Question for the divorced daters.....

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  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    Thanks for the advice.

    I'm just going to go with the flow. Like I said, I've been dating but not sure if I'm looking for a relationship or not and that's where I get confused. I guess if someone comes along that makes me want one, than I'll know but until then, I'll just have fun and relax!
  • bigdawg025
    bigdawg025 Posts: 774 Member
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    I think waiting is ABSOLUTELY paramount!!! If you don't get to know yourself OUSIDE of a relationship you still don't actually know YOU. That's why any relationship expert or counselor suggests waiting at least a year after the end of a long-term relationship. It's because (and you can see so many examples why just in this thread) you have a mourning period akin to a death (this death being the relationship or marriage's death per se) and then you have a recovery period. If you don't go through these you will hold onto underlying issues that you very well may be completely unaware of AND/OR settle for a mediocre partner simply to avoid being alone. There is a huge difference between a healthy relationship and being in a relationship simply because you don't know any other way or are "afraid of being alone" (this is one of many forms of codependency).
  • dan323
    dan323 Posts: 271 Member
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    I waited 1 year. I just didn't want to get involved with anyone and after being married 16 years I was enjoying my freedom. We have 5 kids together so its not like we never talked. Then I dated for a year and you know what happened. I ended up remarrying my ex wife after 2 years. It's now been 10 years since we remarried but I know this is not for everyone. There are some truely deranged people out there,like those who Love you after 3 dates. Woawa. All is well here and good luck on your Journey to find the right person.
  • lorro
    lorro Posts: 917 Member
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    I can't talk to him..he doesn't listen, and it seems like he is just along for the ride, instead of being in a relationship. We said 2 words to each other yesterday, and we live together. He started sleeping all day, and is up all night....I'm the opposite.

    Apologies for the thread hijack but I'd like to reply to macylane. It's hard to keep telling someone how you feel when they don't listen, but that's what I suggest you do. There may be a possibility for change depending on what is causing the problem and you never know until you try. No doubt you have been but perhaps you need to spell it out more clearly or ask him to consider couples counselling. Perhaps he is depressed and needs to see his doctor. Or maybe you are just not meant to be together. If he continues not to listen and refuses to do anything about the situation then there is little more you can do. Every relationship has it's bad spells however you seem very unhappy and that can't go on indefinitely. I hope things get better for you soon, with or without him :flowerforyou:

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