To all the "nice guys"
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Oh snap!!! Lol.. I agree with some of the comments here.. Well said, OP! But I like World of Warcraft and Dungeons and Dragons..0 -
I say nice is not weak and weak is not nice. I used to think nice always meant pushover and got beat up and pushed around as a kid because of it. Eventually I just started being a prick. Then I grew up and found the happy middle. Be nice to people as often as possible, but know when you need to piss people off and have the stones to do it. That's my approach anyway.0
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My wife says I'm a nice guy up to the point where I get behind the wheel of a car. Problem is, there are so many bad drivers where I live!
And I agree; confidence, regardless of gender, is sexy.
And remind me again, what's wrong with D&D?0 -
Thanks for this0
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Spot on0
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True story. I started putting more focus into who I am and what I want. What makes ME happy and you know, I found someone who I may very well spend the rest of my life with.0
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You know what he has that the other "nice guys" I've met lack? Confidence. That's what women like. Confidence. That's one thing that the so-called "a**holes" have. Confidence.
If you're one of those guys who is having a hard time finding a girl, stop looking. Work on yourself (and I don't just mean do what you're already doing by being a member of this site). *Like* yourself. Don't worry so much about your looks. Don't be needy. If a girl doesn't immediately say, "Yes" don't get pushy or mad at her. Maybe she's busy.
Most importantly, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Nothing is a bigger turn off than a guy who is so wrapped up in not having a girlfriend that he can't have a normal, pleasant conversation at dinner.
Oh you so nailed it on the head!!!!0 -
I agree that women like nice guys when they are in a relationship. Women, however, are always not attracted to nice guys. Ask any guy who tries to be nice to a woman and get a date. Not going to happen. We're not wired that way. There must be a demostration of higher value. That is important. Guys need a woman who demonstrates high value also. As guys, unfortunately, sometimes looks are very heavily valued. Women tend to value confidence, status (more from an importance standpoint not money or flash).0
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I've often found that self described nice guys are anything but. They "act" like nice guys but really they are not. They are immature, rude, clingy, manner-less, etc. I go by the adage, "If you have to say it, you probably don't show it." IOW, don't SAY you are a nice guy, SHOW it.0
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completely agree! guys/girls who can't seem to be happy with themselves and desperately seeking someone else's approval, can't really be in a position to complain about relationships...how can they love someone when they can't even love themselves!
As for the nice guy, nice girl debate, some girls tend to thing they can change *kitten* into nice dudes. Some succeed but for the most part the relationship doesn't get anywhere, because, what attracted the two isn't there anymore and men/women are as is merchandise! If you can't take someone for who they are, then you can't take them, period! No ifs, buts or maybes about it.
As for me, i don't get upset when a girl doesn't chose to be with me or things aren't working out, because a good relationship doesn't need "effort" to make each other happy, it just happens, and work in the relationship won't seem like "work" it will have a whole different label to it.
Women need to start avoiding their feelings, if they're being treated wrong and they know it, then they need to muster up their self-confidence and curb the dude! Same goes for men!
*rant done* lol0 -
People - Men and Women just need to stop looking for "the next best thing". They meet someone and think I'm sure there is someone hotter out there I can land.
If your a 3 you should be looking to date a 1,2 or 3.
if your a 3, don't wait for the 8 or 9 to want to date you. Ain't gonna happen.0 -
"Girls just don't like nice guys. I guess they just like a**holes." I hear this a lot and I'm sure a lot of other women have as well. I take offense to this. It implies women are stupid when it comes to dating. Sure there are some of us who see a guy with a wife beater and a mullet and think, "Mmmm...there's a hottie right there."
I have a nice guy. My husband tries to act like a jerk and I laugh at him because he just can't pull it off. You know what he has that the other "nice guys" I've met lack? Confidence. That's what women like. Confidence. That's one thing that the so-called "a**holes" have. Confidence.
If you're one of those guys who is having a hard time finding a girl, stop looking. Work on yourself (and I don't just mean do what you're already doing by being a member of this site). *Like* yourself. Don't worry so much about your looks. Don't be needy. If a girl doesn't immediately say, "Yes" don't get pushy or mad at her. Maybe she's busy.
Don't set your expectations too high. This might sound mean, but if you're a teddy bear gamer (bigger, hairy guy who's into WOW and D&D) you're not likely to find a hot blonde to date you. Yes, there are hot gamer chicks who dig teddy bears, but those are few and far between.
Most importantly, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Nothing is a bigger turn off than a guy who is so wrapped up in not having a girlfriend that he can't have a normal, pleasant conversation at dinner.
Well said sister! My fella is the same... a nice guy with confidence, on occasion bordering arrogance that he doesn't pull off too well also and he is just a lovely, lovely nice guy!0 -
"Nice" is just about the worst thing to be - it's so wishy washy and basically equates to spineless.
If you're nice you'll just go along with what she wants because it's nice to let other people get their own way.
But if you don't insist on your own way some of the time you're basically saying you are worth less than them, and why would anyone love someone who doesn't love themselves. By being like that you are basically advertising yourself as being of less worth.
Nice guys are too scared of rejection or failure to take a chance - they won't ask a girl out in case they get shot down, they won't make a joke in case people don't laugh, they miss opportunities and have mediocre lives.
The guys who have something about them fail and get back up - they have the confidence to tell a girl when she's being a ****, because they believe that they are cool enough that the girl won't take that as her cue to dump them. A 'Nice' guy doesn't want to rock the boat so takes what is given.
Nice sucks.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/505123-a-question-for-the-men
IMO psycho babble and BS.
Taking attributes that have nothing to do with whether a guy has a decent character and labeling that as the definition of "nice" is just stupid.
Nice is how decent a person is not how weak they are,let words mean what they are supposed to without redefining it for some reason.
I tend to disagree here. I find it difficult to be nice without being a pushover. If you have a spine, then it is inevitable you are going to piss off people on occasion. If you piss off people because you don't cater to everyone else's needs or feelings, then you aren't going to be seen as the 'nice guy', even when you are genuinely a decent person. Its just the way it works.
That is my point,to me nice means pleasant,kind,decent,courteous etc.
How that somehow means a person doesn`t have convictions or can be walked over is a mystery to me.0 -
If you piss off people because you don't cater to everyone else's needs or feelings, then you aren't going to be seen as the 'nice guy', even when you are genuinely a decent person. Its just the way it works.
That is not the way it works for me. I'm an adult; I don't expect a man to cater to my "needs" and feelings if he believes in his heart that I am wrong. What I do expect is that when he disagrees with me, he does it respectfully. That is being nice. Never expressing an original thought or opinion isn't nice; it's dishonest.
The only caveat for me is in how the man chooses to express his difference of opinion. If he yells at me or insults me in telling me that I'm wrong and stupid, then of course I'm not going to see him as a nice guy. If he is able to calmly and rationally explain why he disagrees, without talking to me like I'm a 5-year-old, that will just make me respect him more.0 -
As for me, i don't get upset when a girl doesn't chose to be with me or things aren't working out, because a good relationship doesn't need "effort" to make each other happy, it just happens, and work in the relationship won't seem like "work" it will have a whole different label to it.0
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As for me, i don't get upset when a girl doesn't chose to be with me or things aren't working out, because a good relationship doesn't need "effort" to make each other happy, it just happens, and work in the relationship won't seem like "work" it will have a whole different label to it.
Point is that work doesn't seem like work in a good relationship, in a sense that your not dreading it, your actually loving it.0 -
I was always the nice guy. And until you get into your mid-20s, it seems girls usually just placed you in the friend zone. I was always friend-zoned!
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That is definitely true and very frustrating. I have been going round and round with a genuinely nice guy for nearly a year. I used to live next door to him. He introduced himself to me last spring, and I discovered that in addition to being very good-looking, he's also very intelligent, successful, and one of the nicest guys I've ever met. And every time we saw each other, we would have these fascinating conversations. I thought we were getting somewhere, and the day I came home from work and found a note on my door with his phone number on it, I was pretty sure he felt the same way. But I don't pursue men. I think pursuing is their job and that if they're really interested, they'll do it. So I only called him if I had a legit reason (and I only found a legit reason once).
He never picked up on the fact that I liked him and never asked me out, so I assumed he wasn't interested, and I was dating other people. Then I moved a mile or so away about a month ago, and last week, he called me twice and texted me a few times to find out where I was and said he thinks we should "keep in touch." Really? I lived 12 feet away for quite some time, and we never "kept in touch" then. What is that about? I don't always understand "nice guys."
He's probably just too shy to ask you out. I've had girls tell me well after the fact that they were interested in me and couldn't figure out why I wasn't responding. Here are my reasons.
1. I didn't pick up on it. I'm the first to admit that I lack confidence, and my lack of self-esteem makes it difficult to interpret a woman's actions toward me as anything other than "She's just a nice person, and she probably treats everyone that way."
2. I'm shy. Painfully so. Even if I had picked up on it, I would have most likely been too scared to make the first move.
Honestly, a lot of situations like this can be explained THAT simply. A lot of nice guys are also SHY guys who have a hard time making the first move. Mystery solved.0 -
I totally agree. Nice Guy(and Girl!) Syndrome is something that should be erradicated. That being said.....
I've just about had it with some of the people on this thread.
My husband would never had noticed me if I didn't have the ovarian fortitude to go after what I wanted. And it wasn't "me pursuing him" just letting him know I was there and I was interested in him as more than a friend. As soon as he knew I was interested, that's when he started pursuing me and trying to impress me.
Those ladies and gentleman that are waiting for a guy or girl to notice them, because they're trying to be "modest" and feign indifference, guess what? It doesn't work. Generally a member of the opposite sex will not try if they think they have absolutely no chance. Don't tell me "Well, I've been dropping hints...." Men, especially, don't get hints.
To the woman who lived next door to the guy she liked and NEVER made a single move, it's no wonder he never asked you out! He probably thought you wanted to be just friends.
If you're out there baking cakes or giving massages to guys, or buying girls presents, for seemingly "no reason", but are secretly expecting "payment" in form of a date? You're not a nice person, sorry. I've met too many people like you to be fooled by this.
Real people who you want to be in a relationship with do not want to play games. That's why "b*tches" and "a**holes" get the guy/girl. They're direct, they don't play stupid games, they say what they want and mean it.
Life isn't a romantic comedy.0 -
AMEN!!!!!!!!!! I have pondered this for a while- bc I want to meet a "nice" guy- but have found the few I meet that are in fact "nice" seem like door mats to me- which I take as the nice guy is a dor mat- which isnt true- I think I meet nice guys who are either too giving, or lack confidence to say NO to me... which, I admit, doesnt go over well- but I have a very strong personality- and occasionally need a dude who can stand up for himself- but still be nice.
Fine line men- but I know you can do it!!0
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