Weightloss and Your Significant Other (CAUTION: Could be PG1

janalayn

I was a big girl when I started dating my fiance. He is super supportive of my desire to lose weight because he wants me to be happy. He has always told me I am beautiful regardless of the number on the scale. He is in love with the person on the inside, and not the wrapping on the outside. However, I feel more beautiful as I get in better shape. I love his compliments and being healthier gives me more energy in the bedroom and every other room too.

YukonJoy

My boyfriend is very good looking and he has always has gorgeous girlfriends in the past. He is the perfect body weight and so are all his brothers, sisters and friends. I feel so disgusting around him and I know he thinks Im fat and should lose weight. He is very weight conscious of himself and freaks if he puts on 1 kg! He's never rude but he does subtly mention my weight and need to lose it. For example he suggests I rather eat salad than a chicken pie for lunch cause its a lot less fattening. He never calls me beautiful. Sometime says, "you look nice" or "you look pretty" and by that he is referring to the fact that i put make up on or did my hair. He always wants the lights off when we have sex and he doesn't really like me being on top! He doesn't say why but I must look so huge and disgusting from that angle!!

Give me his address. :mad:

NBabi91

My boyfriend is very good looking and he has always has gorgeous girlfriends in the past. He is the perfect body weight and so are all his brothers, sisters and friends. I feel so disgusting around him and I know he thinks Im fat and should lose weight. He is very weight conscious of himself and freaks if he puts on 1 kg! He's never rude but he does subtly mention my weight and need to lose it. For example he suggests I rather eat salad than a chicken pie for lunch cause its a lot less fattening. He never calls me beautiful. Sometime says, "you look nice" or "you look pretty" and by that he is referring to the fact that i put make up on or did my hair. He always wants the lights off when we have sex and he doesn't really like me being on top! He doesn't say why but I must look so huge and disgusting from that angle!!

That's not very nice. You should not be with someone who hurts your self esteem in that way. You need to find happiness within yourself before you can have a healthy relationship. Don't let him hurt you it is not very nice.

beerbomber

Okay Im full of questions today, if you are fat and disgusting and you feel fat and disgusting and guy/girl points out your fat and disgusting should you really get mad or motivated?

jakki_brown

Sadly, I have seen many people post about their significant others doing just that. Stating that their weight has effects on the way they feel about them.

lmbame905

With weight loss (put bluntly): a little less blow jobs, lots more sex.

That's the only change :laugh:
HOORAY!!!!

asmgrant

My boyfriend had always told me that he doesn't care about my weight, when I met him I was a little slimmer and the happiest I've seen him was today as he was getting ready to leave, he's happier that i feel better about myself and that I'm making healthier choices, but as far as the weight is concerned, he's just happy if I'm happy.

YukonJoy

My boyfriend is wonderful and supportive but he was the same when I was heavy. He loves it when I go to the gym because it makes me happy and he loves to see me happy.

But if I was happy fat then he still be happy too. It doesn't matter if I'm bigger, I'm still dynamite in the sack. :smokin: :laugh:

But my libido is definitely ....er....more active? when I am exercising regularly. Hehe

lmbame905

I was a big girl when I started dating my fiance. He is super supportive of my desire to lose weight because he wants me to be happy. He has always told me I am beautiful regardless of the number on the scale. He is in love with the person on the inside, and not the wrapping on the outside. However, I feel more beautiful as I get in better shape. I love his compliments and being healthier gives me more energy in the bedroom and every other room too.

Yep.

ohnogogo

If you knew in your heart that you were loved unconditionally, you would not feel disgusting around him. I've always told my SO she was beautiful even when she gained 40 pounds after we got together. It wasn't just to be nice, but the fact that she's beautiful to me no matter what. No need to have the lights off, etc. To me it just seems that he can be a little more supportive. Like I said.....just my opinion based on what you wrote. I'm obviously not all knowing in regards to your relationship......

I disagree completely. My husband has always told me he loves me no matter what I weigh and I know he does love me unconditionally.

I used to weigh 240, am down to 193 and still have a ways to go. Weighing that much made me feel gross and feel like the fat lady at the circus that some how was married to the tall, thin good looking guy. I caught people giving us the "wow, I cannot believe they are a couple look" and yes all that made me feel disgusting around him.

Just because *I* felt that way does not mean that my husband does not love me. To tell someone that their SO does not love them unconditionally because they themselves feel a certain way about their appearance is just incorrect in my book.

laneybird

My bf thinks I am beautiful...always has. He's been with me at my heaviest and loves me just the same then as now...and there's no doubt in my mind when I reach my goal he will still love me just the same. He makes me feel like the most gorgeous woman in the world, even though I don't see a pretty person in the mirror at all. He actually jokes with me about my shrinking booty lol. As for the bedroom, it's just as active as it's always been... but I can do even more "work" than before. That makes me feel good and he's def not complaining

DeeJayTJ

@lisajuliette I think what she's trying to say is it doesn't sound like your boyfriend treats you very nice and you deserve more than that.

I love him, he treats me well but no one can blame him for not thinking Im sexy. If i was him I wouldn't be having sex with me in the first place. I gained 4kgs this last month and he said nothing. He does love me they way I am but I wanna be smoking hot for him! Im sick of people looking at him like he's cooked in the head for dating a fat girl. I asked him to be honest with me about it and he says he loves me the way I am and I must do what makes me happy. So I asked him to be completely honest, would he find me more attractive if I lost the weight and he said yes.

If my wife got fat [never going to happen], I'd give her the opportunity to change. If not...

BYE BYE!
She and her true love [FOOD] can have a happy life together.

i appreciate your honesty.

if i get with a woman thats in shape and takes care of herself, i would expect her to continue to care about herself enough to take care of herself and not let herself go and get unhealthy habits and health issues.

some people get TOO comfortable and just let themselves go. i would never be ready to tell someone "hey ur just too fat" i think thats really mean, but in reality, health is my biggest concern. being obese is not how the human body was meant to be. that big yellow stuff under teh skin is NOT a pretty sight.

obesity is an epidemic, and its one that far too many people are not aware of.

i live in Houston, one of the fattest cities, its very sad. i was obese and i saw the light. i now live a healthy lifestyle and will never turn back. i wish i could help people get in shape

2Bgoddess

We've been together for longer than we've been apart. Since we were 16. I was just curvy then. Our sex life has always been really good, but we've both noticed an improvement as he lost 30 pounds and I lost close to 70. We've discussed it at length. We think it boils down to our own self confidence, combined with better endurance and extra 'bendy-ness' ! LOL

lizziebeth1028

@lisajuliette I think what she's trying to say is it doesn't sound like your boyfriend treats you very nice and you deserve more than that.

I love him, he treats me well but no one can blame him for not thinking Im sexy. If i was him I wouldn't be having sex with me in the first place. I gained 4kgs this last month and he said nothing. He does love me they way I am but I wanna be smoking hot for him! Im sick of people looking at him like he's cooked in the head for dating a fat girl. I asked him to be honest with me about it and he says he loves me the way I am and I must do what makes me happy. So I asked him to be completely honest, would he find me more attractive if I lost the weight and he said yes.

You have self esteem issues...which will be a hinderance in your weight loss journey and can lead to relationship issues. Be yourself, love yourself, respect yourself, embrace yourself and over all....do this for yourself!!!!

And as a side note...your first post made your boyfriend sound like a complete jerk. Which if what you posted was true and not painted over by your 'feel sorry for me..self esteem issues' you need to dump him. Sorry, the truth hurts. A little tough love can go a long way. Don't be a doormat.

lisajuliette

My boyfriend is very good looking and he has always has gorgeous girlfriends in the past. He is the perfect body weight and so are all his brothers, sisters and friends. I feel so disgusting around him and I know he thinks Im fat and should lose weight. He is very weight conscious of himself and freaks if he puts on 1 kg! He's never rude but he does subtly mention my weight and need to lose it. For example he suggests I rather eat salad than a chicken pie for lunch cause its a lot less fattening. He never calls me beautiful. Sometime says, "you look nice" or "you look pretty" and by that he is referring to the fact that i put make up on or did my hair. He always wants the lights off when we have sex and he doesn't really like me being on top! He doesn't say why but I must look so huge and disgusting from that angle!!

Why are you with this guy he sounds so mean.

My boyfriend (who I started dating at my heaviest) is supportive and helpful for the weight loss and if they aren't willing to be great to you at any weight than they don't deserve you at your best.

No, no. I think you guys are reading my post wrong. He has NEVER called me fat/disgusting or ANYTHING rude. I just feel that way and i hate the way I look which is why I'm desperately trying to lose weight. I wanna feel sexy and beautiful. Not just for him but for myself too!

YukonJoy

My boyfriend is very good looking and he has always has gorgeous girlfriends in the past. He is the perfect body weight and so are all his brothers, sisters and friends. I feel so disgusting around him and I know he thinks Im fat and should lose weight. He is very weight conscious of himself and freaks if he puts on 1 kg! He's never rude but he does subtly mention my weight and need to lose it. For example he suggests I rather eat salad than a chicken pie for lunch cause its a lot less fattening. He never calls me beautiful. Sometime says, "you look nice" or "you look pretty" and by that he is referring to the fact that i put make up on or did my hair. He always wants the lights off when we have sex and he doesn't really like me being on top! He doesn't say why but I must look so huge and disgusting from that angle!!

Why are you with this guy he sounds so mean.

My boyfriend (who I started dating at my heaviest) is supportive and helpful for the weight loss and if they aren't willing to be great to you at any weight than they don't deserve you at your best.

No, no. I think you guys are reading my post wrong. He has NEVER called me fat/disgusting or ANYTHING rude. I just feel that way and i hate the way I look which is why I'm desperately trying to lose weight. I wanna feel sexy and beautiful. Not just for him but for myself too!

Sweetie, I think you need to work on yourself before you can work on a relationship.

If you are in school take advantage of the free counselors.

I have been where you are.

youcandoitjess

OY... I really didn't want to get involved, but here's my opinion: no matter the excuses you make for the guy, "He's just being honest," "I know he means well," "He can't help but be disgusted by me," IF HE'S MAKING YOU FEEL BADLY ABOUT YOURSELF, HE'S NOT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU. A real loving man will love you, 100% whether you're big, small, buck-toothed, have one eye, or an extra arm growing out of your forehead.

Self esteem goes a long way, ladies... It's time to get some.

ohnogogo

Okay Im full of questions today, if you are fat and disgusting and you feel fat and disgusting and guy/girl points out your fat and disgusting should you really get mad or motivated?

It all depends on context. If out of the blue they say "you are a fat cow and disgusting" then they are an *kitten*. If you are talking to them telling them how you feel and that you want to do something about it, then ask them to tell you honestly how they feel then yes, they should say "yes you have gotten heavier, yes you should do something about it" followed with an "I love you and I will do anything I can to help you" then how can you get mad at that. I would get more mad if they didn't tell me and gave a safe answer like "oh, you are just being silly".

If a person you loved was a meth head and ruining their life would you just pat them on the head and say "I love you unconditionally" and watch them continue to kill themselves? No, you would do something about it, you would talk to them about it. But again it all boils down to context of the conversation and how it is done.

lisajuliette

If you knew in your heart that you were loved unconditionally, you would not feel disgusting around him. I've always told my SO she was beautiful even when she gained 40 pounds after we got together. It wasn't just to be nice, but the fact that she's beautiful to me no matter what. No need to have the lights off, etc. To me it just seems that he can be a little more supportive. Like I said.....just my opinion based on what you wrote. I'm obviously not all knowing in regards to your relationship......

I disagree completely. My husband has always told me he loves me no matter what I weigh and I know he does love me unconditionally.

I used to weigh 240, am down to 193 and still have a ways to go. Weighing that much made me feel gross and feel like the fat lady at the circus that some how was married to the tall, thin good looking guy. I caught people giving us the "wow, I cannot believe they are a couple look" and yes all that made me feel disgusting around him.

Just because *I* felt that way does not mean that my husband does not love me. To tell someone that their SO does not love them unconditionally because they themselves feel a certain way about their appearance is just incorrect in my book.

This is EXACTLY how I feel Congrats on losing SO MUCH weight so far. You are such an inspiration! I know he loves me. If he didn't why would he be with me and not all the skinny beautiful girls he knows? Whenever I meet his friends or co-workers that I don't really know they always say things like "I've heard so much about you!" and "He really loves you hey. Talks about you all the time."

YukonJoy

OY... I really didn't want to get involved, but here's my opinion: no matter the excuses you make for the guy, "He's just being honest," "I know he means well," "He can't help but be disgusted by me," IF HE'S MAKING YOU FEEL BADLY ABOUT YOURSELF, HE'S NOT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU. A real loving man will love you, 100% whether you're big, small, buck-toothed, have one eye, or an extra arm growing out of your forehead.

Self esteem goes a long way, ladies... It's time to get some.

I think he might love you MORE if you had an extra arm growing out of your forehead... Imagine the possibilities...

kardowling

LOL! I'm more fun when I weigh less. HOWEVER I am cranky when on a diet and hungry...He says he loves me no matter what. a keeper!

ohnogogo

@lisajuliette I think what she's trying to say is it doesn't sound like your boyfriend treats you very nice and you deserve more than that.

I love him, he treats me well but no one can blame him for not thinking Im sexy. If i was him I wouldn't be having sex with me in the first place. I gained 4kgs this last month and he said nothing. He does love me they way I am but I wanna be smoking hot for him! Im sick of people looking at him like he's cooked in the head for dating a fat girl. I asked him to be honest with me about it and he says he loves me the way I am and I must do what makes me happy. So I asked him to be completely honest, would he find me more attractive if I lost the weight and he said yes.

You have self esteem issues...which will be a hinderance in your weight loss journey and can lead to relationship issues. Be yourself, love yourself, respect yourself, embrace yourself and over all....do this for yourself!!!!

And as a side note...your first post made your boyfriend sound like a complete jerk. Which if what you posted was true and not painted over by your 'feel sorry for me..self esteem issues' you need to dump him. Sorry, the truth hurts. A little tough love can go a long way. Don't be a doormat.

So let me get this straight.

You, a stranger on a forum, telling her she has self-esteem issues and her boyfriend is a jerk is "tough love" but her boyfriend (who knows her intimately and told her he loved her the way she is) answering a direct question about her weight and giving her an honest answer is the one in the wrong.

Fascinating.

YukonJoy

@lisajuliette I think what she's trying to say is it doesn't sound like your boyfriend treats you very nice and you deserve more than that.

I love him, he treats me well but no one can blame him for not thinking Im sexy. If i was him I wouldn't be having sex with me in the first place. I gained 4kgs this last month and he said nothing. He does love me they way I am but I wanna be smoking hot for him! Im sick of people looking at him like he's cooked in the head for dating a fat girl. I asked him to be honest with me about it and he says he loves me the way I am and I must do what makes me happy. So I asked him to be completely honest, would he find me more attractive if I lost the weight and he said yes.

You have self esteem issues...which will be a hinderance in your weight loss journey and can lead to relationship issues. Be yourself, love yourself, respect yourself, embrace yourself and over all....do this for yourself!!!!

And as a side note...your first post made your boyfriend sound like a complete jerk. Which if what you posted was true and not painted over by your 'feel sorry for me..self esteem issues' you need to dump him. Sorry, the truth hurts. A little tough love can go a long way. Don't be a doormat.

So let me get this straight.

You, a stranger on a forum, telling her she has self-esteem issues and her boyfriend is a jerk is "tough love" but her boyfriend (who knows her intimately and told her he loved her the way she is) answering a direct question about her weight and giving her an honest answer is the one in the wrong.

Fascinating.

Uh. I don't think saying she has self esteem issues is an unfair assessment.

Perhaps unnecessary, but not untrue.

capriciousmoon

When I started dating my ex-fiance I was 200 lbs and he didn't seem to have a problem with it. It turns out that the only reason it was okay was because I wasn't really bigger than him (I could fit in his jeans). I gained 20 lbs after moving in with him because his way of eating was a lot different than mine. (dinner only, no food in the house, pizza and hot pockets) He thought I was disgusting and hated me. (later said I was a "sumo cow") So I had him start getting me healthy foods and lost 100 lbs over the course of a year. After I lost the weight he thought I was gross and should gain 40 lbs back! There was no winning!

I'm actually happy that I'm single now so I can look however I want and not have to care what someone else thinks about it.

beerbomber

Last question if your fat and disgusting and he loves you anyway whats the problem and whats the point of pointing it out, trying to convince us or yourself?

lisajuliette

@lisajuliette I think what she's trying to say is it doesn't sound like your boyfriend treats you very nice and you deserve more than that.

I love him, he treats me well but no one can blame him for not thinking Im sexy. If i was him I wouldn't be having sex with me in the first place. I gained 4kgs this last month and he said nothing. He does love me they way I am but I wanna be smoking hot for him! Im sick of people looking at him like he's cooked in the head for dating a fat girl. I asked him to be honest with me about it and he says he loves me the way I am and I must do what makes me happy. So I asked him to be completely honest, would he find me more attractive if I lost the weight and he said yes.

You have self esteem issues...which will be a hinderance in your weight loss journey and can lead to relationship issues. Be yourself, love yourself, respect yourself, embrace yourself and over all....do this for yourself!!!!

And as a side note...your first post made your boyfriend sound like a complete jerk. Which if what you posted was true and not painted over by your 'feel sorry for me..self esteem issues' you need to dump him. Sorry, the truth hurts. A little tough love can go a long way. Don't be a doormat.

So let me get this straight.

You, a stranger on a forum, telling her she has self-esteem issues and her boyfriend is a jerk is "tough love" but her boyfriend (who knows her intimately and told her he loved her the way she is) answering a direct question about her weight and giving her an honest answer is the one in the wrong.

Fascinating.

Uh. I don't think saying she has self esteem issues is an unfair assessment.

Perhaps unnecessary, but not untrue.

Lots of people on here have self esteem issues. Im not denying that I am one of them. I admit I have self esteem issues but they aren't going to go away instantly! I know I need to work on it but If you had been brought down and picked on your entire life for being fat maybe you would have low self esteem too.

lisajuliette

Last question if your fat and disgusting and he loves you anyway whats the problem and whats the point of pointing it out, trying to convince us or yourself?

A) No need to be rude.
Who are you to judge me?
C) Just because he loves me doesn't mean he loves me being fat.
D) I was just saying how I feel about my body! If everyone here loved the way the looked then why are they trying to lose weight? I don't like how I look so Im doing something about it! Just trying to be honest on here.

DeeJayTJ

Last question if your fat and disgusting and he loves you anyway whats the problem and whats the point of pointing it out, trying to convince us or yourself?

A) No need to be rude.
Who are you to judge me?
C) Just because he loves me doesn't mean he loves me being fat.
D) I was just saying how I feel about my body! If everyone here loved the way the looked then why are they trying to lose weight? I don't like how I look so Im doing something about it! Just trying to be honest on here.

its not always about looks. looks are a plus with weightloss, health and fitness. and sure i get it that to love someone u should love them no matter how they look. but also that person should love them enough to tell them "hey, im really concerned about your health" people dotn realize how unhealthy it is to be fat and the dangers that come with it! Very serious life threatening things!!

ohnogogo

@lisajuliette I think what she's trying to say is it doesn't sound like your boyfriend treats you very nice and you deserve more than that.

I love him, he treats me well but no one can blame him for not thinking Im sexy. If i was him I wouldn't be having sex with me in the first place. I gained 4kgs this last month and he said nothing. He does love me they way I am but I wanna be smoking hot for him! Im sick of people looking at him like he's cooked in the head for dating a fat girl. I asked him to be honest with me about it and he says he loves me the way I am and I must do what makes me happy. So I asked him to be completely honest, would he find me more attractive if I lost the weight and he said yes.

You have self esteem issues...which will be a hinderance in your weight loss journey and can lead to relationship issues. Be yourself, love yourself, respect yourself, embrace yourself and over all....do this for yourself!!!!

And as a side note...your first post made your boyfriend sound like a complete jerk. Which if what you posted was true and not painted over by your 'feel sorry for me..self esteem issues' you need to dump him. Sorry, the truth hurts. A little tough love can go a long way. Don't be a doormat.

So let me get this straight.

You, a stranger on a forum, telling her she has self-esteem issues and her boyfriend is a jerk is "tough love" but her boyfriend (who knows her intimately and told her he loved her the way she is) answering a direct question about her weight and giving her an honest answer is the one in the wrong.

Fascinating.

Uh. I don't think saying she has self esteem issues is an unfair assessment.

Perhaps unnecessary, but not untrue.

Agreed, it is not an unfair assessment.

What is unfair though is to jump to far off conclusions, call the guy a jerk, and suggest she dump him. Especially when OP has said in later posts this is the way she feels, not the way he feels and that he has told her that he loves her no matter what.

We should want, no expect our SO to be honest with us if we ask them flat out questions about our appearance or anything else for that matter. Like I said in another post - it is all about context and how a person tells us these things that is the true indicator. OP gave us a brief snippet into her relationship and people felt that he was a jerk, that she was not in a good relationship, etc. Awfully fast to jump to a conclusion and OP is partially to blame because of the context in which she presented it.

Here is an example for you. The other day my husband told me by butt looked weird and if I saw it from his perspective I would hate it. Now, hearing just that snippet a lot of you would probably think he was the biggest *kitten* on the planet and I should dump his *kitten*. The reason he said that to me is I bought two pairs of jeans because all my old clothes are too big and wanted to know how they looked. One he thought looked great, the other he said your butt look weird, if you saw it from my perspective you would hate it". Should I dump him because he gave me an honest answer to a direct question. No way, the man answered honestly, didn't lie to make me feel good and those jeans are going back to the store so I can find a pair that makes my butt look good!

dalgirly

My boyfriend is very good looking and he has always has gorgeous girlfriends in the past. He is the perfect body weight and so are all his brothers, sisters and friends. I feel so disgusting around him and I know he thinks Im fat and should lose weight. He is very weight conscious of himself and freaks if he puts on 1 kg! He's never rude but he does subtly mention my weight and need to lose it. For example he suggests I rather eat salad than a chicken pie for lunch cause its a lot less fattening. He never calls me beautiful. Sometime says, "you look nice" or "you look pretty" and by that he is referring to the fact that i put make up on or did my hair. He always wants the lights off when we have sex and he doesn't really like me being on top! He doesn't say why but I must look so huge and disgusting from that angle!!

^^^ Just MHO, but I don't think you're where you deserve to be.

As for me and my SO, we are getting in shape together. All I'll say.......it's quite evident we are feeling better about ourselves. :devil:

What do you mean by that?

If you knew in your heart that you were loved unconditionally, you would not feel disgusting around him. I've always told my SO she was beautiful even when she gained 40 pounds after we got together. It wasn't just to be nice, but the fact that she's beautiful to me no matter what. No need to have the lights off, etc. To me it just seems that he can be a little more supportive. Like I said.....just my opinion based on what you wrote. I'm obviously not all knowing in regards to your relationship......

Totally agree.

I think you need to be treated well, and girls will often blame themselves because someone doesn't treat them well, but its just that the person is a jerk. So if a guy doesn't call you beautiful, you think you need to work hard. But really, why should you have to change yourself to please another? Why not get someone who appreciates you and loves you no matter what??

On a little bit of a flip side, I do not think its awful if someone tells a significant other they could lose a bit of weight (in a kind way), just as long as they are willing to support you when it isn't going well, and help you out!

My bf is a little bit of a mix of both. He may tease me sometimes, but if we are not joking around he will always call me beautiful, and any time I do get dressed nice he always mentions things!

Right now we are both in a place where we need to lose weight and we have a plan to do it together!