Weightloss and Your Significant Other (CAUTION: Could be PG1

califigureeight

My sister went from 280 to 150 and said her sex life is better than it was when we were in our 20's. As for myself, I'm hoping that my weight loss will lead to being asked out on dates...

christibear

OY... I really didn't want to get involved, but here's my opinion: no matter the excuses you make for the guy, "He's just being honest," "I know he means well," "He can't help but be disgusted by me," IF HE'S MAKING YOU FEEL BADLY ABOUT YOURSELF, HE'S NOT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU. A real loving man will love you, 100% whether you're big, small, buck-toothed, have one eye, or an extra arm growing out of your forehead.

Self esteem goes a long way, ladies... It's time to get some.

I just want to point out that love and sexual attraction are not the same thing, and you are right if your significant other is making comments that make you feel bad about yourself and brings down your self esteem than yes, I would not classify that as a good relationship, but if they are honest about not being attracted to you, that alone does not a bad person make or mean that they do not love you.

NianMaya

My hubby and I have both gained weight over the years, especially after our daughter was born. However since I've lost the pounds, I must admit that we have become closer

kanonxbou47

Just curious but like do people really expect your significant other to be like yeah I don't like you overweight you disgust me sometimes when I look at you and when we have sex I think of some really hot chick? I don't think so just always wondered that when guys or girls say that there significant other likes them any size (don't take it personal its not about you)

Some punctuation would help your post a bit, but I agree with what you're saying.

crystalslight

When I lose weight and look good. I end up pregnant... enough said. LOL!

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

My husband and I are both on the more rounded side-- neither of us was ever going to be a supermodel. However when he started trying to join the navy he began to lose weight so I joined him and I feel so much better. He of course says that it doesn't matter to him as long as I'm happy, but we definitely have a better love life simply because I feel so much better about myself. It's much easier to be relaxed and enjoy yourself when you're not worried about how you look from whatever angle.

fluffygoodness

With weight loss (put bluntly): a little less blow jobs, lots more sex.

That's the only change :laugh:

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

supertracylynn

Mine liked more cushion.

But I refuse to re-gain everything. I like myself a LOT more now, which all that every mattered to begin with, right?

krist3ng

I haven't lost enough weight to really make a REAL difference, and besides, when we met I weighed almost 10 pounds less than I do now. :[ so I might have falsely advertised when we began dating...

I have always had a humongously strong and active libido, I mean, once a day is how I like it. Or more. I feel like that isn't practical all the time, but it's me. At my highest weight I was still madly perverted, although less confident.

I get the feeling my bf will be very happy once I've lost more weight. I can tell that in the past he's dated skinnier girls, and tends to prefer skinnier girls than me. :[

He is in a healthy weight range, but actually eats pretty awfully oftentimes so sometimes I wonder if I'll be the skinny one in the relationship someday :P

kunibob

I was at my highest weight when my husband and I met, and I was a bit worried that he would not be as attracted to me when I dropped the weight, particularly in the chest region. Luckily, he has a very broad range of what he defines as "attractive" in a woman and I really shouldn't have worried. My chest may be a bit smaller, but the arms, torso, butt and legs are a lot more toned, and he has been sure to let me know that he appreciates them. :blushing: Plus, my added confidence as I get more fit is a real perk because he has always liked strong, confident women. The only downside is that some of his insecurities about his own body have increased, but he's totally hot the way he is now and he's working toward a body that he is happier having, so that problem will go away on its own.

swinginchandra

The process definitely brought out some interesting psychological things with the guy that I was with while I lost weight. Sorry for the long post, we went through many stages of this.

I started dating a guy right when I was at my heaviest, over 200 lbs. He was definitely very attracted to me then, and has always had a "thing" for bigger girls. Some of his past girlfriends were huge. He never expressed it, but I'll admit I was worried he wouldn't find me attractive anymore when I lost weight. Not *that* worried, because losing weight was something I had wanted to do for so long, it was definitely a deeply personal, just for me, thing.
He was really worried about trying to not say the wrong thing when I was losing weight. I think he was concerned that if he complimented me, it would make me think he wasn't attracted to me before. But he would slip sometimes (ussually during / after sex), and look at me in awe, and sincerely say I was beautiful. (that feels nice!)
He didn't understand my obsession with weight-loss though -- you know that phase you go through at first where you have to be absolutely anal about every food, and you're so worried about effing it up just once, because you don't actually believe you can do it yet? He never got why I worried about it. For him, eating only when he's hungry, and working out, have always been enough for him to stay relatively thin and fit. He didn't understand on any level the un healthy relationship an obese person most likely has with food.

I left for the summer for about 4 months, and during that time, I completed P90X, as well as losing another 20 lbs or so. (On top of the 40 I had already lost)... I would say during that time I transitioned from being someone that was still heavy enough to be his "type", to being thin and in shape enough, that I was the type of stereotypical attractive person he would have claimed to be almost disturbing to him before. Incidentally, it was quite obvious he still found me very attractive. I got him to admit that his "preference" for big girls, was really a self confidence thing he himself had. He had social issues growing up, and had trained himself to not be attracted to the popular look, because someone that looked like that wouldn't give him the time of day. Incidentally, despite still being obviously incredibly attracted to me, he did break up with me for I believe unrelated reasons over the summer. We stayed really good friends, and dated on and off when I returned. I think we're "off" for good... but I will say he's mentioned more than once that he thinks I'm one of the most beautiful AND conventionally attractive women he knows, and has ever seen. Reconciling the two concepts with himself seems to challenge him.

Once I got back, he commented all the time that i made him look bad - while I had gotten all in shape, he had sorta atrophied sitting at a desk all summer. I know this makes him feel insecure, he's actually trying to run, more consciously lose weight now. I think he understands the food thing a little better.

janessac

When my bf and I started dating almost 2 years ago I was about 135lbs and he still loves me just as much and is just as affectionate now at 155lbs with 25lbs to lose (my highest was 163 in July). He says I'm absolutely beautiful no matter what size my clothes may be--in fact he REALLY likes the fact that my boobs are a D cup now instead of a C :laugh: He does nothing but support me and compliments me so often I feel beautiful even on my worst days :blushing:
He's very lean at 6'1 and 165lbs and he just inspires me and motivates me to be the best person I can be
Hmm so far I've noticed that he's tried to be more conscientious about his eating and snacking habits and he'll drag his bum out of bed to come on morning runs with me (lol) and I've gotten more confident since I started losing weight, but day-to-day life is pretty normal
I haven't noticed any change in the bedroom except that he definitely became more of a boob-man after I gained weight :laugh:

artemis222

I've always had a good libido, and we've always been a bit more *cough* adventurous than most. However, I feel much more comfortable in my body now. This makes it much more enjoyable for the both of us. Certain things are now possible, and flexibility is always a plus.

As for date nights...even when we got married we've never really felt like a "boring married couple". So, yes, we have always had lots of dates. (Brunch counts as a date, right?...I love brunch.) He did, also, just drop $150 on dinner for our anniversary.

As for what I've seen earlier in this thread about SOs telling each other they need to lose weight, I expect complete honesty from my SO as he does from me. He has always been honest about the fact that he actually didn't mind it when I was A LOT bigger, but he likes the changes to me now. Physically and emotionally. He did always tell me that he'd start complaining if he couldn't wrap his arms around me. (That never happened, but still.) He's always loved me the same as he did then. As he's developed a little tiny pudge I told him, and I still love him in spite of it. I expect my friends to be completely honest with me as well. Many people may think my best friend is an *kitten*, but he's just honest and blunt. No BS, just how I like it. My point is that just because they'd like it if you lost weight and were honest about it doesn't make them a bad SO, or person in general.

monroe61

My husband has always been all over me...all the time!!! But we are doing this together and at his highest weight he was 275 (broke his ankle) now he is a svelte 200lbs So proud of him.
I on the other hand was at my highest of 253 when I gave birth to my son 9 months ago and I am down to 230 now so our bedroom life has actually slowed down because I feel disgusting with the way I look and the fact that I now weigh 30 lbs more than him is wrong in every sense (to me) he could care less because he can still pick me up, "throw" me around...etc (obviously he is much stronger) Either way I completely HATE being naked and dread being bent into some awkward position that makes my fat roll over and flop around. Eww no one wants that.

But I am working on it that is why I am here! Hoping to be as sexy as he is by the time I'm 30 (this November)

MaximalLife

Just curious but like do people really expect your significant other to be like yeah I don't like you overweight you disgust me sometimes when I look at you and when we have sex I think of some really hot chick? I don't think so just always wondered that when guys or girls say that there significant other likes them any size (don't take it personal its not about you)

It's true, my husband would NEVER say that to me even if I asked. The correct response is "i love you no matter what" because he's not going to want to be in the "dog house" or hurt my feelings.
He has joked that if i ever gained a lot of weight that he'd still love me.. as a friend... but would never have sex with me again. Although joking, I'm pretty sure that's how he really feels. LOL

OUCH!
That hurts.
I went through that with my wife who detests fat people. When I got to 250, she decided ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH!
Either lose the fat or we're DONE!

monkeymouse74

Just curious but like do people really expect your significant other to be like yeah I don't like you overweight you disgust me sometimes when I look at you and when we have sex I think of some really hot chick? I don't think so just always wondered that when guys or girls say that there significant other likes them any size (don't take it personal its not about you)

Actually my husband does tell me he cant stand the fat. He is NOT attracted to me at all when I'm big and if I dont lose the weight it could end our marrage. At least he's honest even if it hurts.

SueGremlin

If my wife got fat [never going to happen], I'd give her the opportunity to change. If not...

BYE BYE!
She and her true love [FOOD] can have a happy life together.

You would leave your wife if she got fat? Seriously?
I think I need to understand what it is you love about her.

That is such a foreign concept to me.

SueGremlin

My husband doesn't really notice when I gain or lose. He is the most honest person I know (to a fault sometimes) and would not tell me that if it were not so.
He doesn't care either way. Our sex life is no different now than it's ever been. We have both gained at least 50 lbs since we got married (he gained more, I suspect) and I am finally getting back to "normal". Absolutely nothing between us has changed.

MaximalLife

Okay Im full of questions today, if you are fat and disgusting and you feel fat and disgusting and guy/girl points out your fat and disgusting should you really get mad or motivated?

You should leave them because you deserve better. It's one thing to lose your attraction, sometimes you can't help it, but the terms "fat and disgusting" are leave-worthy.

I don't leave a relationship because somebody told me the truth.
In business I know other leaders who surround themselves with "yes" men. They don't want truth but some kind of ego echo chamber.
Same goes for a relationship.
Do you want a partner willing to be honest or some lying, 2-faced charmer?

I see great value in honesty, and a person must be humble enough to hear and believe the truth, then stand ready to address the problems. In our case it was simple, I was FAT!

And now, I am NOT.
And it's ON like 4 times a week instead of once a month in the dark.
I am afraid to ask her who she was thinking of...lol

SueGremlin

double post