To all the "nice guys"

grinch031

I'm still waiting for the "nice guy" who really is nice and doesn't expect me to hold up a sign that says "I like you. Please ask me out," before he gets off his rear and decides to make a move.

So you want nice and confident? That combination is hard to find.

ArroganceInStep

The ones complaining about it are the ones who are single. That's why it's all you hear on the subject of being single. Doesn't really mean anything.

As for taking offence, women and men are equally stupid when it comes to dating. It's a generalization but lots of people do stupid things when it comes to relationships. That's just how it is.

pa_jorg

Send some of the nice ones my way! I do not need the drama that comes with a "bad" boy.

pa_jorg

I'm still waiting for the "nice guy" who really is nice and doesn't expect me to hold up a sign that says "I like you. Please ask me out," before he gets off his rear and decides to make a move.

So you want nice and confident? That combination is hard to find.

Why is nice and confident mutually exclusive?

grinch031

I'm still waiting for the "nice guy" who really is nice and doesn't expect me to hold up a sign that says "I like you. Please ask me out," before he gets off his rear and decides to make a move.

So you want nice and confident? That combination is hard to find.

Why is nice and confident mutually exclusive?

Because 'nice' people tend to think of others first. 'Confident' people tend to think of themselves first. Not to say its an impossible combination, but they are a bit incompatible.

Matt_Wild

Nice and confident is far from impossible. IME it comes from people who've not always been how they are current day and so know what its like to be bigger/smaller etc etc and so they learn a degree of self control and know what feeling a certain way was like and can appreciate things a little more.

Poetic_

I'm the worst I guess, nice with low confidence.

sawyermark

"Don't set your expectations too high. This might sound mean, but if you're a teddy bear gamer (bigger, hairy guy who's into WOW and D&D) you're not likely to find a hot blonde to date you. Yes, there are hot gamer chicks who dig teddy bears, but those are few and far between. "
Hey what's wrong with guys that play Wow? My wife is hot btw 8-)

SinIsIn

My husband is an a-hole with everyone else and a nice guy with me! So I get the best of both worlds?? :drinker:

elimendoza31

I'm a gentleman in the streets and a geek in the sheets



Wait, I think I said that wrong.

:laugh: Nice!!!!

TheRoadDog

Lot's of girls like the "Bad Boys". Seen a lot of that in my life. They usually get screwed over and eventually start looking for someone more pleasant. It's called "experience".

Live and learn.

I've been both. I prefer being pleasant.

ItsCasey

I'm still waiting for the "nice guy" who really is nice and doesn't expect me to hold up a sign that says "I like you. Please ask me out," before he gets off his rear and decides to make a move.

So you want nice and confident? That combination is hard to find.

Why is nice and confident mutually exclusive?

Because 'nice' people tend to think of others first. 'Confident' people tend to think of themselves first. Not to say its an impossible combination, but they are a bit incompatible.

We must have different definitions of the word "confident." I think the two qualities are highly compatible, and I also think "confidence" in arrogant people is an act. If I like myself, why wouldn't I want to be nice to other people? I was a lot less friendly and less willing to do things for other people when I didn't think much of myself.

carlie_carl

I like the concept and mostly agree with this post, although, its insinuating that 'nice guys' are unconfident and whine about it, thats as insulting as saying the nice girls go for bad guys, Id consider myself a nice guy (or a person with good values and an old fashioned romantic) Ive been brought up like that, Im certinly not unconfident or moan about it shizzle happens, but I do see this scenerio happening, for both men and women, why should a nice person have to wait until the other realises theyre not into bad people :-S if they are made to wait by some one then maybe that person isnt the right person

My point is, although these 'nice guys' are slated as unconfident moaners, alot of the times a person will choose exterior over interior, its instinct, nice people shouldnt be all deemed unconfident people who ***** about how bad it is ,but I do agree with the post to the people it applys to

grinch031

I'm still waiting for the "nice guy" who really is nice and doesn't expect me to hold up a sign that says "I like you. Please ask me out," before he gets off his rear and decides to make a move.

So you want nice and confident? That combination is hard to find.

Why is nice and confident mutually exclusive?

Because 'nice' people tend to think of others first. 'Confident' people tend to think of themselves first. Not to say its an impossible combination, but they are a bit incompatible.

We must have different definitions of the word "confident." I think the two qualities are highly compatible, and I also think "confidence" in arrogant people is an act. If I like myself, why wouldn't I want to be nice to other people? I was a lot less friendly and less willing to do things for other people when I didn't think much of myself.

My own observations have shown that the overly nice types lack self confidence, which is why they are so concerned with pleasing others rather than pleasing themselves. They are too concerned about what others think of them so they play it safe and come across as boring and unappealing to the opposite sex. I know because that has been me...the person who doesn't want to offend anyone or appear stupid to others.

Nice people think before they act. Confident people act before they think. That's why a confident person is more likely to come across as a jerk.

Scott613

"Girls just don't like nice guys. I guess they just like a**holes." I hear this a lot and I'm sure a lot of other women have as well. I take offense to this. It implies women are stupid when it comes to dating. Sure there are some of us who see a guy with a wife beater and a mullet and think, "Mmmm...there's a hottie right there."

I have a nice guy. My husband tries to act like a jerk and I laugh at him because he just can't pull it off. You know what he has that the other "nice guys" I've met lack? Confidence. That's what women like. Confidence. That's one thing that the so-called "a**holes" have. Confidence.

If you're one of those guys who is having a hard time finding a girl, stop looking. Work on yourself (and I don't just mean do what you're already doing by being a member of this site). *Like* yourself. Don't worry so much about your looks. Don't be needy. If a girl doesn't immediately say, "Yes" don't get pushy or mad at her. Maybe she's busy.

Don't set your expectations too high. This might sound mean, but if you're a teddy bear gamer (bigger, hairy guy who's into WOW and D&D) you're not likely to find a hot blonde to date you. Yes, there are hot gamer chicks who dig teddy bears, but those are few and far between.

Most importantly, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Nothing is a bigger turn off than a guy who is so wrapped up in not having a girlfriend that he can't have a normal, pleasant conversation at dinner.

Steelheart7

I actually had a guy "friend" say to me the other day .. women don't notice nice guys until the @ss holes have screwed them over enough and now we (the nice guys) are stuck with used up, tatooed women with 3 kids and trust issues.

Truth to that statement? Maybe.

I would give anything for a nice guy. I am having a hard time believing they exist at this point in my life.

Elizabeth_C34

Nice and confident is far from impossible. IME it comes from people who've not always been how they are current day and so know what its like to be bigger/smaller etc etc and so they learn a degree of self control and know what feeling a certain way was like and can appreciate things a little more.

This.

Steelheart7

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Ha! I lOVE this picture!

warmachinejt

Truth: nice guys can be BLIND.

That is definitely true and very frustrating. I have been going round and round with a genuinely nice guy for nearly a year. I used to live next door to him. He introduced himself to me last spring, and I discovered that in addition to being very good-looking, he's also very intelligent, successful, and one of the nicest guys I've ever met. And every time we saw each other, we would have these fascinating conversations. I thought we were getting somewhere, and the day I came home from work and found a note on my door with his phone number on it, I was pretty sure he felt the same way. But I don't pursue men. I think pursuing is their job and that if they're really interested, they'll do it. So I only called him if I had a legit reason (and I only found a legit reason once).

He never picked up on the fact that I liked him and never asked me out, so I assumed he wasn't interested, and I was dating other people. Then I moved a mile or so away about a month ago, and last week, he called me twice and texted me a few times to find out where I was and said he thinks we should "keep in touch." Really? I lived 12 feet away for quite some time, and we never "kept in touch" then. What is that about? I don't always understand "nice guys."

i liked a nice girl and was the first girl i ever showed my interest in, and your story sounds similar to mine. I tried to keep in touch with the girl but she answered sometimes and sometimes not...i stopped trying to get at her altogether. I don't think she was ready for a relationship yet since she is younger.

SFalconStorm

I'm not sure that 'nice' is really the deal breaker here. More like compatability is. A guy can be the nicest person in the world, but if he is totally into golfing, mystery novels and Vietnamese cuisine, I'd probably have a hard time dating him, much less marrying him. However, I can guarantee that there is another woman out there that would give up important body parts to find a guy like him.

Personally, I think all the complaining is just impatience and grumbling because a guy doesn't get the person he 'thinks' he wants. I waited until I was 29 to marry my perfect nice guy. We were friends first. I distinctly remember advising him to get out of another relationship because the girl in question was walking all over him.

My nice guy got his girl. I'm a nice girl that got my guy. We have a LOT in common, not just the fact that we are both nice people. Being nice is not the deal breaker. If anyone ever said something like that, I'd tell them to open up their horizons.

ItsCasey

I actually had a guy "friend" say to me the other day .. women don't notice nice guys until the @ss holes have screwed them over enough and now we (the nice guys) are stuck with used up, tatooed women with 3 kids and trust issues.

Truth to that statement? Maybe.

I would give anything for a nice guy. I am having a hard time believing they exist at this point in my life.

There is truth to the statement that many women will screw around with jerks for a long time before finally realizing what they are missing. And by then, they have so much baggage that a lot of "nice guys" don't think it's worth it to even try.

But a lot of men have what I call a "damsel in distress" syndrome. They get off on taking care of a woman who is an emotional trainwreck. And I'm not talking about the "Let men do stuff for you because they like to feel useful and needed" thing. I'm talking about a man who needs a woman who is so emotionally distraught that she can't function without him telling her how to get from one day to the next. That's pretty disturbing to me, but I have seen it a lot lately.

Steelheart7

jq.. yes .. my brother is one of them I think.. lol. The squeaky wheel gets his attention. He was dating two very different women at one point .. one girl was sweet and cute and very well put together and the other was just a hot mess .. had a kid, out of control ex .. blah blah and he wound up marrying the nut case. He is the nicest guy, but shy .. but the hot mess was more forward.

chrishgt4

"Nice" is just about the worst thing to be - it's so wishy washy and basically equates to spineless.

If you're nice you'll just go along with what she wants because it's nice to let other people get their own way.

But if you don't insist on your own way some of the time you're basically saying you are worth less than them, and why would anyone love someone who doesn't love themselves. By being like that you are basically advertising yourself as being of less worth.

Nice guys are too scared of rejection or failure to take a chance - they won't ask a girl out in case they get shot down, they won't make a joke in case people don't laugh, they miss opportunities and have mediocre lives.

The guys who have something about them fail and get back up - they have the confidence to tell a girl when she's being a ****, because they believe that they are cool enough that the girl won't take that as her cue to dump them. A 'Nice' guy doesn't want to rock the boat so takes what is given.

Nice sucks.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/505123-a-question-for-the-men

SewerUrchin

I actually had a guy "friend" say to me the other day .. women don't notice nice guys until the @ss holes have screwed them over enough and now we (the nice guys) are stuck with used up, tatooed women with 3 kids and trust issues.

What's wrong with being tattooed? Seems a bit of a weird element for him to bring into it.

Anyway, there's a difference between a nice guy and a guy with Nice Guy Syndrome. A nice guy is just that; a chap who happens to be pleasant to be around and is probably good boyfriend material. A guy with Nice Guy Syndrome, on the other hand, operates on this logic:
"I've been nice to you and been your friend. This means that you owe me, and I get first dibs on you if you're looking for a boyfriend. If, for whatever reason, you just don't feel that way about me, you're clearly a horrible person who hates nice people and only wants to date jerks. I can tell your boyfriends are jerks because they're dating you and I'm not. Don't you see? I wasn't actively mean to you. That makes you my property. God, why are girls such *****es?"
It's actually quite creepy. I mean, this screengrab has been doing the rounds recently:



While the girl was clearly taking advantage of this guy, you'd think that, at some point, he'd get the hint that she wasn't interested? If you're so arrogant that you can't comprehend that someone just doesn't want you, and continue to try to buy their love, expect to be taken advantage of.

And gents, no-one literally gets rejected for being "too nice". If a girl turns you down and says that you're too nice, she means one of the following:
1) I'm not attracted to you in that way, but that makes it sound like it's partially your fault, so I'll try to cushion the blow by saying that you're such a nice guy that I don't deserve you.
2) By "nice", I mean clingy, needy, lacking in self-confidence, obsessive, emotionally exhausting, generally a complete wuss, etc. Obviously, I can't say any of this stuff because you'd probably cry or something, plus I value our friendship, so again, I revert to "nice".

Personally, I'm lucky. I live with my partner, who is a genuine nice guy. He has his jerkass moments, but then, so does everyone, including me. And I'm with him because he's a nice guy on the basis that it's a good thing to be, not because of some creepy notion that, if he acts nice, women will owe him sex.

Carl01

"Nice" is just about the worst thing to be - it's so wishy washy and basically equates to spineless.

If you're nice you'll just go along with what she wants because it's nice to let other people get their own way.

But if you don't insist on your own way some of the time you're basically saying you are worth less than them, and why would anyone love someone who doesn't love themselves. By being like that you are basically advertising yourself as being of less worth.

Nice guys are too scared of rejection or failure to take a chance - they won't ask a girl out in case they get shot down, they won't make a joke in case people don't laugh, they miss opportunities and have mediocre lives.

The guys who have something about them fail and get back up - they have the confidence to tell a girl when she's being a ****, because they believe that they are cool enough that the girl won't take that as her cue to dump them. A 'Nice' guy doesn't want to rock the boat so takes what is given.

Nice sucks.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/505123-a-question-for-the-men

IMO psycho babble and BS.
Taking attributes that have nothing to do with whether a guy has a decent character and labeling that as the definition of "nice" is just stupid.
Nice is how decent a person is not how weak they are,let words mean what they are supposed to without redefining it for some reason.

GabeRami

"Nice" is just about the worst thing to be - it's so wishy washy and basically equates to spineless.

If you're nice you'll just go along with what she wants because it's nice to let other people get their own way.

But if you don't insist on your own way some of the time you're basically saying you are worth less than them, and why would anyone love someone who doesn't love themselves. By being like that you are basically advertising yourself as being of less worth.

Nice guys are too scared of rejection or failure to take a chance - they won't ask a girl out in case they get shot down, they won't make a joke in case people don't laugh, they miss opportunities and have mediocre lives.

The guys who have something about them fail and get back up - they have the confidence to tell a girl when she's being a ****, because they believe that they are cool enough that the girl won't take that as her cue to dump them. A 'Nice' guy doesn't want to rock the boat so takes what is given.

Nice sucks.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/505123-a-question-for-the-men

I think this is dead on. You have to be confident enough in you. If nice means it's time to be a wuss and do anything she says, or whine about why I don't get my way, well then let me turn in my man card NOW. You have to be or do YOU, then you can worry about everything else. Take that chance, how else do you know? Plus, more confidence in yourself leads to a better, more pleasant you all around. Yea, you can't make everyone happy, but do you really want to?

lour441

Being "nice" and being confident are not mutually exclusive.

ItsCasey

"Nice" is just about the worst thing to be - it's so wishy washy and basically equates to spineless.

If you're nice you'll just go along with what she wants because it's nice to let other people get their own way.

But if you don't insist on your own way some of the time you're basically saying you are worth less than them, and why would anyone love someone who doesn't love themselves. By being like that you are basically advertising yourself as being of less worth.

Nice guys are too scared of rejection or failure to take a chance - they won't ask a girl out in case they get shot down, they won't make a joke in case people don't laugh, they miss opportunities and have mediocre lives.

The guys who have something about them fail and get back up - they have the confidence to tell a girl when she's being a ****, because they believe that they are cool enough that the girl won't take that as her cue to dump them. A 'Nice' guy doesn't want to rock the boat so takes what is given.

Nice sucks.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/505123-a-question-for-the-men

IMO psycho babble and BS.
Taking attributes that have nothing to do with whether a guy has a decent character and labeling that as the definition of "nice" is just stupid.
Nice is how decent a person is not how weak they are,let words mean what they are supposed to without redefining it for some reason.

I agree. As a woman, I do not categorize a pushover as "nice" just because he lets me do and say whatever I want, nor do I categorize a man as "not nice" just because he has the nerve to NOT let me walk all over him.

A man can be nice (i.e. treat me with decency and respect) and still have a spine (i.e. demand that I treat him with decency and respect).

Steelheart7

"Nice" is just about the worst thing to be - it's so wishy washy and basically equates to spineless.

If you're nice you'll just go along with what she wants because it's nice to let other people get their own way.

But if you don't insist on your own way some of the time you're basically saying you are worth less than them, and why would anyone love someone who doesn't love themselves. By being like that you are basically advertising yourself as being of less worth.

Nice guys are too scared of rejection or failure to take a chance - they won't ask a girl out in case they get shot down, they won't make a joke in case people don't laugh, they miss opportunities and have mediocre lives.

The guys who have something about them fail and get back up - they have the confidence to tell a girl when she's being a ****, because they believe that they are cool enough that the girl won't take that as her cue to dump them. A 'Nice' guy doesn't want to rock the boat so takes what is given.

Nice sucks.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/505123-a-question-for-the-men

IMO psycho babble and BS.
Taking attributes that have nothing to do with whether a guy has a decent character and labeling that as the definition of "nice" is just stupid.
Nice is how decent a person is not how weak they are,let words mean what they are supposed to without redefining it for some reason.

Agreed with the nice is how decent a person is .. it has nothing to do with whether or not they will allow a person to walk all over them. That means you are a door mat .. not just "nice".

Your definition of nice is not the same as mine .. lol.. I think your definition is what people say when they just aren't into you .. they so .. oh .. he is just too nice for me .. its not that, its that you allow yourself to be a doormat .. and that is not sexy in any way shape or form.

grinch031

"Nice" is just about the worst thing to be - it's so wishy washy and basically equates to spineless.

If you're nice you'll just go along with what she wants because it's nice to let other people get their own way.

But if you don't insist on your own way some of the time you're basically saying you are worth less than them, and why would anyone love someone who doesn't love themselves. By being like that you are basically advertising yourself as being of less worth.

Nice guys are too scared of rejection or failure to take a chance - they won't ask a girl out in case they get shot down, they won't make a joke in case people don't laugh, they miss opportunities and have mediocre lives.

The guys who have something about them fail and get back up - they have the confidence to tell a girl when she's being a ****, because they believe that they are cool enough that the girl won't take that as her cue to dump them. A 'Nice' guy doesn't want to rock the boat so takes what is given.

Nice sucks.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/505123-a-question-for-the-men

IMO psycho babble and BS.
Taking attributes that have nothing to do with whether a guy has a decent character and labeling that as the definition of "nice" is just stupid.
Nice is how decent a person is not how weak they are,let words mean what they are supposed to without redefining it for some reason.

I tend to disagree here. I find it difficult to be nice without being a pushover. If you have a spine, then it is inevitable you are going to piss off people on occasion. If you piss off people because you don't cater to everyone else's needs or feelings, then you aren't going to be seen as the 'nice guy', even when you are genuinely a decent person. Its just the way it works.