Sorry, I don't cook. Deal with it.

MissesJai

yes, turd alert...

Miranda_the_Phoenix

I REALLY really REALLY want to be on your side.

But you BOTH need to cook. 3 days a week for you and 3 days a week for him.

We both DO cook... for ourselves. He doesn't like it though. And I prefer it that way.

I understand where you are coming from completely... My boyfriend and I really don't eat the same things and there are no kids, so we just both fend for ourselves. Luckily he is fine with this as long as I don't ask him to cook for me too (he's the much better cook, whereas I am probably worse than you OP!

kvreeken

You've been together for 17 years and NOW it is an issue? :huh:

It's not a recent issue. It's an issue that comes up 2/3 times a year ever since we graduated college. In college, Taco Bell was the cook, right. But his mom cooked (still cooks) big over the top meals for EVERY meal and so does his step mother - they are amazing, truly. And they're making me look bad. ugh.

Sounds like he grew up with women that showed their love for family my making elaborate meals for everyone. I think someone just needs a hug. :blushing:

robinogue

Since I got off earlier (3:30) I cooked Monday-Friday, Saturday and Sundays we ate out because those were my off days. Now since my Hubby is retired I refuse to cook. I did my share and now he's home 24/7.. Needless to say quick things like Oatmeal, Cereal, Scrambled Eggs have become my best friend. He chooses to eat fast food.. I completely understand how you feel!

lindamac101

I dont cook either. Also I am a vegetarian and he is a meat eater. He knew I was not a "cooker" before we got married. But I will make him a sandwich or a breakfast. Twice a year at xmas and Thanksgiving I make a by scratch meal for both of us, meat for him lots of other stuff for me. It is difficult to cook for a family when only one of you is dieting, but I started him on turkey burgers and other healthy choice that we do share. Also if he cooks I have clean up duty. I did this whith my sons and they are both fabulous chefs, in fact one actually worked as chef for a couple of years. They still make me great meals when i visit. Its give and take.

Mamaincali

This is more of a vent because I'm SO over having the same argument with my husband. I don't cook. I've never cooked. We've been together for 17 years and I have never cooked family meals. I have done it on the rare occasion when I have a wild hair or for a special occasion. But generally we've fended for ourselves in this area because we eat so differently. He's a simple meat and potatoes guy who can eat whatever he wants - in fact he's trying to eat high calorie to GAIN. I eat low calorie stuff that I can just throw together quickly because I have a full time job TOO and I'm just as tired when I get home.

Yet, he thinks it's MY JOB to cook us dinner every night. WHAT??!?!?! Where am I? 1955? When did I mislead him into thinking I was "the little home maker"? NEVER! We don't have kids so I really don't see the point in family dinner since we chat all day long everyday and spend 90% of our free time together.

I hate cooking. Sorry, to offend any fabulous cookers. But I was not given the gift. I don't make fantastic creations. I make a giant mess and then eat a mediocre high calorie dinner with my dumbass husband who doesn't even like what I've made 99% of the time and always critics it!

ps. I like a lot of different flavors and spices (indian, greek, thai, vietnamese...etc) and really spicy food. And he likes mashed potatoes and chicken fried steak.

I don't understand him and obviously he doesn't understand me on this topic. Am I being a bad wife? Or is he living in the dark ages and being kind of a male chauvinist pig?

I love him to death but he's being a turd about this! Right?
Please say I'm right.
Please.
I really hate cooking.

Shouldn't this have been dealt with before marriage?

Here's my view on cooking.....

I don't mind cooking a meal for a woman that I'm in a relationship with. But I don't want to be the primary meal preparer. It is ungratifying.

I hate being responsible for cooking, cleaning, laundry and grocery shopping. It is a lot to ask. I hope that when I get married, I can trade off some of those responsibilities.

I am a single mom and am responsible for all of this. Its tiring. And I don't like cooking for others. It leaves me no time for me to exercise on top of everything else I have to do. I own my home and I rent out a room to help with finances. The last renter had his girlfriend and their kid over everyday. We would end up making one big meal and I hated it. Cooking for that many people and the clean up is so time consuming. I am glad those people are gone and I am back to making a meal that will last for several nights. Also my daughter is 4 and she prefers to share a plate with me. This makes my life so much easier. I work full time and its nice that for just the 2 of us we always have leftovers so I'm not cooking every night and clean up is simple with very few dishes being used.

Not everyone likes to cook. Its a plus though when they do. Why is this a topic that is coming up after 17 years? If your husband married you knowing you don't like to cook and that you both cook for yourself then that's on him. It almost sounds like he knew what he was getting when he married you but thought that maybe it'd change after marriage which is not good.

Mamaincali

Sounds like he has a bad case of testosterone poisoning. It's very common these days.

Lol

Miranda_the_Phoenix

wait.
so if he asks you to make him a sandwich... you dont make the damn sandwich?

WTF?

I would ask him if his legs were broke.... if so, I'd make the sandwich.

EPICUREASIAN

Clearly, there is an imbalance in this relationship that needs to be addressed. If your boundaries and wishes are not being respected, it's time to have a serious discussion--or perhaps even therapy. Don't let this issue stay unresolved; it will just make you and your partner bitter and more resentful as time goes by.

Is he making you feel guilty for not performing up to his expectations? Is he making you question your self-esteem? Does his criticism of your not cooking for him seem like an attack on you? You may want to consider these signs of emotional abuse.

Nopedotjpeg

Clearly, there is an imbalance in this relationship that needs to be addressed. If your boundaries and wishes are not being respected, it's time to have a serious discussion--or perhaps even therapy. Don't let this issue stay unresolved; it will just make you and your partner bitter and more resentful as time goes by.

Is he making you feel guilty for not performing up to his expectations? Is he making you question your self-esteem? Does his criticism of your not cooking for him seem like an attack on you? You may want to consider these signs of emotional abuse.

Taking it to the extreme there aren't we?

Pohudet

My ex husband wanted me to get up really early so that I would cook a real hot breakfast for him, potatoes, or pancakes, not just a quick egg dish. Even though I had a full time job, just like he. Even though I do love to cook, just getting up extra early was not for me.
Now I am married to a wonderful man who loves to cook and who often makes me breakfast.
Tell this story to your turd!

Miranda_the_Phoenix

Clearly, there is an imbalance in this relationship that needs to be addressed. If your boundaries and wishes are not being respected, it's time to have a serious discussion--or perhaps even therapy. Don't let this issue stay unresolved; it will just make you and your partner bitter and more resentful as time goes by.

Is he making you feel guilty for not performing up to his expectations? Is he making you question your self-esteem? Does his criticism of your not cooking for him seem like an attack on you? You may want to consider these signs of emotional abuse.

Turds don't typically emotionally abuse others. *kitten* maybe, but turds tend to just lay around and annoy others with their presence.

EPICUREASIAN

Taking it to the extreme there aren't we?

Sorry, didn't mean to be so neg. I know the OP was just venting.

JustLindaLou

17 years together and this is an issue?? Is it a new one or one you've been dealing with for 17 years?? Time for him to get over it.

When I was married to my 1st husband, he worked from home & loved to cook, so he did 90% of the cooking and I was his "sous chef". I helped with chopping, making salads, and clean-up.

Hubby #2, we both worked full-time outside the home, and we fended for ourselves on work days. On the weekends, usually I would cook something for both of us, or we'd work together to make a mess of BBQ for our lunches during the week. I, however, was stuck with ALL the clean-up ALL. THE. TIME. Now that ticked me off LOL!!

One neighbor couple when I was growing up ate out every single night because she did not cook.

Heck, even my Pastor does all the cooking in his household because he enjoys it and is better at it than his wife. She cleans up. (Actually I think they make the kids clean up LOL).

Seems like 17 years is a LONG time to not get it....

BarbWhite09

I'm not going to say you're right. I'm not going to say he's right. I think calling him a dumbass on here because he wants to have a meal together is highly immature & disrespectful. Just because you two chat most of the day doesn't mean that you can't have a meal together? What's wrong with spending a little time together? That's kind of part of a relationship, in my opinion. My fiance eats a way higher calorie diet than I, but we generally have the same meals - I'll have a smaller portion, or occasionally substitute something healthier in for myself. It's not that difficult, really. I'm also not the greatest cook ever, I just try to give it an attempt. Sometimes I completely fail, sometimes I end up making a tasty dinner. It's just fun to experiment sometimes, learn new things. Also, YOU don't have to be the one doing all the cooking...Your hubby could cook a few nights a week, you could cook a few nights, you BOTH could cook a few meals together. I would never get on here & bash my significant other in this way...Maybe try to use some of these suggestions, instead of being disrespectful.

Sorry you think I'm being disrespectful, but you obviously don't know us and should not be judging my relationship. Our marriage is solid. We are very crass and playful with each other and our 17 years together is nothing to sneeze at. I'm venting, I'm frustrated. It happens to the best of us in the best of relationships. So gimme a break, I'm not here to defend my relationship. And certainly don't think I'm being immature. If you can't call you significant other a turd or a dumbass once in a while then you need to lighten up.

My significant other & I do joke around, a lot, actually. So I don't need to "lighten up" really. I'm just assuming if your hubby were to see your post he would probably be kind of insulted. Think of his feelings.

MrDude_1

I heard women's feet are smaller so they can stand closer to the stove. Confirm or deny?

Dang-it! My feet are kinda on the small side.

I just read the OPs screen name. FUNNY.. I like it. also, its good you have a since of humor. I think someone else implied they'd break legs to avoid making a damn sammich.

kbmnurse

Cook together. A good reason to do it in the kitchen. LOL

hesn92

Lol what do you eat if you don't cook?

LilRedRooster

I hate cooking, too. That's why my boyfriend does all the cooking, and I clean house and do the laundry. We had to come to a compromise on that one, because I go to school along with stay at home and take care of our 17 month-old. I flat-out told him that if he wants a cooked meal, he's going to have to do it himself, and I'll pick up the slack elsewhere. It's worked out so far.

MrDude_1

Lol what do you eat if you don't cook?

everything else. duh.

DogsK

I agree, this boy is missing something if he expects you to cook, critiques your cooking and whines like a baby about it. Tell him to grow a .......backbone and take up the call, grab a fry pan a saucepan and start cooking. I am in the other boat. My wife works and then throws together an evening meal. Sometimes home cooked, some times re heat from shop bought produce. Whenever she shops, shes home with an over abundance of chocolates, biscuits, chips. makes it very hard for me. Yet I love cooking especially with herbs and spices and she has literally banned me from cooking cause I don't do things her way. I actually cook the meat, not cremate it. I love adding spices, freshly grown herbs yet these things are taboo on her plate. So go figure, I cook when she is not home (Thank goodness Im a shift worker and get some time to myself) But in answer to your to subject, yeah he's a jerk in my book

DannyMussels

I think calling him names in this thread will help.

Oh, wait.......

Nopedotjpeg

I think calling him names in this thread will help.

Oh, wait.......

I see what you did there!

julie781

He's a turd! lol. I was cracking up and immediately read your post to my turd of a boyfriend!

wftiger

I hate to cook too. Tell him to suck it up and deal.

gnrduff1

I REALLY really REALLY want to be on your side.

But you BOTH need to cook. 3 days a week for you and 3 days a week for him.

and starve on the 7th day.

kwest_4_fitness

yes, he is being a turd.

Yep!

MrDude_1

I REALLY really REALLY want to be on your side.

But you BOTH need to cook. 3 days a week for you and 3 days a week for him.

and starve on the 7th day.

I thought you were going to suggest Taco Bell for the 7th day.

PixelTreason

He knew you didn't cook when he married you.


My long term BF and I have a deal and it's worked very well for 10+ years.

I clean, he cooks. He does zero cleaning around the house and I only cook when I feel in the mood (very rare! Though I cook things for myself he dislikes; butternut squash, mashed cauliflower, fish).

sms1986

I personally think things like cooking and housework should be shared. When it comes to cooking, the person who didn't cook should clean up afterwards. As for housework, people should tidy up after themselves and everything else divided equally.

There's nothing feminine or masculine about cooking/cleaning, and I don't believe a couple should automatically assume the traditional gender roles (although if both want those roles, there's nothing wrong with that).