Weightloss and Your Significant Other (CAUTION: Could be PG1

lisajuliette

"OP gave us a brief snippet into her relationship and people felt that he was a jerk, that she was not in a good relationship, etc. Awfully fast to jump to a conclusion and OP is partially to blame because of the context in which she presented it. "

I didn't realize how I was making him out to be! No, he is lovely to me. Just cause he doesn't call me beautiful doesn't mean he is a jerk.

knittnponder

My husband has always wanted me regardless of shape or size but he is a bit more aggressive about it these days. Especially if I'm wearing yoga pants! I am pretty much guaranteed attention from him if I'm wearing yoga pants. Thankfully Costco sells them so I can get a lot of them! The other thing that happened was on my end, being much more fit has increased my libido. I do feel better about how I look and that helps but I have an increased desire now and have been known to put on the yoga pants in his presence a lot more often (and not to do yoga. Well, maybe "hot" yoga. :smokin: )

Mhaney

things are interesting His attempt at a compliment consisted of "don't lose so much weight that I can count your ribs."

He's also started walking and working out again, i asked him why and he said "I gotta be on top of things when you start getting hit on again."

lizziebeth1028

@lisajuliette I think what she's trying to say is it doesn't sound like your boyfriend treats you very nice and you deserve more than that.

I love him, he treats me well but no one can blame him for not thinking Im sexy. If i was him I wouldn't be having sex with me in the first place. I gained 4kgs this last month and he said nothing. He does love me they way I am but I wanna be smoking hot for him! Im sick of people looking at him like he's cooked in the head for dating a fat girl. I asked him to be honest with me about it and he says he loves me the way I am and I must do what makes me happy. So I asked him to be completely honest, would he find me more attractive if I lost the weight and he said yes.

You have self esteem issues...which will be a hinderance in your weight loss journey and can lead to relationship issues. Be yourself, love yourself, respect yourself, embrace yourself and over all....do this for yourself!!!!

And as a side note...your first post made your boyfriend sound like a complete jerk. Which if what you posted was true and not painted over by your 'feel sorry for me..self esteem issues' you need to dump him. Sorry, the truth hurts. A little tough love can go a long way. Don't be a doormat.

So let me get this straight.

You, a stranger on a forum, telling her she has self-esteem issues and her boyfriend is a jerk is "tough love" but her boyfriend (who knows her intimately and told her he loved her the way she is) answering a direct question about her weight and giving her an honest answer is the one in the wrong.

Fascinating.

I did not call him a jerk.....I said that the way she worded her first post..she made him sound like a jerk. In her follow up post she came to his defense because not just I but several posters were left with a not so good impression of the boyfriend from her first post. And she clearly has self esteem issues which need to be worked out....because sometimes self esteem issues can lead to unhealthy relationships.

sinistertitan

My husband has always wanted me regardless of shape or size but he is a bit more aggressive about it these days. Especially if I'm wearing yoga pants! I am pretty much guaranteed attention from him if I'm wearing yoga pants. Thankfully Costco sells them so I can get a lot of them! The other thing that happened was on my end, being much more fit has increased my libido. I do feel better about how I look and that helps but I have an increased desire now and have been known to put on the yoga pants in his presence a lot more often (and not to do yoga. Well, maybe "hot" yoga. :smokin: )

Now that you mention it.........she has been wearing yoga pants a lot more often lately. I believe me and your husband's sentiments for yoga pants are quite similar.

dalgirly

"OP gave us a brief snippet into her relationship and people felt that he was a jerk, that she was not in a good relationship, etc. Awfully fast to jump to a conclusion and OP is partially to blame because of the context in which she presented it. "

I didn't realize how I was making him out to be! No, he is lovely to me. Just cause he doesn't call me beautiful doesn't mean he is a jerk.

That is true. BUT you need to not expect it or want it. Not all guys are like that. Also, not all guys are as verbally complimenting.

It does "seem" that it is more that you feel a way because you are comparing yourself to others. I have recently felt this way, and didn't feel sexy and felt like I was gross, and it wasn't because my bf said that, but i just started to compare myself to other people. I mean, I'm no Jessica Alba or celebrity!

I'm just a random internet no-body, but you have to start making changes to make yourself feel better about yourself. Go and take a poll dancing class or something like that. They make you more comfortable with yourself, they are a great work out AND you can use the moves later in the bedroom! It is great that you want to be someone sexy and hot for your bf, but you won't be that person (no matter the size you are), unless you feel that way. Confidence does make someone A LOT sexier!

lisajuliette

@lisajuliette I think what she's trying to say is it doesn't sound like your boyfriend treats you very nice and you deserve more than that.

I love him, he treats me well but no one can blame him for not thinking Im sexy. If i was him I wouldn't be having sex with me in the first place. I gained 4kgs this last month and he said nothing. He does love me they way I am but I wanna be smoking hot for him! Im sick of people looking at him like he's cooked in the head for dating a fat girl. I asked him to be honest with me about it and he says he loves me the way I am and I must do what makes me happy. So I asked him to be completely honest, would he find me more attractive if I lost the weight and he said yes.

You have self esteem issues...which will be a hinderance in your weight loss journey and can lead to relationship issues. Be yourself, love yourself, respect yourself, embrace yourself and over all....do this for yourself!!!!

And as a side note...your first post made your boyfriend sound like a complete jerk. Which if what you posted was true and not painted over by your 'feel sorry for me..self esteem issues' you need to dump him. Sorry, the truth hurts. A little tough love can go a long way. Don't be a doormat.

So let me get this straight.

You, a stranger on a forum, telling her she has self-esteem issues and her boyfriend is a jerk is "tough love" but her boyfriend (who knows her intimately and told her he loved her the way she is) answering a direct question about her weight and giving her an honest answer is the one in the wrong.

Fascinating.

I did not call him a jerk.....I said that the way she worded her first post..she made him sound like a jerk. In her follow up post she came to his defense because not just I but several posters were left with a not so good impression of the boyfriend from her first post. And she clearly has self esteem issues which need to be worked out....because sometimes self esteem issues can lead to unhealthy relationships.

Cool, so how about we stop psychoanalyzing my posts now and get back to what the this thread is actually about?

JellyJaks

My husband loves me no matter what but fully supports my decision to lose weight because it will make me happier. I've recently decided to become a pescetarian and he's had no problems making food that I can eat (he's the cook in the house and also eats meat) I find it really sweet that before he makes dinner he asks me "honey I want to make (insert food here) for dinner. Will that put you over your calorie limit?"

So far as changing our relationship, I keep cracking jokes about being over my limit and needing some "bedroom aerobics" to balance it out. I have yet to get denied :laugh:

MysticMaiden22

OY... I really didn't want to get involved, but here's my opinion: no matter the excuses you make for the guy, "He's just being honest," "I know he means well," "He can't help but be disgusted by me," IF HE'S MAKING YOU FEEL BADLY ABOUT YOURSELF, HE'S NOT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU. A real loving man will love you, 100% whether you're big, small, buck-toothed, have one eye, or an extra arm growing out of your forehead.

Self esteem goes a long way, ladies... It's time to get some.

You are absoutely right! I was very shocked to read the post from the man who would boot his wife out of his life if she gained weight. For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, and TILL DEATH DO YOU PART!!!

If your partner happens to gain weight and you find it to be a problem, being positive and helpful is key. Just like a person who is on drugs, an intervention may be necessary. I have a friend whose boyfriend gained about 100 pounds in a year. She didn't understand how, since he didn't seem to overeat in front of her. One day, she came home to find him eating a WHOLE banana cream pie in the bathroom with the door locked. He was destroying himself by eating heavily in private. She was supportive and helped him through it. They got him to a doctor. He went to a gym and got a personal trainer. She started helping him plan meals. They bought healthy food. They started going for walks every day. He saw a counselor for his stress. They aren't together anymore for other reasons, but they are still good friends because they genuinely love each other and always have.

ohnogogo

You are absoutely right! I was very shocked to read the post from the man who would boot his wife out of his life if she gained weight. For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, and TILL DEATH DO YOU PART!!!

You might want to read his other posts, not only in this thread but in many others, before passing judgement and getting on your all caps pedestal . These would be the posts where he talks about when he was fat and his wife telling him she didn't want to have sex with him anymore because of his weight.

teagin2002

for me more creative bedroom rounds, he still treats me the same way we can be more creative now that I am smaller.

teagin2002

triple post sorry :flowerforyou:

teagin2002

honeysprinkles

How does your weightloss effect your relationship with your significant other?

My Future Husband loves me no matter my size. I honestly diet for myself because he can be completely satisfied with me any day of the week, but when I feel fat I'm not the person he deserves.

So how does it effect you guys? Great bedroom rounds? More date nights?

We are exactly the same. It affects my self confidence and my mood and that's the only way it affects our relationship in a bad way.

honeysprinkles

Okay Im full of questions today, if you are fat and disgusting and you feel fat and disgusting and guy/girl points out your fat and disgusting should you really get mad or motivated?

You should leave them because you deserve better. It's one thing to lose your attraction, sometimes you can't help it, but the terms "fat and disgusting" are leave-worthy.

honeysprinkles

OY... I really didn't want to get involved, but here's my opinion: no matter the excuses you make for the guy, "He's just being honest," "I know he means well," "He can't help but be disgusted by me," IF HE'S MAKING YOU FEEL BADLY ABOUT YOURSELF, HE'S NOT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU. A real loving man will love you, 100% whether you're big, small, buck-toothed, have one eye, or an extra arm growing out of your forehead.

Self esteem goes a long way, ladies... It's time to get some.

I can feel bad about myself all on my own...sometimes I'm too good at it. I think it's a common thing among young girls. I'm guessing that's the case for the girl who posted this, too.

christibear

Honestly my husband has always adored me, I know he loves me lots, but he was not as attracted to me when I was at my biggest (which I do not think is unreasonable I was 160 pounds when we began dating, and I was 246 at my heaviest) and the naughty stuff was not as enjoyable for either of us, it was uncomfortable both physically and mentally. Even though I have only lost 37 pounds I can already tell there is a difference, I feel sexier, he feels sexier and we are both more attracted to each other, not to mention since we both started eating healthier we both have more of an urge (if you get what I mean).

luckybunny84

My SO and I met while I was almost my heaviest. He loves me as is but now we are trying to get in shape together, and honestly there is something very sexy about working out together, and we are both happier and more awake which means more time to spend together

threeringedgirl

my boyfriend and i are both on here an currently we (combined) have lost over 30lbs. i think we are both more attracted to the other BUT not for purely physical reasons...he has said that he feels that he is able to allow himself to be more appreciative of me because HE feels better and more confident about himself and i definitely agree with that statement and feel that same way about myself.

i think this journey has brought us closer together because we are now more aware in general about ourselves, our capabilities, what we put into our bodies, health etc etc etc
we have both made healthy steps and changes in our lives that will keep us healthier than the households we were raised in and we are both inspirations to those we work with and climb with....and sources of jealousy to some :]

i even said that we should put a clause in our vows (should we get married) stating that we will not allow ourselves or the other to go to an unhealthy place

cjpg

For me, the more weight I lose I find it hilarious to see how my gf tries to hide the fact that she finds me more attractive.

Its funny because she must believe I'd think she's shallow to find me more attractive losing the weight but its just human chemistry. She's one of the main reasons I'm losing weight to begin with - I like the attention!

califigureeight

My sister went from 280 to 150 and said her sex life is better than it was when we were in our 20's. As for myself, I'm hoping that my weight loss will lead to being asked out on dates...

christibear

OY... I really didn't want to get involved, but here's my opinion: no matter the excuses you make for the guy, "He's just being honest," "I know he means well," "He can't help but be disgusted by me," IF HE'S MAKING YOU FEEL BADLY ABOUT YOURSELF, HE'S NOT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR YOU. A real loving man will love you, 100% whether you're big, small, buck-toothed, have one eye, or an extra arm growing out of your forehead.

Self esteem goes a long way, ladies... It's time to get some.

I just want to point out that love and sexual attraction are not the same thing, and you are right if your significant other is making comments that make you feel bad about yourself and brings down your self esteem than yes, I would not classify that as a good relationship, but if they are honest about not being attracted to you, that alone does not a bad person make or mean that they do not love you.

NianMaya

My hubby and I have both gained weight over the years, especially after our daughter was born. However since I've lost the pounds, I must admit that we have become closer

kanonxbou47

Just curious but like do people really expect your significant other to be like yeah I don't like you overweight you disgust me sometimes when I look at you and when we have sex I think of some really hot chick? I don't think so just always wondered that when guys or girls say that there significant other likes them any size (don't take it personal its not about you)

Some punctuation would help your post a bit, but I agree with what you're saying.

crystalslight

When I lose weight and look good. I end up pregnant... enough said. LOL!

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

My husband and I are both on the more rounded side-- neither of us was ever going to be a supermodel. However when he started trying to join the navy he began to lose weight so I joined him and I feel so much better. He of course says that it doesn't matter to him as long as I'm happy, but we definitely have a better love life simply because I feel so much better about myself. It's much easier to be relaxed and enjoy yourself when you're not worried about how you look from whatever angle.

fluffygoodness

With weight loss (put bluntly): a little less blow jobs, lots more sex.

That's the only change :laugh:

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

supertracylynn

Mine liked more cushion.

But I refuse to re-gain everything. I like myself a LOT more now, which all that every mattered to begin with, right?

krist3ng

I haven't lost enough weight to really make a REAL difference, and besides, when we met I weighed almost 10 pounds less than I do now. :[ so I might have falsely advertised when we began dating...

I have always had a humongously strong and active libido, I mean, once a day is how I like it. Or more. I feel like that isn't practical all the time, but it's me. At my highest weight I was still madly perverted, although less confident.

I get the feeling my bf will be very happy once I've lost more weight. I can tell that in the past he's dated skinnier girls, and tends to prefer skinnier girls than me. :[

He is in a healthy weight range, but actually eats pretty awfully oftentimes so sometimes I wonder if I'll be the skinny one in the relationship someday :P

kunibob

I was at my highest weight when my husband and I met, and I was a bit worried that he would not be as attracted to me when I dropped the weight, particularly in the chest region. Luckily, he has a very broad range of what he defines as "attractive" in a woman and I really shouldn't have worried. My chest may be a bit smaller, but the arms, torso, butt and legs are a lot more toned, and he has been sure to let me know that he appreciates them. :blushing: Plus, my added confidence as I get more fit is a real perk because he has always liked strong, confident women. The only downside is that some of his insecurities about his own body have increased, but he's totally hot the way he is now and he's working toward a body that he is happier having, so that problem will go away on its own.