To all the "nice guys"
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I was always the nice guy. And until you get into your mid-20s, it seems girls usually just placed you in the friend zone. I was always friend-zoned!
Ha I hated that CD so I made her put in a porno:flowerforyou:0 -
Exactly true. Confidence is the key.0
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THANKYOU. Yes, asking someone out is nerve-wracking, but I wish people would stop playing around with "Oh, if I ignore him for a set number of days then I'll look less desperate" or "Maybe if I chat up another girl in front of her, she'll get jealous and ask me out". If you like someone, and wish to pursue a romantic relationship with them, don't bother with playing games, just ask them out. It's that simple. All they can do is say "no". It's better than sitting around with your thumb up your *kitten*, trying to guess what they're thinking.I totally agree. Nice Guy(and Girl!) Syndrome is something that should be erradicated. That being said.....
I've just about had it with some of the people on this thread.
My husband would never had noticed me if I didn't have the ovarian fortitude to go after what I wanted. And it wasn't "me pursuing him" just letting him know I was there and I was interested in him as more than a friend. As soon as he knew I was interested, that's when he started pursuing me and trying to impress me.
Those ladies and gentleman that are waiting for a guy or girl to notice them, because they're trying to be "modest" and feign indifference, guess what? It doesn't work. Generally a member of the opposite sex will not try if they think they have absolutely no chance. Don't tell me "Well, I've been dropping hints...." Men, especially, don't get hints.
To the woman who lived next door to the guy she liked and NEVER made a single move, it's no wonder he never asked you out! He probably thought you wanted to be just friends.
If you're out there baking cakes or giving massages to guys, or buying girls presents, for seemingly "no reason", but are secretly expecting "payment" in form of a date? You're not a nice person, sorry. I've met too many people like you to be fooled by this.
Real people who you want to be in a relationship with do not want to play games. That's why "b*tches" and "a**holes" get the guy/girl. They're direct, they don't play stupid games, they say what they want and mean it.
Life isn't a romantic comedy.
Dating would be so much less complicated if people just opened up and said what they meant.0 -
Maybe someone already posted this but I will again:
http://www.heartless-*****es.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml
Replace the asterisks with the word that rhymes with witches.
And here is the text:
Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS
You hear it all the time: "He was such a NICE Guy, and she's such a Heartless ***** for dumping him."
I get letters from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like ****, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea."
If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.
What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.
Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life...
Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.
Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date".
They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.
They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.
Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.
Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.
Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."
The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?"
More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip!
Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results.
This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love".
Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.
You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.0 -
I'm a gentleman in the streets and a geek in the sheets
Wait, I think I said that wrong.
HAHAHA! nice!0 -
I like a good mix of the two personally, the 'gentleman-a**hole' is the perfect guy for me. Super nice guys are great as my friends but I find they are too needy as boyfriends. The a**holes are just too abusive on their own, but when you mix the two you get a confident, manly man who isnt over-emotional but when he genuinely cares for something, theres no holding back.........these guys usually take a lot of patience and strength to land, but they are soooo worth it in my opinion
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"Girls just don't like nice guys. I guess they just like a**holes." I hear this a lot and I'm sure a lot of other women have as well. I take offense to this. It implies women are stupid when it comes to dating. Sure there are some of us who see a guy with a wife beater and a mullet and think, "Mmmm...there's a hottie right there."
I have a nice guy. My husband tries to act like a jerk and I laugh at him because he just can't pull it off. You know what he has that the other "nice guys" I've met lack? Confidence. That's what women like. Confidence. That's one thing that the so-called "a**holes" have. Confidence.
If you're one of those guys who is having a hard time finding a girl, stop looking. Work on yourself (and I don't just mean do what you're already doing by being a member of this site). *Like* yourself. Don't worry so much about your looks. Don't be needy. If a girl doesn't immediately say, "Yes" don't get pushy or mad at her. Maybe she's busy.
Don't set your expectations too high. This might sound mean, but if you're a teddy bear gamer (bigger, hairy guy who's into WOW and D&D) you're not likely to find a hot blonde to date you. Yes, there are hot gamer chicks who dig teddy bears, but those are few and far between.
Most importantly, stop feeling sorry for yourself. Nothing is a bigger turn off than a guy who is so wrapped up in not having a girlfriend that he can't have a normal, pleasant conversation at dinner.
^ Knows where's it at!0 -
I'd say there are a lot of "nice boys" out there. Nice men have to meet a higher standard that supports a healthy relationship. They all think they are "nice guys" but if they aren't having any luck with women they are lacking those qualities and don't get it.0
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Im a nice girl and notice that meaner girls get treated better...I'll bake a cake and give a massage and not get a thanks. Another girl will cuss her boyfriend out and get a diamond ring. WTF. <.<
I like nice guys, but nice guys seem to like mean girls. Bah
i think sometimes guys mistake being nice for being too needy or clingy. it's unfortunate.0 -
Maybe someone already posted this but I will again:
http://www.heartless-*****es.com/rants/niceguys/niceguys.shtml
Replace the asterisks with the word that rhymes with witches.
And here is the text:
Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS
You hear it all the time: "He was such a NICE Guy, and she's such a Heartless ***** for dumping him."
I get letters from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like ****, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea."
If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.
What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him.
Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life...
Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure.
Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date".
They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them.
They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him.
Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one.
Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner.
Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here."
The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?"
More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip!
Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results.
This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love".
Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF.
You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.
This is exactly it!0 -
Where are these "nice guys"?0
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spot on - I'm a VERY nice guy - always have been. When i was a kid, the nice guy plus the quasi lost adolescent vibe caused a lack of confidence (especially over my weight and appearance), and thus, not so many girlfriends for a while....maybe like 5 years worth....
But somewhere beweed 23 and 25 I grew up and started liking myself a lot more simply because I had figured who I was - A NICE GUY. I'm not ashamed to be nice - I dont even mind finishing last...especially to my family...
The only part I missed was the dating of many girls due to my new found confidence and self respect... I met my wife when I was 21, so though i new I could have had a lot of girls, I never did - they just didn't stack up to the best thing thats ever happened to me....
These days(I'll be 40 in July) I am positive i could pick up a lot of different girls that I interact with on a day to day basis - because of my confidence in myself, I know I could....but I have to be honest...they still don't stack up!!
Guess I lucked out! YAY WIFE!! (she really does rule!)0 -
nice guy = lacks confidence, pushover, boring, put woman on pedestal
jerk guy = confidence, intriguing, challenging
While I find it annoying when a woman complains about her bf her treats her like crap while rejecting the "nice" guys, I totally understand why they chose the way they did.
Generally true. But not always. My first marriage ended four years ago. Many of my closest friends are terrific, well adjusted women who are married, and I'm friends with their husbands as well. They consider me a nice guy and are constantly trying to fix me up. The problem is, now in my 50-s, it's really hard to meet a well adjusted woman who isn't taken. The ones available have turned out to be, well, psycho.
As far as confidence, it's not my problem. I've started and sold two companies and generally lead the conversation amongst intelligent self-assured people. Yes, I'm a confident, nice guy and these married women friends think I'm hot. With a few drinks I have to work a little to keep their hands off me.
My observation is the available women I meet in their late 30-s and 40-s have alot of issues, often brought on by the jerks they've had in their lives previously. What I hear is "you just want sex like all the other guys that have lied to me." Nothing could be further from the truth and I do not lie to them.
So you women tell me, can a woman make it to her late 30-s, 40-s, be single, have her act together, be attractive and not damaged to the point of unable to have a healthy relationship? I don't expect perfection, we all have wounds.
????0 -
I have a nice guy. My husband tries to act like a jerk and I laugh at him because he just can't pull it off. You know what he has that the other "nice guys" I've met lack? Confidence. That's what women like. Confidence. That's one thing that the so-called "a**holes" have. Confidence.
Giggle.
You might be mistaking confidence for bravado. They're different.
I'm a quiet guy because I have nothing to prove to anyone. Look around a room and you might notice me because I'm tall and bald but I don't need to make a show of myself but you won't see me mouthing off or making a show.
When the **** hits the fan, your bad boy is going to crap himself and curl up in a ball or do something really stupid and get himself and other people killed.
Guys with confidence, and competence, will be there to take charge of the situation, hold off the bad guys, and then triage the big mouth.
I had the opportunity to serve in the 82nd Airborne (Grenada '83) and some of the most memorable folks I met were the most inconspicuous. It was quite something to bump into someone in Special Forces and, once, a guy who was in Delta Force (you learn to figure out who's blowing smoke pretty quickly). To a man, they're smart, quiet, and polite. They're the real deal and they simply aren't the kind of person who talks trash.
If you want someone shallow, go for the one who talks and blusters and kick up your heels for a weekend with a schmuck. If you're looking for a lifetime partner, one who understands and respects you, look past all the BS and hype, and go with someone who's confident and mature enough to not need to blow his own horn.0 -
Mine is nice....AND can be an *kitten*!! Now what? lol!!!!0
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Nice people in general are rare.
What constitutes a nice guy compared to the douche rag is always subjective to the person making the judgement call.
Nice guy is often code word for "guy I'm not really attracted to but is nice to hang out with". No guy wants to be put in that category.
Physical attraction drives the vast majority of relationships, especially in the beginning. You can't argue with that. If it were otherwise, sites like this would be failures.
Physical attraction rarely takes personality or if someone's nice or not into consideration.
If someone is lusting after someone else, they will often make excuses for that person's ****e behavior.
Again that cannot be changed, that's just how it is. I have found often that guys that complain about the friend zone are often guys who aren't very attractive. I've not really met attractive men who have an issue with women no matter what their attitude is (nice, not nice, psychotic, etc... lol)
Bottom line, physical attraction is the key to the beginning of most relationships. If a guy is in the friend zone a lot, he has to ask himself why. A lot of times one can fix their physical appearance. It's sad but true.0 -
Won't it be cool when we all get out of junior high and get to go to high school!!!!0
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This is difficult, what about a girl who wants a nice guy but is so shy that giving hints just isn't working?0
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Nice people in general are rare.
What constitutes a nice guy compared to the douche rag is always subjective to the person making the judgement call.
Nice guy is often code word for "guy I'm not really attracted to but is nice to hang out with". No guy wants to be put in that category.
Physical attraction drives the vast majority of relationships, especially in the beginning. You can't argue with that. If it were otherwise, sites like this would be failures.
Physical attraction rarely takes personality or if someone's nice or not into consideration.
If someone is lusting after someone else, they will often make excuses for that person's ****e behavior.
Again that cannot be changed, that's just how it is. I have found often that guys that complain about the friend zone are often guys who aren't very attractive. I've not really met attractive men who have an issue with women no matter what their attitude is (nice, not nice, psychotic, etc... lol)
Bottom line, physical attraction is the key to the beginning of most relationships. If a guy is in the friend zone a lot, he has to ask himself why. A lot of times one can fix their physical appearance. It's sad but true.
I agree with this to an extent, but I still think physical attractiveness must be backed up with confidence. Looks will get the girl's attention, but confidence gets her phone number.0 -
SO TRUE!! My boyfriend of 9 years is so sexy when he is confident, he just shines and women love it. When he is down in the dumps nobody notices him. Took him 15 years to figure that out an awesome ex girlfriend who I am very thankful for ;-)0
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