Anyone else feel weird being married...

cekeys

and commenting on a member of the opposite sex's success story posts?

I admit, I love checking out the success story posts; they're so inspiring. There are some people who've had some amazing, life-altering changes. I'll always comment on a guy's post because, I'm a guy and we need to encourage one another, but if it's a girl I won't. Being married, I wouldn't want to give my wife any doubts. Am I being overly cautious or respectful?

pinuplove

I guess it depends on your personal comfort level. I don't see anything wrong with congratulating someone for a job well done. But I don't go around telling random guys I think they look hot, nor do I usually respond to the ones who are specifically going for the 'sexy' look in their progress photos. But my husband wouldn't care either way.

Allie_71

I think it's about your partner's comfort level. If it makes her feel uncomfortable and you are respecting her feelings, then it's an admirable reason to continue as you're doing

fteale

Yeah, that's a bit weird. Why make a distinction? Do you think you can't speak to members of the opposite sex. If you want to give someone support, why does it matter if they are male or female?

Most of my friends are male, so I can't really imagine feeling that it was a problem talking to men.

cekeys

I guess it depends on your personal comfort level. I don't see anything wrong with congratulating someone for a job well done. But I don't go around telling random guys I think they look hot, nor do I usually respond to the ones who are specifically going for the 'sexy' look in their progress photos. But my husband wouldn't care either way.

I'm curious, how long have you been married? We just celebrated 6 years.

pinuplove

I guess it depends on your personal comfort level. I don't see anything wrong with congratulating someone for a job well done. But I don't go around telling random guys I think they look hot, nor do I usually respond to the ones who are specifically going for the 'sexy' look in their progress photos. But my husband wouldn't care either way.

I'm curious, how long have you been married? We just celebrated 6 years.

Congrats! We've been married 12 years

LorinaLynn

"Great job... you look incredible!" is a lot different from, "Great job, I want to take your panties off with my teeth."

cekeys

Yeah, that's a bit weird. Why make a distinction? Do you think you can't speak to members of the opposite sex. If you want to give someone support, why does it matter if they are male or female?

Most of my friends are male, so I can't really imagine feeling that it was a problem talking to men.

I think a lot of it has to do with my wife being a therapist. Unfortunately she doesn't deal with people talking about how their mom didn't love them or anything that simple. It's a lot of horrible scenarios and a lot of husband's cheating on their wives. So that may be why I'm overly sensitive to it.

zafferFL

careful, you just talked to a member of the opposite sex

I'm interested as well, why would it be ok to comment on a member of the same sex if it's not sexual and not the opposite in the same way?

arewethereyet

I see nothing wrong with saying "Congratulations :flowerforyou: "

Now if you added or :smooched: I'd be pissed



:laugh: Seriously? Ask your wife how she feels. Communication is #1 in my book. :drinker:

fteale

"Great job... you look incredible!" is a lot different from, "Great job, I want to take your panties off with my teeth."

But frankly, even if you did say that, it's still only through a computer screen. You aren't going to DO it.

EMarvie

Hey there - This is a weight loss site.. not a dating site.. Both my Hubby and I are on here and we're committed to being postitve and supportive to everyone ! we both post on male and females post's..

Allie_71

"Great job... you look incredible!" is a lot different from, "Great job, I want to take your panties off with my teeth."

Crap, I gotta start apologizing for some of my posts then.

That was funny

alharbour

"Great job... you look incredible!" is a lot different from, "Great job, I want to take your panties off with my teeth."

LOL

frosty73

"Great job... you look incredible!" is a lot different from, "Great job, I want to take your panties off with my teeth."

LOL! I've been married 18 years and I also feel a little weird commenting on guys' posts. Now it doesn't bother me as much, but I guess I'm just old-fashioned (or I've been watching too much Downton Abbey, LOL!)

shanlynt

Sigh, I guess this also means no 'great job, please send nude photo'

dalgal26

I see nothing wrong with saying "Congratulations :flowerforyou: "

Now if you added or :smooched: I'd be pissed



:laugh: Seriously? Ask your wife how she feels. Communication is #1 in my book. :drinker:

Yep! I agree! And I have been married 25 years. Respect for your spouse is number one. Include her! Call her over to the computer and let her view the pics with you and then tell her you are going to comment. She will let you know if she is okay with it or not.

AmyM713

One word "trust". Who is it with the trust issues your wife not being able to trust you, or you not being able to trust your self? I comment on both all the time and never give it a second thought. If your wife and you had friends over would you ignore the wife/girlfriend because you don't want to upset your wife?

lorro

Yeah, that's a bit weird. Why make a distinction? Do you think you can't speak to members of the opposite sex. If you want to give someone support, why does it matter if they are male or female?

Most of my friends are male, so I can't really imagine feeling that it was a problem talking to men.

I think a lot of it has to do with my wife being a therapist. Unfortunately she doesn't deal with people talking about how their mom didn't love them or anything that simple. It's a lot of horrible scenarios and a lot of husband's cheating on their wives. So that may be why I'm overly sensitive to it.

I'm a therapist and although I'm divorced now (nothing to do with infidelity) I was married for 21 years. I've always had male friends and my husband was fine with that. From what you've said the reason you are uncomfortable with it is because you think she wouldn't like it. That's a good reason not to do it. I suspect she would feel this way no matter what her job is. Some people are confident enough in themselves or in a relationship to trust the other person not to cross the boundary and allow friendship to develop into emotional intimacy. Others feel it's best to avoid any scenario that could lead to those kind of choices.

edited to add:
I notice that a number of married guys on here say that the compromise they've reached is that they don't accept FR from women at their wife's request. Perhaps you could discuss it with her and suggest this, so you feel more comfortable engaging in conversations on the forums and using the site generally.

madamepsychosis

"Great job... you look incredible!" is a lot different from, "Great job, I want to take your panties off with my teeth."

Coffee. All over my laptop screen. Your fault.

AloyMomNwife

and commenting on a member of the opposite sex's success story posts?

I admit, I love checking out the success story posts; they're so inspiring. There are some people who've had some amazing, life-altering changes. I'll always comment on a guy's post because, I'm a guy and we need to encourage one another, but if it's a girl I won't. Being married, I wouldn't want to give my wife any doubts. Am I being overly cautious or respectful?

I think you are being very respectful. I share your preocupation about making my husband uncomfortable about contacting other men online. It also depends on the age for me... if they are men that remind me of my father then I don't feel weird. Is that weird? But if someone has done an impressive job I just cheer for their success but don't add them to my friends list or anything further. I still think it is nice you think about your wife this way and protect her from doubts and stuff.

GymAnJuice

i think it's a very respectable thing to do, putting your wife's feeling first. i it

LATeagno

At the risk of sounding like a.... yeaaaaah, um, yeah, you're being too cautious. Every now and then I stumble across a (usually female) profile on here that says something like "I'm married, so I don't accept friend requests from men." I showed it to my husband he was baffled.

I mean, this is a weight loss site, NOT a dating site. I'm here to support anyone who wants to better themselves by fixing their broken bodies, and I'm here to do the same myself. Commenting on the picture of a guy who lost 20 lbs. by saying "good job!" is NOT going to put "ideas" in my hubby's mind. Maybe commenting, "Nice work! I'm married, but do you want to have sex anyway?!" would. We're pretty secure in our relationship. We don't worry about silly things like telling someone "nice work!" if they lost weight. If my husband were "jealous" of the men I'm "friends" with on my weight loss support site, I'd tell him to get a life (after showing him my CLEAN page).

I don't really see sex on this site at all. The world is made of men and women. That's just how it is. I see motivation, success and help here and nothing more. I don't see any penises or vagina pictures plastered anywhere, so why does it matter?

Charlottejogs

I agree with most of the posts...it depends on the relationship I suppose.

I say this with the kindest intention as I feel you are asking for honest answers- if I felt like I couldn't make a small post, I would feel perhaps we have a trust/jealousy problem. I don't even note the gender of individuals I talk to on here... That is my very open and trusting relationship though. Note- I used to work in mental health and dealt with many similar issues so I understand that it can be hard to keep work at work- one of the things that makes people who are able to work in that field amazing...and why I don't do in now:) Good luck!

Allan1962

I'm in the same boat. I read the success stories to stay motivated. Not sure how to respond. Kind of feel like a stalker, though, if I don't say something. Like you, I gravitate toward the men's posts.

mizzoulaxgirl26

I think it's great. I know lots of people that won't drive someone of the opposite sex to the airport or whatever without having someone else along. If you've seen the movie Fireproof, there is no being too careful. Not many people go out looking for an affair, they just happen.

Llifechange82

I would say respectful

zafferFL

I think it's great. I know lots of people that won't drive someone of the opposite sex to the airport or whatever without having someone else along. If you've seen the movie Fireproof, there is no being too careful. Not many people go out looking for an affair, they just happen.

they just happen?

I wouldn't ever think that the key to not having an affair is avoiding the opposite sex instead of happiness and working on one's own relationship.

Sounds like treating the symptom and not the real problem.

off-topic, sorry

cekeys

I think it's great. I know lots of people that won't drive someone of the opposite sex to the airport or whatever without having someone else along. If you've seen the movie Fireproof, there is no being too careful. Not many people go out looking for an affair, they just happen.

Love Fireproof.

JoolieW68

Been married 15 years here, and have at least 2 male friends on MFP, both of whom sent me FR, and have not been 'creepers' (otherwise I'd drop 'em like a hot rock).

I have no issue with telling anyone, male or female, 'congratulations' if they did well at something. Doesn't mean I want to jump into bed with them. I'm mature enough to know that the grass is not greener anywhere else.

BUT, to your question, I think you should do what you're comfortable with doing. If it makes you a bit uncomfortable, then don't do it because any of us say it's ok.

cekeys

I think it's great. I know lots of people that won't drive someone of the opposite sex to the airport or whatever without having someone else along. If you've seen the movie Fireproof, there is no being too careful. Not many people go out looking for an affair, they just happen.

they just happen?

I wouldn't ever think that the key to not having an affair is avoiding the opposite sex instead of happiness and working on one's own relationship.

Sounds like treating the symptom and not the real problem.

off-topic, sorry

OK, the phrase "they just happen" is a bit misleading. In any case that I've looked into an affair it starts at home with the relationship. Usually there is a feeling of "she doesn't understand me. She doesn't respect me. She doesn't appreciate me." And those feelings go unattended for an extended period of time. Maybe the two haven't had sex in a good while. Then through a casual meeting, you find someone who finds you interesting, intriguing, handsome, whatever; and you find them the same way. Under a good relationship you would say to yourself, "limit contact." But under a strained relationship you're more likely to think, "well my wife doesn't appreciate all that I do" or "my wife doesn't find me interesting anymore." And slowly that infatuation can grow into something inappropriate and even cause resentment to your spouse, pushing you towards the other woman. Eventually something will "just happen."
I like the expression, "My mind is a bad neighborhood that I don't want to go in without being armed."