probs w/ hubby. idk who to turn to need others opinion.

Angela103098

Let me tell you, my husband walked out on our marriage and our kids 3 days after Christmas, and it was the best thing that has happened to us! The house is quiet and there is no more screaming at one another. He calls and starts in on me, I just hang up. I dont care about him in the least bit. Im not saying it wasnt hard at first, but you find out how strong you really are when thing like this happen.
Do not take it from him! You deserve so much more!

Cberg9

Honestly, I had a boyfriend once who did the exact same thing. But looking back, I can see what an *kitten* he was and how controlling he was always trying to be. I don't know anything else about your relationship, but from the way it reminds me of my ex, it makes me shudder and I want to tell you that it's not worth it. Girls wear less than that every day, and you are allowed to wear whatever you're comfortable in, even if you are showing your arms *gasp*!

I think deep down you know that he's not treating you right. A guy should never try to shame you like that.

Agreed! This too reminds me of an emotionally abusive relationship I had in the past and makes me shudder. You deserve better than to be called a slut, that is disgusting. Even in a joking way that is totally innappropriate.

lejess

My initial gut reaction to reading what you wrote OP, is that it sounds abusive. Emotionally at least. Abuse is a strong word, so I tread on that lightly because only you know what goes on behind closed doors. But he did call you a really awful name in front of other people (his friends), so Im guessing his behavior isnt out of the ordinary, and also probably acceptable to those around you. This probably makes it even harder for you to see anything clearly.
As other suggested I urge you to seek counseling. A mediator to help you two learn to communicate sounds down right necessary to save your marriage.
However, with that said, this quote below is also excellent and gives some really insightful things you should consider. If you cant see or be strong enough for yourself, be strong for your children and imagine if this was happening to them.
I hope you've found insight here and seek some outside assistance. Best of luck to you.

Do you have children?
Daughters?
Sons?

Would you want your daughters to learn that this how they should be treated by their husbands in the future?
Would you want your sons to learn this how they should treat their wives in the future?

I'm so sorry you are going through this. The end is the hardest part and even when it's the end, it's never really over. There is always drama of some sort. No one deserves to be treated this way. No matter what you are wearing.

dovesgate

After reading all the responses about your breasts being your profile picture and realizing you've edited your profile to take anything remotely questionable out, I'm wondering if maybe your husband is just fed up with your attention seeking behavior and used that word to get your attention.

My husband would not be pleased with me posting pictures of my breasts and Lord only knows what else since you removed them. Nor would he be ok with me wearing a wifebeater with a black bra under - way too sexy to be working with other men. And if you're flaunting yourself, OF COURSE he's going to be insecure!

My advice is to start acting like a grown married woman. Don't post provocative pictures. Don't wear provocative clothing to work(!) or around men when your husband isn't around. Don't start threads on public forums with the sole intention to make your husband look like a monster (if it wasn't your intention, you would have left the pictures when people started commenting that maybe he has a point). Is the reason you won't bring it up to people who know you because you know the image you've been projecting isn't exactly "wholesome wife and mother"?

Yeah, "slut" is a dirty word. No, it shouldn't be used by someone who loves you. But I can completely understand him reaching his boiling point. If your husband was posting boxer-bulge pictures would you be ok with it? Would you be ok with him having a sexy six pack and taking off his shirt at work while he works with 3 women and another dude? I highly doubt it.

i_love_vinegar

It is really sad that in our society, people always jump to defend the man's actions.
Ex, "Well a 23 year old was showing cleavage in her profile picture. Maybe it's her fault her husband called her a slut!" Same ignorant statement said about female rape victims, "Well, she was asking for it wearing that outfit! It's not the man's fault -- nope, always the woman's fault!"

I doubt we would have received the same responses if a man had asked this question, "My wifey told me I Iook like a manwhore!"
and his profile pic was him without his shirt on, pants low cut...(and even then, I don't think its appropriate to insult a man for his pic either...)

Sure, there probably are two sides to this story, but unless the husband jumps in or the OP adds more information...we should be advising her on what we know...not making assumptions like, "Maybe you deserved it!"

EVEN IF the OP's outfits are what caused her husband to insult her like that...was that REALLY the best way to handle his feelings? Calling her up in front of her coworkers and being derogatory?

ummlovelovesyou

if your husband is calling you a slut, i would think he has some problems running deeper than your attire. it sounds like he could use some anger management counseling. best of luck to you.

Agreed. No tolerance for any man calling his wife a derogatory name!

crazybeautifulkittie

Okay babe. You are an angel. You are sweet, you are kind and you are worthy. No man should treat any woman that way, much less your husband. I am so sorry this is happening to you. I know that we just want the best out of life, but sometimes it means making difficult decisions in your life.

crazybeautifulkittie

After reading all the responses about your breasts being your profile picture and realizing you've edited your profile to take anything remotely questionable out, I'm wondering if maybe your husband is just fed up with your attention seeking behavior and used that word to get your attention.

My husband would not be pleased with me posting pictures of my breasts and Lord only knows what else since you removed them. Nor would he be ok with me wearing a wifebeater with a black bra under - way too sexy to be working with other men. And if you're flaunting yourself, OF COURSE he's going to be insecure!

My advice is to start acting like a grown married woman. Don't post provocative pictures. Don't wear provocative clothing to work(!) or around men when your husband isn't around. Don't start threads on public forums with the sole intention to make your husband look like a monster (if it wasn't your intention, you would have left the pictures when people started commenting that maybe he has a point). Is the reason you won't bring it up to people who know you because you know the image you've been projecting isn't exactly "wholesome wife and mother"?

Yeah, "slut" is a dirty word. No, it shouldn't be used by someone who loves you. But I can completely understand him reaching his boiling point. If your husband was posting boxer-bulge pictures would you be ok with it? Would you be ok with him having a sexy six pack and taking off his shirt at work while he works with 3 women and another dude? I highly doubt it.

BTW: If you don't have anything uplifting to say please don't say it. Words HURT. This woman is hurting. The last thing she needs is another woman to come in and tell her she's doing it wrong. and that goes for all the people who's making comments on her breasts and such. She could stand naked in her picture for all I care. The thing is the unwarranted name calling out of a negative emotion (her husband's probable jealousy). There are more grown up ways to deal with it than to call someone a slut.

dovesgate

After reading all the responses about your breasts being your profile picture and realizing you've edited your profile to take anything remotely questionable out, I'm wondering if maybe your husband is just fed up with your attention seeking behavior and used that word to get your attention.

My husband would not be pleased with me posting pictures of my breasts and Lord only knows what else since you removed them. Nor would he be ok with me wearing a wifebeater with a black bra under - way too sexy to be working with other men. And if you're flaunting yourself, OF COURSE he's going to be insecure!

My advice is to start acting like a grown married woman. Don't post provocative pictures. Don't wear provocative clothing to work(!) or around men when your husband isn't around. Don't start threads on public forums with the sole intention to make your husband look like a monster (if it wasn't your intention, you would have left the pictures when people started commenting that maybe he has a point). Is the reason you won't bring it up to people who know you because you know the image you've been projecting isn't exactly "wholesome wife and mother"?

Yeah, "slut" is a dirty word. No, it shouldn't be used by someone who loves you. But I can completely understand him reaching his boiling point. If your husband was posting boxer-bulge pictures would you be ok with it? Would you be ok with him having a sexy six pack and taking off his shirt at work while he works with 3 women and another dude? I highly doubt it.

BTW: If you don't have anything uplifting to say please don't say it. Words HURT. This woman is hurting. The last thing she needs is another woman to come in and tell her she's doing it wrong. and that goes for all the people who's making comments on her breasts and such. She could stand naked in her picture for all I care. The thing is the unwarranted name calling out of a negative emotion (her husband's probable jealousy). There are more grown up ways to deal with it than to call someone a slut.

And we have no idea if he has already tried to gently steer her away from her previous choices. I absolutely despise when women go posting about how their husband is this horrible abuser when maybe, just maybe, she is only looking for attention and a bunch of women to jump on the bandwagon to bash the poor guy who is tired of his wife looking like a, well, slut. Her actions certainly aren't above the board.

Sorry, I'm not going to be one of the mindless herd who screams that men are bad and women should leave just because he is having problems communicating effectively. Then again, getting called a slut by the man who is supposed to love and cherish his wife is pretty damn effective communication if you ask me. It conveyes he is at the end of his rope and he can't handle the disrespectful way his wife puts herself out there.

dovesgate

It is really sad that in our society, people always jump to defend the man's actions.
Ex, "Well a 23 year old was showing cleavage in her profile picture. Maybe it's her fault her husband called her a slut!" Same ignorant statement said about female rape victims, "Well, she was asking for it wearing that outfit! It's not the man's fault -- nope, always the woman's fault!"

I doubt we would have received the same responses if a man had asked this question, "My wifey told me I Iook like a manwhore!"
and his profile pic was him without his shirt on, pants low cut...(and even then, I don't think its appropriate to insult a man for his pic either...)

Sure, there probably are two sides to this story, but unless the husband jumps in or the OP adds more information...we should be advising her on what we know...not making assumptions like, "Maybe you deserved it!"

EVEN IF the OP's outfits are what caused her husband to insult her like that...was that REALLY the best way to handle his feelings? Calling her up in front of her coworkers and being derogatory?

The majority in this thread is bashing the husband. I'm sticking up for him. She doesn't claim he has done anything but call her a slut. Perhaps I am advising her on what I know. I've known men who have gotten fed up with their wives posting provocative pictures or wearing provocative clothing. I've known women who have cried victim when it comes to a boyfriend or husband being mean when it turns out his side of the story is that she's doing stuff she shouldn't be, he has tried being kind and reasoning with her and she decides she's going to do what she wants and damn his feelings (including going and telling all their friends how horrible he is). I've known men who do this too. Wow, I guess that means I am posting what I know. Go figure.

Don't accuse me of having no sympathy for rape victims and don't assume that I would blame the victim of a such horrendous crime. Being called a slut by someone who thinks you may be cheating on them because you're putting yourself out there in a sexual manner that he find disrespectful to him and their relationship is completely different from being sexually assaulted. Hurt as they might, words are still just words and can be gotten past. And before you jump on me about how hurtful words are - really think about it. A man forcing himself on you and violating you or a word. There is no question. Perhaps I know about this too.

Of course her workplace wasn't the best place or time for her husband to confront her. Again, there is more to this story on her part. This is absolutely not an isolated incident and again, I'm not jumping on the man-bashing bandwagon. He could be an otherwise upstanding individual. However one thing I do agree with from everyone else - if this doesn't stop she needs to leave. Not because either of them could do better but because they are unable or unwilling to work out their needs vs wants and their daughter doesn't need to watch all that drama.