Does anyone else struggle to feel sexy?

EuroDriver12

Absolutely. I've got a partner that rarely says anything about me. In the gym and in the street I get stopped and chat about muscle, but it means nothing when the person you love rarely comments on you without being prompted. Makes me feel unattractive and ugly.

on the same boat as you...

she gets flattered by strangers on the street but doesnt care if i comment her...

for me its the other way around... compliments from people close to me mean million times more than some stranger on the street..

GoreWhore72

Yes, sometimes I do.

ANNABELLEMoorsey

It's true. To feel sexy you have to believe that YOU ARE sexy. Regardless of what anyone else thinks or what society says, condition your mind and really start telling yourself day in and out that your'e sexy. Don't rely on anyone else to say it to you cos just like a person can make you feel good they can make you feel **** to. Confidence is key!

CHEFCH♥ZZ

nope!! i feel hot!! and sexy when i go out!! if anyone doesnt agree, then they can kiss my round *kitten*! me losing weight is my choice. not societies. :bigsmile:

TonyG111160

Stop fishing for compliments lol. You know you are sexy!

teagin2002

:flowerforyou:

onedayillbamilf

My sister is in a similar situation. When she was almost 400lbs she would wear her hoochie clothes and didn't care. She felt beautiful and sexy. She had lap band surgery done a few years ago, lost a ton of weight, but she struggles with self esteem now. Weird how that works.

jadedone

I recommend anyone who wants to feel accepted and sexy in their body join a burlesque class.

Or a belly dancing one!

We were totally on the same page!

I'd feel a complete idiot doing that, being a bloke LOL :laugh:

I have seen a few men in the belly dancing classes. :P
You'd make some new friends for sure. Good odds if you are straight.

jadedone

nope!! i feel hot!! and sexy when i go out!! if anyone doesnt agree, then they can kiss my round *kitten*! me losing weight is my choice. not societies. :bigsmile:

+100

CharityPearce

My Partner is going through this at the moment & although you might not want "guy input" here it comes. I Love her, do I wish she was healthier, YES, do I still wish to touch & make love to her OH BOY YES. I luv making out, touching & well you get the idea, I have a pretty high sex drive & she used to match if not exceed this. But a number of things have contributed to her lack of drive BUT it is the extra pounds that really concern her.

MY POINT - ladies your man loves you(unless he is a user, negative pig/you'll know the difference) & he STILL fancies you, yes a little bit because he is wired to get erect at a tree falling down BUT SERIOUSLY, he took care of himself before & during(when you're at work/asleep/cooking, etc) So if that is what he wanted he would leave you alone.

BUT HE WANTS YOU

Russ

Awww...this is sooo sweet! You're awesome, and your Partner is super lucky!

CharityPearce

Here's my 2 cents. : ) I don't know if anyone feels sexy all the time. I sure don't. But I do believe I have sexy potential. I don't even know if I'd really want to feel sexy all the time... I mean seriously... there are plenty of people I'd be completely uncomfortable about if their first thought of me is... "hoo...sexy." There are days when I feel icky... and days when I feel just sweet, and days when I feel flat sexy.

I agree with so many that sexy is an attitude. I have bounced around from 115 lbs to 165 lbs. Definitely I felt sexier at 115 lbs, but I'm always confident with who I am. I like myself, I think I'm pretty smart, and have some awesome qualities. Not perfect, of course. ; ) I did get more attention from guys when I was tan and tiny, it's true, but I get attention from men at 165 lbs also. I find it sad how much we focus on size and "sexiness". Not that I don't like to be small and sexy... but it's frustrating how many people (even women) paid soooo much attention to my size when I was small. There was positive attetion ("look how cute that tiny girl is!") and then there were the snide comments ("you look anorexic.") I so wasn't! When I was 115 lbs I still had an imperfect body. I'd already had all three of my boys and had the stretch marks and stretched out tummy to show for it. My boobies shrunk down to nearly nothing. I had every intention of getting implants, until I had several people tell me that small is fine! : ) I'll never forget the first time I took my clothes off for the guy I was dating at the time... His comment made me feel sooo good... "Oh my God... that body!" I never cared about my stretch marks or stretched out tummy again. At this point... I'm almost 41 years old, and I have never felt better about myself. I earned those stretchmarks, and the stretchy tummy and the lines that are starting to show up around my eyes. My body is only a very small part of my sexiness. And it's on its way to smokin hot! : ) I absolutely have sexy potential! And so do you! This is a great thread, by the way... so interesting to see how people feel about themselves.

Matt_Wild

I have seen a few men in the belly dancing classes. :P
You'd make some new friends for sure. Good odds if you are straight.

Really?

Hmmm LOL - yep straight so worth a look :laugh:

In reality I think i'd piss a few people off and embarrass a lot not to come.

justaxletdown

I don't think I've ever felt sexy in my life. Awkward and weird though? Oh, yeah.

DizzyLinds

never have never will

You will x

Topsking2010

Wow!! This is an interesting thread!!!

fteale

I don't think I have ever felt sexy in my life. Not as a UK size 10 in my 20s, certainly not as a 12/14 post children, and not now as a UK size 8. Everyone seems to expect me to be sexy because I am petit and have long blonde hair and am very curvy, Marilyn type figure but with bigger boobs, but I am not. I would feel completely ridiculous if I tried. I am a tom boy through and through.

♥ChUbByCoyLe♥

Im sexy and i know it!!!!

I'll be singing this song all day now! :happy:

Me too!!

scatgash

The more weight I lose, the unhappier I feel.
I see no difference between my size now and my size then when I look in the mirror, I don't think I'll ever feel sexy.

jz67

Sexy is a state of mind. If you believe you're sexy, others will have no other choice but to respect it. Start with your thoughts and then align your body with them. I used to think I was sexy at 115 pounds. I'm well over that and KNOW I'm sexy! That's with 3 kids and a husband. He knows I'm sexy, too!

This!

csklebar

I tell my husband almost every day how much I find him so sexy and attractive and I show him how much I love him as well. To feel sexy is your own state of mind. I have found in my 35 years on this earth that it is about confidence, it is about loving being with yourself no matter what and just being happy with what you have been given. I had serious birth defects with my mouth and face for 18 years of my life. I was voted ugliest girl in my high school and bullied so much. On top of that, my mother told me how much she hated my face because it reminded her of my biological father, whom she divorced 1 year after she had me. It took a long time to build up my self-esteem, but now I love feeling sexy. I found that my husband loves it when I feel sexy, confident and happy.

ps: I am a big fan of buying really awesome lingerie outfits - surprising your hubby when he gets home wearing a great outfit and handing him his favourite cold bottle of import beer really can't get any sexier than that!

monroe61

I have never felt sexy...especially naked! I see myself and wonder how in hell my sexy husband can be attracted to that..yuck!
To be honest I'm not sure if that will ever change "skinny" or not because of the lovely road map my children left me

iishnova

Im sexy and i know it!!!!

I'll be singing this song all day now! :happy:

Me too!!

lol me too. *dancedance*

On topic though, I've never really felt sexy. When I was married my husband NEVER had a positive comment to say about my looks (plenty of negative though) and that might have something to do with it.

My boobs were a DD before I hit high school, and as most of my friends weren't "developed" yet I felt really awkward about it and wore really baggy clothes all the time. By the time I accepted my fate (I was an H at the biggest, followed by a reduction two years after high school) and started trying to dress for my figure everyone was so used to my attire that they made comments that caused me to feel uncomfortable even dressing in just well fitting clothes.

As I'm losing weight now I'm trying to see some sexy in myself, but I've always been self conscious so it's a hard battle to fight.

slay0r

Yes, very much struggle.

Even though I'm a completely different person after weight loss and I get the most incredible compliments etc etc, I still can't get past all of that and I still just see myself the same way.

For example I've managed to get a girl to like me that I just find to be 10x out of my league in my head (from the past)

All I could think about was not wanting to take my shirt off and how she wouldn't enjoy it as a result and she did take it off and from then on I just didn't enjoy it at all. Like someone said previously they lost their "focus" I was the same and I just couldn't be myself. Trying to get past that now since she keeps on calling me trying to get me to see her so there's got to be something in my head a little!

I feel for you. I really really hope you can try to realise that she sees the good in you from the inside, and won't notice at all the 'outside' bits that you worry about. Don't let something good slip away because of who you feel you were.

I am trying to come to terms with that I'm beginning to realise she must like me quite a bit to be contacting me, just need to get my head round it a bit, I'm sure with time it will improve. I won't let it slip away simply because she's awesome. I just hope there's a day where I lie there with someone and think..yeah I don't look bad and feel sexy. I get it a little occasionally I guess when I get new clothes or something (something a bit tighter than previously.) Maybe I just need to meet a few new people instead of the people I really know and guage their reactions, then I might feel a bit better about it!

scs143

I tell my husband almost every day how much I find him so sexy and attractive and I show him how much I love him as well. To feel sexy is your own state of mind. I have found in my 35 years on this earth that it is about confidence, it is about loving being with yourself no matter what and just being happy with what you have been given. I had serious birth defects with my mouth and face for 18 years of my life. I was voted ugliest girl in my high school and bullied so much. On top of that, my mother told me how much she hated my face because it reminded her of my biological father, whom she divorced 1 year after she had me. It took a long time to build up my self-esteem, but now I love feeling sexy. I found that my husband loves it when I feel sexy, confident and happy.

ps: I am a big fan of buying really awesome lingerie outfits - surprising your hubby when he gets home wearing a great outfit and handing him his favourite cold bottle of import beer really can't get any sexier than that!

You are an inspiration!

demhareis

My feeling is this. A woman should wear something every day that makes her feel sexy. If it's a pair of red heels, a nice top or some racy under garments. I know I find it easier to feel sexy when I'm feeling fit and rim, but I could do it before my 50 lb loss too.

I wear perfume. That's the one thing I can slip into that won't be ruined by my overweightedness.

If one were to close one's eyes so they can't see the fat, then inhale deeply, all one can smell is sweet loveliness. Win.

Marilyn Monroe said it best. When asked what she wore to bed, she replied, "Chanel No 5."

demhareis

What would be something you would love to hear from your spouse or partner; something beyond the usual support that instead cut through your insecurity and really delivered the message "Believe this: You are sexy to me"?

I want to hear something about me that he finds sexy that has nothing to do with my weight.

Frex, "Your voice turns me on!" or "Your hair is so soft." or "You smell like coconut."

Stuff like that would be a reminder that I am not my fat and that I have other facets to myself that are okay.

nikki1anna

I have that issue now that I have all this extra baby weight on, but I felt sexy when I was pregnant, and even sexier before I got pregnant (hahaha... maybe that's what lead to the pregnancy ) and was at the best shape of my life. We will always pick flaws with our own bodies. We need to learn to love those flaws and move on. Each one of us is sexy and the more confidence we have, the sexier we are!! If you get into that mind set that its never enough there is always something wrong, that's when you can have problems like anorexia or bulimia. Need to look in the mirror every day and find something you love different about yourself every day!

what she said, that's why it's good to set REALISTIC goals and appreciate your body !

Molly182

The thing that sucks about this is that you're your own worst critic. I will see people twice the size of me and think they look amazing because they dress in a flattering way and they have confidence. I can think of ways I want to dress, but can never find what I want, or I just don't think I pull it off quite right and I have little confidence, so I feel terrible about myself, but see beauty in others. =(

demhareis

Ooh! I just thought of someone who's considered universally sexy and she's not a slender lass, not by a long shot.

Two words for you:


Nigella. Lawson.










Suddenly I feel better.

russellma

I'm going to venture and say that we all get tempted to compare ourselves (or God forbid, our spouse or significant other) to others around and have to come to the conclusion that there will always be someone that ranks a little higher on the sexy chart, as viewed by our society.

I suppose we could all just move to a society where our particular body type is the "in" thing!

But, honestly, I think we're focusing on all the wrong things. For all the self-deprecation and comparing and trying to make ourselves a little higher on the "sexy" totem pole, it's not really making us any happier. Sexy people are cheated on everyday!

We focus on looking attractive (which will most likely decline with time) instead of BEING an attractive person (which has great potential to increase over time, despite the wrinkles and love handles!)

We focus on lust (which won't ever truly satisfy) instead of true love (which is what we all really want).

So, although I think the majority of us can pick a part of us that we would classify as "unsexy", I'm trying to defy the messages that our society sends to us, and focus on BEING attractive with my attitudes and actions and being the kind of wife that would make any man think twice about taking the risk of losing. That's sexier and more satisfying by far than that little black dress!