Girly dating question

ChrisStoney

Well 'kickstand 927' has not been heard from, maybe she resolved her problem and is getting 'busy'

songbyrdsweet

I think if a man were posting this about a woman, there would be a lot more sympathy for her. Not all men are sex-machines like not all women always 'have a headache'. Sex isn't a reason to just drop someone cold turkey. OP, don't attach his sexual tendencies to your self-esteem. Any time that happens you put yourself in a position of weakness where it's easy to pick up negative sexual habits and a lot of resentment. Don't take it personally. Just communicate with him and if necessary, politely end it.

I would say the exact same thing to a man. Don't continue a relationship in which you feel bad or ashamed after sex.

She never said exactly what happens. She might be feeling 'stupid' on her own. If he's actually putting her down, it's a problem. If she's just feeling stupid/ashamed/rejected simply because he doesn't have a high libido, then she's attaching his sexual habits to her self-worth which is her own issue that needs to be resolved.

mandaringirl

i think ahhhh you shoulda just act just like you don't care for his sexual attention ) when you are in bed ( i know it sounds silly b ut it works for me and my soon to be husband muhahahaaa ....just aaammm be like filrty but not put yourself out there ready for action because after a while it will come to you by itself oh yeah and you will not have your feallings hurt :drinker:

KimmieBrie

I have been dating a guy for about 2 months. We have been intimate a few times and seem to like one another a lot. We have been 'friends" for 10 years. We see one another about three times a week with spending the night over one another's houses on most of those nights. However, most of the nights when I am ready to "be intimate" he has no interest. HE makes me feel stupid almost for even thinking about having sex. He complains that I try to be sexual. I don't try every time but probably everyother time we are together. I try to do things to turn him on but end up just getting turned down or he falls asleep before anything happens. Now, in the past with any other man that I have been with(when I was 30lbs heavier) that ends up turning into a relationship the first year we can't keep out hands off one another, especially when it comes to cuddling up at bedtime ;-)
Can someone, male or female tell me what the heck is going on? We are 26, young in my eyes, and I am always ready to show him how I feel physically about him, if you catch my drift. HELP! I am starting to feel very insecure and confused.

You need to ask HIM what's going on because we can only guess... Us guessing isn't going to resolve your problem.

Talk to him. This is not normal behavior. Regardless of why, you are obviously not happy or satisfied with this part of your relationship and you're only 2 months in. Talk about it and resolve it or move on. I fully believe sexual compatibility is very VERY important!

mandaringirl

You need to ask HIM what's going on because we can only guess... Us guessing isn't going to resolve your problem.

Talk to him. This is not normal behavior. Regardless of why, you are obviously not happy or satisfied with this part of your relationship and you're only 2 months in. Talk about it and resolve it or move on. I fully believe sexual compatibility is very VERY important!

YESYES ask ! but aply the behavior i told you about ,before you go and ask him ,it will certainly make him not wanna lose u or something .Love is a wonderful game it is sometimes child-ish but in the end it's all about fealling cared 4 and nurtured just like you were a little girl hihi kisses

kb455

Talk to him. This is not normal behavior. Regardless of why, you are obviously not happy or satisfied with this part of your relationship and you're only 2 months in. Talk about it and resolve it or move on. I fully believe sexual compatibility is very VERY important!

I agree with this. At the 2-month point, you guys should be having sex CONSTANTLY and not be able to keep your hands off each other. And, I think its even more ridiculous that he makes you feel ashamed for initiating. I think if it were me, I'd move on or at least tell him how you feel... and don't hold back. You shouldn't be made to feel bad for wanting sex from your own boyfriend.

Captain_Mal

I'd drop this guy and find another.

mandaringirl

:huh: what are this other posts i read from ppl who say "you should end a relashionship if you feel ashamed after sex" ?
really ppl??? i did not read anything in this girls post about shame ...sex is presented in society as being a shamefull thing ofc but this should not end your relashionship. you found new ways to be intimate with an old friend who already knows you so well i thinhk that is gr8 many ppl would feel comfortable in a situation when you know each other so well on the other hand it can get akward like you say it did (in bed) you don't need to end anything or get seriouse about anything and transform into a big bad seriouse maneater worfgirl ( ahaha i'm on a roll tonight) just be your plain self he SURE liked 10 years until now and let things flow.if its meant to be sex between the 2 of you it will be if it's not dont push.after sex talks are also gr8 it's the best time to state that you like it or want it more often :flowerforyou:

Matt_Wild

Sounds like he wants you as a friend with some benefits and no more. That is all.

chrissismone

I'm guessing he has no religious affiliations then maybe because you two have been friends he wants to go extra slow because he values you more.IMO 2 months even though you 2 have been friends for a long time isn't enough time to have relations.Just my thought.I would want to get to know more about the person before giving my body away.Talk to him if you really value him.

myofibril

Have you tried talking to him rather than random strangers on the internet?

Trying to figure this out without knowing his viewpoint is virtually impossible. It could be one or a number of different things.

I guess you knew what the right thing to do was (ie talk to him) before you posted. Perhaps you were hoping for a simple explanation which might relieve you of the pain of rejection if it ultimately proves he is not attracted to you in that way.

Don't avoid the question or the potential pain. Knowing the answer definitively will far outweigh that in the long term and save you that most precious of things: time.

kwest_4_fitness

I think if a man were posting this about a woman, there would be a lot more sympathy for her. Not all men are sex-machines like not all women always 'have a headache'. Sex isn't a reason to just drop someone cold turkey. OP, don't attach his sexual tendencies to your self-esteem. Any time that happens you put yourself in a position of weakness where it's easy to pick up negative sexual habits and a lot of resentment. Don't take it personally. Just communicate with him and if necessary, politely end it.

I would say the exact same thing to a man. Don't continue a relationship in which you feel bad or ashamed after sex.

Too true.

warmachinejt

I have been dating a guy for about 2 months. We have been intimate a few times and seem to like one another a lot. We have been 'friends" for 10 years. We see one another about three times a week with spending the night over one another's houses on most of those nights. However, most of the nights when I am ready to "be intimate" he has no interest. HE makes me feel stupid almost for even thinking about having sex. He complains that I try to be sexual. I don't try every time but probably everyother time we are together. I try to do things to turn him on but end up just getting turned down or he falls asleep before anything happens. Now, in the past with any other man that I have been with(when I was 30lbs heavier) that ends up turning into a relationship the first year we can't keep out hands off one another, especially when it comes to cuddling up at bedtime ;-)
Can someone, male or female tell me what the heck is going on? We are 26, young in my eyes, and I am always ready to show him how I feel physically about him, if you catch my drift. HELP! I am starting to feel very insecure and confused.

i wouldn't want to have physical contact with a girl i been dating for 2 months. I am way too insecure and would just think she is in it for the sex and that's not what I'm looking for. That's my opinion anyways..

songbyrdsweet

I have been dating a guy for about 2 months. We have been intimate a few times and seem to like one another a lot. We have been 'friends" for 10 years. We see one another about three times a week with spending the night over one another's houses on most of those nights. However, most of the nights when I am ready to "be intimate" he has no interest. HE makes me feel stupid almost for even thinking about having sex. He complains that I try to be sexual. I don't try every time but probably everyother time we are together. I try to do things to turn him on but end up just getting turned down or he falls asleep before anything happens. Now, in the past with any other man that I have been with(when I was 30lbs heavier) that ends up turning into a relationship the first year we can't keep out hands off one another, especially when it comes to cuddling up at bedtime ;-)
Can someone, male or female tell me what the heck is going on? We are 26, young in my eyes, and I am always ready to show him how I feel physically about him, if you catch my drift. HELP! I am starting to feel very insecure and confused.

i wouldn't want to have physical contact with a girl i been dating for 2 months. I am way too insecure and would just think she is in it for the sex and that's not what I'm looking for. That's my opinion anyways..

Sense! You're making it!

There's no reason to jump in the sack right away. I have dated guys that wanted to go slow and get to know me, and they weren't gay nor did they have any 'issues'.

Johnny_Castle

This is very strange. I can assure you that it's not you because he wouldn't be in a relationship with you if he didn't find you attractive. He might have performance anxiety or ED or some type insecurity about himself and be embarrassed if you found out. I had never heard of such a problem before especially at such a young age. You'll have to have a frank discussion with him to see what's going on.

Kickstand927

Sorry I wasn't on today..was preparing and wait for football day...my Raven's lost
Thank you everyone for your input. To answer some questions...
He is in shape not overweight at all.
Both of us had serious relationships recently (me-3 mos ago, him- 1 year ago)
We are romantic in other situations besides in bed...he likes to kiss me ALOT! Almost too much.
He does work a full day and can be a kind of stressful day, he wakes up very early.
We always had romantic feelings for one another even while we were just friends
I have tried to discuss this concern with him but he gets somewhat defensive at the suggestion that there may be something off with our sexual compatibility.

catherine4211

1) He watches too much porn and/or masturbates too much (i.e. creates diminished sexual desire for a partner) This is a major problem in our modern culture.


^^^^

I am going to agree with this. I was seeing a young kid from work. I thought (hoped) since he was so young we'd be naked every chance we had. But nope - I was SO disappointed. I attribute it to the above. He would LOVE to "sext" but when it came to the real thing he was MIA.

annabellj

i would agree he is insecure or has his own issues. you are adorable, and if he is kissing but that is it, then he either is a watching too much porn, b not able to perform, c not secure in his manhood or size. has absolutely nothing to do with you and if he is not comfortable talking about this issue with you after two months of dating he prob never will be. move on if you want an active sex life. and let me tell you after twenty yrs of great sex it is not something that you want to live without! just sayin' lol

julie781

Try doing yoga in front of him while ignoring him. Seems to be adding something to my relationship. Men are stupid! lol

julie781

Sorry I wasn't on today..was preparing and wait for football day...my Raven's lost
Thank you everyone for your input. To answer some questions...
He is in shape not overweight at all.
Both of us had serious relationships recently (me-3 mos ago, him- 1 year ago)
We are romantic in other situations besides in bed...he likes to kiss me ALOT! Almost too much.
He does work a full day and can be a kind of stressful day, he wakes up very early.
We always had romantic feelings for one another even while we were just friends
I have tried to discuss this concern with him but he gets somewhat defensive at the suggestion that there may be something off with our sexual compatibility.

Sorry :O Yeah Patriots!

beautyreaps

I dislike how so many people are drawing assumptions of the guy

Personally, if I were in your situation I'd let him take the reign. It seems like he doesn't like that you're being 'aggressive' by initiating it. You mentioned he likes kissing you, so just let him pull the first move. Maybe that makes him feel more comfortable.

riley711

You definitely want to ask him about his feelings and have a conversation about this. Notice that I said CONVERSATION, not just a brief comment from him. And don't accept "everything is fine, you're just being overly sensitive."

You mentioned that you guys have been friends for a very long time. Maybe he wants to keep it that way rather than move into a serious relationship.

And my last suggestion (hope this is not the case) is that when men are not really interested in sex on a regular basis, especially if the relationship is not that old, they may be getting it from somewhere else.

riley711

I dislike how so many people are drawing assumptions of the guy

Personally, if I were in your situation I'd let him take the reign. It seems like he doesn't like that you're being 'aggressive' by initiating it. You mentioned he likes kissing you, so just let him pull the first move. Maybe that makes him feel more comfortable.

I like this response too!!

julie781

I dislike how so many people are drawing assumptions of the guy

Personally, if I were in your situation I'd let him take the reign. It seems like he doesn't like that you're being 'aggressive' by initiating it. You mentioned he likes kissing you, so just let him pull the first move. Maybe that makes him feel more comfortable.

Yes.. listen to her⬆

nenar77

Your asking what to do? Your energy is much more into this than his. You deserve to be with someone who has the same energy but not a relationship that you have to worry about and fix all the time. Confidence is sexy girl

ChrisStoney

Sorry I wasn't on today..was preparing and wait for football day...my Raven's lost
Thank you everyone for your input. To answer some questions...
He is in shape not overweight at all.
Both of us had serious relationships recently (me-3 mos ago, him- 1 year ago)
We are romantic in other situations besides in bed...he likes to kiss me ALOT! Almost too much.
He does work a full day and can be a kind of stressful day, he wakes up very early.
We always had romantic feelings for one another even while we were just friends
I have tried to discuss this concern with him but he gets somewhat defensive at the suggestion that there may be something off with our sexual compatibility.

And the Pats prevail, Yaaa!

Well it goes back to communication. If you cannot talk about it, that is a problem. From my limited experience when you are dating and intimate that should be your peak, later when you are married, have kids, job issues, normal life issues, the sex drops off.. not too bad if you are having it twice a day, but twice a month, doesn't leave much room...To each his own, some people don't mind not having much sex and enjoy each other's company. So if I were you I would have a talk about it with him! Good Luck!

cass89

I would definatly discuss it with him. I've been with my boyfriend about 3 month and we only have sex about once a week which bothers me but i tell him. sometimes he rejects my offer and now i've just learned to not worry about. (sometimes in a soft hearted joking way like 'omg we're like a married couple only having sex once a week') he knows how i feel about it but it doesn't bother me too much. he cuddles me in bed all the time and shows affection alot (as it sounds like ur partner does too) so this shows he's interested. i guess us girls assume guys want it all the time and are all hyped up on hormones when they may not be like this.

but my opinion is, tell him how you feel, he might tell u why this is happening or that he wasn't aware it was so important to you and he may change his ways for you. personally, if u tell him how you feel and he doesn't make any attempt at all the make a slight change, he's not interested in how you feel. he may not up the sex to every time you want it but even if it ups the amount a little

ChrisStoney

I dislike how so many people are drawing assumptions of the guy

Personally, if I were in your situation I'd let him take the reign. It seems like he doesn't like that you're being 'aggressive' by initiating it. You mentioned he likes kissing you, so just let him pull the first move. Maybe that makes him feel more comfortable.

women really are from another planet! My first reaction -- ' what!!'

chelleymarie88

I have been dating a guy for about 2 months. We have been intimate a few times and seem to like one another a lot. We have been 'friends" for 10 years. We see one another about three times a week with spending the night over one another's houses on most of those nights. However, most of the nights when I am ready to "be intimate" he has no interest. HE makes me feel stupid almost for even thinking about having sex. He complains that I try to be sexual. I don't try every time but probably everyother time we are together. I try to do things to turn him on but end up just getting turned down or he falls asleep before anything happens. Now, in the past with any other man that I have been with(when I was 30lbs heavier) that ends up turning into a relationship the first year we can't keep out hands off one another, especially when it comes to cuddling up at bedtime ;-)
Can someone, male or female tell me what the heck is going on? We are 26, young in my eyes, and I am always ready to show him how I feel physically about him, if you catch my drift. HELP! I am starting to feel very insecure and confused.

i wouldn't want to have physical contact with a girl i been dating for 2 months. I am way too insecure and would just think she is in it for the sex and that's not what I'm looking for. That's my opinion anyways..

Sense! You're making it!

There's no reason to jump in the sack right away. I have dated guys that wanted to go slow and get to know me, and they weren't gay nor did they have any 'issues'.

They've known each other for 10 years.............
She's not just jumping in the bed with him. There's is definitely something abnormal about this situation. You should talk to him about it, and if he makes you feel uncomfortable about EVEN talking about it- then you should drop him hun. Trust me- save it for someone who WANTS it.

Kickstand927

Thanks everyone. My favorite point that many of made is that my sex drive just "outdrives" his. I will admit I have always been a very sexual person and was not used to being turned down by my past boyfriends, this is why I am quite confused by this time around. We have a great time together and understand one another so well because of our 10 years of friendship. This is why I was asking for opinions, not as one poster claimed that I shouldn't being looking to strangers on the internet. I also feel comfortable to share more personal things on MFP because I lay out all my other issues (ex:eating) to ya'll. Another thing, I do NOT feel ashamed before, during or after sex. I'm glad so many of you are open to talking about sex in society. Most people that I encounter loved sex and nobody should be afraid to talk about it. Update: Last night I did speak to him about the subject and we came to the conclusion that I enjoy sex more often than he does...this conversation will continue because I'm afraid this is going to become a larger issue in the near future.