What's ur Best Marriage Advice

greeneyed_beachgirl

I've thought about this a lot tonight. In no particular order:


1.Laugh often
2.Have sex more often
3.Make your own traditions
4.Give each other space, time alone
5.Don't nitpick
6.COMMUNICATE!
7.Listen when your partner communicates with you. Let them know you understand what they are saying.
8.HONESTY, always
9.Know that saying sorry doesn't give you the right to do whatever you want
10.Fight fair, no name calling, leave the past in the past
11.Compromise
12.Exercise together, take a walk, go to the gym, play a sport
13.Trust
14.Agree to disagree
15.Romance, date night, flirting, fall in love with your partner all over again and again
16.Show you love your partner rather than just saying I love you
17.RESPECT
18.Go to bed mad (stolen from Q)
19.Share responsibilities
20.When your partner does something, if they've done it wrong, say thank you and kiss them, don't criticize
21.Cook together
22.Don't discuss the kids in front of the kids, present a united front, never undermine your partner as a parent
23.Never forget why you chose them to spend your life with, never let them forget why you fell in love with them

dovesgate

Love what MrsGoHard said.

The best advice I was ever given (by people in 20 year marriages):
Sometimes you'll love him to pieces, sometimes you'll be indifferent, and sometimes you'll want to bean him upside the head with a frying pan. This is all perfectly normal and will cycle over the years. Just remember in the indifferent and angry times how much you love him to pieces in the less trying times.

A marriage (or other relationship) is not always 50/50. Sometimes one of you will have to give 70% or even 99%.

When the children come along, try your best to carve time out for just the two of you. Keep the bond and connection alive so that when the children grow up and leave the nest, you aren't looking at each other wondering who the stranger across the room from you is.

kidrobot3

I'm not happily married, I'm actually filing for divorce, but I think I have learned a lot from this.

I married my high school sweet heart. We were together for 8 years.

First I'd say, if you expect any sort of change or growth from your partner then you need to rethink your choice to get married. If you are unhappy with their job, how they handle anger/stress, or treat their family, etc, don't think for a minute that you can change that. You have to be happy with the person as they are this moment- and decide will you still be happy with that 20, 30, or 50 years from now?? There is no way to know if they will "change".

If you have had the same fights over and over, you will continue to have the same fights for the rest of your life. Don't think that if he can't save money now, it'll change with marriage, etc. You will be fighting over the same things forever if they never get resolved now, they won't later. Try to learn to resolve these things before getting married. If you can resolve issues and not have to constantly fight about them, the stress on your marriage will be a lot less.

The first five years of marriage are the hardest. If you can make it past that then you have done better than the % of people who get divorced in the first 5 years.

NYCDutchess

I'm sure this has been said, but HONESTY, TRUST And never deny the other something they want...

We never tell eachother NO. If he wants to go out, I don't have the right to say NO, I can explain why I would rather he not but it's his decision.

mrandolph69

As you read all of the advice you are getting, understand that no advice is true for all people. I have noticed the "don't go to bed angry" advice in this thread a few times. That advice will work for some (heck, maybe even every other couple in the world but me and my wife) but it does not work in my marriage (we have been married for over 20 years.) Sometimes, cooler heads will prevail in the morning. Don't get in the mindset that your marriage is going to fail if you don't resolve whatever the issue is before you fall asleep. If that works for you, great. If not, find a way that will. Good luck!

lour441

A happy wife is a happy life.

AliciaLucas_72

No passive aggressive actions something is bothering you say it and be done with it. Talk to each other and listen to each other about your day and try to make each other laugh everyday.

AliciaLucas_72

Honestly, try to not stay irritated at stupid small stuff... like leaving the clothes all over the place or the knife in the peanut butter jar... or worse the jelly out on the counter all night long with the lid off and peanut butter dripping from the sides... because as annoying as hell as that stuff is, there is probably stuff your spouse is super annoyed at as well (like knocking the truck out of alignment that they just had fixed two days prior just by going to visit your parents who live on a gravel and washed out road)... just don't sweat it, because at the end of the day, that stuff is so minor (even if it happens day in and day out and is annoying as hell) and no one is perfect.

^^ oh and this too. DO NOT SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.

natsam1411

Open communication. Talk about EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING.

And flirt.

I agree with this!!

bushidowoman

If you wanted to stay married, then you both need to agree that divorce is just not an option. You need to agree that you have two choices--live together miserably or live together happily. If you find that you are becoming miserable (and you almost definitely will at some point), do whatever you need to do to be happy TOGETHER. Make sure that your partner are in agreement of this BEFORE you get married. It's just too easy to give up and move on when things get tough. But it's worth sticking it out and getting through it.

Oh, and lot and lots of lovemaking!

There are some great marriage blogs out there, with better resources and advice than I could give you here. Check them out.
http://www.the-generous-wife.com/
http://www.onefleshmarriage.com/
http://couplethingsblog.wordpress.com/
http://intimacyinmarriage.com/

natsam1411

Men hate to talk while women do. That is the biggest hurdle. When they don't we women read all sorts of things in that.

Flirt? Yes, they will love that!

Follow this link and you will learn a lot while laughing your head off!

http://youtu.be/xxtUH_bHBxs

bushidowoman

Honestly, try to not stay irritated at stupid small stuff... like leaving the clothes all over the place or the knife in the peanut butter jar... or worse the jelly out on the counter all night long with the lid off and peanut butter dripping from the sides... because as annoying as hell as that stuff is, there is probably stuff your spouse is super annoyed at as well (like knocking the truck out of alignment that they just had fixed two days prior just by going to visit your parents who live on a gravel and washed out road)... just don't sweat it, because at the end of the day, that stuff is so minor (even if it happens day in and day out and is annoying as hell) and no one is perfect.

I used to get annoyed at having to pick up my honey's underwear off the floor every morning. Why on earth couldn't he just put it in the hamper?! And rinsing his hairs out of the sink from shaving.
After my dad died, I got to hear from my stepmom about all the annoying things my dad did while he was alive, and how she missed them terribly. How she wished that she hadn't made such a big deal of them.
During that awful time of missing my daddy, I started looking at my hubby in a new light. I know that he doesn't make messes for me to clean up on purpose. He overall treats me with love and respect...he is just quite absent-minded. What if I no longer had all these little reminders of my hubby's presence in my life? What if I never saw his underwear on my floor again? What if I never again saw hairs in the bathroom sink from him shaving?
Now when I see all these little reminders of him, I am thankful that I have a husband who is good to me in so many ways. I clean up after him in a silent act of love.

MrsGoHard

I love that.

thinktank32k

[/quote]
I used to get annoyed at having to pick up my honey's underwear off the floor every morning. Why on earth couldn't he just put it in the hamper?! And rinsing his hairs out of the sink from shaving.
After my dad died, I got to hear from my stepmom about all the annoying things my dad did while he was alive, and how she missed them terribly. How she wished that she hadn't made such a big deal of them.
During that awful time of missing my daddy, I started looking at my hubby in a new light. I know that he doesn't make messes for me to clean up on purpose. He overall treats me with love and respect...he is just quite absent-minded. What if I no longer had all these little reminders of my hubby's presence in my life? What if I never saw his underwear on my floor again? What if I never again saw hairs in the bathroom sink from him shaving?
Now when I see all these little reminders of him, I am thankful that I have a husband who is good to me in so many ways. I clean up after him in a silent act of love.
[/quote]

love it

Mikesrobin

As you read all of the advice you are getting, understand that no advice is true for all people. I have noticed the "don't go to bed angry" advice in this thread a few times. That advice will work for some (heck, maybe even every other couple in the world but me and my wife) but it does not work in my marriage (we have been married for over 20 years.) Sometimes, cooler heads will prevail in the morning. Don't get in the mindset that your marriage is going to fail if you don't resolve whatever the issue is before you fall asleep. If that works for you, great. If not, find a way that will. Good luck!

You are not the only couple. I have to go to bed angry sometime or I will be very angry at work the next day. How come the biggest arguments happen on a Sunday night? Well at least it is that way for me. In the morning we usually forget what the arguement was about anyway and if we remember you are right cooler heads in the morning can finish the discussion.

By the way 25 years married.

jacquelynkay

Healthy communication & is your biggest supporter/cheerleader -

minnesota

A happy wife is a happy life.

This what my husband says to me! Haha so true!

JulieH3art

Commit to forever. Adopt the principles of experts like Dr. Harley (marriagebuilders.com) who say to keep romantic love alive you must continue doing the things that make your partner fall in love with you (filling the love bank). This requires first that you understand what's truly important to your partner and that you communicate with total honesty about your needs/desires.

Unfortantely, too often one (or both) partner changes to "catch" the other, or they hide what they really want for fear of losing the other partner. Then, after the wedding revert to who they really are because "now we're married and you have to love me the way I am." Well... that person fell in love with you the way you were when dating.

My standard wedding gift is "His Needs Her Needs" by Dr. Harley.

As a result of your post I just finished reading "his needs, her needs" over the past two days or so.

I LOVE IT.

I made some very slight behavioural changes because of it, and got my reward tonight. Completely unprovoked by me, my partner took me in his arms, stared into my eyes and told me what a great couple he thinks we are and how happy I make him. That's to say, we weren't doing bad before, but I think the book really opened my eyes to some issues I hadn't reflected on. Like how I talk to him when I want help with housework or how our needs really DO differ a lot.

thinktank32k

I have told a few friends about the post. As a result they have signed up for MFP and have read this post. This has really been some awesome reading

Ghlt4

Communication, communication, communication!! Those that talk together, stay together!

I have been happily married for 18 years.