anyone else think this is weird.....

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245

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  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,732 Member
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    I think it would be healthier for the kids to see that the parents can get along and stand each other vs him taking the kids out for junk. unless there is some creepy stalker back history then I do not see this as trying to get back into her life. I would bend over backwards to keep a positive relationship with my ex....for my daughters sake.
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,849 Member
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    I think it would be healthier for the kids to see that the parents can get along and stand each other vs him taking the kids out for junk. unless there is some creepy stalker back history then I do not see this as trying to get back into her life. I would bend over backwards to keep a positive relationship with my ex....for my daughters sake.

    Exactly! I don't get the weirdness to this, I view it as him just putting in effort to see the kids and make them a "home" cooked meal rather than taking them out for crap food.
  • MaggiePuccini
    MaggiePuccini Posts: 248 Member
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    anyone else think this is weird.... my ex lives in the city so on his night with the boys during the week he has been taking them to his mom's place that lives 10 min away from me. But he isn't talking to his parents right now. SO tonight he wants to come over to my place to visit the boys... fine... ok... Now he calls me and asks if I have pots and pans and stuff like that so he can cook the supper for the boys... My partner thinks this whole thing is weird... he doesn't know yet the ex wants to cook the supper for the kids... what would you do??? Help!

    My x used to treat my home like he could walk in and out of it but have put a stop to it now as I want to be able to feel 'at peace' in my own place, ykwim. Funnily enough, when you mention that he is 'not speaking' to his parents, it makes me think that he can't just feud with his parents knowing that he can take the boys back to your house! Perhaps he would make more effort to get on with his own parents if he didn't have several alternative houses to flounce off to. I'd be inclined to tell him that his relationship with his parents is his concern. You and your new partner will be at home this evening.

    But I'm tough like that. Because I've HAD to be. I was a scraggly ol' door mat for long enough.
  • MaggiePuccini
    MaggiePuccini Posts: 248 Member
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    Gosh you're all very mature!! i'd rather my x took the children out for 'some junk'.
  • MaggiePuccini
    MaggiePuccini Posts: 248 Member
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    "Exactly! I don't get the weirdness to this, I view it as him just putting in effort to see the kids and make them a "home" cooked meal rather than taking them out for crap food. "

    It's also CHEAPER. Sorry to be such a cynic. If he's got good reason to watch the cents then fair enough, I'm frugal myself. But is he going to arrive at your house and use all your ingredients and then leave 3 saucepans and every utensil and ten plates in the sink!? (oh I guess I have just learnt every lesson the hard way!!)
  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,732 Member
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    "Exactly! I don't get the weirdness to this, I view it as him just putting in effort to see the kids and make them a "home" cooked meal rather than taking them out for crap food. "

    It's also CHEAPER. Sorry to be such a cynic. If he's got good reason to watch the cents then fair enough, I'm frugal myself. But is he going to arrive at your house and use all your ingredients and then leave 3 saucepans and every utensil and ten plates in the sink!? (oh I guess I have just learnt every lesson the hard way!!)


    i didn't hear that part in any of her argument regarding him cooking...coming in and trashing her house, ok now there is a valid reason not to allow it. BUT, she simply said she didn't want him cooking in her kitchen....no reason given.
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,849 Member
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    I think it's funny how, with absolutely no reasoning, the guys has turned from wanting to cook a meal for his kids, albeit, in his ex's kitchen, to trashing the place, using all her food and leaving all the dirty dishes for her to clean...
  • lglg11
    lglg11 Posts: 344 Member
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    Short story .. my ex hasnt seen our 4 kids in close to a year ..

    I would give anything for him to come to my house , cook dinner , take a shower and a nap if he wanted to as long as the kids were happy .

    Granted it may be awkward for you but I dont think its weird . It would be weird if he wanted to bring the kids to his moms and then come back and cook for you :)
  • angied80
    angied80 Posts: 749
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    LET THE MAN COOK FOR CHR*ST SAKES!!!! :laugh: HEHEHE....
  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,732 Member
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    LET THE MAN COOK FOR CHR*ST SAKES!!!! :laugh: HEHEHE....


    *muah!
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
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    Asking her to leave while he uses her kitchen and home is a red flag of weirdness in my mind.

    Come visit the kids? Cool
    Cook for them in her kitchen? Still cool, albeit unusual
    Asking her to leave so he can use her home and facilities? Not cool.

    My husband has an ex-wife. When she would visit from out of town to see the kids who were living with us, she would stay in a hotel. If she wanted to spend time with them, she would pick them up, go wherever, have a good time and bring them back. She didn't hang out with them at our home. I certainly would not leave her alone in our home. :noway:
  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,732 Member
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    He told her she could leave, didn't ask her to leave...at least that way my interpretation. I won't leave my ex in my house either, but to me it shows he is making an effort to keep things normal. Example being if she had plans, since it sounds like this is a regular visit, she should feel free to keep them. And as she said its only for a short time...due to other activities that evening.
  • snookumss
    snookumss Posts: 1,451 Member
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    I don't think its weird, my parents divorced when I was about 10 and he had some odd living conditions and we visited him in strange places. I'd say he is doing whats best for the kids. :)
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
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    He TOLD her she COULD LEAVE her own home. :huh:

    That suggests to me that his mindset is.......off.

    I may just be projecting, but whether you describe it as asking, offering, telling, whatever verb you use, his idea is basically: I'll come into your home, use your kitchen, and you can just go shopping, leaving me and the children alone in your house. Since I refuse to patch things up with their grandparents.

    That sounds wonky to me. I'd feel very uncomfortable if I were asked to leave my home by my ex. I'd decline to acquiesce to his request.
  • Galletakek
    Galletakek Posts: 285
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    haven't read the other comments soo if im repeating what others are saying meh...

    need more dads like him! :).. its not weird its being a dad.. its what dads do for their kids. I like the fact that he is trying .. most dads dont these days...
  • rob_v
    rob_v Posts: 270 Member
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    I think alot has to do w your current relationship w him as well as how things ended.
    I know several people that are now better friends when divorced than when married, and in this type of situation it great for the kids. They understand that mom and dad are no longer married but they both like and respect one another.
    If this is the case - then I see no harm. He's making an effort see his kids - can't fault him for that.
  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,732 Member
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    He TOLD her she COULD LEAVE her own home. :huh:

    That suggests to me that his mindset is.......off.

    I may just be projecting, but whether you describe it as asking, offering, telling, whatever verb you use, his idea is basically: I'll come into your home, use your kitchen, and you can just go shopping, leaving me and the children alone in your house. Since I refuse to patch things up with their grandparents.

    That sounds wonky to me. I'd feel very uncomfortable if I were asked to leave my home by my ex. I'd decline to acquiesce to his request.


    How do we know he needs to be the one to make up with his parents? Maybe it is justified. My point is, he is trying....would it be more ideal for the visit to be elsewhere, absolutely. But, the fact is so many would jump down his throat if he cancelled or I have even seen posts on here that would claim him taking them to chuck e cheese as inappropriate as well. I think there is probably a whole lot more to this story as to way this would be awkward that we don't know. But at face value, he is trying to keep his obligations and I don't see fault in that.
  • angied80
    angied80 Posts: 749
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    He TOLD her she COULD LEAVE her own home. :huh:

    That suggests to me that his mindset is.......off.

    I may just be projecting, but whether you describe it as asking, offering, telling, whatever verb you use, his idea is basically: I'll come into your home, use your kitchen, and you can just go shopping, leaving me and the children alone in your house. Since I refuse to patch things up with their grandparents.

    That sounds wonky to me. I'd feel very uncomfortable if I were asked to leave my home by my ex. I'd decline to acquiesce to his request.


    I LOVE when people state FACTS because they are obviously so close to the OP they know facts. He PROBABLY (not stating a fact , stating a senario) said she could leave, if she wanted.. yada yada.. stating if she had plans or there was something she needed to do then that was still ok with him. That just becaues his situation is messed up and he has to impose on her he wouldnt want to impose on her anymore by making her cancel her plans. Not everyone in the world is a nut. Personally I dont think this shoud have been addressed on MFP at all. As a close friend who knows the guy, not a bunch of strangers on MFP.
  • penelepurr
    penelepurr Posts: 204 Member
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    I think it's funny how, with absolutely no reasoning, the guys has turned from wanting to cook a meal for his kids, albeit, in his ex's kitchen, to trashing the place, using all her food and leaving all the dirty dishes for her to clean...

    seriously. chill it, people. take a breath.
  • snookumss
    snookumss Posts: 1,451 Member
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    He TOLD her she COULD LEAVE her own home. :huh:

    That suggests to me that his mindset is.......off.

    I may just be projecting, but whether you describe it as asking, offering, telling, whatever verb you use, his idea is basically: I'll come into your home, use your kitchen, and you can just go shopping, leaving me and the children alone in your house. Since I refuse to patch things up with their grandparents.

    That sounds wonky to me. I'd feel very uncomfortable if I were asked to leave my home by my ex. I'd decline to acquiesce to his request.


    I LOVE when people state FACTS because they are obviously so close to the OP they know facts. He PROBABLY (not stating a fact , stating a senario) said she could leave, if she wanted.. yada yada.. stating if she had plans or there was something she needed to do then that was still ok with him. That just becaues his situation is messed up and he has to impose on her he wouldnt want to impose on her anymore by making her cancel her plans. Not everyone in the world is a nut. Personally I dont think this shoud have been addressed on MFP at all. As a close friend who knows the guy, not a bunch of strangers on MFP.


    APPLAUSE!!! Wonderful :D

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