"Fighting" with my wife!

dberry01

I have always found Wii Boxing is good to do together and it helps to get aggression out and talk in a 'safe' environment. You will still be in the house and doing something with her and be able to throw a few punches at the same time.
My hhusband and I think best with a clear head after our boxing matches.

natashamcn

I went through this with my man. I let myself go when we first started dating and after a while I wanted to get back into the good shape I used to be in. He was jealous of the time I spent at the gym/ working out instead of with him. After multiple talks and me finally (and very honestly) telling him he had to get some hobbies/ interests of his own instead of spending all his time with me he got it. It's healthy to spend a little bit of time apart in a relationship to give each person their space. He has become much more accommodating recently and is working out at the gym in his spare time. He even apologized for not measuring out the pasta he cooked the other day before putting it on my plate bahaha. Perhaps your wife just needs to get into a hobby of her own, it may not be the gym but perhaps a book club/ volunteering or something else that helps her pass the time while you are away Good luck!

KarenLue

I was wondering is the instructor male or female? Is your wife in shape or heavy? Are Sundays the only time you have together? It sounds to me like she is feeling insecure and there's more going on from her view point than we can see on here. I do understand a couple of your points. You have made this a lifestyle and it is very important to you. I think you need to stick with it if it's going to cause you anxiety or you'll resent her. At the same time, it sounds like you need to do somethings to make your wife feel important to you!!!Make time for her. Little things mean a lot. My husband brings me a cup of coffee all the time and it means the world to me. I also understand what you said about "The idiot box"! I am a dance aerobic instructor and love to practice and choreograph. My husband gets mad because he thinks I'm putting too much time into it and should be getting paid. I told him I do it because I enjoy it, and I said "If I were sitting on the couch in front of the television you would think it perfectly acceptable!". I don't get it. I think it's more about spending time with him.

KristieLynn007

I have to say I would be upset too if my husband signed up without even discussing it with me. I would find that to be inconsiderate. I try to give my husband the heads up if i am going to join or do something. I think it is just a common curtosey. Also a Sunday night is not good night in my opinion with getting ready for work the next day.


Also, it is true that us women do need attention from our husbands. Maybe you can plan one night a week where you guys go out and do something special. She may feel like she is not important to you.

Just my opinon.

wrightqh

You're being selfish. Proud of you for being healthy, but your lifestyle change was too drastic and evidently not completely with the real world in mind. Get over yourself and back to reality. You have a family. Nothing more needs to be said.

WhiteCoc0

Show her that posting...ok well not quite but seriously tell her. Communicate about the fact this is something not only for yourself but your family. You need to stay healthy and alive to able to support and love after her and your kids.

Dave198lbs

dump her now. before you forbids you to go to starbucks and text strangers asking for marital advice.

Articeluvsmemphis

am I wrong to say she needs to get over herself? eh, I don't need approval, she needs to get over herself! Make sure your time with her and your workout time is balanced, sometimes you do have to sacrifice, and I don't mean for her, for yourself, if your workout life/new hobbies are not excessive, go for it.

joconnor09

You said your kids were young adults- have they all moved out? Maybe your wife is just feeling lonely now that the kids are gone, and it might seem like you're gone all the time too. She might feel like everyone's left her and she's only got herself. Sure, there might be larger control issues at play, but you'll never know if you don't sit down and have a good, honest discussion with her. You both need to air your feelings. Tell her why these classes are so important to you. Ask her exactly why it is she doesn't want you to go. Is she lonely? Does she think you're doing too much already? Does she just want one night with nothing to do where you can both relax together? Perhaps you could suggest one night per week where you two just do something fun together- it could be taking a walk, seeing a new movie, whatever it is that you two like to do together. Maybe plan a vacation for just the two of you, so you can really spend some one-on-one time with her? Sometimes, we all just get so busy that we don't even realize how much time we're NOT spending together. But, first things first, have a talk with her. Take your time to cool off and think about things, but sit down and have a good long talk and get to the bottom of things... and make sure you really listen to what she's got to say (even if you don't agree with it)!

vestarocks

I think it has more to do with her feeling lost and alone. Your kids aren't around as much, you are making big life changes and where does that leave her? I think she may need to "find herself" as she is probably feeling left behind; especially if your workouts are consuming a lot of your time and passion. Obviously working out is your thing, not hers. Help her find her passion. Talk. Ask her what her dreams are. Listen.

I know you guys aren't mind readers but there is definitely something going on to make her forbid you to do something when that isn't a dynamic of your relationship.

Good luck.

flab2sixpack

Now, I understand that I work out a lot! And that she feels that I should spend more time with her. But, my "new" way of life is important to me! I did not expect her to be enthused but she FORBADE me from going. WTF!!!

Can you tell us what "work out a lot" means?? Are you gone 5 nights/week?? When you add up everything in "life," how much QUALITY time do you spend with your wife? No, I'm not suggesting you're avoiding your responsibilities as a husband and father. I'm just trying to get the bigger picture.

We're roughly the same age, albeit I'm divorced now after a 9 yr marriage. Just like you, I lost my identity and gained a crapload of weight! Oddly enough, my old life was 180 degrees from yours; she WANTED me to take the kids and go to the gym! Needless to say, her reasons were selfish (to put it nicely).

AReasor

She is saying (in the wrong way entirely) that she misses you.

I would highly suggest a weekly date night(non fitness related, maybe a restaurant she has mentioned...?).

Show her that she is still a priority in your new schedule.

rbear713

My guess is that your wife just wants to hear how special she is to you. I can say that from a woman whose husband works alot for our family, if he said, "I just want to be strong and healthy for your and the kids and I will make sure you have your time too." I would be OK with it. Make her feel special and let her know how much you appreciate her. She will then be more accepting of your fitness idea.

I'm with this one. I am a husband with two little kids and a wife. I recently started working in the gym A LOT -
I find that I get most of my time in early in the morning - the whole family is still sleeping. When I want to do something later on in the day, I always bring it up a coupla days early. If my wife has something else in mind, she says so then (a coupla days ahead), and usually, the compromise is she wins, and I end up doing whatever the something else in her mind is - but I do get to do what I want at least 50% of those times because she has nothing in mind, and I still have my early mornings, which no one ever tries to take me from (theyre still sleepin, remember?)

You most definitely should have asked before you signed up. It would have given her the chance to voice her opinion, and if she didn't, you both know she had the opportunity to do so.

NicoleinCarolina

I started MPF in the past and quit. More recently i started the couch to 5K and oddly my husband who married a size 12 bride (me) was not supportive of the fitness gaols of the now mother of 2 (size 20). We have two small children but getting my time to run was a battle it seemed. I quit.I was so unyhappy.
Then started back but this time really worked hard to encourage him to just have a more active life with me. I think when he saw how happy I was to be losing weight and excited about prepping for my first 5k he felt left out.
He actually asked me a time or two if I was planning on leaving him.
His insecurity was the issue. We had soem huge arguments that seemed pointless and oddly one day he finally gave in to shooting hoops with me, then walking with me and now he is doing the C25K too
I guess I say all of that to say. I've been there.
It may be that Sunday is important to her. I would apologize for not coordinating the time with her but make it clear the class was somehting you really wanted to do and you did not mean to hurt her feelings. Perhaps you can look for another class on another day or compromise to keep Sundays clear after this class is over.
Goodluck and dont give up on her or your fitness goals. You can happily have both.

hooligansmom

I think it sounds like you two have grown apart. Your interests have changed, and while it's admirable that you are so interested in fitness, maybe your wife is wishing for the old days when you two sat home and enjoyed television together. Perhaps you were still doing that on Sunday nights, and now she feels she is losing that too. Also, when the children become older, we tend to do less as a family, and the kids are off doing their own thing. Again, your wife is left by herself. Can you go out to a nice Sunday dinner or a movie before the class? How about cozying up with a video and hanging on the couch for a few hours. Rest is an important part of a healthy lifestyle too...

Lovinglife12

I agree with some of the previous posters. Maybe you should have talked to her about it first. I had a similar problem with my husband. He is very athletic and involved and wanted to be playing basketball, soccer, and work out all the time. I don't want him to lose his identity by any means but I do think that once you are married and if you have kids especially, you have to adjust your life. I love quality time and think family time is important, so I did have a problem when he had basketball Mondays, Soccer Sat and Sun, and then wanted to work out in the evenings. I felt he was being selfish and needed to rearrange his priorities. He dropped one soccer team and now only plays on Sundays. He also chose a team that plays early so we can have the rest of the day as a family. You said you wife would rather relax in the evening. Does this mean that when you get home from work you go straight to the gym everyday? Maybe you could try to relax with her a little bit more, maybe watch a movie or plan more special dates that way she feels you are giving her the attention she needs. This might make her feel better and in return your workouts and extracurricular activities might bother her less. I do agree with you as well though, it would be nice if she sometimes joined you in a bike ride or something. That is also great quality time, especially when it is beautiful outside. So all in all, both of you need to sit down and come to an agreement, it's all about compromise.

KarenLue

My husband sits on the couch and cusses at the government. I wish he would go do something! lol

natcho2

Why I Want To Get In Shape

I want to get back to the active and interesting life I had in my youth. Biking, hiking, camping, canoeing, rock climbing and swimming were a regular part of my youth. At 40 I could not climb 2 flights of stairs without stopping to catch my breath.
This had to change!

Remember posting this on your profile ? I want to get back to the active and interesting life I had in my youth...That sounds like you have hit mid life crisis...

Your Journey in life now has changed ...your relationship with your wife and children ...in your mind is over ...that is how it comes accross to me .

So just what your wife must be thinking now....is for you to communicate instead of walking out in a huff ...every marriage has ups and downs ....But now when the children have left ...you and your wife should be planning new challenges ...not going seperate ways.
A wise person once said ( If you dont look after your partner ... there is always some one else that will ) ....

paisley2288

Go home, have lots of sex.

rileamoyer

bump for later