Anyone else feel weird being married...

LATeagno

I don't care what that movie says, affairs don't "just happen." Even if a woman throws herself on a man's lap (or vice versa), as a human, you get that lovely thing called reasoning that allows you to be capable of making complicated decisions. While it's true that one doesn't have to "go out looking" for an affair to find one, one ALWAYS has the ability to say no. And even to continue saying no. There is no unconscious decision to have an affair or to cheat. Ever.

ashtonalayna

No I don't think its weird. While I will comment on a guys post every once in awhile I don't have any male friends on here. I don't think my husband would care if I did but I respect him enough not to. If he was on here I know I would apreciate it if he would do the same. Yea I know we are a bit old fashioned but we love and respect each other and that's all that matters!

itsuki

If I were in your place and my wife felt uncomfortable if I said "Congrats!" to a woman, well, I would find that very weird and overly sensitive of her.

If you send her PMs and say "Hey sexy looking great give me a call," that's one thing. But if you can't even be friendly to people of the opposite sex? That's just bizzare.

sondra216379

One word "trust". Who is it with the trust issues your wife not being able to trust you, or you not being able to trust your self? I comment on both all the time and never give it a second thought. If your wife and you had friends over would you ignore the wife/girlfriend because you don't want to upset your wife?

THIS

LorinaLynn

I've never accidentally had sex, ever, with anyone, when I was single and on the prowl, or with my husband now that I'm a boring old married person. It's always a conscious decision. It never "just happens."

If the sight of a hot guy showing his abs and/or a few kind words from a stranger was enough to pull me away from my husband, or on the flip side, the sight of a woman in a bikini and a few kinds words was enough to pull him from me, our relationship would have to have been built on a foundation of quick sand.

You know, I've successfully taught me dog the command "leave it." If he's about to chase one of the cats, or pick up a piece of food that fell on the floor, and I say, "Leave it," he will turn away from any temptation. I have faith that my husband has more brainpower and respect for me than my Pekingese does, and doesn't need me to tell him to "leave it," or I never would have married him. :laugh:

bushidowoman

I think it's good that you are mindful of the problems that online social places can cause a marriage. :-) I think if commenting on women's posts makes you feel weird, don't. If it makes your wife uncomfortable for you to comment on women's posts, don't.

Personally... if my hubby were a social chit-chatty sort of guy, and if he were on here, then I wouldn't feel threatened by him saying "congratulations on your hard work!" I might feel bothered by him saying something like "wow, you look hot!" But that's just me.
But different marriages have different dynamics. My husband is an introvert, and I am the extrovert. I am an encourager and want to tell everyone what a great job they are doing. It is my nature to compliment others--women and men--and "wow, you look great!" just seems to fall out right of my mouth. But it would be very uncharacteristic for my quiet, reserved hubby to pay a compliment to a woman he didn't know. If he did, I might wonder what was up.

You also have to take your own thoughts into consideration. Does looking at hot women in bikinis cause you to have lustful thoughts? Do you dwell on these images later even after you've closed down the computer? Do you find your mind wandering to them when you are with your wife? If so, stay away from those threads.

leann74016

I think it's very respectful!

Ginger4real

Call me stupid but isn't it wrong to look at the women in secret ..I mean, I could be wrong but your O.P implies you do go in and look at the female posts. SEEMS TO ME..if you look at their pics and think wow they did good and look great but don't comment and say~ hey you did great~ ..you are sneeking around *even if only in your own head*. That to me, if it was my man, would be a red flag that he could hide things from me or sneek around and I would never know....and THAT would bug me way more than if my Husband was simply open and honest and congratulated everyone openly and directly.

Stefanie7125

"to avoid even the appearance of evil". I think if it feels wrong for you, then it is wrong! More people need to be this respectful of their SO's feelings.

scs143

We are all (or presumably most of us) are here to lose weight. We are working hard and the support aspect of this site is a great thing. I don't think you are disrespecting your wife by telling anyone that they did a great job or that they look great. My husband and I have been married for 7 years and we trust and love each other. He doesn't feel disrespected by my commenting on others success. I think it's great that you are thinking about it and are concerned about not crossing a line but I think it's overly cautious. Supporting one another is great. Hitting on someone is disrespectful.

cekeys

Call me stupid but isn't it wrong to look at the women in secret ..I mean, I could be wrong but your O.P implies you do go in and look at the female posts. SEEMS TO ME..if you look at their pics and think wow they did good and look great but don't comment and say~ hey you did great~ ..you are sneeking around *even if only in your own head*. That to me, if it was my man, would be a red flag that he could hide things from me or sneek around and I would never know....and THAT would bug me way more than if my Husband was simply open and honest and congratulated everyone openly and directly.

I can see your point there; I guess I should explain. One of my favorite parts of "The Biggest Loser" is when they start showing the contestants loss around week 6 to 8 and you get to see them drop 40 lbs or more week by week in a few seconds. That is really inspiring to me and that's more where I'm coming from when I say I check out the posts. I do try to avoid any posts now where anyone states that they've got underpants shots or bikini shots. Additionally it can be difficult to determine who is a female based on the handle alone (eg. MegLovesBen is way more obvious than TrekFan1980).

"to avoid even the appearance of evil". I think if it feels wrong for you, then it is wrong! More people need to be this respectful of their SO's feelings.

Well stated.

hotchocchry

i think its beautiful that you feel that way you have a strong love for your spouse.

Ginger4real

Personally I think it's great that you respect your wife and her feelings. I just don't understand why you have to ask. Do you want to comment on the progress of everyone? Do you want to be able to give and get motivation from everyone..femaes included? Why are you inquiring our opinions to begin with? Do you want to do it and feel like it would be totally innocent? Did your wife already tell you not to talk to women in here? Would you ask her not to talk to men online? I mean I don't much get how you can be talking to me and responding to women in here right now if it's an issue...you can see our profile pics and know what we look like ..would you not reply to me right now if I changed my picture and my thumbnail was a full body shot and I had on a bkini? I think it's cool if you look at the woman and feel she is crying out for attention by wearing a bra and panty set ..then think i'm not in here to talk to such females...and click it closed. I can understand if you don't enable her needy behavior. BUT! .. if you click a topic and the pic is an obviously sincere before and after based on pride and hard work not the need for online attention/cam sex later....If they have on a modest short and tank top set or sports bra and shorts / leggings...then Say congrats and move on... If you can't be yourself and be real with your own thoughts and personality...I don't think you will be married til death do you part....no one can hide their true /natural character forever..No matter how much you love and respect someone else. Too hard on the brain! Not saying that's the case here ..just in general if you can't be natural and have to seek opinions to simply talk to someone ...that's hella hard to maintain for life.

30yearssincebikini

You know her better than we do. If you think it's best to not say anything like that to hot sexy girls in bikini's, then, of course, be respectable and don't say anything.

Artemis726

I find nothing wrong with being respectfully encouraging. :flowerforyou: I have several male friends and my DH of almost 12 years has no problem with it so long as they respect this as a fitness support site, and not a dating site.

ElizabethRoad

Sorry but I think that's crazy.

dhencel

I wish my husband would get on this plan.....He works away all week and his eating habits are not the best. If he would have to log in, I think he would just eat better---and he needs to lose 50 lbs. too. I, also, love to read the success stories and see pictures.....I don't mind if my husband looks are other women.. I look at other men.....Married almost 35 years and still looking AT people not FOR people. As I said my husband travels, and I trust him wholeheartedly.....And I know when I reach my goal, he will be looking at me!!!!!

ninerbuff

and commenting on a member of the opposite sex's success story posts?

I admit, I love checking out the success story posts; they're so inspiring. There are some people who've had some amazing, life-altering changes. I'll always comment on a guy's post because, I'm a guy and we need to encourage one another, but if it's a girl I won't. Being married, I wouldn't want to give my wife any doubts. Am I being overly cautious or respectful?

Overcautious. There shouldn't be anything wrong with commenting on a person's success even if they are of the opposite sex.

A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

karinaes

I think it's great. I know lots of people that won't drive someone of the opposite sex to the airport or whatever without having someone else along. If you've seen the movie Fireproof, there is no being too careful. Not many people go out looking for an affair, they just happen.

wtf?! :huh: :noway: lmao! :laugh: good one.

to the OP depends on your and your wife's comfort level and how much you guys trust each other. if you don't feel comfortable doing it, which you obviously don't, don't. :ohwell:

Sidesteal

I'd say you're somewhere in between the two.

I'm happily married and my wife is sitting right next to me as I type this. I compliment female members on this forum all the time (my MFP friends are hot!), but I also compliment and reassure my wife regularly even though she doesn't seem to need it.

She knows I'm not going anywhere.

Becky1971

I don't think it's a bad thing at all. but I would definitely be careful with the wording I used. I would back off if my husband was uncomfortable with it, and I wouldn't have male friends if he asked me not to. But he knows that If any lines were crossed, then I would step away from that "friendship". I have done it online and in person. So he has that to count on. It's something we have talked about, and I think your wife is the one you should be asking this question too. Good for you for caring about what your wife feels about this!

Zarebeth

R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

It is ALL about the level of respect.

I would say fine, but post as if your wife were looking over your shoulder. If your wife may someday see your comments (and hey, she might!)... would they upset her or not? It depends on HER and her comfort level too. Respect your wife by not making inappropriate comments, which also shows respect to the ladies you comment on because you are not being a dog about it.

LorinaLynn

R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

It is ALL about the level of respect.

I would say fine, but post as if your wife were looking over your shoulder. If your wife may someday see your comments (and hey, she might!)... would they upset her or not? It depends on HER and her comfort level too. Respect your wife by not making inappropriate comments, which also shows respect to the ladies you comment on because you are not being a dog about it.

Perfect.

ivansmomma

I wish my husband would get on this plan.....He works away all week and his eating habits are not the best. If he would have to log in, I think he would just eat better---and he needs to lose 50 lbs. too. I, also, love to read the success stories and see pictures.....I don't mind if my husband looks are other women.. I look at other men.....Married almost 35 years and still looking AT people not FOR people. As I said my husband travels, and I trust him wholeheartedly.....And I know when I reach my goal, he will be looking at me!!!!!

You sound just like us, and my husband also needs to lose. We've been married almost 32 years, we still look at the opposite sex, and I am on the one on MFP, Facebook, etc. He's just not a social site person. He knows that I 'talk' to other men on this site, Facebook, etc., but we are sitting next to one another, I show him the pictures, posts, etc. He trusts me, I trust him, and that's the important part of marriage. If this makes your wife uncomfortable, don't post. Have you asked her if this makes her uncomfortable? If you haven't asked, I suggest you do and trust your feelings from there. As others have said, respect, trust and communication. God bless!

ninerbuff

So I asked my wife what she thought about me saying "dang girl you're hot" on a commenting post by me and she said it didn't bother her (I tell my wife she's hot a lot too). She also stated that she's way more comfortable with me posting comments about females that are hot, rather than me training hot females. I tell her they are done with me when they become hot.

A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

HeidiRene

sounds way overly cautious to me

Ocarina

Hmmmm.... my husband never goes on message boards but I use this one and am always showing him funny threads about hot dudes/chicks and also will show him absolutely amazing transformations of people. He has never ever said anything against me looking at men's transformations and I've never seen him get all hot and bothered by a bikini/underwear shot from this website. It's all about context I think. This website is motivational, supportive, and with it comes results that people want to share. It's also a respecting thing where both genders get to show off their hard work and get praised for it. There is NOTHING derogatory or shameful about that... but if you go to a porn site or a "rate their looks" type website for example those are definitely way more degrading/sexually involved and I think reactions would change.

So yeah, in short, I think you are being too cautious but I commend you for being respecful about her feelings!

Ocarina

I wish my husband would get on this plan.....He works away all week and his eating habits are not the best. If he would have to log in, I think he would just eat better---and he needs to lose 50 lbs. too. I, also, love to read the success stories and see pictures.....I don't mind if my husband looks are other women.. I look at other men.....Married almost 35 years and still looking AT people not FOR people. As I said my husband travels, and I trust him wholeheartedly.....And I know when I reach my goal, he will be looking at me!!!!!

You sound just like us, and my husband also needs to lose. We've been married almost 32 years, we still look at the opposite sex, and I am on the one on MFP, Facebook, etc. He's just not a social site person. He knows that I 'talk' to other men on this site, Facebook, etc., but we are sitting next to one another, I show him the pictures, posts, etc. He trusts me, I trust him, and that's the important part of marriage. If this makes your wife uncomfortable, don't post. Have you asked her if this makes her uncomfortable? If you haven't asked, I suggest you do and trust your feelings from there. As others have said, respect, trust and communication. God bless!

This is totally my situation. My husband will only socialize in real life or on a MMO type game that he plays very casually. Otherwise he stays away from social networking websites where I thrive off this type of stuff. This is the only website I use but I couldn't do this commitment without others to look to. It sucks he won't get on but at the same time he's very supportive and can find his own way to succeed.

funkycamper

So I asked my wife what she thought about me saying "dang girl you're hot" on a commenting post by me and she said it didn't bother her (I tell my wife she's hot a lot too). She also stated that she's way more comfortable with me posting comments about females that are hot, rather than me training hot females. I tell her they are done with me when they become hot.

That's funny (the bold part), LOL..

Well, I've been married 30 years and my husband and I both have friends in real life with people of the opposite sex. If we can have real friends, no reason why we can't have virtual friends, too.

To be honest, I'd say that there are some underlying issues going on with insecurity, lack of trust, whatever. If my husband was bothered by my friends, online or real world, I'd say we have a problem in our marriage that needs working on. And vice-versa.

But, that's us. YMMV.

raevynn

I think it's great. I know lots of people that won't drive someone of the opposite sex to the airport or whatever without having someone else along. If you've seen the movie Fireproof, there is no being too careful. Not many people go out looking for an affair, they just happen.

Huh, that's weird.

A (male) friend and I drove two days to a convention, picked up a third friend, shared a hotel room, and drove back... because my Dear Hubby was unable to take the time off to go. Hopefully,. this year, DH, and both the friends, and I, will all be able to go.

I guess it just depends on your personal relationships. Couldn't imagine, for myself, being in a relationship that was too "iffy" to handle that.