Anyone else feel weird being married...

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cekeys
cekeys Posts: 397 Member
in Chit-Chat
and commenting on a member of the opposite sex's success story posts?

I admit, I love checking out the success story posts; they're so inspiring. There are some people who've had some amazing, life-altering changes. I'll always comment on a guy's post because, I'm a guy and we need to encourage one another, but if it's a girl I won't. Being married, I wouldn't want to give my wife any doubts. Am I being overly cautious or respectful?
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Replies

  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,874 Member
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    I guess it depends on your personal comfort level. I don't see anything wrong with congratulating someone for a job well done. But I don't go around telling random guys I think they look hot, nor do I usually respond to the ones who are specifically going for the 'sexy' look in their progress photos. But my husband wouldn't care either way.
  • Allie_71
    Allie_71 Posts: 1,063 Member
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    I think it's about your partner's comfort level. If it makes her feel uncomfortable and you are respecting her feelings, then it's an admirable reason to continue as you're doing :)

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  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    Yeah, that's a bit weird. Why make a distinction? Do you think you can't speak to members of the opposite sex. If you want to give someone support, why does it matter if they are male or female?

    Most of my friends are male, so I can't really imagine feeling that it was a problem talking to men.
  • cekeys
    cekeys Posts: 397 Member
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    I guess it depends on your personal comfort level. I don't see anything wrong with congratulating someone for a job well done. But I don't go around telling random guys I think they look hot, nor do I usually respond to the ones who are specifically going for the 'sexy' look in their progress photos. But my husband wouldn't care either way.
    I'm curious, how long have you been married? We just celebrated 6 years.
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,874 Member
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    I guess it depends on your personal comfort level. I don't see anything wrong with congratulating someone for a job well done. But I don't go around telling random guys I think they look hot, nor do I usually respond to the ones who are specifically going for the 'sexy' look in their progress photos. But my husband wouldn't care either way.
    I'm curious, how long have you been married? We just celebrated 6 years.

    Congrats! We've been married 12 years :smile:
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    "Great job... you look incredible!" is a lot different from, "Great job, I want to take your panties off with my teeth."
  • cekeys
    cekeys Posts: 397 Member
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    Yeah, that's a bit weird. Why make a distinction? Do you think you can't speak to members of the opposite sex. If you want to give someone support, why does it matter if they are male or female?

    Most of my friends are male, so I can't really imagine feeling that it was a problem talking to men.

    I think a lot of it has to do with my wife being a therapist. Unfortunately she doesn't deal with people talking about how their mom didn't love them or anything that simple. It's a lot of horrible scenarios and a lot of husband's cheating on their wives. So that may be why I'm overly sensitive to it.
  • zafferFL
    zafferFL Posts: 402
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    careful, you just talked to a member of the opposite sex :)

    I'm interested as well, why would it be ok to comment on a member of the same sex if it's not sexual and not the opposite in the same way?
  • arewethereyet
    arewethereyet Posts: 18,702 Member
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    I see nothing wrong with saying "Congratulations :flowerforyou: "

    Now if you added :love: or :smooched: I'd be pissed:angry:



    :laugh: Seriously? Ask your wife how she feels. Communication is #1 in my book. :drinker:
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    "Great job... you look incredible!" is a lot different from, "Great job, I want to take your panties off with my teeth."

    But frankly, even if you did say that, it's still only through a computer screen. You aren't going to DO it.
  • EMarvie
    EMarvie Posts: 335 Member
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    Hey there - This is a weight loss site.. not a dating site.. Both my Hubby and I are on here and we're committed to being postitve and supportive to everyone ! we both post on male and females post's..
  • Allie_71
    Allie_71 Posts: 1,063 Member
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    "Great job... you look incredible!" is a lot different from, "Great job, I want to take your panties off with my teeth."

    Crap, I gotta start apologizing for some of my posts then. :/

    That was funny :)
  • alharbour
    alharbour Posts: 116 Member
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    "Great job... you look incredible!" is a lot different from, "Great job, I want to take your panties off with my teeth."

    LOL
  • frosty73
    frosty73 Posts: 424 Member
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    "Great job... you look incredible!" is a lot different from, "Great job, I want to take your panties off with my teeth."

    LOL! I've been married 18 years and I also feel a little weird commenting on guys' posts. Now it doesn't bother me as much, but I guess I'm just old-fashioned (or I've been watching too much Downton Abbey, LOL!)
  • shanlynt
    shanlynt Posts: 754 Member
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    Sigh, I guess this also means no 'great job, please send nude photo'
  • dalgal26
    dalgal26 Posts: 781 Member
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    I see nothing wrong with saying "Congratulations :flowerforyou: "

    Now if you added :love: or :smooched: I'd be pissed:angry:



    :laugh: Seriously? Ask your wife how she feels. Communication is #1 in my book. :drinker:


    Yep! I agree! And I have been married 25 years. Respect for your spouse is number one. Include her! Call her over to the computer and let her view the pics with you and then tell her you are going to comment. She will let you know if she is okay with it or not.
  • AmyM713
    AmyM713 Posts: 594 Member
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    One word "trust". Who is it with the trust issues your wife not being able to trust you, or you not being able to trust your self? I comment on both all the time and never give it a second thought. If your wife and you had friends over would you ignore the wife/girlfriend because you don't want to upset your wife?
  • lorro
    lorro Posts: 917 Member
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    Yeah, that's a bit weird. Why make a distinction? Do you think you can't speak to members of the opposite sex. If you want to give someone support, why does it matter if they are male or female?

    Most of my friends are male, so I can't really imagine feeling that it was a problem talking to men.

    I think a lot of it has to do with my wife being a therapist. Unfortunately she doesn't deal with people talking about how their mom didn't love them or anything that simple. It's a lot of horrible scenarios and a lot of husband's cheating on their wives. So that may be why I'm overly sensitive to it.

    I'm a therapist and although I'm divorced now (nothing to do with infidelity) I was married for 21 years. I've always had male friends and my husband was fine with that. From what you've said the reason you are uncomfortable with it is because you think she wouldn't like it. That's a good reason not to do it. I suspect she would feel this way no matter what her job is. Some people are confident enough in themselves or in a relationship to trust the other person not to cross the boundary and allow friendship to develop into emotional intimacy. Others feel it's best to avoid any scenario that could lead to those kind of choices.

    edited to add:
    I notice that a number of married guys on here say that the compromise they've reached is that they don't accept FR from women at their wife's request. Perhaps you could discuss it with her and suggest this, so you feel more comfortable engaging in conversations on the forums and using the site generally.
  • madamepsychosis
    madamepsychosis Posts: 472 Member
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    "Great job... you look incredible!" is a lot different from, "Great job, I want to take your panties off with my teeth."

    Coffee. All over my laptop screen. Your fault.
  • AloyMomNwife
    AloyMomNwife Posts: 146 Member
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    and commenting on a member of the opposite sex's success story posts?

    I admit, I love checking out the success story posts; they're so inspiring. There are some people who've had some amazing, life-altering changes. I'll always comment on a guy's post because, I'm a guy and we need to encourage one another, but if it's a girl I won't. Being married, I wouldn't want to give my wife any doubts. Am I being overly cautious or respectful?

    I think you are being very respectful. I share your preocupation about making my husband uncomfortable about contacting other men online. It also depends on the age for me... if they are men that remind me of my father then I don't feel weird. Is that weird? But if someone has done an impressive job I just cheer for their success but don't add them to my friends list or anything further. I still think it is nice you think about your wife this way and protect her from doubts and stuff. :smile:

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