How to deal with racists?

LeilaFace

There is no right way to deal with ignorance.

^^^^^ YEP. I'm Hawaiian/Italian/Japanese and I've put up with a lot of crap because of it. There's no way to handle it.

MattGetsMad

^^^^^ YEP. I'm Hawaiian/Italian/Japanese and I've put up with a lot of crap because of it. There's no way to handle it.

That's a great mix! I bet you have to put up with a lot of marriage proposals because of it too!

CHEFCH♥ZZ

i totally IGNORE them. i refuse to give them my time and energy. not to mention its their right to feel how they want. i dont care as long as it doesnt touch me personally. ive been in a interracial relationship for over 17yrs and we've raised 2 daughters. 1 mine, 1 his. we have taught them the same.

Navmachine

i've worked in customer service for 6 years, and i've had some dooseys of racist people come to my counter. my first thought is "who the hell leads with these kinds of comments, when they have known me for all of 4 seconds?"
I've never been one to fly off the handle, customer service is all about keeping your cool, and *****ing about them later. i've said things like:
"that's an odd thing to say. i'm not sure i agree with that."
"i'm not sure where you got that idea, but i havent dealt with that in my experience."
"well, i'll hafto politely disagree with that"

and just keep it moving towards a more professional end. if it's your co-workers, just say "look, i hate to be the debbie-downer here, but seriously, that's not cool to say that kind of stuff around me anymore. it may not be about my race, but i still find it very offensive."

if they try to defend themselves, or turn it into an arguement, shut it down by saying "ok, let me put it this way, if i hear any more derogatory comments around here anymore, i'm taking it to HR. it's as simple as that, end of discussion." walk away, and refuse to continue the conversation. i've been a manager too, so maybe that helps with me not being too worried about how people will like me after i say things.

and also, i highly doubt you would lose your job over standing up to racisim. companies DO NOT want the possibility of a racial law-suit happening, and many do everything in their power to stress the importance of keeping racists comments out of the work place, for this very reason. You have the right to a comfortable and safe work enviornment, so remember that.

billsica

I think you people all suck. What is wrong with racists? I just signed up for a 5k. If you want to race it shouldn't really be that big a deal.
If you just pace yourself and get though it, no problem. I don't really get what all this other jibber jabber is about.
get out and run.

dumb_blondes_rock

well martin luther king set a great example of using words to get a point across, since violence gets you nowhere....I honestly didn't intend for this to get ugly, so i hope it doesn't....and maybe i was being a hypocryte by what i said to the guy, but it was honestly only to show him that since he obviously didn't fall into that stereotype that maybe people that he stereotypes don't either.....thank you for those that actually put up helpful tips...since that is what i was looking for instead of lashings out of how im a hypocryte or didn't handle the situation well at all, which i already knew

kapeluza

Ignore. Really the best way to handle this situation is ignore and be the better person. What are you going to do? Argue with an ignorant buffoon that thinks he is right? That would be ridiculous.

Nopedotjpeg

My brother's best friend's cousin's fiancee is black, so it really hurts me when people are racist.

Chagama

I think you people all suck. What is wrong with racists? I just signed up for a 5k. If you want to race it shouldn't really be that big a deal.
If you just pace yourself and get though it, no problem. I don't really get what all this other jibber jabber is about.
get out and run.

Very clever

paigemarie93

just say "look, i hate to be the debbie-downer here, but seriously, that's not cool to say that kind of stuff around me anymore. it may not be about my race, but i still find it very offensive."

When I read Debbie-downer, I read it in Ned Flanders' voice

dumb_blondes_rock

i've worked in customer service for 6 years, and i've had some dooseys of racist people come to my counter. my first thought is "who the hell leads with these kinds of comments, when they have known me for all of 4 seconds?"
I've never been one to fly off the handle, customer service is all about keeping your cool, and *****ing about them later. i've said things like:
"that's an odd thing to say. i'm not sure i agree with that."
"i'm not sure where you got that idea, but i havent dealt with that in my experience."
"well, i'll hafto politely disagree with that"

and just keep it moving towards a more professional end. if it's your co-workers, just say "look, i hate to be the debbie-downer here, but seriously, that's not cool to say that kind of stuff around me anymore. it may not be about my race, but i still find it very offensive."

if they try to defend themselves, or turn it into an arguement, shut it down by saying "ok, let me put it this way, if i hear any more derogatory comments around here anymore, i'm taking it to HR. it's as simple as that, end of discussion." walk away, and refuse to continue the conversation. i've been a manager too, so maybe that helps with me not being too worried about how people will like me after i say things.

and also, i highly doubt you would lose your job over standing up to racisim. companies DO NOT want the possibility of a racial law-suit happening, and many do everything in their power to stress the importance of keeping racists comments out of the work place, for this very reason. You have the right to a comfortable and safe work enviornment, so remember that.

See i was worried about the backlashing and tensions after i said something....but you put it in a good way. I am a people pleaser so it would take ULTIMATE guts to get the courage for me to say something like that....but you put it in such a polite way

Erica_theRedhead

If stand up comedy has taught me anything, it's that you are allowed to poke fun at your own race/culture lol..

But to be honest, I have so many friends from different cultures (live in NYC). We may make fun of eachother, but there is obviously no hate. I would have the same sarcastic reaction that the OP had to whomever was spitting out hate.

mystiedragonfly

The great thing about being a grown up is that you get to choose who you spend your time with and whom you do not.

I, personally, if I do not have to have a racist/prejudiced person in my life, I choose not to allow them in it. If I hear someone making racist comments, I walk away.

They have the same American rights as I do and are welcome to speak and think as free as they wish. *I* just use my right to remove myself from their circle.

Sometimes I say "your comments make me uncomfortable." However most of the time, the only clear statement is letting them know that you will not listen to them, nor welcome them into your life.

AlSalzman

I come from a background of banjo playing cousin marrying...my family is full of uneducated people and musically talented people....and i'm white..most my family have southern accents, and for peepsake, my grandmas name is FREDLEE...doesn't get much more hillbilly that that lol

If you're so against racism, I don't get why you'd poke fun at your own "cultural" background.
Smells a little hypocritical to me.

'Cuz it works. It's hers and she owns it, and no one can use it to hurt her once she accepts it.

This is actually my favorite counter-racist tactic. Yeah, I'm part Jewish. My people have beaky noses and tiny glasses and go bald early and hoard money like crazy. There's a lot of us controlling businesses 'cuz we're a culture that values education, so we're typically smart as f&ck and handle our sh$t better than the average biggoted high school drop-out. Now that all that sh#t is true, what else ya got, Mr. Racist? And my buddy Mike, who just happens to be African-American? He's got stickers on his bass amp for Kool-Aid, KFC, Glock, DUB rims, Trojan Xtra Large Condoms, etc... and since all he love all that sh&t and it's all true and he could care less if you know, what else ya got, Mr. Racist?

See how that works?

lynheff

I am a little old white lady so I do that "southern charm" thing. "Oh my, there are many black, gay, Mexican ( insert word of your choice) at my church and they are just the nicest people. Just goes to show that there is good and bad in every group". That usually puts an end to the comments. My son-in-law has never been exactly a liberal ::ohwell but someone at his office was telling an offensive black joke and he looked up and his deadpan way said " my wife's black" and went back to his work. He said you could have heard a pin drop and that was the end of the conversation. My daughter isn't black but they didn't know that. It is just so sad. Idiots don't realize that ALL HUMANS ARE A SHADE OF BROWN! we get our color from melanocytes and that's what they are--brown. How is More brown is worse/better than less brown???? Good luck.

jarrettd

Example: Some guy told me in a few choice words about stereotypes of a race, so i told him since hes white he must play his banjo in his trailor white the cousin he married is in the kitchen making possum suprise..so yeah, i need a WAY more tactful way of handeling the situation.

That's not the greatest reply to tackle racism when it's derogatory in itself.

I think she was being sarcastic!!!

Hard to tell when she said it as an example in the context that she had actually said it.
It's still extremely insulting to someone who is from the background that the "banjo playing, cousin marrying" stereotypical nonsense belongs to.

<<<Holds up hand.

Yep, native West Virginian, here! Seen and heard my share of stereotyping, too. (Not that it is ALL inaccurate...even a many-legged beastie will usually have at least one foot in the truth.)

The social nature of people makes them want to have some sort of pecking-order. Fairness and equality are noble goals, but they go against human nature. Gotta figure out your place in the heirarchy, and you want your place as high as you can make it. Instinctually, we know that this gives us an advantage in life.

Dr. Suess even illustrated this for children with The Sneetches. "Sneetches on beaches with stars upon thars" were preferable to the un-starred variety. We are simply compelled to rank others in such a way as to seem superior, by whatever criteria we decide. We've done it for millenia, and I'm afraid a couple thousand years of "civilization" are no match for several hundred thousand years of instinct.

You can't change or control the world, just your little part of it. Don't react to the comments of haters or give them the satisfaction of getting under your skin. Teach your children to be difference-blind and hope the world grows into a better place.

MrsTattie

I am Scottish and white. When I was in the states I could not buy alcohol using my passport as id as the sign above the teller said "driver's licence is the only form of identification we accept". I was arguing my case...and loosing.... I was speaking to the manager asking why my uk driver's licence and passport were unacceptable. I then said that I was going to to police to report a racist incident. The reply was that as I was white it wasn't racist. No, but "country of origin discrimination" which is the same thing...... I was dealing with ignorance. I also asked where i cd get a usa driver's licence!! There were people behind me in the line up telling the manager to serve me and others telling the manager to get me out of there as I was holding them up. I left empty handed with threats of them calling the police! I decided that the police would be just as ignorant and did not want to spend my holiday in jail and did not peruse the matter.
Ignorance is the root of all discrimination. I am not really sure of the best way to educate people with deep set hatred. Invite everyone for beers?!
Wow I sound like an alcoholic.
Keep clam and good luck!

perdie7

Being a white, Christian conservative, I hate racists.

Jesus was a Jewish guy from the backwoods part of Israel who hung out with prostitutes, tax collectors & sinners and was more concerned about their soul than the color of their skin.

This

ChitownFoodie

I live and work in a very diverse part of the city. Most of Chicago is segregated into neighborhoods and each race or nationality seems to have some amount of prejudice towards another.

I typically get the basic, "You are Asian, you must work in accounting since you are all smart and good with numbers." and, in a slow voice, "Let me know if you need any help or if the words are too confusing for you to understand." My responses are usually, "I was born in the US, I speak English; it is my first language." and "I am phenomenal with math problems because I had the same education you did, in a Chicago Public School."

paigemarie93

I come from a background of banjo playing cousin marrying...my family is full of uneducated people and musically talented people....and i'm white..most my family have southern accents, and for peepsake, my grandmas name is FREDLEE...doesn't get much more hillbilly that that lol

If you're so against racism, I don't get why you'd poke fun at your own "cultural" background.
Smells a little hypocritical to me.

'Cuz it works. It's hers and she owns it, and no one can use it to hurt her once she accepts it.

This is actually my favorite counter-racist tactic. Yeah, I'm part Jewish. My people have beaky noses and tiny glasses and go bald early and hoard money like crazy. There's a lot of us controlling businesses 'cuz we're a culture that values education, so we're typically smart as f&ck and handle our sh$t better than the average biggoted high school drop-out. Now that all that sh#t is true, what else ya got, Mr. Racist? And my buddy Mike, who just happens to be African-American? He's got stickers on his bass amp for Kool-Aid, KFC, Glock, DUB rims, Trojan Xtra Large Condoms, etc... and since all he love all that sh&t and it's all true and he could care less if you know, what else ya got, Mr. Racist?

See how that works?

I get that, but I don't get why you would hit back at a racist with a racist/culturally derogatory comment aimed at them & not aimed at yourself if you mean it in a witty comeback way. It just seems wrong to fight one racist comment with another.

tlath70

There is no right way to deal with it. I can tell you that as a black woman, it is a life-long balancing act to decide when is the right or wrong time to speak up and tell the offending person what is what. The problem today is that many people are far too comfortable expressing their views and have lost the ability to self censor (if they ever had it in the first place). The anonymity of the internet has added to this problem, and the result is an onslaught of racist stereotypes of ALL kinds. Everyone hates someone (or so we are to believe). It is a sad state of affairs...it feels as though Americans are slipping backwards regarding racial issues when we should all be moving forward.

I am sorry to say this, but I don't think there is a simple answer to your question. I know it is very cliche', but only you will will know when it is best for you to bite your tongue and when it is time for you to speak up. Because you are worried about protecting your job, I would say, serve your offensive customers with a cold, but polite demeanor...meaning, give them what they came to your company for and no more. Be professional and direct, but do not engage them or comment.

But, you should also know that your employer is legally required to protect your work environment, so I would also reccomend that you discuss it with your manager...what you are describing can be considered a hostile work environment that your employer must protect you from, see explanation from the EEOC website:

http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/practices/harassment.cfm

I know that making a complaint to your manager seems like a lot, but I wanted you to know that you do have the option. While you are on the EEOC site, also look up your rights against retaliation by the company if you do choose to make a formal complaint.

Good luck.

smantha32

I am Scottish and white. When I was in the states I could not buy alcohol using my passport as id as the sign above the teller said "driver's licence is the only form of identification we accept". I was arguing my case...and loosing.... I was speaking to the manager asking why my uk driver's licence and passport were unacceptable. I then said that I was going to to police to report a racist incident. The reply was that as I was white it wasn't racist. No, but "country of origin discrimination" which is the same thing...... I was dealing with ignorance. I also asked where i cd get a usa driver's licence!! There were people behind me in the line up telling the manager to serve me and others telling the manager to get me out of there as I was holding them up. I left empty handed with threats of them calling the police! I decided that the police would be just as ignorant and did not want to spend my holiday in jail and did not peruse the matter.
Ignorance is the root of all discrimination. I am not really sure of the best way to educate people with deep set hatred. Invite everyone for beers?!
Wow I sound like an alcoholic.
Keep clam and good luck!

Not trying to flame or be flamed, but when you go to another country, being expected to comply with that country's laws isn't racist or discriminatory.
No one hates you because you didn't have a US drivers license.

They might've hated you for being a *kitten* and holding up the line however. heh

tanigrrrrr

Im not advocating anything here but, instantly dismissing someones opinions because they are racist makes you the same as them because you are dismissing their thoughts and feelings because you dont agree with what they believe. Surely it wouldnt be acceptable to you if the roles were reversed and you were a racist and someone came in saying how much they loved the asian race or something and you were offended by it. Would it be okay for you to turn around and tell them to stop with their opinion because you dont agree with it.
ive worked in customer service before, dealing with many varied people with varied opinions, level of social status etc, unfortunately for you customer service is about being accepting of the customer and their opinions and helping them in any way you can. If you are too deeply offended you need to not be in that job, you simply arent cut out for it. My only suggestion other than that for you, without making yourself a complete hypocrite is directing the conversation away from anything race related so that noone has the opportunity to make comments that offend you.

myofibril

Ignore. Really the best way to handle this situation is ignore and be the better person. What are you going to do? Argue with an ignorant buffoon that thinks he is right? That would be ridiculous.

Pretty much this.

Be happy, live your life with dignity, lead by example, be calm, confident and fair. Words only have the power that you allow them to have. Let the insecure have their blanket of ignorance.

The one thing I've found that racists can't stand is having their beliefs questioned in a non emotional, neutral and rational way. I think they prefer it when people get emotional as it affords them some kind of power.

Take it from me. I am permabanned form chimpout. My crime (apart from the colour of my skin) was wanting to debate race issues objectively...

Anomalia

I hate to say this, but white people do not hold a monopoly on racism.....nor do rednecks, Christians, college professors, prostitutes, Native Americans, communists, Chinese, McDonald's employees, Nascar drivers, lesbians, cookie monsters, or anyone else!!! Racism comes in all shapes and sizes.... and it affects us ALL.

I agree x 1,000,000,000. White people do not hold a monopoly on racism and being white does not make one responsible for racist acts committed by other white people.

Anomalia

I am Scottish and white. When I was in the states I could not buy alcohol using my passport as id as the sign above the teller said "driver's licence is the only form of identification we accept". I was arguing my case...and loosing.... I was speaking to the manager asking why my uk driver's licence and passport were unacceptable. I then said that I was going to to police to report a racist incident. The reply was that as I was white it wasn't racist. No, but "country of origin discrimination" which is the same thing...... I was dealing with ignorance. I also asked where i cd get a usa driver's licence!! There were people behind me in the line up telling the manager to serve me and others telling the manager to get me out of there as I was holding them up. I left empty handed with threats of them calling the police! I decided that the police would be just as ignorant and did not want to spend my holiday in jail and did not peruse the matter.
Ignorance is the root of all discrimination. I am not really sure of the best way to educate people with deep set hatred. Invite everyone for beers?!
Wow I sound like an alcoholic.
Keep clam and good luck!

Not trying to flame or be flamed, but when you go to another country, being expected to comply with that country's laws isn't racist or discriminatory.
No one hates you because you didn't have a US drivers license.

They might've hated you for being a *kitten* and holding up the line however. heh

Agree. A country requiring that you comply with their laws is not racist.

MaryB2

Example: Some guy told me in a few choice words about stereotypes of a race, so i told him since hes white he must play his banjo in his trailor white the cousin he married is in the kitchen making possum suprise..so yeah, i need a WAY more tactful way of handeling the situation.

That's not the greatest reply to tackle racism when it's derogatory in itself.

I'm sure she understands that which is why she is trying to get ideas of tactful ways to handle it.

ninerbuff

I live in a redneck town where if you are brown you are automatically mexican, and if you are "yellow" you are autimatically chinese. It's full of extreme conservatives who feel like since they are white and christian, they can say anything about anyone they feel is beneath them, because you know, jesus hated jews and blacks too....or whatever reasoning they fabricate in their minds. I heard from someone that if you don't speak up, it's basically like you being on their side, and that silence can be just as dangerous as the saying themselves, so how would you approach a situation like that.

Mind you, I date black guys, and almost half my family is mexican or puerto rican, and I have a gay brother and uncle...it really does hurt me to my core when i hear people say derrogatory things about someones race or sexual preference, and sometimes it even happens from my co-workers. Both my jobs are in customer service, so that being said i NEVER say ANYTHING because i don't want the person to freak out and get me in trouble at work. So how could someone tactfully say something to get them to stop speaking such negative things around me. I have tried in the past, gotten my point across, but left it with a lot of negativity. Example: Some guy told me in a few choice words about stereotypes of a race, so i told him since hes white he must play his banjo in his trailor white the cousin he married is in the kitchen making possum suprise..so yeah, i need a WAY more tactful way of handeling the situation.

Easiest way................................move. But you can't change people's minds if they are set. Have tried that already.


A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
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Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

cekeys

If stand up comedy has taught me anything, it's that you are allowed to poke fun at your own race/culture lol..

But to be honest, I have so many friends from different cultures (live in NYC). We may make fun of eachother, but there is obviously no hate. I would have the same sarcastic reaction that the OP had to whomever was spitting out hate.

"You see, white people have names like Lenny and black people have names like Carl."

lind3400

Im not advocating anything here but, instantly dismissing someones opinions because they are racist makes you the same as them because you are dismissing their thoughts and feelings because you dont agree with what they believe. Surely it wouldnt be acceptable to you if the roles were reversed and you were a racist and someone came in saying how much they loved the asian race or something and you were offended by it. Would it be okay for you to turn around and tell them to stop with their opinion because you dont agree with it.
ive worked in customer service before, dealing with many varied people with varied opinions, level of social status etc, unfortunately for you customer service is about being accepting of the customer and their opinions and helping them in any way you can. If you are too deeply offended you need to not be in that job, you simply arent cut out for it. My only suggestion other than that for you, without making yourself a complete hypocrite is directing the conversation away from anything race related so that noone has the opportunity to make comments that offend you.

Yeh, really whats the point??? Your not gunna change that person forever just by telling someone....they're just gunna go somewhere else with their racist words....