What's ur Best Marriage Advice
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Flirting and sexting... with your spouse of course.
*Married 18-years.0 -
I just got a divorce so been there done that.
Marriage is a lot of work. The best advice I have ever heard about marriage is it's NOT 50/50. It's 100/100. Meaning, you both have to put 100% into it each and every single day.
Sometimes the romance won't be so intense but that's when your committment comes into play.
Always love selflessly, never do anything because you're expecting something in return.
I learned from my mistakes and although in the end, the marriage was ended because of his unfaithfulness and lack of remorse, I know I didn't give my 100% all the time. I definately loved selfishly when I was younger. Learn from others mistakes and listen to wise words.0 -
-Keep your lines of communication open.
-Make sure that he knows (and you know) that you are each other's support.
-Read the 5 Languages of Love (and do the 30 question test at the end) to see which areas you both need to show the other you care.
-Find an outlet...This is important so that you both have a stress reliever and a hobby you enjoy- outside from one another.
-Stay close to your friends because you will need them.
-Make time for each other- Whether it is once a week, a month....Make sure you're spending time alone together (even when you have kids- we do this on a weekend night- even if it is just watching a movie together after our son is in bed)0 -
Congrats!
I celebrate my 5th wedding anniversary in 2 weeks!
Here's my advice: BOTH of you read "Love & Respect" - The Love She Most Desires. The Respect He Desperately Needs. by Dr. Emerson Eggriches. From cover to cover. And you both need to pray for each other and for yourselves. No marriage is complete and healthy without having God as the leader of it.
Yeah thats been evidant by every single christian I know being divorced some multiple times,and my athiest marriage going strong. My marriage is very compleat and very healthy no god needed. :huh:0 -
Congrats!! :flowerforyou:
Look up Mark Gungor on YouTube. Watch. Pay attention. He's right.
Read "The Five Love Languages." It's an excellent book.
In a nutshell, men want to be respected and women want to be cherished. And in general, men are more likely to do the cherishing part if they feel like they are respected.
Always be willing to be the first one to apologize and the first one to forgive - not necessarily because you did something wrong, but because your marriage is more important than whatever it is you were disagreeing about.
Never, ever, EVER complain about your husband on Facebook. It is disrespectful to him, dishonoring to your marriage, and will drive your friends crazy.
TELL him what you want. He will not be able to figure it out. It's just something you need to realize and accept and learn to work with. LOL
Support him in his career where you can. Be nice to his boss. Show up with brownies from time to time. Don't complain when he legitimately has a meeting or needs to work late. Greet him with a smile and warm up his supper if he's late. It sounds a little 50's, but it really does make a huge difference - would you rather come through the door to a cold supper and a colder shoulder, or a hug and a warm meal?
Two final things....
1 - Think about how you would or would not want to be treated, and turn that around
2 - This one comes from being a military wife, but in this life there are guarantees. Always say, "I love you" and see him off with a kiss. If you're mad in the morning and freeze him out because you were wronged somehow, will being "right" still be worth it if he doesn't make it home?0 -
Something my mom told me, and helps me when times are tough is this: if I had known how hard it would be to be on my own, I would have tried harder. This is saying a lot because my dad was an addict.
My personal advice is marriage is not 50/50... ever. It is ALWAYS 100/100. you cant only put in 50% effort. You will fail. Its all in or all out. If you are all in, all the way, then you will be able to live with divorce never being an option because neither person will ever stop trying if you have the all in, 100/100 policy. I'm 29 and have been with my husband 13 years, married 10 in may.0 -
My husbands Grandma told us "Never go to bed angry. Always make up before you fall asleep." VERY TRUE!
Talk, a lot. About everything, all the stupid stuff, the really important things, and the little things you think don't matter, too.
Compromise. Neither one of you will be right all the time, its finding a balance that you both can live with that matters.
Congratulations! 0 -
For the last 10 years, Separate houses. We get along great, now. :laugh:
hehe ... in all seriousness, separate bathrooms and separate closets!!0 -
Maintain a healthy sense of humour0
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Learn what actions communicate love to your husband and do those. There's a book called the Five Love Languages. I'd say read it. IT's an easy read, and it helps make sense of a confusing idea. My love language, as it were, is Acts of Service. Actually, it is neck and neck with Gifts. It's easy for me to feel loved and appreciated when someone does something for me or gives me a gift. My husband doesn't care about gifts and he doesn't see any real sacrifice in my DOING something for him. His love language is Physical Touch (shocker) and he is also keen on Quality Time. So, if I keep buying him things to be loving, he's going to get frustrated. If he keeps pawing at me to express love, I'll get frustrated. BUT, when I initiate physical touch or carve out some special time for just us. . .it keeps him happy for days. And, give me a gift or fold the laundry, and I'm happy for days.
It's an extension of the idea of communicating. Only, in this case, you are not using words, but actions to communicate. And, I agree that keeping Christ at the center of a marriage is key, too!!
Best Wishes!0 -
Been living with my fiance for 9 and a half years, engaged since our 5-year anniversary and living together since Day 1. (long story)
Communication is everything. I don't keep anything from him. He knows what I do and where I go all day, every day. I recently found a quote from the world's longest married couple (I believe they've been married 84 years):
"Everyone who plants a seed and harvests the crop celebrates together. We are individuals, but accomplish more together. Remember marriage is not a contest -- never keep a score. God has put the two of you together on the same team to win."
Always remember that you are making a vow in front of your family and friends that you are joined as one person, one team. When one wins, both win, and when one loses, both work to recover from it. Nothing is "mine" or "yours". It's "ours".
Your wedding isn't a destination, it's the starting line. So many young girls focus so hard on getting someone to marry them that they don't even think about their marriage.
Congratulations and good luck! Just the fact that you've made this thread at all means you're way ahead!0 -
Women want to be loved and adored and men want to be respected. That pretty much somes it up.
Married 23 years and both very happy.0 -
Open communication. Talk about EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING.
And flirt.
I agree with this!!
Best advice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!0 -
Treat each other well! Cut your partner some slack when they don't - it happens to all of us sometimes.
Talk openly.
Do not have unrealistic expectations that all will be roses and easy for your entire marriage. You will disagree. You will probably fight. You will probably not like each other, sometimes perhaps for a few weeks or months at a time. Just choose love and be patient.0 -
Laugh together! If you can laugh together you can survive the toughest times.0
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There are NO secrets! My husband and I tell each other EVERYTHING. Be painfully honest if you have to be, I have been with my husband for almost 14 years and I am only 30 we still gab like girls lol he is my best friend in the whole world.
So true!!!! No lies and no secrets! Even about petty stuff! B/c if you can lie about something small, then you can lie about something big too!0 -
Just keep putting out, and he'll keep coming around.0
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Don't sweat the petty stuff and don't pet the sweaty stuff :happy: :happy:0
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We say Grace before we have a meal together and thank God for bringing us together one more day, and for all the good things in our life. Helps keep us focused on the positive, and cherish each other. You never know when your last day on earth is, so I try to be grateful for all that we have and see the big picture of things.
Another thing is, always be sweet and extra sweet to him/her whenever possible. There were many times that I would have totally snapped on him or given in to a bad mood and said negative things at him, but then I remembered something he did for me, or said to me, or a way he reacted that was extra kind, and it killed whatever anger or negativity was about to start like a bucket of water on fire.... so Be Sweet, it will come back on you tenfold. Heehee.
Best of luck! 0 -
Married almost 19 years. My parents have been married 45 years. Their parents were married until death. So I've learned a few things along the way.
1. If you wouldn't marry him if he was broke/heavy/ etc then don't marry him. Looks change. Finances change. Marry because you know you will love him as much when he's a saggy 80yo as you do today.
2. Do little things to let him know you love him. I pinch my hubby's big toes. I leave a note in the morning on weekends to say that coffee is all set up. There are a lot more but see #3.
3. Keep some private cute things you do/say. My dad calls my mom WW. They won't tell us what it stands for. Hubby and I sign notes with ILYAYMBF! (It means I love you and you're my best friend! -- something kid 2 used to say) but while I did just post it here when I sign it to him in an email no one else knows what it means.
4. Have fun together. One of my fondest memories of my parents is my dad chasing my mom down the hallway tickling her and she was running away giggling. Your spouse should be your best friend. Act it.
5. I disagree on the "never go to bed angry" rule. Sometimes you are just dang tired and ticked off and have to get up early. Sometimes just sleeping on it will make you realize that he had a good point or it wasn't hat big of a deal in the first place. If not, you can always continue to discuss it later.
6. Never sleep apart unless there is no option. Obviously, if one of you travels for work it's not an option. But if you are angry you should still sleep in the same bed. Don't move yourself or him to the guest room or couch. It's easy to move apart, it's not so easy to move back together.
7. No matter how angry you are, don't yell. You are both adults and should be able to have a rational conversation even if you disagree. Hubby grew up in a family where his dad yelled a lot. When we were first married we got into an argument. He started yelling. I stood up, walked up the stairs, and stood as far away from him as I could while still being able to see each other. He asked what I was doing. I told him that if he wanted to have an adult conversation I'd come back down but if he was going to yell I'd at least give him a reason to have to yell so he could be heard. We've never yelled at each other since.
8. Realize that even though it's a partnership, it won't always be 50/50. Sometimes it will be 90/10 and sometimes it will be 10/90.
9. Know all the important things about each other before getting married. How many kids do you want? How long do you want to be married before starting a family? Will one of you be an at home parent? Where will you spend holidays? Know each other's spending habits. etc
10. Above all, never, ever mention the D word unless you absolutely, positively mean it.
^ This. Absolutely this. And sexy lingerie on occasion. :blushing:0 -
Going on 12 years of marriage and my best advice is to trust and grow in GOD and read the Bible - everything you need.0
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Make time for each other. When life is crazy, when kids come along, whatever = make time for each other privately, mentally and physically.
Feel close.
Don't go to bed on a fight.
Be honest about Money.0 -
I have been married 27 yrs, together almost 30. It is important to remember the two of you think differently and there is nothing wrong with that - it is what makes you such a good team. Embrace your uniqueness and read this book "Men Are Like Waffles--Women Are Like Spaghetti: Understanding and Delighting in Your Differences".
I agree 100% with never go to bed angry and don’t use the silent treatment. We also have a rule about agreeing to disagree (we think differently, there are going to be things you do not agree on). AND vital, when obstacles present themselves (jobs, family members, friends, children etc), remember to ALWAYS make couple time. Make your relationship a priority. I am not saying to not have girls only night or six kids, just remember to keep couple time on the schedule, don’t let it slip to the backburner.
The secret: at least one of you has to actively be loving the other at all times – be careful not to let the love tank empty at the same time. Just like a cars gas tank it will fill and empty as time progresses, you have to remember to keep fueling it.
Congratulations on the marriage!
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I'll be married for four years in May, and I think one of the very important things is to still take time to do stuff for yourself. (each of you) Let him hang out w/ the guys, you go out with the girls. That kinda thing. It's good for you both!
Secondly, don't let anyone else get involved in any of your issues. If you've got something going on in your life, don't tell your parents/sisters/girlfriends, etc.......b/c then they'll view your spouse as a bad guy and sometimes that causes conflicts amongst you and your spouse, and your family!
Good luck approaching the day! I know this part gets hectic! Congrats!!0 -
1. Take divorce off the table
2. Never put it (divorce) back (on the table).
3. Love is the only "emotion" that is also a VERB - it is a choice. Chose each day to LOVE your spouse unconditionally.
4. Put God in the middle of your marriage. My husband & I didn't get this at first, but the last 10 years have been much better than the first 10 thanks to following the example of Christ.
Best wishes for your new lifelong adventure!0 -
Something I forgot.
Remember your manners.0 -
My advice? Don't listen to all the advice people give you. Every ounce of their advice is based on their own respective situations and experiences.
My husband and I have broken so many peoples rules, and we're still here to tell the tale. Together 12 years and married for 5 years. We go to bed angry, yell if we need to, and ignore each other if need be. We are still a very strong and loving relationship. I have no fear that in another decade I'll still say the same thing. Because even if he makes me want to rip my hair out sometimes, I still find myself running up behind him and tickling him like we're 14 years old still.
So my advice is to marry your best friend. Keep being childish with each other. Never let go of that. It's what will keep your relationship strong. The laughter. If he doesn't make you laugh: get out now.0 -
Married almost 19 years. My parents have been married 45 years. Their parents were married until death. So I've learned a few things along the way.
1. If you wouldn't marry him if he was broke/heavy/ etc then don't marry him. Looks change. Finances change. Marry because you know you will love him as much when he's a saggy 80yo as you do today.
2. Do little things to let him know you love him. I pinch my hubby's big toes. I leave a note in the morning on weekends to say that coffee is all set up. There are a lot more but see #3.
3. Keep some private cute things you do/say. My dad calls my mom WW. They won't tell us what it stands for. Hubby and I sign notes with ILYAYMBF! (It means I love you and you're my best friend! -- something kid 2 used to say) but while I did just post it here when I sign it to him in an email no one else knows what it means.
4. Have fun together. One of my fondest memories of my parents is my dad chasing my mom down the hallway tickling her and she was running away giggling. Your spouse should be your best friend. Act it.
5. I disagree on the "never go to bed angry" rule. Sometimes you are just dang tired and ticked off and have to get up early. Sometimes just sleeping on it will make you realize that he had a good point or it wasn't hat big of a deal in the first place. If not, you can always continue to discuss it later.
6. Never sleep apart unless there is no option. Obviously, if one of you travels for work it's not an option. But if you are angry you should still sleep in the same bed. Don't move yourself or him to the guest room or couch. It's easy to move apart, it's not so easy to move back together.
7. No matter how angry you are, don't yell. You are both adults and should be able to have a rational conversation even if you disagree. Hubby grew up in a family where his dad yelled a lot. When we were first married we got into an argument. He started yelling. I stood up, walked up the stairs, and stood as far away from him as I could while still being able to see each other. He asked what I was doing. I told him that if he wanted to have an adult conversation I'd come back down but if he was going to yell I'd at least give him a reason to have to yell so he could be heard. We've never yelled at each other since.
8. Realize that even though it's a partnership, it won't always be 50/50. Sometimes it will be 90/10 and sometimes it will be 10/90.
9. Know all the important things about each other before getting married. How many kids do you want? How long do you want to be married before starting a family? Will one of you be an at home parent? Where will you spend holidays? Know each other's spending habits. etc
10. Above all, never, ever mention the D word unless you absolutely, positively mean it.
I agree with every single part of this! Married for 7 years together for 9. My hubby is "My Sexy Man" or "Honey Bunches of Oats" marriage is work, but shouldn't be hard work.0 -
I am not married yet and we are more than a year out. But we live as we are married and I call my fiance' my husband. We've been together for over three years and have been friends for years and years. One thing that I would suggest if to discuss (outside of a conflict) your conflict styles, how you fight, etc. We just recently did this and I feel our communication would have been so much more open if we'd discussed this much much sooner. Perception is everything! And often we perceive wrong. So discussing this up front and being open and honest about it can help you deal with conflict positively when it happens. because conflict will happen...you can't really prevent, but you can completely control how you handle it!0
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I got married at 18, I got preg, graduated, married and had my baby all the same year! I only knew him 6months! We will be celebrating 12yrs this yr, its NOT easy. And the best 2 advices I can give is 1. Love God and 2. NEVER give up!
This sounds a lot like us. I was 19 and had just left home. I only knew my husband for 3 weeks. We had an amazing date that ended in us sitting in his jeep with the top down watching the sunrise. At that moment he said let's get married and I said, "okay!" Here we are 10 & 1/2 years later with three wonderful children and very happy! We goof off a lot together and try to make each other laugh. Last night we had subway and he left his wrapper on the couch...when I saw it I was being a smartass and said, "were you saving this?" and he said, "yeah, can you put it on the fridge like the kids pictures?" later when he walked in the kitchen for a drink he saw the wrapper hung on the fridge and busted out laughing. Then we laughed for a long time about it. We just try to be each other's biggest support.0
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