Why I am not going to be posting on help questions anymore.

StevLL

I agree with the poster that folks could be more polite. I understand that they want to help and like all communities online or in our tangible world we bring our own personal (stuff) to our communications. I like seeing different ideas whether its "this worked for me or this is scientific." Truth is what is scientifically sound for one may not work for another, just like what worked for me may not work for you, but when you get enough information you can start to experiment and find what works best.
I hope you take a breather and then come back and post, because the newbies and all of us need folks who do try and share with politiness and care and concern.
Vent away, but don't let others good or bad intentions sideline yours. I've learned to ingnore the rude ones and try to focus on those with thoughtful input.
I still think the awesome folks on MFP out shine the not so awesome folks.
Good luck!

ps... I can't do the Red Scarf diet it wouldn;t work for me ever,....Red bleaches me out, it's just not a good color for me. :noway: :huh:

Improvised

I'm with the OP on this one.

Jhulet

If you want to help people, do so in a polite way. Answer their questions. Don't bash their diet. Be constructive in your criticism.

Agreed, Agreed, Agreed!! :flowerforyou:

Gingr1986

Just about ANY major diet plan is better than taking diabetes pills for the rest of your life! So, back off "know-it-alls"!
These newbies don't need the attitude. They probably feel sheepish enough just coming on here. They probably have been teased and taunted for years, just to come here and be talked down to. Great, that's what they need.

Well said!!

MaximalLife

OUCH!
I know I can be a bit fast to get to the point as I see it.

That's what works with me - no wishy washy - nampy pamby beating around the bush or avoiding the 1000lb elephant in the room.

I don't mean to be unkind, but sometimes in a public forum you don't always hear what you want to hear.
I would never lie to you.

trudy45

Yea totally agree!!
Its all about the manner in which you give people your opinion and facts!
We are here to learn not to be dictated to and what works for one might not work for another!

Thanks

myofibril

I think the majority of the people on this site are helpful and polite yet for some reason people seem to notice the negative comments more. I guess against a background of general politeness the rude comments seem to stand out. People see what they want to see.

There is a lot of unnecessary dogma though and most arguments tend to be about minutiae rather than fundamentals. That is unlikely to change.

One thing I don't agree with is enabling people to make dangerous choices which could prove harmful by staying mute for fear of upsetting them. Sure there is a way to present information to make it more palatable which is a good idea but not saying anything out of politeness isn't actually being "helpful"

Jeff92se

Some people need tough love. If pretty unicorn replies worked, they probably would not be here. Fastest way to get to the right information is to stop with the BS PC and get straight to the problem and thus the solution.

regthelittleone

I just have to say THANK YOU FOR THIS POST!!!!! Wonderful I can't stand the bashing.

UsedToBeHusky

Not trying to criticize here, but HOLY COW! What do you eat everyday that 60% of your caloric intake is fat? I can't even fathom it.

Teliooo

Doesn't it seem like people could read through and take what they want out of the posts and ignore the rest? Your post today is actually the first negative thing i've seen on this site.

Ha really? Very NOT true, there are some god awful people and posts on here. Use the search function and wade in. It gets messy. Also a lot of them get deleted so you have not seen the worst.

CaptainGordo

Some people need tough love. If pretty unicorn replies worked, they probably would not be here. Fastest way to get to the right information is to stop with the BS PC and get straight to the problem and thus the solution.

The truth hurts at times, and many folks prefer to be coddled.

galegetsthin

OUCH!
I know I can be a bit fast to get to the point as I see it.

That's what works with me - no wishy washy - nampy pamby beating around the bush or avoiding the 1000lb elephant in the room.

I don't mean to be unkind, but sometimes in a public forum you don't always hear what you want to hear.
I would never lie to you.

I dont see you as one of the jerks though. You do always give very good, insightful, and logical information. Sometimes your delivery is quick and to the point, I dont think that is the issue at hand though. There ARE some people who are just mean. You are honest, not mean. At first you kinda came off wrong to me, but as I read your responses, I actually came to respect your opinions on a lot of stuff. I may not always LIKE your answers, but I do consider them as a legitimate source of opinion.

skygoddess86

I have seen people on here be very very rude and downright mean. I avoided forums for months because of it. Haters. There are also some wonderful and supportive people on here. That's life I guess.

savage22hp

Some people need tough love. If pretty unicorn replies worked, they probably would not be here. Fastest way to get to the right information is to stop with the BS PC and get straight to the problem and thus the solution.

...but therein lies the problem itself . So many times what is given as solution may not be a solution at all to the OP. We don't have the access to all the information that would give us the right to offer a definitive answer . Simply supply the requested info as an opinion and move on , humbly realizing that if we had all the answers ourself we would not need MFP in the first place.

SusieLovesArt

If you want to help people, do so in a polite way. Answer their questions. Don't bash their diet. Be constructive in your criticism.

I love that you wrote this. I try to limit myself to the success stories because it seems like on the other boards some people make a sport out of making others feel stupid. I don't understand why people feel it's acceptable to be snarky online when that kind of attitude would get them kicked in front of cab if they spoke that way to people face to face.

Usbornegal

So many people like to say "it's a published fact that...." Really? You want to go there? It was also a public fact that you had to burn witches. It was also "Medically" correct to blood let. So, don't give me your lecture about this stuff.

If you want to help people, do so in a polite way. Answer their questions. Don't bash their diet. Be constructive in your criticism.

Preach it!!

Jeff92se

Some people need tough love. If pretty unicorn replies worked, they probably would not be here. Fastest way to get to the right information is to stop with the BS PC and get straight to the problem and thus the solution.

...but therein lies the problem itself . So many times what is given as solution may not be a solution at all to the OP. We don't have the access to all the information that would give us the right to offer a definitive answer . Simply supply the requested info as an opinion and move on , humbly realizing that if we had all the answers ourself we would not need MFP in the first place.

Poster has the responsiblity to give as much info as they can. Or else risk not getting information relevant to their problem. If I see bad infomation given, I call them out on it. In hopes the OP would gain knowledge from the debate.

teeley

I so seldom see any posted advice that has any scientific backing. Even then, the articles are usually so biased to one particular eating plan that it isn't scientific at all. I can find article after article supporting one side af a particular diet and find the same number to refute it.

Look harder. Some of us do our due diligence to post reputable information.

Does relaying info from Dr Oz count?

and post a link to a previous MFP thread doesn't count as "published"

christinad95

People who take the time to post actual peer-reviewed scientific articles are not doing so to be pompous jerks but to dispel a lot of the "broscience" or "pseudoscience" that gets tossed about here. If people are to make a good descision about their weight loss and health, they need to be informed with reasonable scientific information, not articles with no scientific backing or very poor scientific backing.

It's a frequent thing that people like you come on here and say, "Well, I can find a study that says (insert ridiculous statement here)" yet you never do.

I agree that some people get snarky with their responses. I'm guilty of it myself, but bashing people for posting actual scientifically-based advice is silly, IMHO.

Ok, I'm all for making sure we give sound advice or suggestions, but I will say posting a "peer-reviewed" article doesn't solve the problem. This process is a learning process, what works for your body may not work for others. We can post all the "peer-reviewed" articles we want just to make us look smart, but in reality how are we helping the individual? All we are doing is showing that we've learned how to conduct the research we need to help ourselves. Suggesting they look up information for themself and their body types and giving them links to helpful articles allows them to read for themselves and learn how to make decisions for themselves based on their individual needs. That means instead of posting a "peer-reviewed" article, posting some suggestions or links that allows them to do the research for themself. Because in the end, we've all had to learn how to work our weight loss journey on our own. If we relied on having others tell us what to do, we may have lost the weight, but how would we have learned that weightloss is a lifestyle change that involves our emotional well being as well as our physical well being? As for being snarky or rude, maybe you should remember how it felt to be new and in there position. Even posting an article is fine, but when it's done with a condescending tone or intent, it's worthless. Admitting that you've been a bit "snarky" at times only tells me that you as well as many others should think before you post. And if you know you're not able to post something encouraging or something helpful with an encouraging intent, then don't bother posting until you can. Because believe it or not, many people didn't join this site just for social interaction, they joined because they needed support when they may not have been getting it from those immediately around them. How nice to come here only to find they can be treated no different, and feel even more alone in their weight loss struggles. When it comes down to it, it doesn't matter if we post "peer-reviewed" articles or links to articles, if we're rude or snarky when we do so the information we posted isn't work crap!

Jeff92se

We can't bash people's diet? That's odd. Probably 75+% of everyone's problem here is related to what they are eating.

SusieLovesArt

I agree that some people say things in a forum that they would not say to someone face-to-face, for fear of being slapped. I seldom post, but if I did have anything to add, I certainly hope that I would think it through and try to be positive and not hurtful. We are all here, supposedly, for the same thing...getting healthy. A healthy dialog is part of that process. I am not fond of the Braggart and Know It All approach to educating someone. Usually when that happens, I jump in to defend, sometimes to my own detriment. Oops, I did it again.

Jeff92se

There are so many people on here that talk as if the way they are telling people to eat is the only way. I am fed up with people answering newbies questions with a condiscending tone. I eat the way I do because it works for my body. People out there are asking for help for a particular diet plan and people who don't like it blast them. Guess what? that wasn't what they asked!

If they want to know about how you eat, they will ask for that kind of help!

Just about ANY major diet plan is better than taking diabetes pills for the rest of your life! So, back off "know-it-alls"!
These newbies don't need the attitude. They probably feel sheepish enough just coming on here. They probably have been teased and taunted for years, just to come here and be talked down to. Great, that's what they need.

So many people like to say "it's a published fact that...." Really? You want to go there? It was also a public fact that you had to burn witches. It was also "Medically" correct to blood let. So, don't give me your lecture about this stuff.

If you want to help people, do so in a polite way. Answer their questions. Don't bash their diet. Be constructive in your criticism.

With 89 total posts(2-3 of them in this thread), I don't think this is going to be some major blow to the forum.

StevLL

Some people need tough love. If pretty unicorn replies worked, they probably would not be here. Fastest way to get to the right information is to stop with the BS PC and get straight to the problem and thus the solution.

The truth hurts at times, and many folks prefer to be coddled.

Wow really? So rudeness, meaness and thoughtlessness is what all people need? No Care, no heart, no genuine concern, only "your unmistakable tell like it is who cares who I hurt" truth is the answer? I work in behavioral health. My job is to respond to negative behaviors in the community as they arise. If I used your approach I would be escalating the situation and never validating or finding what is needed to bring solution to the surface. People do need a straightforward approach or answer, but they do not need to be treated poorly in the process. Maybe we would have a different society if we showed a little more heart and a little less callousness.

Barelmy

Red Scarf... I'll have to add that to my plan. How man calories are in a red scarf?

The main point, which is hard to say through this alka seltzer cold medicine fog, is that these folks are already beaten down.

I remember when I started my plan, I actually left and started a new account. People just tore my diet apart. It is not "balanced" or "sensible". My body isn't balanced or sensible. My eating has to compensate for the way my body processes food. It is a very individual thing. I LOVE fruit. I don't eat it. I can't handle the sugar. Same with breads and grains.

I eat the hell out of some veggies and proteins. I get all the nutrients I will ever need. But it isn't what most would call balanced. And I am super OK with that. I'm not asking for help on my plan.

I was reading on here today that some people were struggling with their plans and asking for help. Instead, folks were just saying things like "you shouldn't do that" or "that's not good" not offering real help or guidence.

I'm sure people on here would look at my plan and say that I am going to die. But like I said, I am under some great care. I know what I am doing and trying to accomplish. I'm super healthy, and it is because I listened to my body and it took time, but found out that I have to eat a crazy diet to make everything work right. 60% Fat, 30%protein, 10% Carb, 1500 cal is my plan. Most people think it is insane. But for me it works. My blood work shows that it works for me. My Dr is 110% behind me and loves the fact that we figured out how MY body works. This took months to figure out, many blood tests (down to finding a Vit D deficiency) and careful planning. But I know if posted this as a question, I would have 30 people ripping it apart. I would probably just leave and eat a box of twinkies.

Have you ever been to the NerdFitness forums? Most people there eat a paleo diet, which is very similar to what you describe.

Incidentally, I had the opposite problem there.;p I'm a vegan, and some idiot insisted that the paleo diet works for everyone, everywhere, under all circumstances, and it was stupid of me not to eat that way. Never mind that paleo would damage my heart, and that I'm vegan for moral reasons, not health reasons.

CaptainGordo

Some people need tough love. If pretty unicorn replies worked, they probably would not be here. Fastest way to get to the right information is to stop with the BS PC and get straight to the problem and thus the solution.

The truth hurts at times, and many folks prefer to be coddled.

Wow really? So rudeness, meaness and thoughtlessness is what all people need? No Care, no heart, no genuine concern, only "your unmistakable tell like it is who cares who I hurt" truth is the answer? I work in behavioral health. My job is to respond to negative behaviors in the community as they arise. If I used your approach I would be escalating the situation and never validating or finding what is needed to bring solution to the surface. People do need a straightforward approach or answer, but they do not need to be treated poorly in the process. Maybe we would have a different society if we showed a little more heart and a little less callousness.

Did I say "rudeness, meanness, thoughtlessness"? No, I said "truth".

Again, stating facts or opinions that are different than another is not "rudeness, meanness, thoughtlessness". Sadly, many cannot distinguish between the two.

Barelmy

Really? You're comparing today's science to knowledge from a century ago? :huh:

Often, many of us provide facts in the hope of helping someone avoid myths and fallacies that have lead many to failure in the past. How is that not helpful? Often, the truth is not what one wants to hear, and they get buttsore about it. Ignorance is bliss, I guess.

Yes I am. And in 100 years people will look back and say that we are in the dark ages. And it will continue until humans no longer exist. What is not helpful is the condescending attitude that often comes along with it. Much like the attitude you are displaying in your post. That is exactly what the newbies do not need. And yet here you are trying to do it to me. But I know what I am saying and what I mean.
Your "facts" may not agree with my "facts." They both might have "scientific" testing behind them, and they may totally disagree with each other.
You think I am ignorant? That is the exact point of this thread. Thank you for proving my point.

Actually, this post right here? Is ignorant.

I have no problems with your body and the diet you've found that works for it. But you clearly have no idea how science actually works.

CrazyDaisysMommy

Doesn't it seem like people could read through and take what they want out of the posts and ignore the rest? Your post today is actually the first negative thing i've seen on this site.

Ha really? Very NOT true, there are some god awful people and posts on here. Use the search function and wade in. It gets messy. Also a lot of them get deleted so you have not seen the worst.

I never noticed it before either, until I got jumped all over because I said yoga is something that works for me. It was as if I said wearing sheep entrails works for me. I've seen people get stomped all over for asking simple questions about what has worked for others and heaven help anyone who doesn't just say: calorie deficit.

savage22hp

Really? You're comparing today's science to knowledge from a century ago? :huh:

Often, many of us provide facts in the hope of helping someone avoid myths and fallacies that have lead many to failure in the past. How is that not helpful? Often, the truth is not what one wants to hear, and they get buttsore about it. Ignorance is bliss, I guess.

Yes I am. And in 100 years people will look back and say that we are in the dark ages. And it will continue until humans no longer exist. What is not helpful is the condescending attitude that often comes along with it. Much like the attitude you are displaying in your post. That is exactly what the newbies do not need. And yet here you are trying to do it to me. But I know what I am saying and what I mean.
Your "facts" may not agree with my "facts." They both might have "scientific" testing behind them, and they may totally disagree with each other.
You think I am ignorant? That is the exact point of this thread. Thank you for proving my point.

Actually, this post right here? Is ignorant.

I have no problems with your body and the diet you've found that works for it. But you clearly have no idea how science actually works.

Jeff92se

Some people need tough love. If pretty unicorn replies worked, they probably would not be here. Fastest way to get to the right information is to stop with the BS PC and get straight to the problem and thus the solution.

The truth hurts at times, and many folks prefer to be coddled.

Wow really? So rudeness, meaness and thoughtlessness is what all people need? No Care, no heart, no genuine concern, only "your unmistakable tell like it is who cares who I hurt" truth is the answer? I work in behavioral health. My job is to respond to negative behaviors in the community as they arise. If I used your approach I would be escalating the situation and never validating or finding what is needed to bring solution to the surface. People do need a straightforward approach or answer, but they do not need to be treated poorly in the process. Maybe we would have a different society if we showed a little more heart and a little less callousness.

You have the benefit of one to one, personal interaction. A five min conversation would be 10 pages of question/replies here. A forum discussion doesn't equate personal discussion. So unless someone is willing to write War and Peace everytime, the replies are going to be shorter and more direct.

Also you get PAID to give your advice. Advice here is given free and is often given during work time. So that's another reasons replies will be to the point and without the fluff.