A question for the men

Steelheart7

See any men that I have talked to "in my real life" (haha) don't like it when the girl makes the move. Like if they want to date her, they will ask.

I too have NEVER asked a man out, don't know if I could .. lol. I don't envy men with that whole situation. But I guess if no one ever asks ..

Go ahead. Ask me.

Oh if only you lived closer .. :blushing:

Willing to relocate :smooched:

well you are the one that lives near the Steelers .. sooooooo .. lol

How is this for a solution? The two of us follow the team city to city together.

Totally works for meeeeeeeee!

fiveferrels

very forward

_binary_jester_

Since we doing away with sex roles, why does the male still have to risk it all? Luckily I have a girlfriend because I would be clueless otherwise. People perceive as a flirt, even though that is not what I am intending. It elicits the same response. It is nearly impossible to differentiate between friendly banter and flirting.

rsqsquad05

In response to girls wanting guys with higher status etc - there's nothing wrong with that I don't think - that is totally natural coming from old caveman days - women wanted to be with the leader of the group.

The cool thing about it though, is really all they want is a bit of confidence (that is not arrogance by the way) - it's amazing how looks and all that other stuff don't matter if a guy has the confidence to just chat to them - and don't chat to them like you want to get in their pants, that is totally see through. In fact sex has to be the last thing on your mind - you're just chatting to them cos they might be cool and fun to know - at the end of the day if you are as cool a person as you say you are then they have as much to gain by knowing you as vice versa.

So - if you're the guy who needs to be chased you're putting yourself at a major disadvantage straight away.

Which brings me to the original question - if I were you I'd have a bit of a chat with him, there's nothing like honesty. If he is low on confidence for whatever reason - it doesn't matter how obvious you make a hint that you like him - he won't believe it. If you are nice to him - that could be because you like him in a sexual way, it could be because you think he's nice as a friend. A guy with low confidence will assume the friend option because he won't believe someone like you would possibly be into someone like him. Even though you're out with him. He will think it's because you have nothing better to do, or because you feel sorry for him, or that at any possible moment he's going to get that dreaded text saying it's over (or even worse just no more texts again).

So depending on if you think you can put up with that, maybe just have a frank conversation along the lines of 'I think you're cool and I'd like to go out with you more times, but if you don't ask me, I'm not going to keep chasing you'

Then leave it in his hands, but know that you can't change him - so if you feel you need a 'real' man, he's probably not it.

I LOVE this response. You put it so well and ,if it's not too forward, you are very nice to look at

mrlazy1967

Just ask him if he wants to stay at your place at the weekend

_binary_jester_

Just ask him if he wants to stay at your place at the weekend

Better yet...ask him what he wants for breakfast.

mrlazy1967

Maybe the guy needs a helping hand

ccmccoy09

Forward is one thing, pushy is another. Go ahead and be yourself, tell him you like him, call him, take him out, etc. It will make it easier for him to stop stressing out about initiating and actually open up around you. I think it builds a more equal relationship where the man isn't given power to unilaterally determine when dates will happen (even when the guy isn't shy). Just don't fall in the trap of always being the one to call or make plans, or you might start to feel like he's just along for the ride. He's probably super into you, but it's hard not to feel like a guy isn't if you always have to initiate.

Also, let him initiate sex. It'll be worth the wait.

(Married to a shy guy.)

determinedbutlazy

I'm pretty forward and guy friends have told me I'm "scary".
):

Pip_squeak

more forward the better, as im shy:blushing:

Say it with your chest!!! (comedian said that)

I agree with the above statement. Bold is better. Takes a lot of pressure off of us shy guys.

ItsCasey

It totally depends on what kind of man you want. Obviously I don't know this guy, and I could be reading you wrong, but he sounds like a wuss to me. I can understand being nervous about asking a woman out on a date because of the risk of rejection, but if you've been out multiple times, and he's still acting like a church mouse, to me, that indicates a severe lack of manhood.

If I'm interested in a man, I'll do as much as I can to show him that without coming off like a desperado. But if he's interested in me, I expect him to take it from there. If he doesn't, I assume he isn't interested, and I move on. The only time I will ever ask a man on a date is if we're already in a relationship and I want to surprise him with an evening planned just for him.

Also, if you really like this guy and want to have a relationship with him, you need to cut out two things: "hanging out" and texting. "Hanging out" and "dating" are not at all the same thing, and that needs to be established from day one. Furthermore, if a guy doesn't like you enough to pick up the phone and talk to you like a human being, then you need to ditch his lazy behind.

ScottyNoHotty

I would love for a woman to come up and tell me exactly wants she wants...of course my wife would probably freak out...I know my girlfriend would!

MFPAddict

Totally works for meeeeeeeee!

:bigsmile: :smooched: :bigsmile: :smooched: :bigsmile: :smooched:

nickyfm

The guys in my area are shy, yet are intimidated by chicks who are forward and confident, or assume that they are a *kitten*.
Kind of a catch 22, isn't -.-

Bentley2718

I'm not a man, clearly, but I can tell you that I would never have gotten together with my husband if I hadn't been forward. I've had several boyfriends before him who were the same. Very nice, sweet men, who were not necessarily shy AT ALL, once I got things started, but it took me starting things. If he has admitted he'd need "dutch courage" to start things with you, that, to me, is basically saying "please start things."

Bentley2718

The guys in my area are shy, yet are intimidated by chicks who are forward and confident, or assume that they are a *kitten*.
Kind of a catch 22, isn't -.-

Yeah, I hate that one. A lot of the shy men I've run into appreciate me being forward, because they knew they wouldn't have the guts to start anything. It's the ones who are reticent, but don't want to admit it, who are either intimidated or call me a *kitten*/slut/etc. (which I think is just a reflection of them being intimidated).

tilliesmom9

in response: I'm one of these girls that look for the man who has the house, job, car, "stuff", etc. why?

because i'm superficial? not anymore than most... because i'm materialistic? not at all. because i'm spoiled and lazy? well... i am spoiled. but lazy? just the opposite. in fact, that's my justification.

i don't want anyone who might wind up expecting me to support him. I have no patience for ignorance, laziness, or complacency. At a glance, a person's social stature and financial profile is the best indicator of who they are and who they plan to be in life. Of course that all could change, but I don't plan to take the chance.

ETA: i say all this freely because I come with my OWN attractive résumé, and as a result tend to attract the slackers.

Good luck with that, choc & vodka. Just as you want a man with all this "stuff" that doesn't amount to anything but just that... "stuff"... He too has the same expectatios of YOU. Gain a few pounds, maybe put on pregnancy weight, maybe lose your good job... you WILL be replaced by an updated, younger model with all the bells and whistles.

Reminds me of the girl that asked Tim Tebow to be her date to some military ball. Really??? If Mr. Tebow was just a "regular" guy like 99.99999% of us, she wouldn't even bother?? Who wants a girl like that?! But you did make a good point... you really shouldn't be supporting anyone! If the guy doesn't have a job and needs you to pay his rent and put gas in his car, well... that's a whole OTHER story!

[edit]
And re: being spoiled: you're going to miss out on park picnics with sandwiches, chips and drinks for $100/plate dinners at a fancy restaurants? I would also hate to be your S.O., you must be impossible to buy a gift for. You seem like the kind that looks at the value BEFORE the sentiment behind the giving.

Hay dude, some women want it all and get it all. My wonderful husband buys me gifts that are expensive and sentimental. I think you have a little bit of a nasty attitude. But good luck to you sir.

Bentley2718

It totally depends on what kind of man you want. Obviously I don't know this guy, and I could be reading you wrong, but he sounds like a wuss to me. I can understand being nervous about asking a woman out on a date because of the risk of rejection, but if you've been out multiple times, and he's still acting like a church mouse, to me, that indicates a severe lack of manhood.

If I'm interested in a man, I'll do as much as I can to show him that without coming off like a desperado. But if he's interested in me, I expect him to take it from there. If he doesn't, I assume he isn't interested, and I move on. The only time I will ever ask a man on a date is if we're already in a relationship and I want to surprise him with an evening planned just for him.

Also, if you really like this guy and want to have a relationship with him, you need to cut out two things: "hanging out" and texting. "Hanging out" and "dating" are not at all the same thing, and that needs to be established from day one. Furthermore, if a guy doesn't like you enough to pick up the phone and talk to you like a human being, then you need to ditch his lazy behind.

Woah. I couldn't disagree more with this. (1) Some men are shy and need you to get the ball rolling. In my experience, these men are not necessarily wusses, and often, aren't shy at all once things start, but it takes you being pretty forward with them to get over the initial shyness. (2) How in the world is "hanging out" different from "dating" if you're in a long term relationship? I can see maybe for the first few dates, MAYBE, but after that, I never expected to go out on "dates" all the time if I was in a relationship, it just doesn't make sense. Dinner and a movie a couple of times a week would get expensive, fattening, and old. "Hanging out" and just enjoying each others company, making dinner at home, or whatever seems much more realistic to me. (3) Not everyone likes to talk on the phone. The world has changed, I don't consider someone lazy for not calling, I actually appreciate texts vs. calling.

Bentley2718

Reminds me of the girl that asked Tim Tebow to be her date to some military ball. Really??? If Mr. Tebow was just a "regular" guy like 99.99999% of us, she wouldn't even bother?? Who wants a girl like that?! But you did make a good point... you really shouldn't be supporting anyone! If the guy doesn't have a job and needs you to pay his rent and put gas in his car, well... that's a whole OTHER story!

If we're going to bag on people for asking famous people to the M.C. Birthday Ball, can we start with the guy who asked Mila Kunis on youtube? There have been a bunch of other similar requests in recent years, and I'm sure lots of others via mail in the past. People have crushes on celebrities, that doesn't make them terrible people.

tilliesmom9

If we're going to bag on people for asking famous people to the M.C. Birthday Ball, can we start with the guy who asked Mila Kunis on youtube? There have been a bunch of other similar requests in recent years, and I'm sure lots of others via mail in the past. People have crushes on celebrities, that doesn't make them terrible people.
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I agree! Side note: I would ask Daniel Tosh. :-)