Sorry, I don't cook. Deal with it.

muffintopminx

my dumbass husband

You speak so highly of him

She's just venting. I'm sure he's probably called her names when he's venting about her.

HE calls me a turd 20 times a day, it's practically my nickname. And tonight as he walked in the door from work he greeted me with "Hi fartface."

Skeebee

But you BOTH need to cook. 3 days a week for you and 3 days a week for him.

this

Only can agree with this IF the guy also does not like to cook. Only makes it fair. However, if he likes to cook and can do it, then why even deal with a battle? He needs to do it. :-P

Nopedotjpeg

My ex husband wanted me to get up really early so that I would cook a real hot breakfast for him, potatoes, or pancakes, not just a quick egg dish. Even though I had a full time job, just like he. Even though I do love to cook, just getting up extra early was not for me.
Now I am married to a wonderful man who loves to cook and who often makes me breakfast.
Tell this story to your turd!

Wow.

I get up at 4am to make my husband steel cut oats, fried eggs and bacon, Monday - Friday, my husband makes breakfast on Saturday and Sunday.

I feel it is my job as nuturer of our home to make my husband a breakfast that is filling as he works hard. He often says that I make everything with love.

No wonder there are so many relationship issues these days.

It's good to know that you're not only self-righteous when it comes to food, but also when it comes to relationships.

Skeebee

my dumbass husband

You speak so highly of him

She's just venting. I'm sure he's probably called her names when he's venting about her.

HE calls me a turd 20 times a day, it's practically my nickname. And tonight as he walked in the door from work he greeted me with "Hi fartface."

Aaaah...sooo romantic. lol! :-)

dport7

my dumbass husband

You speak so highly of him

She's just venting. I'm sure he's probably called her names when he's venting about her.

HE calls me a turd 20 times a day, it's practically my nickname. And tonight as he walked in the door from work he greeted me with "Hi fartface."

I apologize for my ignorance, didn't mean to but in.

nahralynn

I'm all about compromise. Because I am home basically 24/7 I do the cooking/cleaning stuff. He will do dishes for me once in awhile (but I usually clean dishes as I cook so there isn't tons of dishes to do at the end) and he starts the laundry whenever we do it. However we have an understanding that when I get a job we will be sharing everything and if he ever has to stay home for any reason and I'm working he will be the one to do it all like I do now. I like to cook though so I don't mind making meals and stuff, I usually make many things that we use like breads, pizza crusts, baked goods. My boyfriend has very similar tastes to me too so that helps.

Maybe you can compromise with one meal a week that you make that he has to eat, and one meal that he makes that you have to eat for baby steps. He might just have a old fashioned sense to him though but you said he KNEW that you didn't cook when he married you so he's just going to have to deal imo

wjewell

Honestly, he sounds just like my boyfriend. We live together. We have two small dogs and we both work full time. I also am going to college full time, as well work out like 5-6 days a week....but I am still the one expected to cook all the meals, prepare his breakfast and lunches for work...clean the entire house, and take care of the dogs. I know how you feel! It gets so TIRING.

nahralynn

Wow.

I get up at 4am to make my husband steel cut oats, fried eggs and bacon, Monday - Friday, my husband makes breakfast on Saturday and Sunday.

I feel it is my job as nuturer of our home to make my husband a breakfast that is filling as he works hard. He often says that I make everything with love.

No wonder there are so many relationship issues these days.

I bet you guys have a great relationship. I mean that not being sarcastic or anything, my mom was a stay at home mom and my dad did hard work to provide for 9 kids (we didn't all live together at once), so she would make him big breakfasts, cut his sandwiches just the way he liked, and make sure dinner was on the table for him when he got home. I actually love doing stuff like that for my boyfriend though he doesn't think I should it was what I was raised up seeing.

jowings

He knew that you didn't cook 17 years ago. I see nothing wrong with fending for yourself at dinner time, especially since you are on different pages when it comes to the food you like and he dislikes what you have made. If he wants home cooked meat and potato meals, buy him a crockpot and a crockpot recipe book. It doesn't take very long to prep in the morning, or the night before and put in the fridge, and then it will be ready when he comes home.

Completely agree with this. I don't see why you have to suddenly pick up cooking. Also, I am not sure why people are suggesting that you just "split the duty." If you don't enjoy cooking and it has never been agreed upon nor the arrangement before, I am not sure why it suddenly has to become the norm. I am totally for compromising, but it is silly to think you will magically enjoy cooking and want to do it, even half the time. You can compromise in other ways, though. Maybe if he can cook and you can clean up after or pick up groceries beforehand. That being said, I totally understand why you are upset!

jcarmel

Wow, I'm very suprised at all the judgement going on here!! No one is perfect, we all have issues which is why we are here...no one got overweight because we are always happy, smiling & perfect! This is supposed to be a place to heal our way to better health with support of others going through similar things, I'm sure no one passing judgement on this post would jump for joy if others were judging them! You don't have to agree with what a person says not to trash them, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all" at least thats what I was taught!
Now back to the orginal topic...does this make him a turd? honestly I see both sides, and how I believe both sides could behave better. I would not be inticed to cook for someone who nags me into it or critizes in the rare occasion I do do it. On his side though, I would get frustrated if my partner didn't seem to "get it" when something is important to me and make some sort of effort. A little bit of compromise can go a long way..I cook a couple nights a week, not always fancy stuff either, he cooks a couple times a week, and we fend for ourselves a couple times a week..everyone is happy most the time. We have children though and I think that makes a big difference. Honestly if we didn't he'd be lucky if I cooked once a week and didn't live of lean cuisines lol!
It's only your relationship though, and something most definately is working if you have made it 17 years (congrats by the way)! I hope you find a good solutiontion to you dinner time problem!

vvanm

Criticism is not the way to make a spouse feel like cooking even if you enjoyed it. I would do something like a Rotisserie chicken from Costco, Betty Crocker au-gratin potatoes (add milk, butter and water), a mixed salad bag, butter and garlic french bread, and Birds Eye frozen steamed veggies. Throw a small pie in for dessert. Then say if you cook, he cleans! If he will grill steaks or burgers, sweet potato fries (frozen food) go great. There are lots of short-cuts out there that look liked you've worked. Then give him a couple of nights to cook and see what he comes up with. I buy a couple of cooked chickens, cut them into pieces, put in freezer bags, and use them for chicken sandwiches, burritos, tacos also.

frosty73

I half-expected that the OP was going to be my Mom.... this is EXACTLY the issue she is having. And they've been married for 18 years or so! She doesn't want to or like to cook, and he refuses to because it's the ONE THING he absolutely refuses to do. He takes care of her barnyard of animals, so it isn't like he's sitting on his duff all day.

The result is pretty ugly--- neither one eats very healthfully, nor happily. i don't know how they do it, honestly. So much resentment and anger over this one issue!

If it were me (and I have a similar situation to some extent) I would consider whether the toxicity and negativity in the relationship is worth the hassle from this particular issue. If it isn't, then try to put on a new mindset--- "I am learning something new, I am learning how to nurture and support my body!" and start learning how to cook. It only is a drudge if you make it so. Put on some great music when you cook, or call a friend and talk on the phone when you are prepping foods. If you like experimenting, check out some cookbooks from the library.

Good luck, in this game of wits the loser is the one who goes hungry!

moniquelessard

Wow.

I get up at 4am to make my husband steel cut oats, fried eggs and bacon, Monday - Friday, my husband makes breakfast on Saturday and Sunday.

I feel it is my job as nuturer of our home to make my husband a breakfast that is filling as he works hard. He often says that I make everything with love.

No wonder there are so many relationship issues these days.

I bet you guys have a great relationship. I mean that not being sarcastic or anything, my mom was a stay at home mom and my dad did hard work to provide for 9 kids (we didn't all live together at once), so she would make him big breakfasts, cut his sandwiches just the way he liked, and make sure dinner was on the table for him when he got home. I actually love doing stuff like that for my boyfriend though he doesn't think I should it was what I was raised up seeing.

I sincerely think it's great that you ladies can do this.

However, women who work just as hard all day long should not be expected to pull double duty once home, while hubby puts his feet up. In 2012, you are the minority. Just remember that.

mohanj

Marriage is full of compromises. Cooking is not a gift. It is something one need to cultivate to stay healthy and to avoid processed foods and expensive restaurant meals. I am happily married for 36 years. There are dishes my husband cooks and I don't like it and vice versa. We cook according to our needs and it is up to us if we want to try each others dishes. If your husband says it is your job to cook, then let him do the dishes, laundry, taking out the trash etc., and he has to accept what you cook. How about educating him that meat, potatoes, steaks etc., is bad for his health in the long run?

OneSchrutebuck

I don't blame you at all for being frustrated! It sounds like you've been given some good ideas. I don't think you're in the wrong here at all. Hopefully you can find a way to compromise or a way to heat up premade meatloaf . Mine refuses to touch anything with vegetables...literally anything. Meat and potatoes, that's it. Must be nice when you never gain weight...grrr. I don't cater to him. He can eat what I make or heat up some damn hot dogs. We both work. He refuses to cook, but he doesn't complain...so I'll take it .

Also, I totally get the dumbass and turd remarks. Sounds like us . Our anniversary was last week and on the card I wrote "happy anniversary jerkface." I got something similar in return .

junyr

Wow.

I get up at 4am to make my husband steel cut oats, fried eggs and bacon, Monday - Friday, my husband makes breakfast on Saturday and Sunday.

I feel it is my job as nuturer of our home to make my husband a breakfast that is filling as he works hard. He often says that I make everything with love.

No wonder there are so many relationship issues these days.

I bet you guys have a great relationship. I mean that not being sarcastic or anything, my mom was a stay at home mom and my dad did hard work to provide for 9 kids (we didn't all live together at once), so she would make him big breakfasts, cut his sandwiches just the way he liked, and make sure dinner was on the table for him when he got home. I actually love doing stuff like that for my boyfriend though he doesn't think I should it was what I was raised up seeing.

I sincerely think it's great that you ladies can do this.

However, women who work just as hard all day long should not be expected to pull double duty once home, while hubby puts his feet up. In 2012, you are the minority. Just remember that.

You're assuming "hubby" just "puts up his feet", nice. No he does nothing except watch the little woman do all her womans work right? There's no yard to be mowed, house or car maintenance to do or anything like that; just fat and happy on the recliner.

Marriage is a partnership. Sometimes you have to do stuff for the other person and for the betterment of the family and home regardless of your full time employment status. It goes both ways. Suck it up people and pull your weight around the house regardless of which chromosome you carry.

moniquelessard

The point of my post was that if one partner stays at home then most household jobs SHOULD be expected of them. If both work, the housework should be divided equally depending on which jobs each person prefers or excels at. One person should not be stuck pulling all of the weight. It was just an example. I by no means slack off, neither am I a man-hater. ps. I love mowing the lawn - give me that job any day! It's easy too

TimWilkinson101

I "know" the OP, in as much as she is on my friend's list and is a very valued one at that as she is very funny. Her posts are usually dripping with sarcasm and make a refreshing change from the posts about different ways of cooking celery, water retention or the weight of muscle versus fat etc. I'm also a sarcastic SOB and I also kid on with my fiancee all the time. This morning I told her to "shut the hell up with her opinions and get back in the kitchen and make me a coffee" and she told me "something unprintable with Anglo Saxon in it". We both said these things smiling and laughed afterwards and kissed each other bye. Like the OP we have a great relationship as we have a lot of humour in our lives, you need to have to get through this nut house we call an Earth.

So, people need to read the OP with that in mind. She's a nice lass with what appears to be a great relationship and she is a lot of fun.

As for the actual topic, I am a better cook than my fiancee and I enjoy cooking. I wanted to be a chef once. However, since we met, she's put on weight (go figure) and that brought her here. Like the OP's partner, I'm trying to put on weight (as I'm as fat as an anorexic racing snake) which means that increasingly we're eating seperate meals. I cook for me and her son and she... eats a celery stick...her eyes boring into the pile of calories stacked onto my plate. She seems happy I know I am

So anyways, we're all different and what works for us doesnt work for everyone else. I'd personally hate one of those sickly loving relationships where I couldnt call my lass an "argumentative pain in the *kitten*" and not expect to duck in order to avoid her punch.

Anyway, I'm off back into the kitchen, my lass has discovered I escaped!

PS I just remembered I forgot the kiss goodbye today... God am I ever dead! :S

PercivalHackworth

I love cooking - since I had to totally re-learn to eat.
Ladies :

Superbritt2drescu

My husband is so dang picky if he doesn't like what I cook, he can make him his own dinner. And I tell my kids the same thing! I'm not a great cook and try to get out of it when I can.