Break up or make up?

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xonicolette
xonicolette Posts: 151 Member
in Chit-Chat
Some quick advice if you have the time?

I am engaged and we have a 2 month old son together. I am 19 and he is 22.

We have been having the same problems for a long time now. I would have left him a long time ago, but I became pregnant and thought he could change. My fiance likes to put his friends before me, and now it has turned into me any his son.

Yesterday, on Christmas, he bascially kicked us out so that he could have a friend over and play xbox. We fought and fought and I ended up going to my mothers. Then he gets drunk tonight and calls me getting mad at me cause I am sleeping and he doesn't believe me. He flips out and then gets over it. Then he gets mad cause when he called me he didn't make any sense because he was so drunk, I told him I was going to bed. Then he texts me (perfectly fine) things like "f**k you", "I'm done". Then he calls me and just talks more crap to me.

This is maybe the 100th time this has happened and I am think I am ready to leave. Actually, I am 90% sure I want to leave tomorrow. Everytime he does this, he apologizes and says he will change and I try again because we have a son together. But it always ends up bad at least a month later.

Opinions please? Thank you.
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Replies

  • emtgirl14
    emtgirl14 Posts: 87 Member
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    Leave him. He's never going to change. If this has happened 100 times, what makes you think 101 will be different? You deserve someone better! Good luck:)
  • daffodilsoup
    daffodilsoup Posts: 1,972 Member
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    I think you've already decided what's good for you - and your son.
  • beccyleigh
    beccyleigh Posts: 847 Member
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    what advice would you give to your son if he had a gf treating him this way?
  • sammys1girly
    sammys1girly Posts: 1,045 Member
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    Getting married isn't going to make it any better. If he's like this now, he will only be worse as time goes on. Sadly you know inside what is best for you and your son.
  • annabellj
    annabellj Posts: 1,337 Member
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    move on sweetie. he doesnt want to settle down or care about you and your son. its sad but true and you can do so much better. do you want your son to grow up seeing that its ok for him to treat you like that and perpetuate the abuse and he treats his so like that also? tell your boyfriend that you deserve more respect than that!
  • JSMSDSAS05
    JSMSDSAS05 Posts: 136 Member
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    Leave. Don't put your son in a bad situation like get. Get out now!
  • boo59
    boo59 Posts: 5
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    Seek some help from your family and/or close friends and get out now.

    The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again expecting different results! Setting healthy boundaries for others is a Christmas gift to yourself and your child! God bless you...
  • dippystick
    dippystick Posts: 168 Member
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    I have 3 suggestions for you.

    1. Pack up
    2. Leave
    3. Never look back
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,311 Member
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    Absolutely leave. It isn't healthy bring up a child around that kind of father. What role model is he being?
  • MichelleWagner50
    MichelleWagner50 Posts: 240 Member
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    I agree with everyone else....you need to think about wheat is best for you and your son. He won't change. Once you move, he will probably try even harder to get you back. Stay strong!! Good luck!!:flowerforyou:
  • vjrose
    vjrose Posts: 809 Member
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    As much as it hurts it's time to go, it will be a struggle with the son you share but better you raise a loving and caring son than someone like his dad. Do it for yourself and your son.
  • iHEARTcardiacnurses
    iHEARTcardiacnurses Posts: 437 Member
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    I have 3 suggestions for you.

    1. Pack up
    2. Leave
    3. Never look back

    This ^^

    It's no longer about you anymore, sweetie. It's about you and your son.
  • 1a1a
    1a1a Posts: 762 Member
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    I agree, leave (there will be other romances waiting for you along the way).

    Wishing you the very best whatever course of action you take.
  • kykykenna
    kykykenna Posts: 656 Member
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    Agree with everyone else...how heartbreaking to have your baby's first Christmas and basically be kicked out of the house so he can play video games and get drunk. I can say with 100% certainty that is NOT what you OR your baby deserve. No one does. Good luck sweetie. You know what is right.
  • SaishaLea
    SaishaLea Posts: 333 Member
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    Omg...I am so sorry you are going through this. I just got out of an abusive relationship. I finally got the courage and confidence to leave. I had a 18 month old and a 7 week old baby. Leaving is hard, I know, but life gets better!!!!
    Just know nothing will change if you stay- I waited for things to change for 3 years. It just gets worse!
    Put your son first- all this is effecting him. You don't deserve to be treated like that.
  • GretaJane
    GretaJane Posts: 64 Member
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    You don't deserve it and you don't want your son learning that kind of behaviour is ok. Take all these strong ladies' advice and run the other way!
  • Play_outside
    Play_outside Posts: 528 Member
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    I am so sorry to hear that your son's first Christmas wasn't a joyous and fun occasion, and that you are so young and having to deal with crap like this! My sister was your age when she had my little niece and she was in a similar situation. She has long since left him (niece is coming 4 now) and is enjoying life and setting an excellent example for her little one, and has her in a positive, safe, and nurturing environment. I hope you are able to do the same for your boy! The way your fiancé is treating you is extremely rude and disrespectful. I hope that you would have support and help from your Mom, which would make leaving easier. It sounds as though you know what is the best thing for you and your baby son. Do you have any siblings and/or close friends who could help as well? Or who are at least close by for support?

    Good luck to you! Sending hugs!!!
  • leonanikki
    leonanikki Posts: 2
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    Sadly, the only thing that makes someone change is the desire they have within themselves to do so...no babies, marriage, or happy home is enough incentive to make them unless they WANT to. I was in a similar relationship and left, and while it takes time to get over it, I realize now that my son and I both deserved better long before I sought better. I wish you all the luck and strength you will need if you embark on your new endeavor!
  • livnlite
    livnlite Posts: 520
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    Some quick advice if you have the time?

    I am engaged and we have a 2 month old son together. I am 19 and he is 22.

    We have been having the same problems for a long time now. I would have left him a long time ago, but I became pregnant and thought he could change. My fiance likes to put his friends before me, and now it has turned into me any his son.

    Yesterday, on Christmas, he bascially kicked us out so that he could have a friend over and play xbox. We fought and fought and I ended up going to my mothers. Then he gets drunk tonight and calls me getting mad at me cause I am sleeping and he doesn't believe me. He flips out and then gets over it. Then he gets mad cause when he called me he didn't make any sense because he was so drunk, I told him I was going to bed. Then he texts me (perfectly fine) things like "f**k you", "I'm done". Then he calls me and just talks more crap to me.

    This is maybe the 100th time this has happened and I am think I am ready to leave. Actually, I am 90% sure I want to leave tomorrow. Everytime he does this, he apologizes and says he will change and I try again because we have a son together. But it always ends up bad at least a month later.

    Opinions please? Thank you.

    Instead of asking yourself why you should leave .. ask yourself why you should stay. The writing was on the wall LONG ago.

    He was abusive and controlling before you had a child, why in the world would you think THAT would change. You are very young and perhaps very naive if you thought people just simply 'change'. I am assuming you have stayed with him because you think you love him. Here's another question: Are you in love with the guy the way he is or are you in love with who you want him to be?

    Your child does not deserve to be slammed into an environment where there is such obvious resentment. Your 'fiance' is obviously too young and immature to even begin to contend with the responsibilities of raising a child, not to mention handling a loving and caring adult relationship.

    Move on .. It's time to start thinking like an adult .. You are a parent now .. Starting thinking like one. You have to be the one who puts that child's needs far above your own ... Your 'fiance' is certainly not .. He has more important things to do (or so HE thinks) ! He is still thinking and acting like a carefree teenager, not a family man.
  • AnninStPaul
    AnninStPaul Posts: 1,372 Member
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    Getting married isn't going to make it any better. If he's like this now, he will only be worse as time goes on. Sadly you know inside what is best for you and your son.

    Go, start the New Year with a new outlook. Neither having a child nor getting married won't change a person.

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