Would you tell them?

Emmabulliemum

It's a hard one as they have to want to loose weight to be in the right place. May be try subtle hints about how you feel good and how easy it can be with MFP. If you really think they can take it be upfront and point out how much damage they are doing to themselves but remember we are all in the right place and have made the decision for US. they have to want the same thing so it may fall on deaf ears but good luck x

Phoenix59

I tend to agree with those who say don't say anything unless they bring up the subject. My daughter is overweight and until very recently would not discuss the subject. I never said anything to her, even though I had to bite my tongue every time she talked about eating this, that or the other. When she finally broached the subject, she asked for suggestions, etc. Now, my daughter knows me and she knows that I will not sugarcoat anything, so she was prepared for me to be very blunt with her. I told her she needed to stop eating crap, start exercising and track her food intake. She was pretty receptive. She's slowly working on changing what she does, but it's a start.

My husband, however, is a whole different animal. He complains about his weight and diabetes resulting from it. I make pretty healthy meals for him, which he seems to enjoy (meaning he doesn't complain). However, it kills me every time I discover candy wrappers in his truck, his pockets, etc. or when he tells me of the desserts someone brought into work (and how much he ate!) or pizza luncheons. It would be different if he did these things in moderation, but my man doesn't really get that concept. I have taken to shutting him out when he starts complaining about his weight or lack of exercise and have chosen to lead by example. I'm hoping someday it will "take." :ohwell:

Songbirdy

Another vote for the don't say a thing category. But I would, depending on the relationship consider a modifier to that.

If I knew them really well, if we talked a lot about a lot of things, if we had a relationship in which we *often* talked about deep personal items of concern about each other then I would say what I had to say and say it *just once.*

But before I opened my mouth I'd have spent a lot of time thinking about what exactly I wanted to say and try to say it in less than 5 minutes.

No tactics, no manipulation, just words, and less than 5 minutes.

And then that would be it.


The truth is we all know right from wrong and what we should and shouldn't do. To some degree there are variations but we all know what has to be done.

A nudge is often a push in the wrong direction, no matter the good intention.

To me the definition of Love is that you are there for that person, and that you choose to be there when it isn't pretty, what you want and/or what you think is best.

When the person is ready and when they approach you first... then talk and share. But *always* far less than you'd like. When they start talking repeatedly and longer and they really feed of the conversation, then you can have the conversation you'd like. The likelihood is that they'd already be closer to a healthy lifestyle at that point anyway.

I've had to mention to my really passionate friend a few times that your passion for 'x' is not a call to be an evangelist for 'x' (insert breastfeeding into x, for example).

81Katz

No because I didn't like when I 'felt' criticized when I was heavier. I didn't like when I felt like I was given looks or sometimes I even felt like I was being talked about.

HOWEVER, I might think something ...but I just don't say it. I agree that most people are very much aware when they're overweight. They know they aren't eating well or doing enough. They are just in denial. I know I was. I kept thinking I wasn't 'that' heavy. A couple times there were things or situations that should have MADE me see it, but I didn't and deep down I did know ... but I just didn't want to face it.

sakwari

I would tell them. It may not be easy to say or hear for that matter but I think it should be done. When I got to college, I gained alot of weight and not one of my friends mentioned that I was falling off the deep end. I was studying aboard in Madrid and met a guy who is now my roommate and about 2 months in, we were out and he took me aside and said, "I'm tellin you this because your my friend...You need to lose weight." For knowing me only 2 months and tellin me that, I was obviously taken a back but grateful. Since then, I've been on a path to losing weight and making lifestyle changes.

Another way to look at it is ask yourself the same question. Would you want someone to tell you if you were falling off the deep end?

Tajdancer

From the opposite side of the viewpoint:

My mother eagle eyes everything I eat and critiques/criticizes it. If I plateau I MUST be doing something wrong and she starts telling me all these ways she thinks that I should start doing because I HAVE to be cheating or doing it wrong. Yesterday I called to tell her that I had broken through another plateau and that I was able to get a pair of jeans on that I had not ever worn because they were too small without even laying down to zip them. Her response was, "I hope they aren't TOO tight because that makes you look fatter." Never a way to go or congratulations, ALWAYS something wrong with what I'm doing. NEVER MIND that I've lost a total of 54 lbs! It gets very discouraging to me because I go into the mindset of "If I'm being accused of doing it, I might as well be guilty." and it sabotages my mindset. I have to work three or four times as hard to stay on track when she does these things than when i'm given just a bit of encouragement or when people notice that I AM doing something RIGHT. So keep up the encouragement. Invite her over and serve a healthy meal etc... But keep in mind, until SHE has the right mindset, it probably won't happen.

Please stop sharing your weight loss journey with your mother. Just stop. You haven't gotten support from her in the past, you won't in the future. Just. Stop. You're doing a marvelous job without her input.

Tajdancer

I'd also vote for the "lead by example" option. If you share your successes with her, she might just ask you how you do it, then you can pounce (gently!) and tell her. And maybe she'll be inspired to try it out for herself.

MaudeBeige

I haven't read many of the other comments on this thread so excuse me if somebody else has said the same thing but I was your 'unhealthy friend' a few months ago.

My sister sat me down and we logged my food for that day. Just for interest of course... I know now that her intentions were not so innocent!!!

Since then I haven't looked back - had a few not so healthy days but keep jumping back on the proverbial horse!!! (OK, had more than a few unhealthy days but WAY better than I was!)

SuffolkSally

I'd try the sneaky route - i.e. say that I would like her help and support with MY weight loss. It's often easier to do things for others than ourselves - and she must know she's not doing very well. I doubt very much she'll appreciate you pointing it out. From my experience; I know I'm too fat, and also that I drink too much. My response when anyone else tells me so is generraly to have a large prtion of cheesy chips or open a bottle of wine, depending on which issue has been pointed out. I love my friends for their support and tolerance, if I want help there are other sources which aren't so personal.

Clarecbear82

to the OP, I've read every post. ~whew~ my eyes hurt!

I don't get what you mean??

gail197

Your mother needs to get to the point where she wants to quit herself.

You could always pick up some brochures about the harmful effects of smoking and leave one in her letterbox every now and then?

She needs to get to that point where suddenly she sees what a bad thing it is, then SHE will want to quit. Much easier once you hit this point.

www.ReviewSmoking.com

renegadecupid

Honestly, no. I wouldn't. And I really don't mean to sound cold-hearted, rather from my own experience people need to be 'scared straight' as it were, because at least in my case, I didn't bother to listen even when people did tell me. I am stubborn. It took a blood stick after a week of blurred vision, unquenchable thirst, etc to get the picture... that a blood sugar count of 513 was not only diabetic, it was damn-near coma. With a little luck and a lot of subway, I've gotten it down to 122 at last stick. 80-120 is normal. Also dropped 41 pounds from 12-23-11. Just found this site a day ago and will use it to drop the other 90lbs. That's what it took for me, and everyone has their own story, but to be straight... leave it be. They have to find out for themselves.