anyone else think this is weird.....

57rainbows

Toooootallly depends on the guy. There is a huge range of reasons for divorces (or break ups; not clear if you were married or not), mental state of guys, what the relationship is like between the two afterwards, etc etc.

I wouldn't want my dad to be alone with anyone's children and in charge of them. I consider him to be unstable and psychologically abnormal. Sucks but that's what I think. So obviously with the sort of person that you think is mentally unsound you probably wouldn't want to leave him with your kiddos in your house! There are plenty of other guys that are super nice and stable and reasonable and kind and don't have anger problems or irrational thoughts, and it would make a lot more sense to do that. Plus with a lot of guys there is no reason to think they have ulterior motives or could cause a problem of some sort. Get my drift? It's SUCH a personal, individual matter, I don't think any generalizations can be drawn with the information given.


Do just make sure that you're comfortable with the situation, that your partner (if you're serious in that relationship) is comfortable, and that the kids are comfortable. Best wishes!

Karmynzahringer

Just a thought, but everyone keeps saying it would be awkward or weird, and how this guy is out of her life for a reason. What I don't understand is how those of you saying it can think its so creepy for him to cook in her kitchen, (he is out of her life for a reason yada yada) but perfectly okay to take her children and spend time with her alone. I certainly wouldn't let anyone spend time with my children outside of my presence if I did not like them enough to borrow my kitchen. When two people have children it is their job for a lifetime. They will never be out of your life, you have to learn to compromise and get a long. You may not like it, but it's whats best for the children involved and it's the mature thing to do!

QueenJayJay

Me: I have to read you this thread.
Husband: Let me go get my popcorn.

(and he really did)

QueenJayJay

Women. Stop overthinking.

Dude wants to cook for his kids. Needs kitchen to do so. Bathroom doesn't work. Suggests OP could go out because of it being awkward, not some weird *kitten* ulterior motive. Dude is dude thinking dude thoughts. Dude's simple.

:drinker:

hopeabounds

Just ask your ex what's up? Be direct, keep things clear; there should be no guessing games, especially when children are involved.

felice03

Me: I have to read you this thread.
Husband: Let me go get my popcorn.

(and he really did)

Love this!!!!

felice03

Just ask your ex what's up? Be direct, keep things clear; there should be no guessing games, especially when children are involved.

He wants to cook them dinner...that's what's up.

angied80

snip..... Suggests OP could go out BECAUSE OF IT BEING AWKWARD, not some weird *kitten* ulterior motive. ...Snip

so we agree....it's awkward.

Give the guy a break - he's making the best he can of a difficult situation.

Thank u for rational thinking...

This!

angied80

Just ask your ex what's up? Be direct, keep things clear; there should be no guessing games, especially when children are involved.

He wants to cook them dinner...that's what's up.

Or maybe he made it all up and he actually just wants to bang his ex old lady... cooking for the kids might turn her on :happy: I just had to be a little dirty !

QueenJayJay

angied80

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I literally just laughed out loud!

felice03

Just ask your ex what's up? Be direct, keep things clear; there should be no guessing games, especially when children are involved.

He wants to cook them dinner...that's what's up.

Or maybe he made it all up and he actually just wants to bang his ex old lady... cooking for the kids might turn her on :happy: I just had to be a little dirty !

Oh now I get it!!!!! Creepy!!!!

QueenJayJay

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I literally just laughed out loud!

This is an accurate depiction of my marriage.

angied80

Just ask your ex what's up? Be direct, keep things clear; there should be no guessing games, especially when children are involved.

He wants to cook them dinner...that's what's up.

Or maybe he made it all up and he actually just wants to bang his ex old lady... cooking for the kids might turn her on :happy: I just had to be a little dirty !

Oh now I get it!!!!! Creepy!!!!

Yea now he is definatly creepy! ha!

angied80

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I literally just laughed out loud!

This is an accurate depiction of my marriage.

Does your husband feel as tho he is in line behind your MFP friends I think my bf does

QueenJayJay

Just ask your ex what's up? Be direct, keep things clear; there should be no guessing games, especially when children are involved.

He wants to cook them dinner...that's what's up.

Or maybe he made it all up and he actually just wants to bang his ex old lady... cooking for the kids might turn her on :happy: I just had to be a little dirty !

Oh now I get it!!!!! Creepy!!!!

QueenJayJay

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I literally just laughed out loud!

This is an accurate depiction of my marriage.

Does your husband feel as tho he is in line behind your MFP friends I think my bf does

Yes. He pulled up my profile last night and said, "Let me see what's going on in your life." :laugh:

LaurenAOK

I can see why it's awkward, but as many have already pointed out, props to him for sticking around. Think of the kids; I don't know anything about your family life but I would assume they're pretty happy about dad coming over to cook for them. Try to just let it go so they can enjoy it.

angied80

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I literally just laughed out loud!

Karmynzahringer

Just had to add again to this topic. To those of you who think it is strange especially. My daughters father and I divorced many years ago, but my daughter has suffered NO negative effects, partly because we do make the extra effort to get along. What does that include? Well this may seem "creepy" or "awkward" to others, but we celebrate our holidays together. He is remarried and I am getting remarried, but we see no reason our daughter should not be able to spend Christmas and Thanksgiving with both of her parents. After all, she is part of what makes these holidays special to us. So we have a big dinner together, he and his wife, me and my fiance, and open presents together on Christmas etc. We all play cards together, or just hang out regularly. My daughter has no dillusions about us ever getting back together, but at 14, we are setting a good example for her on how to be mature and take responsibility for the life we made, and she loves the fact that we get a long so well. Is it awkward? Not really. The only time I find it awkward, has been when starting a new relationship and trying to explain to that person that I go to dinner at my ex's house sometimes, am friends with his new wife, and celebrate holidays together. This can be a little uncomfortable for the significant other, but if they love you, and understand what is best for the child, they will accept it.

I never have understood how two people can be married, and decide it won't work, then just never talk to the person on a friendship level again. You once shared your life with that person, and if you have children especially, you have created a life with that person. Does it mean you still love them? HELL no, but that doesn't mean you can't have a healthy relationship for your childrens sake!

Just my two cents!

EmCarroll1990

snip..... Suggests OP could go out BECAUSE OF IT BEING AWKWARD, not some weird *kitten* ulterior motive. ...Snip

so we agree....it's awkward.

Give the guy a break - he's making the best he can of a difficult situation.

Thank u for rational thinking...

This!

Double this.

angied80

Just had to add again to this topic. To those of you who think it is strange especially. My daughters father and I divorced many years ago, but my daughter has suffered NO negative effects, partly because we do make the extra effort to get along. What does that include? Well this may seem "creepy" or "awkward" to others, but we celebrate our holidays together. He is remarried and I am getting remarried, but we see no reason our daughter should not be able to spend Christmas and Thanksgiving with both of her parents. After all, she is part of what makes these holidays special to us. So we have a big dinner together, he and his wife, me and my fiance, and open presents together on Christmas etc. We all play cards together, or just hang out regularly. My daughter has no dillusions about us ever getting back together, but at 14, we are setting a good example for her on how to be mature and take responsibility for the life we made, and she loves the fact that we get a long so well. Is it awkward? Not really. The only time I find it awkward, has been when starting a new relationship and trying to explain to that person that I go to dinner at my ex's house sometimes, am friends with his new wife, and celebrate holidays together. This can be a little uncomfortable for the significant other, but if they love you, and understand what is best for the child, they will accept it.

I never have understood how two people can be married, and decide it won't work, then just never talk to the person on a friendship level again. You once shared your life with that person, and if you have children especially, you have created a life with that person. Does it mean you still love them? HELL no, but that doesn't mean you can't have a healthy relationship for your childrens sake!

Just my two cents!

You are awesome. That is all.

felice03

Just had to add again to this topic. To those of you who think it is strange especially. My daughters father and I divorced many years ago, but my daughter has suffered NO negative effects, partly because we do make the extra effort to get along. What does that include? Well this may seem "creepy" or "awkward" to others, but we celebrate our holidays together. He is remarried and I am getting remarried, but we see no reason our daughter should not be able to spend Christmas and Thanksgiving with both of her parents. After all, she is part of what makes these holidays special to us. So we have a big dinner together, he and his wife, me and my fiance, and open presents together on Christmas etc. We all play cards together, or just hang out regularly. My daughter has no dillusions about us ever getting back together, but at 14, we are setting a good example for her on how to be mature and take responsibility for the life we made, and she loves the fact that we get a long so well. Is it awkward? Not really. The only time I find it awkward, has been when starting a new relationship and trying to explain to that person that I go to dinner at my ex's house sometimes, am friends with his new wife, and celebrate holidays together. This can be a little uncomfortable for the significant other, but if they love you, and understand what is best for the child, they will accept it.

I never have understood how two people can be married, and decide it won't work, then just never talk to the person on a friendship level again. You once shared your life with that person, and if you have children especially, you have created a life with that person. Does it mean you still love them? HELL no, but that doesn't mean you can't have a healthy relationship for your childrens sake!

Just my two cents!

You are awesome. That is all.

X2

ojell

Uhmmm I don't mean to be less than open-minded, but I think this is kind of weird. But then again, I may just be the weird one. I mean I guess if you guys are close and there are no issues between you guys and your current partner feels comfortable with it, then why not? But I personally would not agree to that arrangement.

kaits108

anyone else think this is weird.... my ex lives in the city so on his night with the boys during the week he has been taking them to his mom's place that lives 10 min away from me. But he isn't talking to his parents right now. SO tonight he wants to come over to my place to visit the boys... fine... ok... Now he calls me and asks if I have pots and pans and stuff like that so he can cook the supper for the boys... My partner thinks this whole thing is weird... he doesn't know yet the ex wants to cook the supper for the kids... what would you do??? Help!

I totally think it depends on your relationship with your ex AND with your partner.

I think it throws another loop into your situation when your partner thinks it's strange. If it's going to affect your current relationship, then you really need to look at the situation and see what you can do to make everyone comfortable with it. I'm not saying don't let your ex see your son, but I think lines might be getting crossed when he's making himself at home in your house.

Like others have said, we don't know your relationship and your boundaries, but personally, I would adjust the situation to make sure myself and my partner were comfortable with what was going on during the visit. It's great your ex wants to be involved, but I really don't see how him taking your son out for dinner, would be difficult? There are plenty of healthy places to go, it doesn't have to be crap fast food. Personally, I wouldn't let my ex come in and cook in my house on his visits. His visits to me, are his responsibility and his time to get out and do things with our son, but every relationship is different, so it really comes down to you guys, no one on here can tell you what to do.

ojell

I just read your updated post.

Honestly, this makes me think of Demi and Bruce. I mean it definately works for some people. I even have family members who can pull this off. It really depends on where everyone is emotionally and how the relationship ended, etc etc. Not everyone can pull this stuff off, but like I said before in MY previous post, if you guys get along and everyone is truly comfortable with it, then why not?

I personally could not do this in my situation simply because my ex can't handle it. I attempted to do this for about a year after we split for the kids sake, but it just got to be too much for various reasons...mostly emotions. SO...if you can do it, and EVERYONE is comfortable with it, then that's pretty great!

Munque

My ex and I used to get along (he has a girlfriend now and forgot about his kid) but when we were getting along, he would come see our daughter at my house, we would all go out to eat together, no big deal, heck, when he was working odd hours either me or my husband would make him a plate to warm up at work.

However, I would not let him come over and cook dinner while I was away, and anytime he came over for dinner I cook, I would never let him cook in my kitchen, why? Because it's MY house, not our house, we share a child, not a household. If he needed to chill at my house with our daughter, I would happily make everyone dinner, and if he wanted to go eat in a seperate room so he could have daddy daughter time that wouldn't be a problem either.

I see the point of not wanting him to cook in her kitchen, that's not a part of what they share, that's a part of what her and her new partner share. And yeah, kudos to him for making the best of a situation, but he also has to respect the other parents feelings and boundries, otherwise the kids are going to see the awkwardness, I mean, what part of her staying in the other room, while he cooks for himself and the kids sounds like family time with both parents?

Why don't both you and him suck up the awkward and you can cook for everyone involved, sit down and have a meal with you, him the kids and your partner. Let them see that everyone is on the same page and can be mature adults, it's a good lesson to learn as a child.

Shayyy01

I think it shows that he still wants to visit with the kids, i would let him come over this one time, but dont let it become a habbit. Just distance yourself while he is there and do your own thing.

LoriBarefoot

Is the city so far that he can't take them to his place??...If so, he may want to consider closing the gap and moving somewhere between the city and the kids. It may be a longer commute but you do what you have to for your kids!

Moonbyebye

Hmm, that is a bit strange. I do think it's good he wants to see his boys but that was really rude of him to ask you to leave your own house!