Am I a b*tch?

_SusieQ_

For me personally any kind of surgery isn't an option. I've never been in the hospital or had any kind of surgery, so the thought of something so permanent scares me. Therefore it's a tool I don't have at my disposal. Having said that I understand the jealousy of someone losing so much weight using a tool I can't use. But it's still an accomplishment for her. As KG said above, being jealous doesn't make you a b*tch, but saying something to her would, IMO.

FitLink

A friend of mine from high school (not anyone I’m close to anymore) posted a picture of herself wearing pants much too big for her (you know, the typical weight loss pic, stretching out the waist to show the difference). Under the pic was the caption, “So, I’ve lost over a hundred pounds, what have you been up to?”
I happen to know that my friend had lap band surgery (which she failed to mention in the caption). I feel like she’s fishing for compliments, which I would be more than happy to give out if she had worked hard and lost the weight on her own. I’m really annoyed that she’s bragging about weight loss when all she did was choose to have unnecessary and invasive elective surgery. Or maybe I’m just annoyed that I’ve been working my butt off for a few lousy pounds.
What do you think?

I'd never choose surgery as the route to lose weight, but the people I know who did didn't get off easy. That's why I wouldn't do it. Losing 100 pounds isn't really "easier" after lap band surgery, from what I saw, unless easy is having your dietary choices seriously limited and eating anything like a normal person will make you very ill. It seems me the fact that I can have my favorite foods occasionally, by working them in to my plan, is way easier than being forced to eat tiny portions of pureed crap for every meal. There just really is no "easy" way to lose 100 pounds.

Do I think you're a *****? Kinda. I think you are a little bit jealous because you think she did it the easy way. Yes, she is fishing for compliments, and if she lost 100 pounds, she deserves them, no matter how she did it. Trust me, it wasn't easy.

angelialouise

who cares, happy for anyone who loses the weight, not an easy way to do it, naturally or with surgery...congrats to all who make a commitment to better health

Helenatrandom

I don't think you are a *****. I think you are uninformed.

My doctor wants me to have weight loss surgery. I refuse because I am frightened of surgery. He wants me to do gastric bypass, but was willing to "compromise" with lap band. I'm sorry. My mom had issues after surgery. (Not weight loss surgery, but still...). The ONLY way I'm getting on a surgical table is unconscious, an emergency (appendix, etc..), or when I 'm dead (autopsy).

As for your friend's post, it sounds like she NEEDS some affirmation. "I'm happy your healthier. I've lost ___ pounds and have ____ more to go" may have felt like you were indulging her boastfulness, but she just may not be getting compliments without fishing for them, and we all need affirmation sometimes.

Speaking of affirmation, nice tattoo. :flowerforyou: Yes. I looked at your profile, because I wanted to say something nice to you, and was a bit stretched from reading your post. Sorry.

ETA, it's so cute how mfp changes the word in this post to *****. I never typed that on here before and didn't know that. :bigsmile:

Elzecat

Rule #1 of weight loss: stop competing with everyone else and focus on you.

This eliminates any problem you have in this situation.

Also, yes, it is petty to be annoyed so much by it. You will always have someone who lost faster, looks better, was able to do it easier, etc. than you. It's just part of it. Your best bet is to say, "YAY congrats" and bust your butt to hit YOUR goals.

Very well stated. Please accept this Takei Oh My as a token of my respect.

Elizabeth's response AND TDGEE's photo FOR THE WIN!

csm1342

Its been my experience when someone ask that question, they already know the answer.

Phoenix1401

:laugh:

bevskiwolf

Yeah WLS is sooooooooooooo easy. *yawn* I haven't had to do anything to lose 174 pounds. It was MAGIC!

/sarcasm

WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THE WLS DIGS AND PUT DOWNS! KNOCK IT OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WhittRak

With out a doubt you are a B#$ch. If you need to ask..then you already know you are.

LindaCWy

Rule #1 of weight loss: stop competing with everyone else and focus on you.

This eliminates any problem you have in this situation.

Also, yes, it is petty to be annoyed so much by it. You will always have someone who lost faster, looks better, was able to do it easier, etc. than you. It's just part of it. Your best bet is to say, "YAY congrats" and bust your butt to hit YOUR goals.

Agree. Try not to focus on others or else you will never get to your goal. Just be happy with what you have done and the progress you've made. Lap band is not easy, they can barely eat a meal without throwing up, just be happy you haven't had to resort to what she did. To be petty is to be human.

cal1973

:indifferent:

ChocFiend

just from reading the responses theres pretty much an even divide over the *****/non-***** opinion.

personally I dont think your a 'nasty' ***** - your maybe what I call (usually myself LOL) a 'frustration' *****. you've seem someone else nearer to the finish line that you & its frustrated you. just remember you're running your own race. hers may have been longer, shorter, harder or easier than yours. focus on yourself & aim to be able to post a picture like she has! - now if that isn't motivation I dont know what is............turn your frustration towards her into inspriation and motivation for you . maybe shes actually done you a favor posting that pic? :-)

best of luck in your journey

sizzle92

I don't think you're a *****. I think you are jealous.

jfrog123

My sister in law had the lap band surgery. She has lost a lot of weight, but she works her tail off. She eats healthy and works out. The lap band isn't the same as the gastric by-pass. If you lose weight with the lap band, you really have to work at it.
She may have been fishing for a compliment, but maybe she really needs it.....

I am sorry, but your post struck a bit of a nerve with me. It is true that the lap band isn't the same as gastric bypass, but implying that you have to work at weightloss if you have the band but not if you have a bypass is ridiculous. The only additional "benefit that you get from a traditional Roux-en-y gastric bypass is that you have a malabsorptive aspect because part of your intestine is bypassed. There are also bypass procedures called the gastric sleeve, the duodenal switch, and a few others. Each one is different, and most people are better suited to one than another. None of these surgeries are an "easy way out" or a "miracle cure" for obesity. If you have surgery and you do not change your relationship with food and change your lifestyle you will experience re-gain. I am living proof. I was 388 pounds at my heaviest. I tried all kinds of diets. I had medical conditions that limited my ability to exercise. I was 24 with high blood pressure and arthritis in my knees from carrying all that weight. I was pre-diabetic. I was overwhelmed. I had gastric bypass. I lost down to 212 then had 10 pounds of excess skin removed, getting me down to 202. I did not change my mindset or my relationship with food. I gradually gained back up to 272. I had several surgeries last year and realized I really need to pay more attention to my health. I have busted my butt to lose 48 pounds so far, and I plan to keep going.

It is not a cure all.

And to the OP: even though I have had the bypass, I do not think you are a ***ch. I think we are human and we cannot help how we feel. The fact that you did not call her out and make a public display tells me that you are mature enough to evaluate your feelings. You reaching out on this forum will hopefully help you deal with those feelings, accept them for what they are, and move on. Best of luck to you on your journey.

sizzle92

And you don't seem to be a very good "friend".

Bronx_Montgomery

cbbarge

There is a LOT of work involved both before and after lap band surgery. It's not like they go in, have a rubber band tied around their stomach and suddenly they are skinny.

Honestly, that's what I thought happened. What do they have to do before and after? (Not being sarcastic, I'm curious)

I was banded a little over 3 weeks ago. Before I could even consider surgery I went through 3 months of diet and nutrition classes, drank nasty barium for an upper GI test, had more blood sucked from me than I thought I could hold, had a psychological evaluation to see if I understood how the band would work as a tool and to ensure that I did not think that the lapband was the easy way out. Before I even walked in the hospital door I'd lost 39 pounds, the old-fashioned way. Two weeks before surgery I started a full liquid diet that averaged about 750 cals a day. For two weeks after sugery I continued that same full liquid diet. No, it was not "easy" not eating for a month. Now, I'm up to eating pureed foods. No that still isn't "easy". Once I'm released by my doctor to eat solid food, I hope to be able to eat anything, but I understand there are certain foods that do not go down well for banders so I made the decision that although I don't know what they are today, there may be foods I will never eat again. That's not an easy decision to make. I will never be able to eat the quantity of food I once ate, and I won't be able to chug a bottle of water after a workout. I still have to exercise and make good healthy food decisions.

I hope now that you have seen what I went through you will reassess whether you think weight loss surgery is the easy way out because I can reassure that I worked to get these 51 pounds off and I will continue to work my tool to get the next 85 pounds off.

pauljsolie

In fear of getting another strike, no, you are not a b*tch. Your friend isn't either.

FitLink

If you have to ask if you're a b!tch, that means you probably are a b!tch!

^^^THIS^^^

mnishi

Ok, so I was slightly annoyed at someone that was bragging about weight loss and clearly hiding the fact that she had "help"
I didn't make a nasty remark to her about it, I didn't say anything to anyone else about it (part of the reason I posted here is because I didn't want to talk to any mutual friends about it) I don't hate her, I'm not going to dwell on it.
I never said I was informed on the subject, I don't care to be, I don't feel that surgery is the answer.
Maybe she had to work hard for it, but seeing as how she lost 100 lbs in a few months, she probably didn't work as hard as most people so to lose the same amount.


So I'm a petty b*tch sometimes, who isn't?

Miss_Chievous_wechange

LOL Bronx, I ♥ U! Too eff'n funny

harley47920

In my honest opinion, losing weight is a challenge for all people who are overweight. If weight loss was easy, none of us would be overweight, huh?

When someone is at the point of having to have the lap band or the bariatric surgery, it's because they are morbidly obese and NOTHING else has worked. It's not the easy way out. Personally, I have tried a lot of things to lose weight and if I were a candidate, I'd opt for the lap band, too. It's not like she's laying around and snacking on the couch just shedding the weight away. It take hard work and effort. PERIOD.

Anyone that makes the effort to strive for a healthy lifestyle should be commended. As far as her "fishing for compliments", perhaps she finally feels good about herself after all the weight that she's lost. How would you feel if you were the one that lost all that weight and you were proud of yourself (as you should be) and someone tried to take that away from you by saying that you were fishing for compliments? That's not very nice.

I don't think anyone one should take that feeling away from anyone that has fought the weight loss battle and won. We're all in this together. Put away the cattiness and learn how to be supportive.

PaleoPath4Lyfe

A friend of mine from high school (not anyone I’m close to anymore) posted a picture of herself wearing pants much too big for her (you know, the typical weight loss pic, stretching out the waist to show the difference). Under the pic was the caption, “So, I’ve lost over a hundred pounds, what have you been up to?”
I happen to know that my friend had lap band surgery (which she failed to mention in the caption). I feel like she’s fishing for compliments, which I would be more than happy to give out if she had worked hard and lost the weight on her own. I’m really annoyed that she’s bragging about weight loss when all she did was choose to have unnecessary and invasive elective surgery. Or maybe I’m just annoyed that I’ve been working my butt off for a few lousy pounds.
What do you think?

Just because she had the surgery doesn't mean that she hasn't worked her *kitten* off also..............

Are you drinking haterade today???????

LorinaLynn

A friend of mine had a "sleeve" a little over a year ago, and I'm part of her facebook group with a lot of WLS patients. She's worked for and earned every pounds she lost, same as I did. She exercises like mad, is meticulous about her nutrition, same as I am. The only difference is, when she did all the same things before her surgery, it didn't work for her. After the surgery, it did.

I'm happy at how happy she is in her body now. Not only in how she looks, but her blood pressure and blood glucose are normal again.

carbonboy

Eh, I'm with you on this one. She's bragging while cheating, with a touch of condescension. Very unflattering.

QueenJayJay

I didn't read the OP, just the title. If you have to ask, probably.

FitLink

Ok, so I was slightly annoyed at someone that was bragging about weight loss and clearly hiding the fact that she had "help"
I didn't make a nasty remark to her about it, I didn't say anything to anyone else about it (part of the reason I posted here is because I didn't want to talk to any mutual friends about it) I don't hate her, I'm not going to dwell on it.
I never said I was informed on the subject, I don't care to be, I don't feel that surgery is the answer.
Maybe she had to work hard for it, but seeing as how she lost 100 lbs in a few months, she probably didn't work as hard as most people so to lose the same amount.


So I'm a petty b*tch sometimes, who isn't?

It seems to me that if you aren't informed on the subject and don't care to be, and further have decided that that surgery is not the answer for anyone, I can't figure out why you asked. Surgery may not be the answer for you, it's not for me, but It is certainly no easier, not one teeny tiny bit easier, than what you are doing, THAT I can assure you, and you're a crappy friend if you don't graciously tell her how nice she looks. THIS post changes my feelings on the subject entirely. If you don't know better and don't WANT to know better, that's different.

iAMaPhoenix

Lap band is easy? Really? Oh, my two cents says you may not be a *****, but you sure are acting like one...

rainbowbuggy

Ok, so I was slightly annoyed at someone that was bragging about weight loss and clearly hiding the fact that she had "help"
I didn't make a nasty remark to her about it, I didn't say anything to anyone else about it (part of the reason I posted here is because I didn't want to talk to any mutual friends about it) I don't hate her, I'm not going to dwell on it.
I never said I was informed on the subject, I don't care to be, I don't feel that surgery is the answer.
Maybe she had to work hard for it, but seeing as how she lost 100 lbs in a few months, she probably didn't work as hard as most people so to lose the same amount.


So I'm a petty b*tch sometimes, who isn't?

Well I think if you have to ask if your one, then you are. Honestly its not any of your business HOW she got to where she is. All that matters is that she got there. If you spend more time focusing on YOU then maybe YOU would get there. I personally think you took the cowards way out and came to a weight loss/fitness related website to complain about someone losing weight (how smart was that) and you didn't get the feedback that you wanted. Shut up, stop whining and mind your business and get your life straight.

fbmandy55

You should cut her some slack about having surgery since you apparantly are not informed on the subject. I have a lapband and I can tell you first hand it does not make the weight magically fall off. All it does is help you control your portions. You still have to eat right and exercise to lose weight. If I were to eat fast food or junk food all the time I would still gain weight even with the band. The band is a tool to help a persone lose weight just like the exercise machines we use. It does nothing all on its own, it's up to the user to use it properly to make it work.
Now as for the by-pass surgery, a person can lose weight with it by doing nothing because the body can not absorb all the nutrients consumed because of the re-routing of the intestines. This can last forever in some people but for others the afftect eventually slows down and they regain weight unless they eat right and exercise.
So for this person you know to have lost a hundred pounds you should be congratulating her for her hard work not belittling her. Like I said in my profile...Lapband surgery is not cheating! You have no idea how hard it really is.

You have to work hard to KEEP the weight off but not to lose it. I have seen or heard of very few people who actually put in the work to keep it off. I know of ONE here on MFP and she is amazing I know of a few people in real life who have continued with the same eating habits and gained back more. Some people here on MFP are here for that same reason- they are losing it naturally because the surgery just made them lose then gain.

ANYONE can lose weight with diet and exercise. I have multiple friends on here who have lost 100-200lbs with NO surgery. Surgery on your stomach isn't going to fix the issues in your head that cause weight gain.

I'm gonna agree with the OP, and I'll admit I can be a *****.