Anyone else feel weird being married...

thatgirl125

Honestly yes, and I know I shouldn't. A few times the hubby has came to see what I was looking at and had asked what I was saying and I just told him that I was telling him that he has done a great job and to keep up the good work. He was completely fine with that but I still wonder if he is bothered by it sometimes.

MB_Positif

I think it's safe to say to someone, great accomplishment or congrats on your success...but I wouldn't be comfortable if my husband were making comments like, "Great job! Your abs are hot."

thelovelyLIZ

I'm not married, but I'm in a long term relationship, living together, etc. I don't really feel bad commenting on a guy's weight loss (or a guy's body in general) because I can acknowledge that a man has an attractive body even though I'm in a relationship. It doesn't mean I'm cheating on him or being disloyal, it just means I'm aware there are other attractive men in the world. Heck, he and I sometimes talk about other people (mostly celebrities) being good looking- both male and female.

Iamkim73

"Great job... you look incredible!" is a lot different from, "Great job, I want to take your panties off with my teeth."

Crap!!!
I have been totally going about being supportive in the wrong way! Note to self.......stop talking about undergarments when offering encouragement!

marynificent

I think it's good that you are mindful of the problems that online social places can cause a marriage. :-) I think if commenting on women's posts makes you feel weird, don't. If it makes your wife uncomfortable for you to comment on women's posts, don't.

Personally... if my hubby were a social chit-chatty sort of guy, and if he were on here, then I wouldn't feel threatened by him saying "congratulations on your hard work!" I might feel bothered by him saying something like "wow, you look hot!" But that's just me.
But different marriages have different dynamics. My husband is an introvert, and I am the extrovert. I am an encourager and want to tell everyone what a great job they are doing. It is my nature to compliment others--women and men--and "wow, you look great!" just seems to fall out right of my mouth. But it would be very uncharacteristic for my quiet, reserved hubby to pay a compliment to a woman he didn't know. If he did, I might wonder what was up.

You also have to take your own thoughts into consideration. Does looking at hot women in bikinis cause you to have lustful thoughts? Do you dwell on these images later even after you've closed down the computer? Do you find your mind wandering to them when you are with your wife? If so, stay away from those threads.

could not agree with you more!!! brilliantly well put!

Goose28in

Question- what if your husband is only friends with girls on MFP, and does comment sexual things like- my wife thinks I'm a meat tornado to a girl that I'm not friends with? Also, what of he looks at pretty girls on here wih nice bodies but he says it's cause he's tryi to help me? Is this normal behavior? I kind of feel like its a cop out?

What is a meat tornado?

calliope_music

not at all.

choirgirl1130

i applaud you for honoring your wife and your marriage! it is a manner of being respectful and honest with your spouse about how you conduct yourself here on mfp. if you discuss with your wife what you are doing, she's okay with it, and you honor the boundries you set, then it is ok for you. everyone is different and i think it is awesome that you consider your wife in what you are doing!
best wishes to you on your journey :0)

kunibob

It all depends on context. I'm comfortable saying things like, "wow, you look great!" because I can think someone looks "great" (happy, healthy, fit) without even a shred of attraction. On the other hand, I don't think my husband would be very comfortable with me saying things like, "omg, you look hot!!!" unless it's clear that I'm approaching it from a platonic angle or just being a bit silly. That being said, both my husband and I are the types of people who are friendly and like to tease others, so we've both come across as "flirting" before when we haven't actually been...so what seems okay to us may see too flirty to others...:indifferent: ???

susanloveszumba

"Great job... you look incredible!" is a lot different from, "Great job, I want to take your panties off with my teeth."

lol! hilarious!

Justkf

I comment to both, it doesn't matter to me, success is success and the weight issue is not gender restricted. Obviously, you don't want to hurt her feelings, maybe ask her if it would.

CoryIda

"Great job... you look incredible!" is a lot different from, "Great job, I want to take your panties off with my teeth."

This.

vestarocks

I would like to categorize it as respectful. Only you know your relationship and your true feelings behind it.

That being said I think it's great to have all sorts of people as friends and I comment regardless of gender. I have male friends on MFP that I don't know but if we are on the same path - who cares? Often when I'm commenting I don't notice someone's gender (unless there's a picture of abs -then I notice but doesn't influence whether I comment or not). My husband is on MFP as well but only to log food & exercise. He trusts me and I don't think he thinks twice about who I'm friends with. I am open and honest.

I think you also have to trust your gut as well. I had a man, I don't know him and we didn't seem to have any posts in common, want to add me. I was uncomfortable so I didn't. Simple. Like my facebook, I leave it logged on all the time. If my husband wanted to check up on me it wouldn't be difficult but I would be shocked if he looked.

Considering your wife is a therapist, I would imagine that there only needs to be a simple conversation.

monicamk1975

You sound like my husband. I think that's great in its own respect. I do congratulate both sexes. I don't believe in "harmless online flirting" and I wouldn't like it if my husband did it. I am truly grateful that he is so respectful of our marriage.

ARMom8251

I do not think there is anything wrong with commenting or saying job well done. I am married, have been for ten years, and I love my husband. As long as comments aren't about, like one poster said, how hot they are its perfectly fine. That of course also depends on what mu husband considers fine. I don not make those comments in order to get a response or to talk to them on a daily basis. I have friends on my list that are guys, not many mind you, and those guys have been a wonderful inspiration to me. It just all depends on the couple, the situation, and what is said!

Elen_Sia

"Great job... you look incredible!" is a lot different from, "Great job, I want to take your panties off with my teeth."

This literally made me clutch my sides so I could laugh as hard as I could without hurting my abs. :laugh:

AuntieMC

If I was still married, I would not comment on people of the opposite sex, either. Just the way I am, and we had a very traditional marriage (for 28 years), so that is what would have been expected. I know things are often different these days, but it seems strange to me, too. You know your wife best. Even if she said it wouldn;t bother her, you probably know if it really would, at some level. Keep those bonds of trust strong!

TourThePast

Being married, I wouldn't want to give my wife any doubts. Am I being overly cautious or respectful?

It's perfectly reasonable to comment about other people's weight loss online.

It's not as if you have any personal connection to them, in most cases it's just photos of a complete stranger at the start of a thread, and presumably you're planning on saying "well done" rather than "OMG you have great norks"! :bigsmile:

If you have given her a genuine reason to feel insecure, such as having an affair, then I'd be cautious of doing anything that might harm the rebuilding of trust, otherwise I believe wives should be treated as rational adults - doing otherwise encourages obsessive behaviours on both sides!

LHAMON2009

I have been married for 3 years and I comment on guys success stories all the time and my husband has no problem with it. Also in return being a jealous wife that I am I am not upset when my husband compliments a female on her success and triumphs. I think it is wonderful that you want to respect your wife like that. I would suggest just talking with her about it and get her take on the situation.

AZKristi

It seems like most of the success stories get plenty of responses. I wouldn't worry to much if you are uncomfortable. You know your wife better than anyone on this site - do what works best to keep your relationship comfortable.

rdsxgrl28

Yeah, that's a bit weird. Why make a distinction? Do you think you can't speak to members of the opposite sex. If you want to give someone support, why does it matter if they are male or female?

Most of my friends are male, so I can't really imagine feeling that it was a problem talking to men.

I think a lot of it has to do with my wife being a therapist. Unfortunately she doesn't deal with people talking about how their mom didn't love them or anything that simple. It's a lot of horrible scenarios and a lot of husband's cheating on their wives. So that may be why I'm overly sensitive to it.

Your last sentence says it all. Infidelity is HUGE, and next to the actual death of a loved on it is one of the most devastating things that can happen to you. She hears how people who took these vows simply disregarded the love of their spouse.
So I would say just be honest, maybe show her the posts, talk about it & she will more than likely have no problem. If she does respect it. Is this an issue that you would want to make a bigger issue?

I am in the had that done to them camp - believe me not a door you even want to crack.

lanerichardson

from one married guy to another i feel like if i am trying to be supportive in another persons struggle or success of their goals than there is nothing to worry about. i think that any and all support is good.

sevencallmemom

and commenting on a member of the opposite sex's success story posts?

I admit, I love checking out the success story posts; they're so inspiring. There are some people who've had some amazing, life-altering changes. I'll always comment on a guy's post because, I'm a guy and we need to encourage one another, but if it's a girl I won't. Being married, I wouldn't want to give my wife any doubts. Am I being overly cautious or respectful?

I think it's very respectful if you feel that is a boundary you need to keep and as a wife that's been through some ugly stuff in marriage, I have HUGE respect for you for that kind of consideration.

dukes418

I'm lucky I have a very secure marriage. My wife is well aware of my MFPs and that I often comment on both my male and female friend's progress. Heck, I'll pick up her Shape magazine and make comments about a woman's body and my wife is not phased by that in the same way I make comment on this site. If you're here to motivate and be motivated by the fitness progress of others then your comments will be tailored to that end goal. Likewise, if you're using this site as just another way to meet sketchy folks your comments will reflect your intentions. I mean come on, if you're constantly making comments about a man or woman's junk and it has nothing to do with a person's progress, then what are you REALLY hear for??? I'm always commenting on my female pal's abs when they post progress pics. Or I may say something like "I can see you're leaning out, good job." The moment I say something like "damn girl, your @$$ sure looks tight!" I would expect the person to bump me from their list of friends. Bottom line, there is a way you can/should comment and keep it on the level and not creep anybody out.

juliesummers

"Great job... you look incredible!" is a lot different from, "Great job, I want to take your panties off with my teeth."

Haha you're awesome.

Lizzybugz

I am not married, but I do not accept friend requests from guys, but not because I am in a serious relationship and love my boyfriend.....I don't accept them because of the messages and comments that I have gotten in the past. Since I am not looking for anyone and this is not a dating site, I don't feel the need to add guys or accept their requests. That being said, I think this is something that you and your wife have to decide. It is perfectly normal for you to feel odd and not want to give your wife anything that might be taken out of context. I admire that and I practice that philosophy myself. If you are feeling weird about it, perhaps you should just have guy friends on mfp. I have found that for the purpose of getting in shape/weight loss/healthy diets, etc that I prefer to share that with my girl friends instead of other guys. Everyone is unique. What is okay for you might not be okay for someone else so talk about this with her and go from there! Don't feel guilty or judge yourself for feeling the way that you do!

cloud2011

and commenting on a member of the opposite sex's success story posts?

I admit, I love checking out the success story posts; they're so inspiring. There are some people who've had some amazing, life-altering changes. I'll always comment on a guy's post because, I'm a guy and we need to encourage one another, but if it's a girl I won't. Being married, I wouldn't want to give my wife any doubts. Am I being overly cautious or respectful?

I think it's okay to comment, but completely understand your point of view and respect it. I think it's sweet that you think so much of your wife that you are respectful. Good for you.

natalie412

I think it is a little over cautious, but my husband and I are not the jealous types at all. We've been married 17 years. Better to err on the side of caution, I guess.

twocsmom

and commenting on a member of the opposite sex's success story posts?

I admit, I love checking out the success story posts; they're so inspiring. There are some people who've had some amazing, life-altering changes. I'll always comment on a guy's post because, I'm a guy and we need to encourage one another, but if it's a girl I won't. Being married, I wouldn't want to give my wife any doubts. Am I being overly cautious or respectful?

I think it's very respectful. If your wife is comfortable with you commenting I don't see anything wrong with it, but I admire you for your concern for her!

Crystal_Pistol

Yeah, that's a bit weird. Why make a distinction? Do you think you can't speak to members of the opposite sex. If you want to give someone support, why does it matter if they are male or female?

Most of my friends are male, so I can't really imagine feeling that it was a problem talking to men.

I think a lot of it has to do with my wife being a therapist. Unfortunately she doesn't deal with people talking about how their mom didn't love them or anything that simple. It's a lot of horrible scenarios and a lot of husband's cheating on their wives. So that may be why I'm overly sensitive to it.

I'm a therapist. Work and Home are two domains that I try to NEVER link. My husband and I talk about men and women together. A great body on anybody takes work and it's totally cool to compliment (as long as you aren't trying to put panties in teeth as a previous poster noted).