Does anyone else struggle to feel sexy?

slay0r

Yes, very much struggle.

Even though I'm a completely different person after weight loss and I get the most incredible compliments etc etc, I still can't get past all of that and I still just see myself the same way.

For example I've managed to get a girl to like me that I just find to be 10x out of my league in my head (from the past)

All I could think about was not wanting to take my shirt off and how she wouldn't enjoy it as a result and she did take it off and from then on I just didn't enjoy it at all. Like someone said previously they lost their "focus" I was the same and I just couldn't be myself. Trying to get past that now since she keeps on calling me trying to get me to see her so there's got to be something in my head a little!

CAKEDOC

NOT NOW.. I'M 35 LBS. LIGHTER AND FINE AS ALL GET OUT...

PeaceLoveVeggies

All the time. I always feel so unattractive

NeshBeMe

I always have struggled with it. I've never felt I was 'ugly' but never sexy. The crazy part is, I've been told many times that I am 'sexy' but I've never really believed it. Oh well.........:ohwell:

nomena

My boyfriend always manages to make me feel incredibly sexy, even if I feel horrible after a weigh-in. He reminds me that I'm perfect, no matter what size.

CoryIda

I am quite fit and very healthy now and, considering how much weight I shed, I came out relatively unscathed but sometimes it's hard to ignore the stretch marks and the little bit of loose skin, especially when my self-esteem was never great to begin with.
I'm working on it.

Slove009

When I got to the point where the zippers on my sexy dresses were bursting, it really desrtoyed my image of myself. My poor Hubby experienced his firstdry spell and we hadn't even been married a year! I just would put on clothes, or see myself in the mirror after the shower and feel disgusting. I wondered about how anyone could see me as attractive. I'm almost to my goal though, and I can see the little side tires I had are almost 100% gone! That did wonders for me feeling sexy!

infamousmk

My problem is that no matter what i do.. i can do my hair.. make up.. wear my nicest clothes and fake confidence.. thats what i do all of the time but i can't help but think that i look gross.. i worry that no matter what i do i'll never be skinny/sexy enough

Have you thought about counseling? I'm not even kidding - seeing a counselor for some other stuff that I had going on in my life really helped me think differently about my self image too.


Really - ask yourself - if you had a friend that looked like you, worked as hard as you, and did the same things as you, what would you think of her? Would you think she's ugly or lazy or fat? Probably not. So, why would you ever put those kind of expectations on yourself?

ActorGirl1476

my entire life, regardless of size. I have had troubles feeling sexy. Or even attractive. It is something that I am currently working on.

vinylscratch

Im sexy and i know it!!!!

THIS!

MelissaE27

I feel the same way.. I have not felt sexxy in so long.. I know its still in me.. I pick lingerie.. pretty bras and panties.. and Im a high heel fanatic.. but I still look in the mirror and go Really?? you are just not really rocking this.. so I change and put on a *comfort outfit* girls dont ya just hate those outfits??? lol but Im hoping as I lose weight my confidence will grow again *crosses fingers*

gail2207

Yes, very much struggle.

Even though I'm a completely different person after weight loss and I get the most incredible compliments etc etc, I still can't get past all of that and I still just see myself the same way.

For example I've managed to get a girl to like me that I just find to be 10x out of my league in my head (from the past)

All I could think about was not wanting to take my shirt off and how she wouldn't enjoy it as a result and she did take it off and from then on I just didn't enjoy it at all. Like someone said previously they lost their "focus" I was the same and I just couldn't be myself. Trying to get past that now since she keeps on calling me trying to get me to see her so there's got to be something in my head a little!

I feel for you. I really really hope you can try to realise that she sees the good in you from the inside, and won't notice at all the 'outside' bits that you worry about. Don't let something good slip away because of who you feel you were.

jwhit31

Sometimes I find it difficult to lose the "I'm a big fatty" mindset but it is getting a little easier. :blushing:

valeriebpdx

Yeah, when I'm at the bigger end of my range. Under 160 lbs, I feel pretty sexy (even though that is 25 lbs over my actual goal). Over 160 and it starts to mess with my head in the bedroom. I know I don't look good or feel good and I do lose my focus and joy in it. It sucks.

lori4013

thanks for your input. It helps

anacsitham5

My feeling is this. A woman should wear something every day that makes her feel sexy. If it's a pair of red heels, a nice top or some racy under garments. I know I find it easier to feel sexy when I'm feeling fit and rim, but I could do it before my 50 lb loss too.

Emmea2729

I feel sexy when i'm "with" my boyfriend if you get what i mean. and when he puts his hands on my hips when we're in public and when a lad is flirting with me.


however, thats it. dont get to see my boyfriend much and the lads flirting only happens every so often!!

sometimes my bf will say i look sexy in the mornings, and i'm like "what?!?!?!?! my hairs a state, i forgot to take my makeup off, and im a moody morning person... how is THAT sexy!?!?!?"

plumnbagel

This topic is really a reminder to me how people can feel insecure even in the surest things, and a good reminder to me to share my feelings with my wife more often.
She has expressed insecurity about her weight since the day we met, and when I tell her I think she's looking beautiful, her response feels like she thinks I'm lying, or that "oh, you're just saying that because I'm your wife."
If I'm being totally honest, it can make it hard to pay her a compliment sometimes. It's like listening to someone insult your best friend, you know?
For my MFP friends here who've said they struggle to feel sexy, do compliments from people close to you boost your self-esteme, or are they almost a burden, something you feel like you have to smile and accept but feel false?
What would be something you would love to hear from your spouse or partner; something beyond the usual support that instead cut through your insecurity and really delivered the message "Believe this: You are sexy to me"?

Bikini27

You know, whenever I start feeling this way I think of a hot a steamy moment from my past and how sexy I felt then. And I tell myself that, yea, my thighs are big and I have a tummy....but those legs are powerful and that tummy doesn't get in the way of my "me" time

And then I put on a killer pair of heels that make my legs look fabulous and strut.

:flowerforyou:

PS If all else fails, fake it 'til you make it!

This is the right attitude to have... Go girl!!

gail2207

For my MFP friends here who've said they struggle to feel sexy, do compliments from people close to you boost your self-esteme, or are they almost a burden, something you feel like you have to smile and accept but feel false?
What would be something you would love to hear from your spouse or partner; something beyond the usual support that instead cut through your insecurity and really delivered the message "Believe this: You are sexy to me"?

Compliments do boost self esteem, but it has to be more than just the usual 'you look nice'. It has to be something real and from the heart. Whenever I get ready to go out to dinner or something my fiance always says the obligatory 'you look nice' but it isn't real anymore. I think we just need to hear something different so that it feels real. That's just my opinion and experience.

FitJoani

It has always been an issue. I am a former obese girl I was a size 22. I then dated a jerk who loved to make me feel worthless, fat, and ugly. He made sure he pointed out how hot sickly thin girls were(ones that should either be a poster child for ED or addiction). He pointed out where I still need to lose wt, and even when I was dressed nicely he would make snide comments. I couldnt eat around him because of it either. It broke me and still to this day I still cant see myself as 'sexy". When a guy does tell me I am I call his bluff, because the way I see myself is not even close to 'sexy'

BrunetteRunner87

This topic is really a reminder to me how people can feel insecure even in the surest things, and a good reminder to me to share my feelings with my wife more often.
She has expressed insecurity about her weight since the day we met, and when I tell her I think she's looking beautiful, her response feels like she thinks I'm lying, or that "oh, you're just saying that because I'm your wife."
If I'm being totally honest, it can make it hard to pay her a compliment sometimes. It's like listening to someone insult your best friend, you know?
For my MFP friends here who've said they struggle to feel sexy, do compliments from people close to you boost your self-esteme, or are they almost a burden, something you feel like you have to smile and accept but feel false?
What would be something you would love to hear from your spouse or partner; something beyond the usual support that instead cut through your insecurity and really delivered the message "Believe this: You are sexy to me"?

I've gotten to the point where instead of disagreeing, I smile and say thank you, but only because if you disagree, they quit trying. But I still don't feel like it's true. I always appreciate it more when people compliment something specific, like "I love your eyes" or "you look really sexy in that red top".

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

My husband has always made me feel sexy, even when I was at my heaviest. Now that I'm slimmer I feel more confident and yeah, sexier, but I think part of it is that I know deep down that he would be turned on by me even if I didn't look like I do now.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

This topic is really a reminder to me how people can feel insecure even in the surest things, and a good reminder to me to share my feelings with my wife more often.
She has expressed insecurity about her weight since the day we met, and when I tell her I think she's looking beautiful, her response feels like she thinks I'm lying, or that "oh, you're just saying that because I'm your wife."
If I'm being totally honest, it can make it hard to pay her a compliment sometimes. It's like listening to someone insult your best friend, you know?
For my MFP friends here who've said they struggle to feel sexy, do compliments from people close to you boost your self-esteme, or are they almost a burden, something you feel like you have to smile and accept but feel false?
What would be something you would love to hear from your spouse or partner; something beyond the usual support that instead cut through your insecurity and really delivered the message "Believe this: You are sexy to me"?

My grandma taught me when I was young not to fish for compliments but to accept them when they come naturally because people wouldn't say it if they didn't mean it. So when my husband compliments me I take it to heart, especially since he backs it up with actions.

clarkey16876

Im struggling big time atm !

happinessawaits

Sexy....what's that?... Not sure I've ever felt that way!

ditto!

LuckyAng

Sexy is a state of mind. If you believe you're sexy, others will have no other choice but to respect it. Start with your thoughts and then align your body with them. I used to think I was sexy at 115 pounds. I'm well over that and KNOW I'm sexy! That's with 3 kids and a husband. He knows I'm sexy, too!

Brilliant! Love your attitude.

cmart85

My Partner is going through this at the moment & although you might not want "guy input" here it comes. I Love her, do I wish she was healthier, YES, do I still wish to touch & make love to her OH BOY YES. I luv making out, touching & well you get the idea, I have a pretty high sex drive & she used to match if not exceed this. But a number of things have contributed to her lack of drive BUT it is the extra pounds that really concern her.

MY POINT - ladies your man loves you(unless he is a user, negative pig/you'll know the difference) & he STILL fancies you, yes a little bit because he is wired to get erect at a tree falling down BUT SERIOUSLY, he took care of himself before & during(when you're at work/asleep/cooking, etc) So if that is what he wanted he would leave you alone.

BUT HE WANTS YOU

Russ

Russ-Thanks for this post, it does help to get a guy's point of view. My husband tells me all the time that I was sexy and 143 and I'm still sexy at 196. He want's me to be happy but he also wants me to understand it is ME that he loves and after giving him 3 children he finds me even more sexy than I when I weighed 143. I always tell him "Thank you" when he tells me I'm sexy.

Cindy

HauteP1nk

I used to always feel sexy...but lately I have been really struggling with what I look like. I am very disappointed in myself for allowing myself to gain weight. I know I am not overweight or plus size, but I am still disappointed that I haven't stuck with fitness - especially since I used to love it so much. I think the reason I don't feel sexy partly stems from my disappointment in myself.

However, that is why I am changing it! I am sick of feeling this way. new Year, New Attitude!

minadeathclutch

wow thats so sad... why would anyone marry someone then put them down like that?
you're beautiful... **** anyone who says anything other than that!!!


you go girl!

Hmm, that's a tough question! Yes is my initial answer but that's because I was in a marriage where I was never complimented and constantly had to hear how "hot" a few of his coworkers were. SO after years of that garbage, you start to feel pretty frumpy. Now that I"m 9 months out of that marriage, my confidence level has boosted quite a bit. That, plus the fact that I'm now working hard to get myself back into shape and be healthier.

I totally agree that sexiness comes from within. You don't have to be skinny or have big boobs or have a gorgeous face to be sexy. You need to be able to balance confidence in yourself and your self-worth with a bit of humbleness as well.

Same goes for men! I don't care how ripped a guy is or how much product he puts in his hair. To me, there's nothing sexier than a man who's involved with his kids, or taking a stroll in the evening with his wife holding her hand, or cooking together. It's all in his attitude - not in what he looks like. But hey, that's just my point of view. Those without kids or never married probably have slightly different views than I do.