a question mostly for guys and totally not mfp related

mikihainesy

Maybe just maybe "they're just not that into you"?

bigredhearts

Maybe just maybe "they're just not that into you"?

LOL maybe...

catic

Maybe just maybe "they're just not that into you"?

this

bigredhearts

well thanks to everyone who gave their input, ive come to the conclusion that its possible this happens in real life but chances are its not what every dude is doing.

cheers :drinker:

i_love_vinegar

i read somewhere that if you want to get a guy, you should hit on his best friend.


it doesn't work. :indifferent:

maletac

i read somewhere that if you want to get a guy, you should hit on his best friend.


it doesn't work. :indifferent:

that is the worst advice EVER then the best friend thinks you like him and cause bro-hate nahhh awful

lowkeyelv

there is a whole book about this strategy, called The Game, by Neil Strauss. So yes, some guys do play The Game.

Wendi_S

Didn't anyone see the movie Ghosts of Girlfriends Past?! Matthew McConaughey's uncle (Michael Douglas) did this at all the bars. :bigsmile:

killagb

i read somewhere that if you want to get a guy, you should hit on his best friend.


it doesn't work. :indifferent:

You should probably quit reading 'Seventeen', then.

AlbaAngel25

Im speaking on behalf of my husband lol ( i just asked him ur question). He said your husbands theory some ppl probably do but its not something he or his friends have ever done. You like a girl, you make ur moves on the girl. He said you probably give off a more serious vibe ie. Taken, not interested etc etc... or maybe your friends are more social,open,or maybe they come across "easier"..... i now personally when im in a relationship(now married)' i always came across stuck upor in my mind not interested and guys can definetly sense that i think....

infamousmk

I'm no dude, but this sounds radically complicated for typical man-at-the-bar behavior. A lot of times the girl that smiles and makes eye contact the most gets the most drinks.

abutterflyemerges

I didn't read the all of the posts, but you should be thankful you don't get hit on in bars, or have people buy drinks for you. Bars are a place for a guy that is a target rich environment. They are looking to hook up and move on. Most of the time if a guy is buying drinks or hitting on a girl, he thinks she is an easy take. There are exceptions, but for the most part, every guy and girl knows this to be true.

No offense to your friends, but you probably carry yourself in a way that does make a guy want to "waste" potential time with when there is going to be no payoff. This is a compliment to you, and has definitely worked in your favor. In my opinion anyway.

I am sure your husband earned some brownie points with his theory, and he is not completely incorrect. It just isn't done to get to know more about the "out of the league" girl, it is more about getting after the girls who are more likely to be the ones you are going to take home.

You took the words right out of my mouth! But you said it better.

committomittxoxo

For me, it is all about how a woman carries herself and if she seems approachable. If she smiles easily... if she seems nice... eye contact... that whole thing.

Boom..

MrDude_1

I had a fairly odd conversation about this last weekend with the girl that had the problem.


I can only tell the story from my perspective, and it might not apply to you, but heres how it went.

I play alot of pool. So im on one pool table, where these two guys have spent the last 45 mins trying to beat me so they can play each other. At the table next to me some people walk over and were chatting.. they start playing. one is a cute girl that obviously doesnt play pool much.
shes laughing and having a good time, and theres one dude over there that MAY be her boyfriend.. or not. no real signals yet. at some point I walk over and just offer her a couple pointers for shooting just comments and jokes. Im in the middle of my game, so I walk back quickly.
I spend the next few games looking over.. shes smiling and laughing and has a bit of a southern accent, but in that cute way.. Eventually I get bored with the two guys and agree to let them play each other, I go over to the other table. Dude is up at the bar, so i strike up a conversation with her, and quickly find that hes not her man, but just some guy that she met over at the other side of the place.
cool.. we chat and at some point, she introduces her friend.


i can just stop there.... notice I never said anything about her being over there with another girl?
Thats because i didnt notice her.
shes not ugly. theres nothing obviously wrong with her.. but shes being quiet, in the corner, not smiling. she doesnt look like shes having that great of a time, even if she is. Because she wasnt engaging socially with the world around her (maybe she expects it to come to her??) I didnt even notice.

So the other dude at some point asks her for her number.... then when he turns and walks away, I do the same. lol.

its only at this point, does her friend perk up to ask why SHE gets two guys asking for her number, but no one talks to her... of course this is right infront of me... (and a bit awkward, lol)

I got her to sit up straight, smile, play a little pool, goof off, but dont keep walking back to ME after you shoot(so they dont think im her BF).... and bamn two guys start talking to her.

she wasnt sending out anything to let other guys know she wanted to go have a good time... dont get me wrong, she didnt have "b!tch" written on her forehead either... but she had.. nothing to engage with. I noticed the other girl because she was laughing and playing, even though she sucked at pool... the other girl.. was just too quiet to be noticed.


btw, this took FAR too long to type. lol

i_love_vinegar

i read somewhere that if you want to get a guy, you should hit on his best friend.


it doesn't work. :indifferent:

You should probably quit reading 'Seventeen', then.

It wasn't from Seventeen, nor do I read it.

sunnyday789

No offense to the OP, you seem like a very nice person in your responses but I'm curious as to why you appear to be upset that you aren't always the one that gets hit on. Especially as you are already married. It seems that you're somewhat competitive with your girlfriends and used to being the most attractive and getting the most attention. And then not happy when you don't. Maybe sometimes to some men you're not the most attractive? Be happy for your friends instead.
I hope this doesn't sound harsh but honestly this is what came to my mind as was reading.

bellevie23

maybe its cause they are scared of you O_O being a ginger and all lol

jk jk i love gingers. id totally hit on you minus the married part..... i dont get that.. maybe why i dont go out... i stay far away from taken people... bad joo joo

Yeah I would prob be more offended if a guy hit on me when Im clearly wearing a ring..it wouldn't go well LOL. I take that as disrespectful, so if a guy was hitting on my friends who were wearing rings and not me, Id feel bad for them that some guy thinks they look like the type to hoe around on their hubbys. FAIL.

bigredhearts

I had a fairly odd conversation about this last weekend with the girl that had the problem.


I can only tell the story from my perspective, and it might not apply to you, but heres how it went.

I play alot of pool. So im on one pool table, where these two guys have spent the last 45 mins trying to beat me so they can play each other. At the table next to me some people walk over and were chatting.. they start playing. one is a cute girl that obviously doesnt play pool much.
shes laughing and having a good time, and theres one dude over there that MAY be her boyfriend.. or not. no real signals yet. at some point I walk over and just offer her a couple pointers for shooting just comments and jokes. Im in the middle of my game, so I walk back quickly.
I spend the next few games looking over.. shes smiling and laughing and has a bit of a southern accent, but in that cute way.. Eventually I get bored with the two guys and agree to let them play each other, I go over to the other table. Dude is up at the bar, so i strike up a conversation with her, and quickly find that hes not her man, but just some guy that she met over at the other side of the place.
cool.. we chat and at some point, she introduces her friend.


i can just stop there.... notice I never said anything about her being over there with another girl?
Thats because i didnt notice her.
shes not ugly. theres nothing obviously wrong with her.. but shes being quiet, in the corner, not smiling. she doesnt look like shes having that great of a time, even if she is. Because she wasnt engaging socially with the world around her (maybe she expects it to come to her??) I didnt even notice.

So the other dude at some point asks her for her number.... then when he turns and walks away, I do the same. lol.

its only at this point, does her friend perk up to ask why SHE gets two guys asking for her number, but no one talks to her... of course this is right infront of me... (and a bit awkward, lol)

I got her to sit up straight, smile, play a little pool, goof off, but dont keep walking back to ME after you shoot(so they dont think im her BF).... and bamn two guys start talking to her.

she wasnt sending out anything to let other guys know she wanted to go have a good time... dont get me wrong, she didnt have "b!tch" written on her forehead either... but she had.. nothing to engage with. I noticed the other girl because she was laughing and playing, even though she sucked at pool... the other girl.. was just too quiet to be noticed.


btw, this took FAR too long to type. lol

lol i see your point, but im not the girl in the corner, i am very social, thats the part that confuses me. and im not trying to get hit on, i just think its odd that men at the bar who dont know me wont even try to strike up a convo with me, much less buy me a drink...

bellevie23

As for this tactic, I would find it dumb, I mean because why would you hit on someone's friend to talk to them. In theory i could see someone trying this, but all it would show is that when yall met he was hitting on your friend LOL. (I know you are married so I am unsure the caring in this, but if someone was single) I do agree that maybe your friends are being more flirtatious or deceiving in their demeanor to make guys think they have a chance..and then the guy realizes he was dumb cause they are faithful and married and maybe he should waste his money on a girl without a ring on her finger

bigredhearts

No offense to the OP, you seem like a very nice person in your responses but I'm curious as to why you appear to be upset that you aren't always the one that gets hit on. Especially as you are already married. It seems that you're somewhat competitive with your girlfriends and used to being the most attractive and getting the most attention. And then not happy when you don't. Maybe sometimes to some men you're not the most attractive? Be happy for your friends instead.
I hope this doesn't sound harsh but honestly this is what came to my mind as was reading.

if you think i appear to be upset you must have read my question in that tone of voice. im not competative at all actually, much less about dudes. ive never had to worry about that. im not sure how you got that exactly... but no offense taken.

sarahc001

No offense to the OP, you seem like a very nice person in your responses but I'm curious as to why you appear to be upset that you aren't always the one that gets hit on. Especially as you are already married. It seems that you're somewhat competitive with your girlfriends and used to being the most attractive and getting the most attention. And then not happy when you don't. Maybe sometimes to some men you're not the most attractive? Be happy for your friends instead.
I hope this doesn't sound harsh but honestly this is what came to my mind as was reading.

My thought exactly as I read this whole thread....Obsessing about why men buy your friends drinks and don't hit on you when you're married...I can't even imagine that you would want to deal with that sort of crap. If a guy showed so much lack of respect for me and my relationship to buy me a drink when I was clearly wearing a wedding ring, I'd personally be pissed.

bigredhearts

As for this tactic, I would find it dumb, I mean because why would you hit on someone's friend to talk to them. In theory i could see someone trying this, but all it would show is that when yall met he was hitting on your friend LOL. (I know you are married so I am unsure the caring in this, but if someone was single) I do agree that maybe your friends are being more flirtatious or deceiving in their demeanor to make guys think they have a chance..and then the guy realizes he was dumb cause they are faithful and married and maybe he should waste his money on a girl without a ring on her finger

right?! lol... i would be ok with the free drink and then the realization lol... or even just for dudes to stop actin like im freakin poison lol

bigredhearts

No offense to the OP, you seem like a very nice person in your responses but I'm curious as to why you appear to be upset that you aren't always the one that gets hit on. Especially as you are already married. It seems that you're somewhat competitive with your girlfriends and used to being the most attractive and getting the most attention. And then not happy when you don't. Maybe sometimes to some men you're not the most attractive? Be happy for your friends instead.
I hope this doesn't sound harsh but honestly this is what came to my mind as was reading.

My thought exactly as I read this whole thread....Obsessing about why men buy your friends drinks and don't hit on you when you're married...I can't even imagine that you would want to deal with that sort of crap. If a guy showed so much lack of respect for me and my relationship to buy me a drink when I was clearly wearing a wedding ring, I'd personally be pissed.

its kind of an assumption to say that my question is any sort of obsession... but, i guess if thats how you look at it, to each their own :happy:

kimtpa1417

You must be flashing off your vibes of being taken and not realizing it. (So my bf says) i personally dont like guys buying me drinks as I have been drugged twice.

sarahc001

No offense to the OP, you seem like a very nice person in your responses but I'm curious as to why you appear to be upset that you aren't always the one that gets hit on. Especially as you are already married. It seems that you're somewhat competitive with your girlfriends and used to being the most attractive and getting the most attention. And then not happy when you don't. Maybe sometimes to some men you're not the most attractive? Be happy for your friends instead.
I hope this doesn't sound harsh but honestly this is what came to my mind as was reading.

My thought exactly as I read this whole thread....Obsessing about why men buy your friends drinks and don't hit on you when you're married...I can't even imagine that you would want to deal with that sort of crap. If a guy showed so much lack of respect for me and my relationship to buy me a drink when I was clearly wearing a wedding ring, I'd personally be pissed.

its kind of an assumption to say that my question is any sort of obsession... but, i guess if thats how you look at it, to each their own :happy:

Yep, for me a "free drink" isn't worth unwanted advances, and I don't need or expect attention from men when I'm out with my friends. If I were single, maybe it would be another story, but I am a little surprised that a married woman would care.

Yet you're right; to each their own...

grinch031

I'm a married guy and I like getting hit on by women. It happens once every 2 years or so, but man is it a confidence booster.

MrDude_1

I'm a married guy and I like getting hit on by women. It happens once every 2 years or so, but man is it a confidence booster.

Im a single guy and I like getting hit on by women. It happens once every 2 years or so, but man is it a confidence booster.

smileybooliz

If you're married why are you worried about guys hitting on you? I'm confused?

christine24t

shes not ugly. theres nothing obviously wrong with her.. but shes being quiet, in the corner, not smiling. she doesnt look like shes having that great of a time, even if she is. Because she wasnt engaging socially with the world around her (maybe she expects it to come to her??) I didnt even notice.

Ugh I hate seeing this because this is honestly me. I feel so self-conscious, especially when I'm out with my really pretty friends. Odds on rather than not wanting to be social, she was self-conscious - and if her friend she was with was hotter, then that's probably the reason - and thought there was no way that anyone would pay attention to her compared to her friend, so she resignated herself to the corner.

I know half of the time when I do this I put off a B**** vibe, because I'd rather appear B****y than lonely. Go figure.

Mad_Dog_Muscle

I didnt look at all 4 pages of responses, but the first thing I would notice is the rock on your left hand.... if thats there, its not a matter of you being "out of my league", but more a question of you being someones wife... THAT makes you out of play!!