a question mostly for guys and totally not mfp related

bikermike5094

I only go to biker bars. There aren't leagues in biker bars, only chicks... short, tall, skinny, heavy, old, young.... its all about what flavor you like. I really dont have any insight to add to this thread, just messing around until i go home in 5 minutes.

polo571

I'm pretty good at reading body language. I guess I would have to see the visual of you all to comment

jocelynna

I know that you are looking for guys opinions on this, but a coworker friend of mine (who is male) is reading book at the moment (I can't remember what it's called or the author...helpful, I know), but it is essentially about how to pick up girls in social situations. Your husbands theory is one that this book suggests trying. You approach her friends so that she wonders why you didn't approach her, and she will insert herself into your conservation. At that point, they can turn the attention to their target. Some of the theories seemed very interesting.

Carl01

For me, it is all about how a woman carries herself and if she seems approachable. If she smiles easily... if she seems nice... eye contact... that whole thing.

see i do all that, except the eye contact unless im walking passed them... and thats just cause im there to have a good time with the ladies, not there to get picked up, tho a free drink every now and again would be fab lol

While you are there do you ever let your attention move past the group of ladies you are with.
If you don`t then with the ring it is saying "back off".

Honestly though be careful,while it may be confusing to you when you think about it and all the potential issues is it really a bad thing for your life?

Danny_Boy13

Do you wear a wedding ring?
A guy will look very quickly to see if you have one.

This. The theory of the OP sounds a little absurd to me, but I could be wrong.

this is just what i was told, so i figured i would ask. my hubby knows i hang with ladies who are taken so this was the reason he came up with.

Its possible they see you as out of their league, but I doubt they're buying others a drink to lure you in. I think its because they see themselves having a better chance at success with your friends.

^^^ I agree.

Macrocarpa

It could be that you're just giving off more 'I'm taken' vibes that the others. I've been told thats what I do & I never get chatted up when I'm out the my girlfriends, even tho they are all either married or in long time relationships.

Absolutely correct - I've had this comment directed at me too - not so much an 'I'm taken' vibe but a 'This isn't a part of what's on offer' vibe.

I frequently don't wear a wedding ring (especially since losing weight - both my proper wedding ring and my commitment ring don't fit any more) and am not particularly bothered whether my wife wears hers or not, even if we're out at bars. Yet neither of us get hit on.

In my mind, we're married and fully committed, and I'm not interested in anyone else. I'll happily have a friendly conversation and talk about anything, but am not interested in anything else.

Carl01

I know that you are looking for guys opinions on this, but a coworker friend of mine (who is male) is reading book at the moment (I can't remember what it's called or the author...helpful, I know), but it is essentially about how to pick up girls in social situations. Your husbands theory is one that this book suggests trying. You approach her friends so that she wonders why you didn't approach her, and she will insert herself into your conservation. At that point, they can turn the attention to their target. Some of the theories seemed very interesting.

Whoever came up with that idea either is an Adonis or an idiot.
Why would I want to risk being shot down by ladies I am not interested in especially in front of one I am?

If I am going to get rejected it might as well be once and by the person I wanted to get to know.

zippo32

Have you seen "A Beautiful Mind"?

That's one of John Nash's early theories of optimisation - everyone aims for a goal that's lesser than the most desirable one. So I think hubby's theory has some basis.

I think your husband saw this movie................

bigredhearts

I know that you are looking for guys opinions on this, but a coworker friend of mine (who is male) is reading book at the moment (I can't remember what it's called or the author...helpful, I know), but it is essentially about how to pick up girls in social situations. Your husbands theory is one that this book suggests trying. You approach her friends so that she wonders why you didn't approach her, and she will insert herself into your conservation. At that point, they can turn the attention to their target. Some of the theories seemed very interesting.

it was mostly for guys but i bet that women could do this too, not sure how well it would work but i cant imagine it being out the realm for a chick that book sound interesting, so my hubby may not be entirely wrong, though i think in his case to say thats why all guys ignore me is a little unfair

MassiveDelta

Have you seen "A Beautiful Mind"?

That's one of John Nash's early theories of optimisation - everyone aims for a goal that's lesser than the most desirable one. So I think hubby's theory has some basis.

It is definitely a non-compettitve game theory and zero Sum Game theory strategy.

bigredhearts

It could be that you're just giving off more 'I'm taken' vibes that the others. I've been told thats what I do & I never get chatted up when I'm out the my girlfriends, even tho they are all either married or in long time relationships.

Absolutely correct - I've had this comment directed at me too - not so much an 'I'm taken' vibe but a 'This isn't a part of what's on offer' vibe.

I frequently don't wear a wedding ring (especially since losing weight - both my proper wedding ring and my commitment ring don't fit any more) and am not particularly bothered whether my wife wears hers or not, even if we're out at bars. Yet neither of us get hit on.

In my mind, we're married and fully committed, and I'm not interested in anyone else. I'll happily have a friendly conversation and talk about anything, but am not interested in anything else.

now that i think about it, the hubby doesnt get hit on much either, but him more then i...

myofibril

Question: My hubby said that when men at a bar see women that are "out of their league", they talk to her friends and buy them drinks to get the girl to wonder to herself why he isnt talking to her or buying her drinks ultimately luring the "out of his league" girl to him. Do men, or for that matter people in general ACTUALLY do this?

The short answer is yes, some men do this. It's called neg hits / bait & switch.

The theory is to lower the status of a very pretty girl by being insulting / stand offish / cocky blah blah blah and bring her down to your "league" and therefore have more of a chance with her.

I don't know how common the practice is though. I had friends who thought these types of games were like some kind of magic and it always made me shake my head. I had more success than all of them put together just going over to a girl, smiling and saying "Hi, my name is M, pleased to meet you."

jocelynna

I know that you are looking for guys opinions on this, but a coworker friend of mine (who is male) is reading book at the moment (I can't remember what it's called or the author...helpful, I know), but it is essentially about how to pick up girls in social situations. Your husbands theory is one that this book suggests trying. You approach her friends so that she wonders why you didn't approach her, and she will insert herself into your conservation. At that point, they can turn the attention to their target. Some of the theories seemed very interesting.

Whoever came up with that idea either is an Adonis or an idiot.
Why would I want to risk being shot down by ladies I am not interested in especially in front of one I am?

If I am going to get rejected it might as well be once and by the person I wanted to get to know.

I think the theory states that you are supposed to approach with a general question to the group, but position yourself in a way that she would want to interject because she feels left out. I would imagine though, even if this were the case, being that the OP is married, she may not care to interject because she is taken and so not interested.

DMZ_1

Bars are a terrible place to meet women. The atmosphere isn't guy friendly. Women will usually be on the defensive in that setting.

jocelynna

I know that you are looking for guys opinions on this, but a coworker friend of mine (who is male) is reading book at the moment (I can't remember what it's called or the author...helpful, I know), but it is essentially about how to pick up girls in social situations. Your husbands theory is one that this book suggests trying. You approach her friends so that she wonders why you didn't approach her, and she will insert herself into your conservation. At that point, they can turn the attention to their target. Some of the theories seemed very interesting.

it was mostly for guys but i bet that women could do this too, not sure how well it would work but i cant imagine it being out the realm for a chick that book sound interesting, so my hubby may not be entirely wrong, though i think in his case to say thats why all guys ignore me is a little unfair

Yeah, I can't imagine that a large percentage of men practice this.

bigredhearts

For me, it is all about how a woman carries herself and if she seems approachable. If she smiles easily... if she seems nice... eye contact... that whole thing.

see i do all that, except the eye contact unless im walking passed them... and thats just cause im there to have a good time with the ladies, not there to get picked up, tho a free drink every now and again would be fab lol

While you are there do you ever let your attention move past the group of ladies you are with.
If you don`t then with the ring it is saying "back off".

Honestly though be careful,while it may be confusing to you when you think about it and all the potential issues is it really a bad thing for your life?

its not bad really, so much as just something i have a hard time understanding. and i wouldnt mind the conversation every now and again, i like to talk to lots of people and guys and girls offer good conversation. not to mention not having to buy my own drinks all the time would be a small plus, even the ONE guy who bought me a drink knew i was married and still bought it, it was nice

and i do look around often, i like to see whats going on everywhere in and out of the group

Jennloella

Your husband is very nice I think because that makes no sense to me and seems like a hard way to get the girl you want. When I was single there was no concept of whether she was out of my league or not. I went up to them and talked. I struck out a bunch but I didn't care and got lucky a lot.

I am actually surprised you don't get hit on.

see this is what i fig, that most dudes, if they are trying, are gonna try whether shes in out or of their league. thats why it makes no sense that i cant get hit on when i go to the store to by gum but not by a one of 30 drunk dudes in a bar, its like its the twilight zone for me lol

and the hubs and i are both surprised i dont get hit on ther, not that hes not totally for it haha and thank you

are you married and out looking to get hit on?

zippo32

Also, I'll buy drinks for anyone that will drink with me........
Lushy Z.

MassiveDelta

I know that you are looking for guys opinions on this, but a coworker friend of mine (who is male) is reading book at the moment (I can't remember what it's called or the author...helpful, I know), but it is essentially about how to pick up girls in social situations. Your husbands theory is one that this book suggests trying. You approach her friends so that she wonders why you didn't approach her, and she will insert herself into your conservation. At that point, they can turn the attention to their target. Some of the theories seemed very interesting.

it was mostly for guys but i bet that women could do this too, not sure how well it would work but i cant imagine it being out the realm for a chick that book sound interesting, so my hubby may not be entirely wrong, though i think in his case to say thats why all guys ignore me is a little unfair

Oh it works Ive seen it work. The more attractive woman knows her rank among other women and if she is not the primary target she can possible become defensive about her position in her group. She may even accept a Lesser Male..Someone below her level to protect her spot in the group and show that she is the primary target. Its all theory.

iAMaPhoenix

Even when I was single, I never bought a woman I did not know a drink at a bar. It may say I am cheap, but my reason was that I always wanted a woman to have a level head when she made THE DECISION. Now after talking to her and I felt comfortable, I would offer, but buying a drink was not my calling card.

And you are a beautiful woman so most men may think their chances are slim and none, so they invest their money in better odds.