Anyone else feel weird being married...

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  • thatgirl125
    thatgirl125 Posts: 294 Member
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    Honestly yes, and I know I shouldn't. A few times the hubby has came to see what I was looking at and had asked what I was saying and I just told him that I was telling him that he has done a great job and to keep up the good work. He was completely fine with that but I still wonder if he is bothered by it sometimes.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
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    I think it's safe to say to someone, great accomplishment or congrats on your success...but I wouldn't be comfortable if my husband were making comments like, "Great job! Your abs are hot."
  • thelovelyLIZ
    thelovelyLIZ Posts: 1,227 Member
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    I'm not married, but I'm in a long term relationship, living together, etc. I don't really feel bad commenting on a guy's weight loss (or a guy's body in general) because I can acknowledge that a man has an attractive body even though I'm in a relationship. It doesn't mean I'm cheating on him or being disloyal, it just means I'm aware there are other attractive men in the world. Heck, he and I sometimes talk about other people (mostly celebrities) being good looking- both male and female.
  • Iamkim73
    Iamkim73 Posts: 924 Member
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    "Great job... you look incredible!" is a lot different from, "Great job, I want to take your panties off with my teeth."

    Crap!!!
    I have been totally going about being supportive in the wrong way! Note to self.......stop talking about undergarments when offering encouragement!
  • marynificent
    marynificent Posts: 110 Member
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    I think it's good that you are mindful of the problems that online social places can cause a marriage. :-) I think if commenting on women's posts makes you feel weird, don't. If it makes your wife uncomfortable for you to comment on women's posts, don't.

    Personally... if my hubby were a social chit-chatty sort of guy, and if he were on here, then I wouldn't feel threatened by him saying "congratulations on your hard work!" I might feel bothered by him saying something like "wow, you look hot!" But that's just me.
    But different marriages have different dynamics. My husband is an introvert, and I am the extrovert. I am an encourager and want to tell everyone what a great job they are doing. It is my nature to compliment others--women and men--and "wow, you look great!" just seems to fall out right of my mouth. But it would be very uncharacteristic for my quiet, reserved hubby to pay a compliment to a woman he didn't know. If he did, I might wonder what was up.

    You also have to take your own thoughts into consideration. Does looking at hot women in bikinis cause you to have lustful thoughts? Do you dwell on these images later even after you've closed down the computer? Do you find your mind wandering to them when you are with your wife? If so, stay away from those threads.

    could not agree with you more!!! brilliantly well put!
  • Goose28in
    Goose28in Posts: 87 Member
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    Question- what if your husband is only friends with girls on MFP, and does comment sexual things like- my wife thinks I'm a meat tornado to a girl that I'm not friends with? Also, what of he looks at pretty girls on here wih nice bodies but he says it's cause he's tryi to help me? Is this normal behavior? I kind of feel like its a cop out?

    What is a meat tornado?
  • calliope_music
    calliope_music Posts: 1,242 Member
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    not at all.
  • choirgirl1130
    choirgirl1130 Posts: 80 Member
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    i applaud you for honoring your wife and your marriage! it is a manner of being respectful and honest with your spouse about how you conduct yourself here on mfp. if you discuss with your wife what you are doing, she's okay with it, and you honor the boundries you set, then it is ok for you. everyone is different and i think it is awesome that you consider your wife in what you are doing!
    best wishes to you on your journey :0)
  • kunibob
    kunibob Posts: 608 Member
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    It all depends on context. I'm comfortable saying things like, "wow, you look great!" because I can think someone looks "great" (happy, healthy, fit) without even a shred of attraction. On the other hand, I don't think my husband would be very comfortable with me saying things like, "omg, you look hot!!!" unless it's clear that I'm approaching it from a platonic angle or just being a bit silly. :smile: That being said, both my husband and I are the types of people who are friendly and like to tease others, so we've both come across as "flirting" before when we haven't actually been...so what seems okay to us may see too flirty to others...:indifferent: ???
  • susanloveszumba
    susanloveszumba Posts: 182
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    "Great job... you look incredible!" is a lot different from, "Great job, I want to take your panties off with my teeth."

    lol! hilarious!
  • Justkf
    Justkf Posts: 208 Member
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    I comment to both, it doesn't matter to me, success is success and the weight issue is not gender restricted. Obviously, you don't want to hurt her feelings, maybe ask her if it would.
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,887 Member
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    "Great job... you look incredible!" is a lot different from, "Great job, I want to take your panties off with my teeth."
    This.
  • vestarocks
    vestarocks Posts: 449 Member
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    I would like to categorize it as respectful. Only you know your relationship and your true feelings behind it.

    That being said I think it's great to have all sorts of people as friends and I comment regardless of gender. I have male friends on MFP that I don't know but if we are on the same path - who cares? Often when I'm commenting I don't notice someone's gender (unless there's a picture of abs -then I notice but doesn't influence whether I comment or not). My husband is on MFP as well but only to log food & exercise. He trusts me and I don't think he thinks twice about who I'm friends with. I am open and honest.

    I think you also have to trust your gut as well. I had a man, I don't know him and we didn't seem to have any posts in common, want to add me. I was uncomfortable so I didn't. Simple. Like my facebook, I leave it logged on all the time. If my husband wanted to check up on me it wouldn't be difficult but I would be shocked if he looked.

    Considering your wife is a therapist, I would imagine that there only needs to be a simple conversation.
  • monicamk1975
    monicamk1975 Posts: 298 Member
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    You sound like my husband. :) I think that's great in its own respect. I do congratulate both sexes. I don't believe in "harmless online flirting" and I wouldn't like it if my husband did it. I am truly grateful that he is so respectful of our marriage.
  • ARMom8251
    ARMom8251 Posts: 194
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    I do not think there is anything wrong with commenting or saying job well done. I am married, have been for ten years, and I love my husband. As long as comments aren't about, like one poster said, how hot they are its perfectly fine. That of course also depends on what mu husband considers fine. I don not make those comments in order to get a response or to talk to them on a daily basis. I have friends on my list that are guys, not many mind you, and those guys have been a wonderful inspiration to me. It just all depends on the couple, the situation, and what is said!
  • Elen_Sia
    Elen_Sia Posts: 638 Member
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    "Great job... you look incredible!" is a lot different from, "Great job, I want to take your panties off with my teeth."

    This literally made me clutch my sides so I could laugh as hard as I could without hurting my abs. :laugh:
  • AuntieMC
    AuntieMC Posts: 346 Member
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    If I was still married, I would not comment on people of the opposite sex, either. Just the way I am, and we had a very traditional marriage (for 28 years), so that is what would have been expected. I know things are often different these days, but it seems strange to me, too. You know your wife best. Even if she said it wouldn;t bother her, you probably know if it really would, at some level. Keep those bonds of trust strong!
  • TourThePast
    TourThePast Posts: 1,753 Member
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    Being married, I wouldn't want to give my wife any doubts. Am I being overly cautious or respectful?
    It's perfectly reasonable to comment about other people's weight loss online.

    It's not as if you have any personal connection to them, in most cases it's just photos of a complete stranger at the start of a thread, and presumably you're planning on saying "well done" rather than "OMG you have great norks"! :bigsmile:

    If you have given her a genuine reason to feel insecure, such as having an affair, then I'd be cautious of doing anything that might harm the rebuilding of trust, otherwise I believe wives should be treated as rational adults - doing otherwise encourages obsessive behaviours on both sides!
  • LHAMON2009
    LHAMON2009 Posts: 55
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    I have been married for 3 years and I comment on guys success stories all the time and my husband has no problem with it. Also in return being a jealous wife that I am I am not upset when my husband compliments a female on her success and triumphs. I think it is wonderful that you want to respect your wife like that. I would suggest just talking with her about it and get her take on the situation.
  • AZKristi
    AZKristi Posts: 1,801 Member
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    It seems like most of the success stories get plenty of responses. I wouldn't worry to much if you are uncomfortable. You know your wife better than anyone on this site - do what works best to keep your relationship comfortable.

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