To all you haters

SergeantSunshine_reused

Not to bust your bubble, but if we're on MFP we're conscious about our weight for whatever reason it may be. Also, there is a difference between being fat, curvy, and fat with curves. I am fat. I am not curvy.I have a ruler shape. And I ****ing hate when women who fat are say they are curvy. Being fat is not curvy. Jennifer Hudson was curvy and overweight. Now she's just curvy.

I'm getting a "being overweight is a good thing that we should embrace" vibe. I'm here because I want to lose weight for my health, physical and emotional.

For a very short list of women who I consider "thick" and curvy:

Kim Kardashian
Jennifer Hudson

*edit I missed a comma.

I understand the poster's point of self confidence which is great we all need that. I also know a curve is a curve and a lump is a lump. I have curves to my lower body and unattractive lumps in my upper so that is why I am here working on that.
Jennifer Hudson since WW and Kim Kardashian are not thick and curvy they are curvy but hardly thick at a size what 6 and 4 respectively. Kim as a big ole butt small everywhere else. A true thick and curvy woman is Mad Men's Christina Hendricks! She is thick with lots of true curves.

I think a size 4-6 is curvy. That is my size. The girl you mentioned is a little too pudgy i think.

LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo

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Not to bust your bubble, but if we're on MFP we're conscious about our weight for whatever reason it may be. Also, there is a difference between being fat, curvy, and fat with curves. I am fat. I am not curvy.I have a ruler shape. And I ****ing hate when women who fat are say they are curvy. Being fat is not curvy. Jennifer Hudson was curvy and overweight. Now she's just curvy.

I'm getting a "being overweight is a good thing that we should embrace" vibe. I'm here because I want to lose weight for my health, physical and emotional.

For a very short list of women who I consider "thick" and curvy:

Kim Kardashian
Jennifer Hudson

*edit I missed a comma.

I understand the poster's point of self confidence which is great we all need that. I also know a curve is a curve and a lump is a lump. I have curves to my lower body and unattractive lumps in my upper so that is why I am here working on that.
Jennifer Hudson since WW and Kim Kardashian are not thick and curvy they are curvy but hardly thick at a size what 6 and 4 respectively. Kim as a big ole butt small everywhere else. A true thick and curvy woman is Mad Men's Christina Hendricks! She is thick with lots of true curves.

I think a size 4-6 is curvy. That is my size. The girl you mentioned is a little too pudgy i think.

I agree. I'm a size 2-4 & consider myself curvy because I'm bottom heavy.

Unknown

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LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo

I was athletic and around 170 all through high school and then college. At my heaviest then, and it was muscle, I was around 195. I looked frigging fantastic, not all chopped up like a fitness model (which is what I am shooting for long-term... the look not the profession!) but solid chest\back\arms\thighs\abs\big calves etc.

Then a job caught up. Then two full-time IT jobs. Then doing side businesses. Going out all the time with friends or with vendors. Life's ups and downs. I got up to 270 and probably 35% bodyfat, so about 100lbs higher than my "dry" weight, and 70lbs or so higher than ideal (if around 8% bf).

I still went on dates and had plenty of good times in that regard. I still excelled in my career. My friends still loved me. I still loved myself.

In the back of my head was a nagging little voice, though, telling me, "Sure, you're still a good looking guy, but you could be mega-****ing-hot, so put the goddamn cheeseburgers down and get back to work".

I lost 70lbs in 9 months. And you know what? **** being obese. I don't look at old pics of myself and JUDGE myself because I was fat, because JUDGEMENT implies that I would be thinking things like "Man I was so stupid (because I was so fat)", or "Man I was so ugly (because of being fat)".

Nobody is JUDGING you by saying you have a cute face but also adding that they are not attracted to your body.Calling someone fat isn't judgement, it's just observation. Judgement comes when someone says you must be a terrible person or have terrible willpower because you're fat.



So you know what? **** it. I'm fat. I'm smart, I'm well-educated, I have a great job and make a very healthy income, "I've got a cute face" and a great smile. But on top of that, I'm fat. I'm not judging myself, I am just stating a fact. I. Am. Fat. That isn't harmful or hurtful at this point (and hasn't been for a long time) because I know it just means I have eaten more than my maintenance needs and must instead eat less than maintenance to lose weight and get back to a healthy weight and size.

Now, if you want to say I suck at life because of this, that's you judging me.

On the other hand, if you want to say yeap, you're fat, that's not judging me, it's just stating a fact.



Phew. Long-winded story short, you're fat. Nobody is judging you for being fat. And you do have a cute face. And none of that says anything about your personality, brains, ambition, or anything else. It's just a simple fact. An athlete is ripped or cut or in great shape. Doesn't mean they are smart, stupid, rich, poor, or anything in-between. It's just a simple fact.

Be confident. Nobody can take that away from you. But don't accuse others of something they aren't doing. And to those who are actually, really judging you by the definition of the word? Take those people to task, and ask them how in the world they equate being fat with being stupid, or being fat with lacking control. For most people, it's about erasing years or decades of misinformation and bad eating habits. I have more self-control than 99% of the people I know in life, and nobody says otherwise just because I'm fat. I just didn't apply that willpower to my body.

And now I am.

On the other hand, why would anyone need to point out the obvious in us as if we are blind people not to see & know? I mean what the f**** is their business for saying such a thing thinking its their duty to do so? Sorry for the vent but I had enough of these things & it completely got on my nerves which is why now that I'm in good shape, whenever I see a fat person I never ever tell him or her about it.

catshark209

Since when did curvy become obese?

I know! I consider myself curvy. I always have, I am 120 at 5'4, small waist big hips/thicker thigh, my measurements are 33/34-24-35, to me thats curvy. But now 300-400 pound people call themselves curvy & I think thats weird.. It's not curvy if you can't tell where someone's waist is or if they don't have a hourglass shape.. I think curvy is now a nice way of saying 'fat' or maybe it makes overweight women feel better, I don't know. But people on this site treat 'skinny' people kinda crappy because if your 'skinny' your not supposed to have any complaints about your body or want to improve it. I can't refer to myself as curvy on here apparently. I'm not being a jerk or anything, I just see the 'curvy' debate brought up a lot and thats just how I feel, other people have different ideas of what curvy is, and thats okay. c:

I honestly agree with this. This site has made me dislike the word "curvy" for that exact reason.
SO sick of "skinny" women being put down and fat acceptance increasing.
You can see my hip bones when I stand very clearly, my collar bone, all the little tendons in my feet and hands, and can count my ribs when I do yoga. Damn I am so unattractive since im not "curvy"

THIS.
I hate the word curvy...such bs.
You know, I'm just so sorry that I have a good metabolism and can eat over 2100 calories a day and still have a 25" waist...I truly apologize for being confident and happy with my "half starved 10 year old boy" body and that makes you think I have more pull. I don't have more pull, like wtf is that supposed to mean anyway??
People are attracted to a confident person, not someone walking around with an attitude.
I'm so sick and tired of the whole skinny bashing going on in this site...."real women have curves", really?? Last time I checked I was a real female!

VeronicaMcGuinness

I am all woman , a beautifully fit , in shape , HEALTHY woman!!! And I am proud as hell of ME! I seek no ones approval but my own , and judging from the guy that ran into a pole staring at me at the grocery store today , I am thinking most folks approve of the new and improved me too...LOL! BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF , If you feel you are healthy and want to stay heavy , then do so , I chose not to , My Grandma passed at 64 from diabetes and heart disease , I chose not to do that to myself...I took control! I defended myself when I was heavy , but got a nice slap in the face when my doctor said my blood pressure was 144/110 and I was border line diabetic , I dropped to the floor and sobbed then realized that I looked like an idiot sobbing for something I did to myself , so I took control and fixed it , One of those " I got myself in this mess , i gotta get myself out" scenerios....I won!

delilah47

To all you girls who are self confident at any weight; good for you! I wish I could say the same. Up until I was about 50 I was active and had a killer body. I injured my back and it changed everything. I slowly gained weight until I am now about 80 pounds over and I feel ashamed and ugly. I see the young, overweight, girls wearing form fitting clothing and wonder how they have the confidence to do that. I wear baggy shirts and jeans most of the time and still feel self conscious. Fortunately, I went on disability before I gained all the weight because I worked for an international conglomerate in management. Maybe I could have still handled my job, because I was good at it, but I have noticed, in public, I am treated completely different. Many people are rude, insulting, and just plain act like you are a major inconvenience in their life when they wait on you. That just reinforces my reasons to be self conscious. All of a sudden I realized I am a second class citizen. It hurts and it also tends to make me treat the offenders rude right back, which was NEVER part of my personality. I have definitely seen both sides and one of those sides ain't pretty.

jmobashrn11

The only person you should compete with in life is yourself. No one will ever be you...unless you're a victim of identity theft.

As someone who has ran the gamut from super skinny to now technically obese, I will say that my body issues have always been there in the background, regardless of how much I weigh or how flat my tummy is at any given moment. Don't assume that because someone's physical appearance is more socially acceptable, they have it easy in their day to day.

I will say this - as soon as I realized that all anyone wants is to belong and be loved, and that they are all hurt when they aren't, I began to feel so much better about who I am and what I can become. We all struggle with acceptance, but the only person who needs to accept you in the long run IS yourself. If you can extend that acceptance out to other people, you're doing a beautiful thing. And if you can figure out a way to not be hurt when other people don't accept you, share it with the rest of the world.

Being 182 pounds is only one part of my identity. I refuse to let it define me more than any other characteristic.

jcstanton

Nobody is JUDGING you by saying you have a cute face but also adding that they are not attracted to your body.Calling someone fat isn't judgement, it's just observation. Judgement comes when someone says you must be a terrible person or have terrible willpower because you're fat.



So you know what? **** it. I'm fat. I'm smart, I'm well-educated, I have a great job and make a very healthy income, "I've got a cute face" and a great smile. But on top of that, I'm fat. I'm not judging myself, I am just stating a fact. I. Am. Fat. That isn't harmful or hurtful at this point (and hasn't been for a long time) because I know it just means I have eaten more than my maintenance needs and must instead eat less than maintenance to lose weight and get back to a healthy weight and size.

Now, if you want to say I suck at life because of this, that's you judging me.

On the other hand, if you want to say yeap, you're fat, that's not judging me, it's just stating a fact.

Phew. Long-winded story short, you're fat. Nobody is judging you for being fat. And you do have a cute face. And none of that says anything about your personality, brains, ambition, or anything else. It's just a simple fact. An athlete is ripped or cut or in great shape. Doesn't mean they are smart, stupid, rich, poor, or anything in-between. It's just a simple fact.

Be confident. Nobody can take that away from you. But don't accuse others of something they aren't doing. And to those who are actually, really judging you by the definition of the word? Take those people to task, and ask them how in the world they equate being fat with being stupid, or being fat with lacking control. For most people, it's about erasing years or decades of misinformation and bad eating habits. I have more self-control than 99% of the people I know in life, and nobody says otherwise just because I'm fat. I just didn't apply that willpower to my body.

And now I am.

I don't ALWAYS feel like people are judging me. However, I have been romantically rejected more times than I can count because of my weight, I have had close family members (including my own parents) make hurtful remarks to me about my weight, I've heard people make snide comments behind my back about my weight then laugh about it with their friends, I've been told in a job interview with a landscaping company that I wouldn't be able to handle the workload because I was overweight (even though, when I was in trade school learning landscaping, I outworked most of the guys), I've watched countless movies that have made fun of fat people and perpetuated the stigma that fat people are fat ONLY because they are lazy and all they do is sit around and eat massive amounts of junk food all day, I've seen news reports and studies that have delved into this issue and it's UNDENIABLE that fat people are treated with FAR less kindness and are given FAR fewer leniencies and privileges than thin people....I could go on and on...so don't tell me that people don't judge me because I'm fat, because my experience tells me they ABSOLUTELY DO. I even asked my brother, a couple of my male cousins, and some of my male friends (all different shapes and body sizes themselves) what would happen if a girl like me (attractive, well dressed, and well groomed, but 5'4" and 250-300lbs) came up to them at a bar or restaurant while they were there with a group of male friends, and confidently started talking to them and then gave them her number. What would happen as soon as the girl/woman was out of earshot? Almost all of them said that their friends would immediately start teasing and making jokes about the fat girl hitting on them. By the way, just out of curiosity, when was the last time you (or any of you guys on here saying you don't "judge" fat people) gave a second look to a girl who was fat (and I mean TRULY fat not just 20 or 30lbs overweight), but had a "cute face"?

danascot

Since when did curvy become obese?

I was thinking the same thing!

CDRFrost

You go girl !

Rae6503

We should all know that we are beautiful wonderful people no matter our size.

We should know that our value comes primarily from within ourselves and not from our appearance.

We should recognize that there are a million body types out there and as long as the owner of each is a good person he/ she is beautiful and wonderful.

Being healthy and happy with our appearance benefits our mental state greatly, so I feel we should all strive for that, whatever that may be.

And we should all be concerned with ourselves first and let others take care of themselves.

delilah47

Nobody is JUDGING you by saying you have a cute face but also adding that they are not attracted to your body.Calling someone fat isn't judgement, it's just observation. Judgement comes when someone says you must be a terrible person or have terrible willpower because you're fat.



So you know what? **** it. I'm fat. I'm smart, I'm well-educated, I have a great job and make a very healthy income, "I've got a cute face" and a great smile. But on top of that, I'm fat. I'm not judging myself, I am just stating a fact. I. Am. Fat. That isn't harmful or hurtful at this point (and hasn't been for a long time) because I know it just means I have eaten more than my maintenance needs and must instead eat less than maintenance to lose weight and get back to a healthy weight and size.

Now, if you want to say I suck at life because of this, that's you judging me.

On the other hand, if you want to say yeap, you're fat, that's not judging me, it's just stating a fact.

Phew. Long-winded story short, you're fat. Nobody is judging you for being fat. And you do have a cute face. And none of that says anything about your personality, brains, ambition, or anything else. It's just a simple fact. An athlete is ripped or cut or in great shape. Doesn't mean they are smart, stupid, rich, poor, or anything in-between. It's just a simple fact.

Be confident. Nobody can take that away from you. But don't accuse others of something they aren't doing. And to those who are actually, really judging you by the definition of the word? Take those people to task, and ask them how in the world they equate being fat with being stupid, or being fat with lacking control. For most people, it's about erasing years or decades of misinformation and bad eating habits. I have more self-control than 99% of the people I know in life, and nobody says otherwise just because I'm fat. I just didn't apply that willpower to my body.

And now I am.

I don't ALWAYS feel like people are judging me. However, I have been romantically rejected more times than I can count because of my weight, I have had close family members (including my own parents) make hurtful remarks to me about my weight, I've heard people make snide comments behind my back about my weight then laugh about it with their friends, I've been told in a job interview with a landscaping company that I wouldn't be able to handle the workload because I was overweight (even though, when I was in trade school learning landscaping, I outworked most of the guys), I've watched countless movies that have made fun of fat people and perpetuated the stigma that fat people are fat ONLY because they are lazy and all they do is sit around and eat massive amounts of junk food all day, I've seen news reports and studies that have delved into this issue and it's UNDENIABLE that fat people are treated with FAR less kindness and are given FAR fewer leniencies and privileges than thin people....I could go on and on...so don't tell me that people don't judge me because I'm fat, because my experience tells me they ABSOLUTELY DO. I even asked my brother, a couple of my male cousins, and some of my male friends (all different shapes and body sizes themselves) what would happen if a girl like me (attractive, well dressed, and well groomed, but 5'4" and 250-300lbs) came up to them at a bar or restaurant while they were there with a group of male friends, and confidently started talking to them and then gave them her number. What would happen as soon as the girl/woman was out of earshot? Almost all of them said that their friends would immediately start teasing and making jokes about the fat girl hitting on them. By the way, just out of curiosity, when was the last time you (or any of you guys on here saying you don't "judge" fat people) gave a second look to a girl who was fat (and I mean TRULY fat not just 20 or 30lbs overweight), but had a "cute face"?

@jcstanton
yep :flowerforyou:

shady81x

Meat is for men, bones are for dogs.........women were meant to have curves not look like a half-starved 10 year old children.

And body shaming skinny women is just as bad as shaming fat women...also, curves are to do with genes, not body fat - you can be fat and not curvy, you can be skinny and have curves...

I agree. The one thing that always offends me a little is the whole "real women have curves". Because of genetics, some women are naturally skinny with no curves. It's unfair to say that they aren't "real women." I understand that it's trying to empower larger women, & maybe I'm just over-sensitive, but I think the delivery of it is sometimes offensive to smaller women. Skinny people have feelings, too. But I do understand that we all have our own opinions. This was just mine. Have a good day!

My sentiments too.

While confidence is an awesome thing to have, it shouldn't be obtained at the expense of others. Besides, if one is truly confident about himself/herself, he/she wouldn't have the need to put others down.

servilia

Making fun of, judging, or discriminating against people because of their weight is wrong. But you can't blame people for their personal preferences when it comes to attractiveness. The same way that some men prefer bigger women, some prefer smaller women.

jadedone

I'd like to decouple "curvy" from weight.

There are people who are curvy at size 2, 10, and 22 (and up). There are also people at all of those sizes who aren't curvy at all.

For example: Sara Jessica Parker is skinny and curvy
Jessica Biel is thick and strong.

For lots of people, weight loss is what they hope a ticket to self-esteem.

For others it is a ticket to health. And some others it is just a means for more shopping options.

I am like the OP. I am not trying to work on my confidence. Just my fitness.

Nopedotjpeg

Christina Hendricks! She is thick with lots of true curves.

Elizabeth_C34

Making fun of, judging, or discriminating against people because of their weight is wrong. But you can't blame people for their personal preferences when it comes to attractiveness. The same way that some men prefer bigger women, some prefer smaller women.

this.

christibam

By the way, just out of curiosity, when was the last time you (or any of you guys on here saying you don't "judge" fat people) gave a second look to a girl who was fat (and I mean TRULY fat not just 20 or 30lbs overweight), but had a "cute face"?

I'm not a guy but I am into girls. I did this earlier today... a few times.

(Next part not directed at anyone in particular)

Now I have a question: Have any of you that are really getting all up in arms about being judged and hated on really, honestly and deeply thought about what the **** it is that you FEEL inside? Screw how fat, thin or ugly anyone of you may or may not be. WHAT do you feel?

I tried explaining to one of my best friends today that a big reason why guys who had no interest in her a year ago before she lost 55lbs was because her attitude ****ing sucked. And I mean SUCKED. Sure, she 'seemed' happy. But she'd ***** about how fat she was. Even when she had a smile on her face and didn't say a word, she looked miserable. She would make people leave her all alone because she was such a Debbie Downer. Now she's confident and radiates pure, unadulterated joy. Guess what? She gets hit on and looked at pretty often. She's still a big girl too.

I am just so sick and tired of people blaming everyone else. You have haters? **** YOUR HATERS! Go get you some more because, guess what? It *should* motivate you to get off your fat *kitten* and change it instead of *****ing about what they are doing to your feelings. They're your feelings. Not theirs. Not anyone else's. Change your attitudes and don't give a flying crap what anyone else thinks.

Just do crap for you and only you and then stop *****ing so much.

christibam

Christina Hendricks! She is thick with lots of true curves.

Dat *kitten*.

Nopedotjpeg

Christina Hendricks! She is thick with lots of true curves.

Dat *kitten*.

Dat EVERYTHING!

christibam

Right. I was more "Dat *kitten*"ing to the 'dat *kitten*' pic on the bottom lol.

I named the hard drive on my laptop 'Dat *kitten*' so that, once a month, my comp will ask me if I want to "Back Dat *kitten* up". True story.

smallaffair

I love people who are sitting here defining what it means to be curvy and who gets to call themselves that. So many sentient dictionaries on this site.

People be happy with themselves if they want. They can call themselves curvy or thick or BBW. They can feel beautiful. It's really not your place to decide they can't. Don't like their body type? Don't have sex with them, don't have that body type yourself. You cannot, and should not attempt to, control how other people view their own body. Fat or Thin. If someone is on this site they are very likely here to get healthy. That doesn't always mean skinny. And if they want to lose weight but already have self esteem? Good for them.

My thoughts exactly.

Nopedotjpeg

I named the hard drive on my laptop 'Dat *kitten*' so that, once a month, my comp will ask me if I want to "Back Dat *kitten* up". True story.

That would be funny if I hadn't heard it two months ago. :indifferent:

But A for effort. :happy:

jcstanton

Yes, we're all beautiful, intelligent people on the inside as the original poster suggested, but that doesn't do us a bit of good if we're dead of a heart attack, or diabetes, or some other weight-related malady at a ridiculously young age.

I suppose that makes me a "hater"...I don't intend to be, but such is life I guess.

Agree with this !!

I don't think she was saying there aren't any consequences to staying at an unhealthy weight as long as you're happy that way. I think the point she was trying to make was that, the line, "you have such a pretty/cute face" is like the line, "you're a nice girl, but you're just not my type". There are implications in those lines...hurtful implications. "You have a cute face, but that doesn't matter because you're fat." "You're a nice girl, but you don't look good enough for me." When you've heard that for years on end, you get tired of hearing it. But, then, I wouldn't expect someone who's probably never had a serious weight problem to understand.

Then take it from someone who has had a serious weight problem. Somebody saying "you're not my type" or "you have a cute face" isn't an insult. I was insulted throughout school about my weight, and many other times outside of it. It sucks, and it also sucks how we beat ourselves up about our weight, but the perceived notion that the world is against us because of it is incredibly unhealthy.

It might be emotionally unhealthy to THINK the world perceives me differently, but I've not always been fat. I remember how differently I was treated when I was healthy and athletic. I'm here to tell you that, in most cases, it's not a "false perception" on my part. It's REALITY. And saying, "you're not my type" isn't the insulting part. It's saying "You're a nice girl, BUT you're not my type." Oh, okay, so what exactly IS your type? A mean-spirited, hateful girl? On a few occasions I've even asked the guy, "Really? What's your 'type'?" Very rarely can they give me an answer that makes sense or is legitimate. And the line "you have a cute face" is almost always succeeded by something like,"if you could just lose a little weight..." I'm sorry, but the mentality, "Just be confident, and everything will work out the way you want it to." Is a load of bunk. Confidence alone is not going to get me what I want. I have LOADS of confidence in WHO I am, and what I have the potential to be. I am NOT so confident in other people's ability to look past my weight and see me for my true worth.

christibam

I named the hard drive on my laptop 'Dat *kitten*' so that, once a month, my comp will ask me if I want to "Back Dat *kitten* up". True story.

That would be funny if I hadn't heard it two months ago. :indifferent:

But A for effort. :happy:

SomeEcards or something. Soooo I set it like that. It's still funny when it actually pops up though. Not so funny when Dat *kitten* had a bad sector though. I wasn't sure if I should be mad or have some lulz.


Edit to add*

Pardon my bluntness, but some of you women need to stop being such women about things. Looks ARE important and if a guy says, "You're a nice girl, but you're not my type." Why does it matter? It should be obvious right then and there that you wouldn't be compatible anyway, right? You can't force someone to be into you and at least they're being up front with you. Try not to read so much into things that men say... most of the time there isn't actually a hidden message from a phrase like that.

Elizabeth_C34

Yes, we're all beautiful, intelligent people on the inside as the original poster suggested, but that doesn't do us a bit of good if we're dead of a heart attack, or diabetes, or some other weight-related malady at a ridiculously young age.

I suppose that makes me a "hater"...I don't intend to be, but such is life I guess.

Agree with this !!

I don't think she was saying there aren't any consequences to staying at an unhealthy weight as long as you're happy that way. I think the point she was trying to make was that, the line, "you have such a pretty/cute face" is like the line, "you're a nice girl, but you're just not my type". There are implications in those lines...hurtful implications. "You have a cute face, but that doesn't matter because you're fat." "You're a nice girl, but you don't look good enough for me." When you've heard that for years on end, you get tired of hearing it. But, then, I wouldn't expect someone who's probably never had a serious weight problem to understand.

Then take it from someone who has had a serious weight problem. Somebody saying "you're not my type" or "you have a cute face" isn't an insult. I was insulted throughout school about my weight, and many other times outside of it. It sucks, and it also sucks how we beat ourselves up about our weight, but the perceived notion that the world is against us because of it is incredibly unhealthy.

It might be emotionally unhealthy to THINK the world perceives me differently, but I've not always been fat. I remember how differently I was treated when I was healthy and athletic. I'm here to tell you that, in most cases, it's not a "false perception" on my part. It's REALITY. And saying, "you're not my type" isn't the insulting part. It's saying "You're a nice girl, BUT you're not my type." Oh, okay, so what exactly IS your type? A mean-spirited, hateful girl? On a few occasions I've even asked the guy, "Really? What's your 'type'?" Very rarely can they give me an answer that makes sense or is legitimate. And the line "you have a cute face" is almost always succeeded by something like,"if you could just lose a little weight..." I'm sorry, but the mentality, "Just be confident, and everything will work out the way you want it to." Is a load of bunk. Confidence alone is not going to get me what I want. I have LOADS of confidence in WHO I am, and what I have the potential to be. I am NOT so confident in other people's ability to look past my weight and see me for my true worth.

The only confidence issue you have is the one that prevents you from blowing off your haters.

You're putting way too much stock into what other people think of you in the first place.

Your weight has nothing to do with it. People are going to judge. It's part of life. It happens no matter if you are big, small, fit, flabby, etc. It's life. You'll be rejected by men if you're skinny too.

You have a very "woe is me" attitude about this that if you drop, you'll be much happier.

P.S. If you get rejected, WHY would you go follow that up with "well, what is your type?" That just screams "desperate" to a man. Not everyone is going to be attracted to you. That's fine. I'm sure you're not attracted to every man out there also. Let it go and move on. Don't take it personally.

meshashesha2012

Pardon my bluntness, but some of you women need to stop being such women about things. Looks ARE important and if a guy says, "You're a nice girl, but you're not my type." Why does it matter? It should be obvious right then and there that you wouldn't be compatible anyway, right? You can't force someone to be into you and at least they're being up front with you. Try not to read so much into things that men say... most of the time there isn't actually a hidden message from a phrase like that.

i so agree with this. attraction does not and probably should not be based on being politically correct. people are attracted to whatever types they are physically attracted to and usually there's no logical or intellectual basis for it .

i mean i definitely wouldnt want a guy to try and guilt me, question my compassion, or call me shallow or whatever because i can't possibly see myself kissing him and what not, so i definitely don't fault anyone else when the tables are turned.

kennethmgreen

Then take it from someone who has had a serious weight problem. Somebody saying "you're not my type" or "you have a cute face" isn't an insult. I was insulted throughout school about my weight, and many other times outside of it. It sucks, and it also sucks how we beat ourselves up about our weight, but the perceived notion that the world is against us because of it is incredibly unhealthy.

Best, most honest and most useful thing I've read on the forums in awhile.

Cupcake1015

I'd like to decouple "curvy" from weight.

There are people who are curvy at size 2, 10, and 22 (and up). There are also people at all of those sizes who aren't curvy at all.

For example: Sara Jessica Parker is skinny and curvy
Jessica Biel is thick and strong.

For lots of people, weight loss is what they hope a ticket to self-esteem.

For others it is a ticket to health. And some others it is just a means for more shopping options.

I am like the OP. I am not trying to work on my confidence. Just my fitness.

Sarah Jessica Parker is "curvy"? dear God...