm finding it sad that most of this whole conversation is a assuming that concern about fat is just a self esteem issue. I hear you, but excess body fat, whatever it looks like and however it makes you feel, is a major cause of diabetes, heart disease, arthritis, a bunch of kinds of cancer, and many other chronic illnesses. An acquaintance of mine who works for WedMD once said to me, "Most Americans are killing themselves with their fat blankets."

Ten years ago, four MDs told me I needed a knee replacement. The fifth one told me I needed to loose 40 pounds. God bless her! Did you know that every 1 pound of weight you take off of your body takes 4 pounds of stress off of your knees?

A little less than year ago, I was diagnosed as prediabetic. It took losing 30 pounds and sticking to on a very low-carb diet to get my blood sugar down, but it's now back to normal, and I'm staying with the low carb diet for the rest of my life.

I'm 65, and I'm 5'9". I'm athletic with a slender bone structure. Except for the orthopedic doctor who told me to lose 40 pounds, I have never in my entire life been told even once that I was fat. Instead, I have been teased and criticized endlessly for turning down desserts, ordering meals without the potatoes, and turning down candies and snacks. I've been told about a hundred thousand times, "You don't need to diet."

I did need to diet. I still do now need to diet. Not for my self image - for my health.

Just saying .....

Jeneba

I am 5'2" and weigh 100 pounds. I find that I see women who weigh 15 or 30 pounds more than me do not look as undesirable as I see myself. I have struggled with body image issues since I was 8 years old and have had eating disorders. It is annoying that I see myself fat, as well, because the number doesn't match the way I see myself. I would love to have normal thoughts.

I am 5'1" and was really happy at 100 lbs but never thought of myself as thin at that weight. I occasionally binge - but that is sooooo common that I don't really think of it as "disordered" eating any more, it's just something that happens when I get stressed out. So - now that I am 102, I think of myself as overweight! I am just going to go easy on myself during the holidays & try to get back to a committed exercise routine. Life can be REALLY tough in a tiny body!

chevy88grl

Okay Okay

So let me explain just a wee bit further(which I should have done in the first place)

First off this is just a VENT. This is how I FEEL.

So I'm eatting my cuccumber snack the girl I work with comes up to me and says "omg I need to start eatting healthier too I'm soooooo fat" than I see her walk back to her desk with a bag of chips.

Okay so A: I dont think its a stab at me. B: I think its insanely rude.

If she thinks shes fat than thats her business! Why does she need to say this in front of me? I am clearly trying to eat healthier and get to a better weight. It possible for a woman to keep that those kind of comments to her self? Or save it for her friends who understand where she is coming from?

Okay.

Here's how *I* see this situation:

She isn't happy with her body, BUT she isn't ready or committed to making a change. She probably wishes she had the determination and willpower that you have when it comes to eating, losing weight, etc. She isn't saying it to be rude or as a derogatory comment towards YOU and YOUR weight. Actually, she's probably quite envious of you and won't say it. I know it seems silly, but she probably looks in the mirror and thinks "I wish my _______ looked better!" and she may have good intentions when it comes to losing weight but not everyone is ready to do it. Not everyone is in the right frame of mind or ready to join all of us on this journey.

I don't see that she was rude at all. But, that's just me.

jmxxiiii

Really she's saying " I'm insecure, I have low self esteem, kiss my *kitten* and stroke my ego."

seehawkmomma

Okay Okay I get it now.

I really do.

Maybe I shouldn't have gotten so heated when I heard it. And I appreciated everyone on here who said something seriously.

Its really not about her, its about me. Just because I think she's skinny doesnt mean she does. And just because I wouldnt have said that doesnt mean she thinks the same way.

I doubt that she's jealous if anyone here is jealous its me. She's able to eat what she wants and maintain a weight that I have to WORK at having.

So okay I'll get over myself.

killagb

This is unheard of....self revelation of jealousy? Inconceivable!

seehawkmomma

seehawkmomma

Sad Ummm I wanted to add a picture.....

how do I do that??

killagb

Sad Ummm I wanted to add a picture.....

how do I do that??

Edit your post and make those [ IMG] tags lowercase, like [ img] [ /img]

seehawkmomma

Its not so funny anymore.....

Elzecat

I weigh 145lbs. When I look in the mirror, I see the flaws and issues I have with MY body. I have days when I feel like a fat whale.

Being thin doesn't guarantee happiness with ones body. You can be 100, 130, 180lbs and have body issues. When I look in the mirror and see my flaws, I'm not thinking about you or anyone else. I don't give a hoot what someone else weighs and I don't give a hoot what someone else looks like - I care about what *I* see in the mirror and if I'm not happy with it - it doesn't matter what the scale says.

I'll be honest... it annoys me when people comment about how someone else sees THEIR body. I don't care if you weigh 130 or 230, you can still have issues with how you look. Stop assuming that being 130lbs solves all the body image issues.

^This. Thank you.

MercenaryNoetic26

She's probably skinny fat. It's real. We're all fat. Some just more than others.

mrslosser

I agree sehawkmomma! It isn't that we make it all about us when they say that and I realize everyone has body issues, but I don't go around saying I am so fat....it is apparent! Hello! So when people point out how fat THEY obviously aren't in front of me I think what are you trying to say about ME?

Articeluvsmemphis

Maybe its just me. But I gota vent.

Its really REALLY annoying to me when I hear a chick that weighs probably a buck 30 wet call herself fat.

Its like WOW if you think your fat I must be a friggin whale.

Just saying.

Its annoying.....

Thats all.

Yeah it's annoying, but it took me until I came onto MFP to see just how insecure people were with their bodies or not even insecure just wanting to better their physique. Now for someone like me it was annoying just because I've been hanging around in the over 200 section for over half my life, so never have been "skinny." so I might appreciate their smaller size while they have seen smaller, or just desire smaller. I have to sympathize with them and encourage them to change it if they don't like it. always room for improvement

chauncyrenayCHANGED

I'm sorry, I understand all of these comments, I really do... yes, everyone has body issues - even supermodels...

but it is plain RUDE and SELF-CENTERED to comment on how fat you are/feel when you KNOW there is someone next to you who is clearly double your size.

MercenaryNoetic26

Heres the thing.

I have friends who are skinny mini's who tell me this all the time. But these are my friends. I know why they are saying. And it doesnt bother me.(and I also know they are saying this and eatting healthy and trying hard to be in shape)

I dont know this girl besides seeing her at work.

And I thought about this for a minute and I guess I did see this as a stab at me(previously I said I didnt but I've been thinking about it)

And I guess it bothered me that she would have the nerve to say something like that to me when she knows how hard I've been working to lose weight. If it was a friend I'd tell her to shut her pie hole but this is someone I dont know.

Different standards.

Okay... this clarifies a lot. I don't blame you for taking that as a stab. It does sound downright malicious. If she was saying it to someone else and you overheard it, then I wouldn't sweat it. But if she said it to you or you were in the convo, then that's very inconsiderate of her.

busterbluth

I thought I was fat when I was 86 lbs and being fed through an ng tube. Sure, I never commented on my "fatness" to people because I knew, logically, it was ridiculous. . .but a lot of my normal and bigger friends somehow took my issues personally when it was clearly NOT about THEM.

What I'm trying to say is that people's own body issues aren't about YOU or how your friend perceives your body AT ALL (I've always thought my bigger girlfriends were super hot and would LOVE to be confident bodies like theirs). If you want to be a good friend, just listen.

angiemb87

EVERYBODY has their own issues. I've learned that much just talking to people..

I know this is so mean (please forgive me, I was 17 when this happened. I've matured since then), but once, at the mall..I was feeling so peeved at these blonde chicks who were looking at me like I was friggin Keiko the whale, that when one of them accidentally bumped into me I turned around and yelled at her "Watch where you're going fat *kitten*!!".....She being very thin, and I being clearly overweight.....the confused and surprised look on her face....omg hilarious. I immediately started cracking up and told her "of course you're not fat" because she looked absolutely devastated. To my surprise, she started laughing too and oddly enough she is one of my closest friends today. She told me once, years later, that when I said that, she was soo mortified because she was the heaviest one of her "friends" at the time, and they used to tease her about it. Which just goes to show...you really never know what's going on with a person..

ngory07

I understand where you are coming from but going from obese to almost a healthy weight I see both sides. I was 304 in january. When women said that it would set me off too. Girls who were sticks would complain and I had this. one very very mean girl in nursing school tell me she would kill herself if she ever became my size. To my face. Now that I am 157 bigger women get upset with me. I do need to lose 17 lbs to get to goal. And I have fat and a big tummy and everything else I'm not happy with plus saggy skin. I love my body a lot more than I did then but I still have a ways to go.

Also after being on here I now understand the difference between what you weigh and getting more toned and fit. Honeslty if I worked out more I probably would have a better body. Its one of my goals not only to lose but get fit and some people don't understand the difference and may think they are fat rather than just not toned or healthy. She may be referring to that. I talk about my weight with people other than my close friends and its a touchy subject no matter who your talking to. I know I'm not going to notice someone else is uncomfortable if I'm having a really I feel fat day. We got ourselves obese and now we have to change it. People do have the right to voice their opinions and just because you are overweight doesn't mean people have to sugar coat everything for you and walk on eggshells so you don't get offended. My respose would have been based on post " well I think you look amazing but there is nothing wrong with wanting to be even more fit and healthy" women are so catty it amazes me sometimes. We should be unified but really we tear each other down to make ourselves feel better.