How to not cry when getting your *kitten* chewed??

jhartram

Store up all the anger and frustration they're inspiring in you and use it to work out harder later... then smile because they're helping you with your goals while being a jerk... then watch them get frustrated because you're smiling and disintegrate into partial sentences before stomping off

bmqbonnie

It comes with time. I used to cry at the drop of a hat and almost never do now. Keep your breathing even, try not to take things personally, and if you feel tears coming anyway it helps to look up, especially at a light.

ilookthetype

Any suggestions? I hate looking like a weak little girl when I get upset and cry when I get chewed out. I need to be strong and take it like a man! Lol, any suggestions???

Not crying isn't "manly" its refusing to be guilted into something. So don't feel guilty, admit you fvcked up and move on.

Also, don't feel shame in being a woman, which, those 4 sentences make it look like you think you're weak and less than men, you're not. Go listen to "Blood in the Boardroom" by Ani Difranco.

patcobill

Ask the person to STOP yelling and address you like an adult. People get treated like they allow themselves to be treated.

paulamarsden

why is anbody allowing anyone to shout at them either in the workplace or in their personal lives?

Man up the lot of you.

just sayin'

mcdonl

Not much info to go on, so I will assume that maybe you made a mistake and the other person over reacted. Correct me if I am wrong.

So, I will also assume that the other person has formal authority over you in a professional capacity.

AND... I will also assume that somewhere mixed in with the *kitten* chewing (Not to be mistaken with gentle nibbling....) there was some constructive criticism not just punitive actions...

All of that said, I have a chief who is just like the person I described. Likes to make mountains out of molehills, nit picks and if you are not doing it his way you are doing it wrong.

So, what I do is listen intently, and thank him for his continued feedback. Kissing *kitten*? Sure, but his title is chief, my title is give me a ****ing pay check.... So, I take his power away by thanking him and making him think I appreciate his words... when in some cases I do.

jilers

First of all stare at the top of their head. They think you are looking at them but you are not. Focus on the words remember they are words That's all. If the words are relevant use it as constructive criticism - if not roll your eyes around (in your head!) and remeber this too shall pass

AlbertPooHoles

Any suggestions? I hate looking like a weak little girl when I get upset and cry when I get chewed out. I need to be strong and take it like a man! Lol, any suggestions???

Don't be a "weak little girl". Be a strong woman. :flowerforyou:

CastleMadeOfSand

By asking how to "take it like a man" you're asking how not to be a grown, strong, awesome woman. I suggest putting on gloves and busting the glass ceiling.

theoneandonlybrookie

Yeah, this is why we all should realize that chewing someone out doesn't do anything helpful! And believe me, I work with a bunch of egos and routinely am made to feel dumber, less important, and generally just like a complete piece of *kitten* by some people I work for. I have many times wanted to cry my eyeballs out at work as a result of a good chew out. I feel for you.

If someone is giving you constructive criticism, it probably won't make you cry. It will make you stop, think about what you're doing, and more than likely make positive changes.

If someone is chewing your *kitten*, they aren't encouraging you to make positive changes. They very well could be very sad or angry at other things in their lives and are taking it out on you. At any rate, they don't deserve your respect or attention in that moment.

In a perfect world, well, you wouldn't be chewed it out, but if you were, you could calmly tell that person to go away until they can speak constructively to you. I realize that this might not be the best option if it's your boss, though, and they have the power to fire you if you choose not to listen to them.

So if it's someone you can't tell to go away, ignore them and try to make yourself think about something funny instead. Imagine that person naked attempting to do the electric slide. Or imagine how funny it would be if you actually COULD go kung fu on their *kitten* and how shocked they would be.

This is my personal favorite funny beat someone up or tell them off fantasies from High Fidelity...

http://youtu.be/28S-aOWtFdo

Imagine doing THAT to them.

amandakrussell

Usually you focus on what they're saying, not how they're saying it. Then you repeat it back to them. Example:

"I can't believe you didn't put the toilet paper back on the &#*$ing toilet paper roll AGAIN!"

"So what you're saying is, it would make you happy if I put the toilet paper on the toilet paper roll proactively, rather than wait for you to do it yourself."

Usually it calms them down. The only time I cry is when I know I've messed up, and during those times, you just get it out in the bathroom on the 5th floor or in the Starbucks bathroom next door.

vweavers

Any suggestions? I hate looking like a weak little girl when I get upset and cry when I get chewed out. I need to be strong and take it like a man! Lol, any suggestions???

It's simply a defensive response- it's not abnormal, but then- it's not productive either. It's difficult- but try not to be offended, even if the person IS doing it in a negative way. Take what you can from the (one-sided?) conversation- so you can learn from it. The two most important things are: 1) ADMIT your wrongdoing. Some bosses take delight in pointing out what people did wrong. Your owning up to your mistakes takes that away, shows you can take responsibility, and may lessen future *kitten* chewings. 2) Defend yourself if you are not entirely at fault. Don't be argumentative about it- just state the facts, and drop it if the argument escalates. When the other person calms down- they will likely see you are right. They may not apologize- but they probably won't hold it against you later.

Snakey74

I sing songs to myself in my head.
Well, actually I change the words to something that makes fun of them in my head.
(e.g. "twinkle twinkle little star, what an annoying twit you are." - although mine are usually much more colorful in lyrics, but you get the point) When you find yourself starting to smile or giggle, bite your lower lip.
Also, never lose eye contact. It lets them know you're listening...and that you aren't intimidated.

I like the end part where they ask if you have any questions or comments. I just let loose a really big grin and say, "Nope!" and walk out. It kinda frustrates them.

narrington77

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do

LMAO.. hilarious

onefitdiva

I find naturally being a bit** prevents people from chewing your a** off as they are afraid of having theirs handed to them.

AlbertPooHoles

Think about something else.

Bikini27

Honestly, my tear ducts are hardwired to every emotion. I've learned that tears are apart of my life, but breathing and trying to find the message in the rant? Probably the best thing you can do.
:flowerforyou:

If it makes you feel better, I know plenty of manly men that tear up when there is a lot of emotion.

ejohndrow

Ask the person to STOP yelling and address you like an adult. People get treated like they allow themselves to be treated.

Haha the best reaction while being yelled at: Calmly, "I'm standing right here. Lower your voice and act like an adult."

danigirl1011

Omg i have the same problem! And i can't stand it. Luckily i have a nice boss now who never makes me cry, but would love to be able to control this too.

deannarey13

Yeah, I am in much the same situation today.

corsar8189

great advice

ThePhoenixRose

By asking how to "take it like a man" you're asking how not to be a grown, strong, awesome woman. I suggest putting on gloves and busting the glass ceiling.

You win. :flowerforyou:

CastleMadeOfSand

Wow, is sure need help with this one two...we need some suggestions from emotional females, not logical men!!

::facepalm::

I'm the most emotional man you'll ever meet in your life. However my emotions don't dictate my gender OR my behavior! Jeez! And they call MEN sexist...

1996gtstang

if its at work just think to yourself they are paying you for the *kitten* chewing. just nod and say "I wont let it happen again"

Dragonwolf

Any suggestions? I hate looking like a weak little girl when I get upset and cry when I get chewed out. I need to be strong and take it like a man! Lol, any suggestions???

This doesn't necessarily work while in the middle of getting chewed out, but find a hobby that gives you personal power (and a way to vent). Doing something that gives you personal power helps boost your self-esteem and makes it easier to deal with people *****ing you out.

If you can, you can also get yourself into a position within the company that makes you fire-proof (or at least fire-resistant), or realizing that you are more valuable to the company than you may have previously given yourself credit for. Doing that brings down the stakes of messing up (messing up, then, likely won't cost you your job), making those meetings more bearable, since you know you'll still have a job when you walk out.

During the meeting? Well, as the old British war posters used to say, "Keep calm and carry on."

why is anbody allowing anyone to shout at them either in the workplace or in their personal lives?

Man up the lot of you.

just sayin'

Oftentimes, the person doing the shouting is also the same person that can fire you. In this economy, a hell-hole of a job is better than no job at all, which means putting up with the jerks. In a company that doesn't value its employees, or knows just how replaceable a given employee is, standing up to a boss, even a bully, can mean not having a job. For a lot of people, losing a job means financial ruin. When the stakes are that high, people don't feel they have a choice but to allow themselves to be doormats. Is it right? No, but it's life.

Also, some of us cry as a reaction to certain stressors, and even "manning up" still results in water works, regardless of how hard we work to suppress them, because it's more a physical/physiological reaction than anything else.

poizonivey

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do

LOL...thanks I needed the laugh!!

_SusieQ_

Wow, is sure need help with this one two...we need some suggestions from emotional females, not logical men!!

Wow, seriously? I'm actually quite offended that you just categorized all females as emotional vs men as logical. I'm sorry for you if that is your life, b/c I can assure you that I am QUITE logical.

UpEarly

I have an easy cry reflex! I cry when people yell at me, when I'm happy, when I'm frustrated, when my boss praises me, etc. I find that deep breaths and speaking quietly help.

maab_connor

Wow, is sure need help with this one two...we need some suggestions from emotional females, not logical men!!

Wow, seriously? I'm actually quite offended that you just categorized all females as emotional vs men as logical. I'm sorry for you if that is your life, b/c I can assure you that I am QUITE logical.

indeed.

_snw_

why is anbody allowing anyone to shout at them either in the workplace or in their personal lives?

Man up the lot of you.

just sayin'

no one shouts at me ... an *kitten* chewing rarely involves shouting.