a question mostly for guys and totally not mfp related

bigredhearts

So i dont usually post on the forums but i needed to know if what i was told, was true. I figure, get a unbaised opinion here.

Backstory: Every time i go to the bar and enjoy a night out with the girls over the past 3 yrs, it never fails that the girls i am with get hit on, talked to and bought drinks and ive only been bought a drink once! however EVERYwhere else, i get hit on constantly, by all kinds of men and women.

Question: My hubby said that when men at a bar see women that are "out of their league", they talk to her friends and buy them drinks to get the girl to wonder to herself why he isnt talking to her or buying her drinks ultimately luring the "out of his league" girl to him. Do men, or for that matter people in general ACTUALLY do this?

Carl01

Do you wear a wedding ring?
A guy will look very quickly to see if you have one.

Carl01

That isn`t to say that you are not very attractive because obviously you are.
I have never heard of what you mention regarding talking to friends in that situation but I am a bad one to ask on that as I don`t go to bars etc.

grinch031

Do you wear a wedding ring?
A guy will look very quickly to see if you have one.

This. The theory of the OP sounds a little absurd to me, but I could be wrong.

bigredhearts

i do, but thats the weird part is the people i hang with are also taken and wear rings...

bigredhearts

Do you wear a wedding ring?
A guy will look very quickly to see if you have one.

This. The theory of the OP sounds a little absurd to me, but I could be wrong.

this is just what i was told, so i figured i would ask. my hubby knows i hang with ladies who are taken so this was the reason he came up with.

bigredhearts

i figured my hubby was just trying to be nice, but at the same time it happened again last night so i had to ask...

grinch031

Do you wear a wedding ring?
A guy will look very quickly to see if you have one.

This. The theory of the OP sounds a little absurd to me, but I could be wrong.

this is just what i was told, so i figured i would ask. my hubby knows i hang with ladies who are taken so this was the reason he came up with.

Its possible they see you as out of their league, but I doubt they're buying others a drink to lure you in. I think its because they see themselves having a better chance at success with your friends.

bigredhearts

Do you wear a wedding ring?
A guy will look very quickly to see if you have one.

This. The theory of the OP sounds a little absurd to me, but I could be wrong.

this is just what i was told, so i figured i would ask. my hubby knows i hang with ladies who are taken so this was the reason he came up with.

Its possible they see you as out of their league, but I doubt they're buying others a drink to lure you in. I think its because they see themselves having a better chance at success with your friends.

i cant speak about the out of their league part (as that is a matter of opinion) but the success part makes more sense... glad to see at least two people who dont practice this

grinch031

Do you wear a wedding ring?
A guy will look very quickly to see if you have one.

This. The theory of the OP sounds a little absurd to me, but I could be wrong.

this is just what i was told, so i figured i would ask. my hubby knows i hang with ladies who are taken so this was the reason he came up with.

Its possible they see you as out of their league, but I doubt they're buying others a drink to lure you in. I think its because they see themselves having a better chance at success with your friends.

i cant speak about the out of their league part (as that is a matter of opinion) but the success part makes more sense... glad to see at least two people who dont practice this

I was never dumb enough to buy a random girl a drink. I think a better approach is to just talk to her, and if she is interested, then buy the drink. Don't just waste the money on a drink with someone you might have zero chemistry with.

theleftie

For me, it is all about how a woman carries herself and if she seems approachable. If she smiles easily... if she seems nice... eye contact... that whole thing.

Jain

It could be that you're just giving off more 'I'm taken' vibes that the others. I've been told thats what I do & I never get chatted up when I'm out the my girlfriends, even tho they are all either married or in long time relationships.

elguapo911

Your husband is very nice I think because that makes no sense to me and seems like a hard way to get the girl you want. When I was single there was no concept of whether she was out of my league or not. I went up to them and talked. I struck out a bunch but I didn't care and got lucky a lot.

I am actually surprised you don't get hit on.

bigredhearts

For me, it is all about how a woman carries herself and if she seems approachable. If she smiles easily... if she seems nice... eye contact... that whole thing.

see i do all that, except the eye contact unless im walking passed them... and thats just cause im there to have a good time with the ladies, not there to get picked up, tho a free drink every now and again would be fab lol

cekeys

It could be that you're just giving off more 'I'm taken' vibes that the others. I've been told thats what I do & I never get chatted up when I'm out the my girlfriends, even tho they are all either married or in long time relationships.

^^This^^

A girl subconciously changes the way she's sitting, where she's looking, tone, when/if she smiles, when she makes eye contact, curvature of the mouth during speech, etc... when she's taken. For most guys we think to ourselves, "Why even try?" and don't even know why.

bigredhearts

It could be that you're just giving off more 'I'm taken' vibes that the others. I've been told thats what I do & I never get chatted up when I'm out the my girlfriends, even tho they are all either married or in long time relationships.

my girlfriends think this about me... cept one last night said i might just be too pretty, lol, but then again she had a few to drink lol

MassiveDelta

The tactic described by the OP is in fact a tactic used by players. Its merely a tactic not a general usage thing.

bcampbell54

You are telegraphing something that the men find off-putting.
I don't know what it is, but I bet there are several eligible men on here that would love to discuss it over drinks.
Oh, that's right, you're taken....

bigredhearts

Your husband is very nice I think because that makes no sense to me and seems like a hard way to get the girl you want. When I was single there was no concept of whether she was out of my league or not. I went up to them and talked. I struck out a bunch but I didn't care and got lucky a lot.

I am actually surprised you don't get hit on.

see this is what i fig, that most dudes, if they are trying, are gonna try whether shes in out or of their league. thats why it makes no sense that i cant get hit on when i go to the store to by gum but not by a one of 30 drunk dudes in a bar, its like its the twilight zone for me lol

and the hubs and i are both surprised i dont get hit on ther, not that hes not totally for it haha and thank you

melaniecheeks

Have you seen "A Beautiful Mind"?

That's one of John Nash's early theories of optimisation - everyone aims for a goal that's lesser than the most desirable one. So I think hubby's theory has some basis.

bigredhearts

The tactic described by the OP is in fact a tactic used by players. Its merely a tactic not a general usage thing.

^ this makes sense, and in that thinking my hubby thinks all men at the bar are players, which also makes sense... lol

bikermike5094

I only go to biker bars. There aren't leagues in biker bars, only chicks... short, tall, skinny, heavy, old, young.... its all about what flavor you like. I really dont have any insight to add to this thread, just messing around until i go home in 5 minutes.

polo571

I'm pretty good at reading body language. I guess I would have to see the visual of you all to comment

jocelynna

I know that you are looking for guys opinions on this, but a coworker friend of mine (who is male) is reading book at the moment (I can't remember what it's called or the author...helpful, I know), but it is essentially about how to pick up girls in social situations. Your husbands theory is one that this book suggests trying. You approach her friends so that she wonders why you didn't approach her, and she will insert herself into your conservation. At that point, they can turn the attention to their target. Some of the theories seemed very interesting.

Carl01

For me, it is all about how a woman carries herself and if she seems approachable. If she smiles easily... if she seems nice... eye contact... that whole thing.

see i do all that, except the eye contact unless im walking passed them... and thats just cause im there to have a good time with the ladies, not there to get picked up, tho a free drink every now and again would be fab lol

While you are there do you ever let your attention move past the group of ladies you are with.
If you don`t then with the ring it is saying "back off".

Honestly though be careful,while it may be confusing to you when you think about it and all the potential issues is it really a bad thing for your life?

Danny_Boy13

Do you wear a wedding ring?
A guy will look very quickly to see if you have one.

This. The theory of the OP sounds a little absurd to me, but I could be wrong.

this is just what i was told, so i figured i would ask. my hubby knows i hang with ladies who are taken so this was the reason he came up with.

Its possible they see you as out of their league, but I doubt they're buying others a drink to lure you in. I think its because they see themselves having a better chance at success with your friends.

^^^ I agree.

Macrocarpa

It could be that you're just giving off more 'I'm taken' vibes that the others. I've been told thats what I do & I never get chatted up when I'm out the my girlfriends, even tho they are all either married or in long time relationships.

Absolutely correct - I've had this comment directed at me too - not so much an 'I'm taken' vibe but a 'This isn't a part of what's on offer' vibe.

I frequently don't wear a wedding ring (especially since losing weight - both my proper wedding ring and my commitment ring don't fit any more) and am not particularly bothered whether my wife wears hers or not, even if we're out at bars. Yet neither of us get hit on.

In my mind, we're married and fully committed, and I'm not interested in anyone else. I'll happily have a friendly conversation and talk about anything, but am not interested in anything else.

Carl01

I know that you are looking for guys opinions on this, but a coworker friend of mine (who is male) is reading book at the moment (I can't remember what it's called or the author...helpful, I know), but it is essentially about how to pick up girls in social situations. Your husbands theory is one that this book suggests trying. You approach her friends so that she wonders why you didn't approach her, and she will insert herself into your conservation. At that point, they can turn the attention to their target. Some of the theories seemed very interesting.

Whoever came up with that idea either is an Adonis or an idiot.
Why would I want to risk being shot down by ladies I am not interested in especially in front of one I am?

If I am going to get rejected it might as well be once and by the person I wanted to get to know.

zippo32

Have you seen "A Beautiful Mind"?

That's one of John Nash's early theories of optimisation - everyone aims for a goal that's lesser than the most desirable one. So I think hubby's theory has some basis.

I think your husband saw this movie................

bigredhearts

I know that you are looking for guys opinions on this, but a coworker friend of mine (who is male) is reading book at the moment (I can't remember what it's called or the author...helpful, I know), but it is essentially about how to pick up girls in social situations. Your husbands theory is one that this book suggests trying. You approach her friends so that she wonders why you didn't approach her, and she will insert herself into your conservation. At that point, they can turn the attention to their target. Some of the theories seemed very interesting.

it was mostly for guys but i bet that women could do this too, not sure how well it would work but i cant imagine it being out the realm for a chick that book sound interesting, so my hubby may not be entirely wrong, though i think in his case to say thats why all guys ignore me is a little unfair

MassiveDelta

Have you seen "A Beautiful Mind"?

That's one of John Nash's early theories of optimisation - everyone aims for a goal that's lesser than the most desirable one. So I think hubby's theory has some basis.

It is definitely a non-compettitve game theory and zero Sum Game theory strategy.