Weightloss and Your Significant Other (CAUTION: Could be PG1

havingitall

My husband and I met and married at our heaviest. Since then, we have lost weight together. Him about 70 lbs and me around 80 or so. He looks amazing, has developed some great muscles and has a very hot body. I lost my way for a while but have refound it and still have quite a bit to lose.

He found me sexy when we met, always complimented me and always desired me. As we lost weight, it became easier to try different positions and experiment more. Of course, he still complimented me and desired me.

Now, when we are out socially, I know that some women look at us and see a muscular, in-shape guy with a woman who has a long way to go. I see some of them sizing him up. But...he doesn't notice this. All of my friends have commented that they wish they had a man that loved them the way he loves me.

He loves to caress me and feel the muscle development from a lot of workouts. He still compliments me all the time. I am working hard at losing weight again for me...not him. I want to feel healthier...but I do know, whatever size I am, he loves and desires the inside person and not the packaging.

I could not imagine getting rid of him because he gained weight or him getting rid of me for the same reason. If you only love the outside person...you have some serious issues.

amuhlou

My boyfriend is very good looking and he has always has gorgeous girlfriends in the past. He is the perfect body weight and so are all his brothers, sisters and friends. I feel so disgusting around him and I know he thinks Im fat and should lose weight. He is very weight conscious of himself and freaks if he puts on 1 kg! He's never rude but he does subtly mention my weight and need to lose it. For example he suggests I rather eat salad than a chicken pie for lunch cause its a lot less fattening. He never calls me beautiful. Sometime says, "you look nice" or "you look pretty" and by that he is referring to the fact that i put make up on or did my hair. He always wants the lights off when we have sex and he doesn't really like me being on top! He doesn't say why but I must look so huge and disgusting from that angle!!

This made me sad just reading. You deserve way better! I have an ex boyfriend who was like that.. he literally called me 'tubby.' Never said I looked sexy. Suffice it to say there's a reason he's my EX. I now have a wonderful husband who made me feel great about myself even at my heaviest (and still does now).

tlsegar

My fiance is a stick and I've always been a blob. However, he's been really supportive of my weightloss, and I probably couldn't do it without him, even if I am doing it for me. He's been a great cheerleader

I'm sorry, but I cannot take anything you say serious. You are the same person who used porn as an example to justify someone not finding their partner attractive. You talk about honesty and use porn which is so incredibly fake it's laughable. It's just too ironic for me. I don't have a problem that you and your wife don't like fat people. It is what it is. But I just really cannot take you serious.

*scratches head* How does that add to anything in this thread at all? If you can't take him seriously, ignore his posts or block him. People like fantasy so who are you to judge him on that?

Seriously? How does your post to me add anything to this thread? It's not that serious for me to block him. I have just as much right to judge him for using porn as an ideal as he and his wife judging fat people. :ohwell:

vytamindi

I contributed to the thread above the section in which I posted to you (see above in the part you yourself quoted).

And yes, I guess you do have that right to judge, so I will admit to that, but to use that which was in another thread to discredit his posts in this thread is a little unfair, don't you think?

((edited to take out text that could be misconstrued as negative tone))

Sublimely_Self_Righteousreused

I have been gaining more clients on Craigslist Casual Encounters ever since I started working out hard. Wait, what?

AmberLee2012

I am down 18 – 20 lbs depending on the day, and I’m just starting on this site today. I have about 40 – 50 more lbs to go to get back to the weight I was at when I met my husband. I have been maintaining my loss for the last few months and I’m ready to kick it up and start losing again. I do notice that my husband and I have a lot more action than we used to. He would try to initiate it in the past and I would feel terrible about myself at 199 lbs (my highest weight) and not want to be seen naked. When I saw that 199 on the scale it was my wake up call. I wish it had come sooner but I vowed that I would never see 200 or above on the scale, and I haven’t. Now that I’m down 20 lbs, I find myself initiating sex a lot more often and he loves it! He is a drummer and in great shape except for a little beer belly. He has always treated me with such love and respect and he initiated sex just as often when I was at 199 than when I was at 130, but he loves the fact that I am the one initiating it now. Plus he likes that I’m being more adventurous with it and wanting to try out different rooms and positions. I think it will get continue to get even better as more weight comes off.

tlsegar

I contributed to the thread above the section in which I posted to you (see above in the part you yourself quoted).

And yes, I guess you do have that right to judge, so I will admit to that, but to use that which was in another thread to discredit his posts in this thread is a little unfair, don't you think?

((edited to take out text that could be misconstrued as negative tone))

Again - how does your post directed at ME contribute anything to the thread? You can't seriously call yourself chastising me for posting off topic when your post directed at ME is off topic.

I don't think it's unfair at all. It's no different than if I were having a conversation today with someone and something they said contradicted something from a conversation a week ago. And to be quite honest, I'm not concerned with hurting the feelings of someone who said he would leave his wife if she got fat. I wouldn't take that as someone who easily gets his feelings hurt - or at least he shouldn't.

Roni_M

From an old married lady...sex is such a small part of a good marriage!! Don't get me wrong... Hubby and I have a great sex life (since we've been at it long enough to perfect it for each other). Body changes don't happen over night and I would say he knows my body better than his own and vica versa. It's not like you wake up one morning and are disgusted by your SO. As you age and life happens your body changes. Maybe this would matter to people who are very shallow. What if your SO was disfigured in a fire... Would you leave them then because you didn't find them attractive anymore? Sex appeal and attraction have a lot to do with personal connection. Hubby jokingly says I can go from frumpy housewife to a voluptuous knockout in 2.5 hours (which is more a dig on how long it takes me to get ready to go out). Would anyone else see voluptuous knockout when they look at me, even all dolled up? Probably not!! Does that matter to me? Not even a little bit! Does he love me the same as he did when I was 16? Probably more!! When you love someone you find their personality attractive.

How has weight loss effected our relationship? He says I snore less! I've got a ways to go so maybe i'll see a change as I get closer to my goal weight. I hope it stays the same as it's always been though. I'm doing this for me and he's supportive of me getting healthier so we can grow old together.

scs143

Well, I find me sexier which in turn gives me confidence and that turns him on. It's a nice cycle.

He loves me no matter what. He has seen me thinner and at my biggest- (two years ago heavier than ever and pregnant with twins). He seems to want me at all sizes.

NakedLunchTime

Just curious but like do people really expect your significant other to be like yeah I don't like you overweight you disgust me sometimes when I look at you and when we have sex I think of some really hot chick? I don't think so just always wondered that when guys or girls say that there significant other likes them any size (don't take it personal its not about you)

Ya, actually there are some mean people out there that would say this to their S.O. unfortunetly

I think it is all HOW you say things. Yes people can be mean but in this case, do you really want your S.O. to hide how they feel. I see it from this perspective. Why are you really in the relationship? People sometimes just need to self reflect. If your S.O. says they find your repulsive...then well-let's rethink the relationship all together. If your S.O. says " i love you for many different reasons but i'm finding myself less attracted to your belly fat" or " I love you but i'm not attracted to feeling your rib cage-I think you may have lost too much weight" ( both extreme, I know)

At the end of the day, wouldn't you really want to what to know what your S.O. is feeling? I personally want to have the availability to say what I am not attracted to and not feel that I am a horrible person for it. Yes, I say watch how you say things, which will come naturally if you really care for the person but we should also care about what we need and want from a relationship. You can love someone and then become un-attracted to them OR love someone very much then just fall out of love with them. Doesn't make you a mean person, just makes you human.

Yes, I wouldnt mind if my SO said it the way you did, but I read "do people really expect your significant other to be like yeah I don't like you overweight you disgust me sometimes when I look at you and when we have sex I think of some really hot chick?" This is mean and ABSOLUTELY not helpful at all.

christibear

If you knew in your heart that you were loved unconditionally, you would not feel disgusting around him. I've always told my SO she was beautiful even when she gained 40 pounds after we got together. It wasn't just to be nice, but the fact that she's beautiful to me no matter what. No need to have the lights off, etc. To me it just seems that he can be a little more supportive. Like I said.....just my opinion based on what you wrote. I'm obviously not all knowing in regards to your relationship......

I disagree completely. My husband has always told me he loves me no matter what I weigh and I know he does love me unconditionally.

I used to weigh 240, am down to 193 and still have a ways to go. Weighing that much made me feel gross and feel like the fat lady at the circus that some how was married to the tall, thin good looking guy. I caught people giving us the "wow, I cannot believe they are a couple look" and yes all that made me feel disgusting around him.

Just because *I* felt that way does not mean that my husband does not love me. To tell someone that their SO does not love them unconditionally because they themselves feel a certain way about their appearance is just incorrect in my book.

To play devils advocate, her bf only wants to have sex with the lights off. That is definetly not unconditional love ( in her case) I don;t know your relationship details like she has provided.

Sexual attraction and unconditional love are NOT the same thing, you can love someone unconditionally and not be as sexually attracted to them as you were, my husband and I love each other unconditionally, but when we were both heavier we were not having sex very often because its just not sexy to move parts of your body around when having sex, I did not enjoy the sex and he did not find it attractive, that does not mean that we love each other any less, people are WAY to judge mental of this girls relationship when they know very little about it except that SHE feels unattractive which apparently makes him a bad person, which it does not, she has said he treats her well.

NakedLunchTime

^^^ you know as much as we all know..its gonna be oook

not to mention you already said this a few posts ago.

Mrsairforce

My husband is in the military and in impeccable shape but he never makes me feel bad for the way I look. He says I'm beautiful no matter what but he supports me in my weight loss journey. We workout together now so I get up when he gets up and we have breakfast and dinner together. I was at my thinnest in high school when we first met and fell in love and now nearly 7 years later we are still the same, weight change or not. The biggest thing is that he motivates me to work harder for MYSELF and tells me that no matter how hard I work to lose the weight, that I do it for me and not him.

toabetterlifestyle

Mine has definitely increased! I haven't lost that much weight yet, only coming in on ten pounds, but i'm much more toned and tightened. He can't keep his hands off of me! :blushing:

christibear

^^^ you know as much as we all know..its gonna be oook

not to mention you already said this a few posts ago.

I am not sure what oook means, but what you had said wasn't exactly fresh, and people are being very hard on her boyfriend from a single post, going as far as saying she should get counseling and leave him, thats a bit much to say to a complete stranger. So I am just pointing out something that some people do not seem to understand.

rpphillip

My boyfriend is very good looking and he has always has gorgeous girlfriends in the past. He is the perfect body weight and so are all his brothers, sisters and friends. I feel so disgusting around him and I know he thinks Im fat and should lose weight. He is very weight conscious of himself and freaks if he puts on 1 kg! He's never rude but he does subtly mention my weight and need to lose it. For example he suggests I rather eat salad than a chicken pie for lunch cause its a lot less fattening. He never calls me beautiful. Sometime says, "you look nice" or "you look pretty" and by that he is referring to the fact that i put make up on or did my hair. He always wants the lights off when we have sex and he doesn't really like me being on top! He doesn't say why but I must look so huge and disgusting from that angle!!

That is awful! No one shoud make you feel like you look huge and disgusting.

she ask him to be

NakedLunchTime

^^^ you know as much as we all know..its gonna be oook

not to mention you already said this a few posts ago.

I am not sure what oook means, but what you had said wasn't exactly fresh, and people are being very hard on her boyfriend from a single post, going as far as saying she should get counseling and leave him, thats a bit much to say to a complete stranger. So I am just pointing out something that some people do not seem to understand.

Um..it means ok. I have been with my husband for 9 1/2 yrs and married 2yr. I will feel how I feel and she came on the internet stating how she felt. She is going to get feed back that is all different. People understand what she is saying but don't agree with it so let it be.

honeysprinkles

Okay Im full of questions today, if you are fat and disgusting and you feel fat and disgusting and guy/girl points out your fat and disgusting should you really get mad or motivated?

You should leave them because you deserve better. It's one thing to lose your attraction, sometimes you can't help it, but the terms "fat and disgusting" are leave-worthy.

I don't leave a relationship because somebody told me the truth.
In business I know other leaders who surround themselves with "yes" men. They don't want truth but some kind of ego echo chamber.
Same goes for a relationship.
Do you want a partner willing to be honest or some lying, 2-faced charmer?

I see great value in honesty, and a person must be humble enough to hear and believe the truth, then stand ready to address the problems. In our case it was simple, I was FAT!

And now, I am NOT.
And it's ON like 4 times a week instead of once a month in the dark.
I am afraid to ask her who she was thinking of...lol

Honesty is great, but if they honestly find me DISGUSTING just because I put on some weight, that's not the type of person that I would be with. You're entitled to your opinions, but that's mine.

MEGAmm

My fiance likes me any which way, but the sex was more when i was bigger. He likes lots of flesh everywhere. However i need to be healthy for me!

My man loves "curvy" women, but as I've lost weight I've sort of come to terms with the fact that "curvy", to him, means bigger than I am now. I love my curves that I still have! It makes it a little difficult to lose weight because I love him and he's the one I want to be attracted to me, but I want to lose weight for ME and MY health. He's not stopping me from trying to reach my goal, of course, but knowing he is attracted to the kind of body I'm trying to move away from is a little bit of a road block. BUT, we still have hot sex and he still loves me, of course, no matter what my size. It's just a difficult thing to have in the back of my mind.

Akjenn89

Sexual attraction and unconditional love are NOT the same thing, you can love someone unconditionally and not be as sexually attracted to them as you were, my husband and I love each other unconditionally, but when we were both heavier we were not having sex very often because its just not sexy to move parts of your body around when having sex, I did not enjoy the sex and he did not find it attractive, that does not mean that we love each other any less, people are WAY to judge mental of this girls relationship when they know very little about it except that SHE feels unattractive which apparently makes him a bad person, which it does not, she has said he treats her well.

I've already decided that i'm not going to comment on the flame war going on about that one chick. But I do want to play devil's advocate. Let me first state that I'm not saying that you're wrong -- for many people (probably most people) sexual attraction and unconditional love are two seperate entities. However, there are some people in which they are one in the same. For example, I lack having any feelings of sexual attraction or desire unless I am in love with that person. I grew up always wondering how people could gossip about "that cute boy in class" or so on and so forth. That was always so foreign to me and I felt like I was in the wrong because I never experienced those emotions until I was older. I have to fall in love with a person's personality in order to experience any of those emotions that are probably innate to most people. No matter the external wrapping that someone was shaped with, my sexual desire is solely linked to how much I love that person.

So skipping ahead and to my point, there's two sides to every story. I appreciate your point of view and understand where you're coming from. And in no way do I think that thinking a certain way or feeling a certain way is "bad". But I do understand how people could be upset (in general, not directly related to that girls post). Especially for those where love and sexual attraction are one in the same. I think for some, it could be difficult to decipher that others don't share that sentiment and can take the level of attraction as an indicator of the level of love one has. And honestly, vis versa. It could be difficult for people that feel that sexual attraction and love are two different things to understand that others lack that seperation.

So perhaps even a shorter synopsis: I don't think we should judge eachother for how we feel about given topics. (Which honestly, I think was the point behind the OP's post. I just felt that the same sentiment could be shared for other points of view). Everyone is built different and made different, and experience life differently. Everyone has different triggers for what is acceptable behavior and what isn't. The important part is that they know what those are and can live their own lives accordingly.

Also, sorry if this reply was way too long and in-depth, and perhaps even confusing. I just wanted to point out another point of view.

hollyeverhart

"OP gave us a brief snippet into her relationship and people felt that he was a jerk, that she was not in a good relationship, etc. Awfully fast to jump to a conclusion and OP is partially to blame because of the context in which she presented it. "

I didn't realize how I was making him out to be! No, he is lovely to me. Just cause he doesn't call me beautiful doesn't mean he is a jerk.

I think if he doesn't call you beautiful that's sad. 50 + pounds or 50- pounds doesn't make someone "ugly" maybe he/you finds your body better looking/sexier at a lower weight but he should still call you beautiful. My husband calls me beautiful when I look like crap in the morning, when I'm sick & when I'm all dressed up/madeup. If a man loves you, he should find you beautiful to matter what because he loves you. I'm not saying that if you gain 200 pounds he will look at you and think "damn shes smoking hot!" but your beauty/face is still the same, maybe a little chubbier or something. I don't know about you or your relationship but if my husband all the sudden stopped saying those little things I would be upset & it would hurt my motivation to stay healthy and care about my looks. But I'm not judging you or your relationship, nobody knows what your feeling or how he treats you, I'm just saying how I would feel. As long as your happy that's all that really matters. But reading that sentence just made me feel kinda sad.

hollyeverhart

I've known my husband since we were 14, now were married & I'm 21 & he is 22. Our sex life has always been great. My highest weight was only 132 im 116 now, and he told me he doesn't notice any difference in my weight at all. I think he liked my boobs better when I was 132 lol. But I could never see him saying I'm gross or anything if I gained weight. He's not that kinda of person. He loved me when I was a dorky chubby 14 year old. He loves me now that I'm a "hot" stripper (his words) Love is more then looks anyway! I would love him no matter what ever happened appearance wise. I didn't marry him for his looks. I'll still feel the same when we are old and have loose skin and gray hair. I can't believe some people on here, its really sad.

elenathegreat

Age: 47
Married: almost 24 years
SW: 199
CW: 166
I think sex is better because I FEEL better about myself--hubby has always been crazy for my bod no matter what size it is! Plus, my STAMINA has improved considerably with exercise and weight loss...giggle, giggle:)