a question mostly for guys and totally not mfp related

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bigredhearts
bigredhearts Posts: 428
in Chit-Chat
So i dont usually post on the forums but i needed to know if what i was told, was true. I figure, get a unbaised opinion here.

Backstory: Every time i go to the bar and enjoy a night out with the girls over the past 3 yrs, it never fails that the girls i am with get hit on, talked to and bought drinks and ive only been bought a drink once! however EVERYwhere else, i get hit on constantly, by all kinds of men and women.

Question: My hubby said that when men at a bar see women that are "out of their league", they talk to her friends and buy them drinks to get the girl to wonder to herself why he isnt talking to her or buying her drinks ultimately luring the "out of his league" girl to him. Do men, or for that matter people in general ACTUALLY do this?
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  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
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    Do you wear a wedding ring?
    A guy will look very quickly to see if you have one.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
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    That isn`t to say that you are not very attractive because obviously you are.
    I have never heard of what you mention regarding talking to friends in that situation but I am a bad one to ask on that as I don`t go to bars etc.
  • grinch031
    grinch031 Posts: 1,679
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    Do you wear a wedding ring?
    A guy will look very quickly to see if you have one.

    This. The theory of the OP sounds a little absurd to me, but I could be wrong.
  • bigredhearts
    bigredhearts Posts: 428
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    i do, but thats the weird part is the people i hang with are also taken and wear rings...
  • bigredhearts
    bigredhearts Posts: 428
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    Do you wear a wedding ring?
    A guy will look very quickly to see if you have one.

    This. The theory of the OP sounds a little absurd to me, but I could be wrong.

    this is just what i was told, so i figured i would ask. my hubby knows i hang with ladies who are taken so this was the reason he came up with.
  • bigredhearts
    bigredhearts Posts: 428
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    i figured my hubby was just trying to be nice, but at the same time it happened again last night so i had to ask...
  • grinch031
    grinch031 Posts: 1,679
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    Do you wear a wedding ring?
    A guy will look very quickly to see if you have one.

    This. The theory of the OP sounds a little absurd to me, but I could be wrong.

    this is just what i was told, so i figured i would ask. my hubby knows i hang with ladies who are taken so this was the reason he came up with.

    Its possible they see you as out of their league, but I doubt they're buying others a drink to lure you in. I think its because they see themselves having a better chance at success with your friends.
  • bigredhearts
    bigredhearts Posts: 428
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    Do you wear a wedding ring?
    A guy will look very quickly to see if you have one.

    This. The theory of the OP sounds a little absurd to me, but I could be wrong.

    this is just what i was told, so i figured i would ask. my hubby knows i hang with ladies who are taken so this was the reason he came up with.

    Its possible they see you as out of their league, but I doubt they're buying others a drink to lure you in. I think its because they see themselves having a better chance at success with your friends.

    i cant speak about the out of their league part (as that is a matter of opinion) but the success part makes more sense... glad to see at least two people who dont practice this :)
  • grinch031
    grinch031 Posts: 1,679
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    Do you wear a wedding ring?
    A guy will look very quickly to see if you have one.

    This. The theory of the OP sounds a little absurd to me, but I could be wrong.

    this is just what i was told, so i figured i would ask. my hubby knows i hang with ladies who are taken so this was the reason he came up with.

    Its possible they see you as out of their league, but I doubt they're buying others a drink to lure you in. I think its because they see themselves having a better chance at success with your friends.

    i cant speak about the out of their league part (as that is a matter of opinion) but the success part makes more sense... glad to see at least two people who dont practice this :)

    I was never dumb enough to buy a random girl a drink. I think a better approach is to just talk to her, and if she is interested, then buy the drink. Don't just waste the money on a drink with someone you might have zero chemistry with.
  • theleftie
    theleftie Posts: 366
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    For me, it is all about how a woman carries herself and if she seems approachable. If she smiles easily... if she seems nice... eye contact... that whole thing.
  • Jain
    Jain Posts: 861 Member
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    It could be that you're just giving off more 'I'm taken' vibes that the others. I've been told thats what I do & I never get chatted up when I'm out the my girlfriends, even tho they are all either married or in long time relationships.
  • elguapo911
    elguapo911 Posts: 33
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    Your husband is very nice I think because that makes no sense to me and seems like a hard way to get the girl you want. When I was single there was no concept of whether she was out of my league or not. I went up to them and talked. I struck out a bunch but I didn't care and got lucky a lot.

    I am actually surprised you don't get hit on.
  • bigredhearts
    bigredhearts Posts: 428
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    For me, it is all about how a woman carries herself and if she seems approachable. If she smiles easily... if she seems nice... eye contact... that whole thing.

    see i do all that, except the eye contact unless im walking passed them... and thats just cause im there to have a good time with the ladies, not there to get picked up, tho a free drink every now and again would be fab lol
  • cekeys
    cekeys Posts: 397 Member
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    It could be that you're just giving off more 'I'm taken' vibes that the others. I've been told thats what I do & I never get chatted up when I'm out the my girlfriends, even tho they are all either married or in long time relationships.

    ^^This^^

    A girl subconciously changes the way she's sitting, where she's looking, tone, when/if she smiles, when she makes eye contact, curvature of the mouth during speech, etc... when she's taken. For most guys we think to ourselves, "Why even try?" and don't even know why.
  • bigredhearts
    bigredhearts Posts: 428
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    It could be that you're just giving off more 'I'm taken' vibes that the others. I've been told thats what I do & I never get chatted up when I'm out the my girlfriends, even tho they are all either married or in long time relationships.

    my girlfriends think this about me... cept one last night said i might just be too pretty, lol, but then again she had a few to drink lol
  • MassiveDelta
    MassiveDelta Posts: 3,311 Member
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    The tactic described by the OP is in fact a tactic used by players. Its merely a tactic not a general usage thing.
  • bcampbell54
    bcampbell54 Posts: 932 Member
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    You are telegraphing something that the men find off-putting.
    I don't know what it is, but I bet there are several eligible men on here that would love to discuss it over drinks.
    Oh, that's right, you're taken....
  • bigredhearts
    bigredhearts Posts: 428
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    Your husband is very nice I think because that makes no sense to me and seems like a hard way to get the girl you want. When I was single there was no concept of whether she was out of my league or not. I went up to them and talked. I struck out a bunch but I didn't care and got lucky a lot.

    I am actually surprised you don't get hit on.

    see this is what i fig, that most dudes, if they are trying, are gonna try whether shes in out or of their league. thats why it makes no sense that i cant get hit on when i go to the store to by gum but not by a one of 30 drunk dudes in a bar, its like its the twilight zone for me lol

    and the hubs and i are both surprised i dont get hit on ther, not that hes not totally for it haha and thank you :)
  • melaniecheeks
    melaniecheeks Posts: 6,349 Member
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    Have you seen "A Beautiful Mind"?

    That's one of John Nash's early theories of optimisation - everyone aims for a goal that's lesser than the most desirable one. So I think hubby's theory has some basis.
  • bigredhearts
    bigredhearts Posts: 428
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    The tactic described by the OP is in fact a tactic used by players. Its merely a tactic not a general usage thing.

    ^ this makes sense, and in that thinking my hubby thinks all men at the bar are players, which also makes sense... lol

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