Girly dating question

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  • FitDC
    FitDC Posts: 63
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    Danger Will Robinson!!!!! Trust me, if you are having this concern now, it does not improve with time, just the opposite. A relationship should not make your feel stupid and insecure, just the opposite! It may hurt initially, but don't invest any more time with him - trade up!
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
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    Some guys just have a low sex drive. That's perfectly fine with some women who also either have a low sex drive or don't like sex all that much. But it's not fine if you have a normal one. I think I would be moving on to another relationship, personally. I wish I had seen the red flag when I started dating my current husband 20 years ago. It got to the point where I finally gave up on initiating and told him that when he wanted it, to let me know. It's very demeaning to constantly be turned down for sex. Of course, at the beginning, we had a great sex life, but 2-3 years in, that all changed.
  • spicy618
    spicy618 Posts: 2,114 Member
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    "Houston, we have a problem."

    It's not you. It's him!

    If you are not being satisfied now, why stick around? Are you going to try and change him? Not a good practice to get into, in my opinion.

    If it's something you can't tolerate for the rest of this relationship, move on. There is someone else who will fulfill your EVERY need.

    My .02 :flowerforyou:
  • spicy618
    spicy618 Posts: 2,114 Member
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    Danger Will Robinson!!!!! Trust me, if you are having this concern now, it does not improve with time, just the opposite. A relationship should not make your feel stupid and insecure, just the opposite! It may hurt initially, but don't invest any more time with him - trade up!

    Exactly this!
  • ChrisStoney
    ChrisStoney Posts: 479 Member
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    He might just be nervous...you've only been together for 2 months so give it some time. Try talking with him about it. Maybe he had some sort of trauma in the past and it's hard for him to get past it. I doubt he's not attracted, he wouldn't be with you if he wasn't. Just don't jump to conclusions (like half of the people responding in this thread).

    OK, keep dreaming.... they are in thier 20's and sleep tgether 3 nights a week for 2 months and had sex 2 times.... something is not right! Anyway goodnight going to see if I can get lucky tonight with my wife :)

    I'm not dreaming, you are the one jumping to irrational conclusions! Something might be wrong with him, which is why I made the comment that he might of had some trauma in the past (like sexual abuse or in a past relationship), he may suffer from a hormone disorder, he may even be shy. Not every man in there 20's is a horn dog...But what should I expect from a patriots fan who talks about getting lucky with his wife on an online forum make himself look like a bad@$$...All I was trying to say is we don't know the answers, we don't even know the guy...so don't go drawing conclusions like you (and many others) in your first post. She needs to get off this forum and talk to the guy. He holds the answers to what she needs to know.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    I couldn't date a guy with whom I'm not sexually compatible. I'll go with "he's not that into you". Perhaps after so many years as friends he's having a difficult time seeing you sexually. Either way, I'd be done. You can't make someone want it more than they do. Half the fun of a monogamous relationship for me is getting to have sex often.
  • ChrisStoney
    ChrisStoney Posts: 479 Member
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    Oops, no irrational conclusions, I happen to to know people who are in relationships that are platonic, and it is usually one way. If that is fine with the OP, then no problem. I am trying to relate that if she is not satisfied now, then she will be more hurt later. One guy told me he he had to have sexto get her to marry, now he sleeps in a seperate room, and has not been with her for 3 years, that is the way he wants it.

    As for the Patriots- sounds like they beat someone's team, feel bad for you , Game on in 5 hours or so!! Go Pats!!

    And a married guy can't get lucky with his wife?.... sounds like you might need 'help'
  • stylistchik
    stylistchik Posts: 1,436 Member
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    You've said you've known each other a long time, and that you hang out several nights a week. I'm sure you'd know by now if we had some horrible experience that got too fast too soon or something that would make him want to slow down. When you were friends, how close were you? Sometimes there is a point when a guy and girl are such close friends that even if you're attracted to one another, it feels weird to be intimate that way. I had a very good male friend whom I could see myself dating and we tried every few years but when it came to being intimate like that, it felt weird, like he was my brother or something. It sucked because we were so close and he was really cute and we had a lot of fun together but we realized we couldn't be in a romantic relationship.

    I'd talk to him about it and find out, more than likely it's him and not you. It still sucks but you need an answer.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
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    That man is broken. There's something very wrong with him. Especially as he's only 26.

    You need to talk honestly with him and explain that it is indeed a problem for him to be snubbing you so often - even if he has medical or religious issues, this needs to be brought to attention. I honestly believe a long term relationship cannot survive without strong sexual attraction between both members of the couple - and for you to be continually rejected like that for no apparent reason will be demoralising and damaging.
  • YouAreTheShit
    YouAreTheShit Posts: 510 Member
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    Trust me, it's one of these:

    1) He watches too much porn and/or masturbates too much (i.e. creates diminished sexual desire for a partner) This is a major problem in our modern culture.

    2) You're in the friend zone in his mind but he's too lazy to be honest and move on because he likes your companionship. This could include another girl in the picture.

    3) Him being gay is a possibility too, but not likely.

    Regardless, you need to move on. Don't settle, don't try to change him, don't be offended and fight with him, just move on.
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
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    I used to be a huge horn-ball, but in my mid-20's now I've slowed down a bit. My bf is always ready to go but some days I'm just not. I'd be really hurt if he just left without asking me about it and being patient with me. I've definitely improved from almost never being in the mood (due to medication). I think you should communicate with him about it, and THEN decide if you want to move on.
  • AllanMisner
    AllanMisner Posts: 4,140 Member
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    I have been dating a guy for about 2 months. We have been intimate a few times and seem to like one another a lot. We have been 'friends" for 10 years. We see one another about three times a week with spending the night over one another's houses on most of those nights. However, most of the nights when I am ready to "be intimate" he has no interest. HE makes me feel stupid almost for even thinking about having sex. He complains that I try to be sexual. I don't try every time but probably everyother time we are together. I try to do things to turn him on but end up just getting turned down or he falls asleep before anything happens. Now, in the past with any other man that I have been with(when I was 30lbs heavier) that ends up turning into a relationship the first year we can't keep out hands off one another, especially when it comes to cuddling up at bedtime ;-)
    Can someone, male or female tell me what the heck is going on? We are 26, young in my eyes, and I am always ready to show him how I feel physically about him, if you catch my drift. HELP! I am starting to feel very insecure and confused.

    Holy crap! I love when a woman instigates. And since he's able to perform otherwise I think it is either another woman or porn. In either case, YOU CAN'T FIX HIM. Tell him how you feel, if his behavior doesn't change, walk.

    I know that sounds harsh, but time is too valuable to waste on someone that won't give you 100%.
  • Gargoyle69
    Gargoyle69 Posts: 87 Member
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    Maybe it is that time of the month for him???
  • kwest_4_fitness
    kwest_4_fitness Posts: 819 Member
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    Danger, Will Robinson, Danger! If he is only not interested when you initiate intimacy but has no problem getting it on when he initiates, then he is exhibiting classic signs of being controlling. Anyone who makes you feel stupid for trying to be loving is trying to damage your self-esteem and train you to answer to his commands. Let go, move on, and find a man that creates a loving atmosphere and lifts you up, not one that makes you feel stupid.
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
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    I think if a man were posting this about a woman, there would be a lot more sympathy for her. Not all men are sex-machines like not all women always 'have a headache'. Sex isn't a reason to just drop someone cold turkey. OP, don't attach his sexual tendencies to your self-esteem. Any time that happens you put yourself in a position of weakness where it's easy to pick up negative sexual habits and a lot of resentment. Don't take it personally. Just communicate with him and if necessary, politely end it.
  • Thatsdatdiva601
    Thatsdatdiva601 Posts: 209 Member
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    It really sounds like he is a under gay...I love gay ppls but not the ones who date women as a cover up! I suggest you check him out and see if gay a possibility.
  • ChrisStoney
    ChrisStoney Posts: 479 Member
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    Danger, Will Robinson, Danger! If he is only not interested when you initiate intimacy but has no problem getting it on when he initiates, then he is exhibiting classic signs of being controlling. Anyone who makes you feel stupid for trying to be loving is trying to damage your self-esteem and train you to answer to his commands. Let go, move on, and find a man that creates a loving atmosphere and lifts you up, not one that makes you feel stupid.


    Wow, that is a really good pick-up, I have been following this thread and this makes alot of sense. But the OP kind of threw it out there, and disapeared... I would like to know more! for example was alcohol involved, are they romantic?, etc.
  • laughingnome
    laughingnome Posts: 259 Member
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    I went out with a guy who didn't want to be intimate but took me to parties and dates with friends...found out he was gay. I was just there so nobody knew his sexual preferences.
  • ChaseAlder
    ChaseAlder Posts: 804 Member
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    Girl, it doesn't sound like it's you that's the problem. It sounds like he has his own issues. Maybe he's self-conscious, or he could have something else going on in his life that he's not being open about. Are either of you still seeing other people or are you monogamous?

    IMO, it's too early in the relationship to reach this sort of physical "plateau." At two months, you should be all over each other, especially if you've already been intimate.

    I would sit down and ask him straight up what the problem is. "Is it a physical issue? Are you seeing someone else? Is it an insecurity you have?" I could see this after years of marriage, but two months of dating... you should be ravenous for each other. If he has something else going on that you don't know about, you deserve to hear it from him.
  • VintageDisaster
    VintageDisaster Posts: 56
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    Honestly, he's not that into you, it's cliche and NOT your fault you can do better. 10 years in friendship limbo you deserve more

    It's what I think too... :S

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