LIBIDO!!! how to get one??

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  • Sharonks
    Sharonks Posts: 884 Member
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    For the first time in my life I'm dealing with this. I think it is hormonally related since I just had a hyst but kept my ovaries. I know my hormone balance has changed and I think this is one of the side effects. I'm hoping in the next few months it sorts itself out.

    If there is no psychological reason for your loss of interest I think I would look at hormones. Even though you've been taking bc for years it doesn't meant that a minor change in your body hasn't caused it to have this effect.
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
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    Opposite sex here ...

    Unfortunately my wife is currently battling vulvodynia (going on 3 years now). It makes spontaneous sex impossible, and even well planned sex almost too painful for me to be part of. I just can't see that look of discomfort on her face - and it seems as though she is just doing it as a duty or chore.

    Over the years, our sex life has virtually disappeared. The intimacy is gone, and it has gotten to the point where even attempting to initiate sex would seem selfish and awkward. In conjunction with this, I noticed that I too rarely think about or desire sex. My wife is fit, good looking, and an all around hottie - I just don't desire sex. Not sex with her, not sex with anyone. I recently went to the doctor for the first time in years and found out I had a host of health issues (all weight related) and my testosterone level was only 175 (should be around 600 for a dude my age). My doc said that my years of pseudo abstinence, my weight gain, and mental acceptance of my wife's medical condition are all likely contributing factors to my drop in testosterone.

    I say all this to come to the point that you may have a hormone imbalance or something medically causing your lack of libido. Sure, BC and other drugs may be causing it, but you may want to talk to your doctor specifically about your sex hormones and get a blood test. It couldn't hurt.

    From looking into increasing testosterone (as it aids muscle gain) that sex is one of the biggest things that causes your body to create testosterone. Going years without must have really knocked it down.

    Out of interest did you notice yourself becoming less...masculine? That's not an insult, it's a genuine question.

    I ask because since I got my game together and started getting it regularly and also since I started hitting the weights hard - I became much more aggressive so I just wondered how much of a part it might actually play.
  • QueenJayJay
    QueenJayJay Posts: 1,139
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    From what I've read, this is a common issue for a lot of women (I wouldn't know, luckily), that can be cured by synthetic hormones. You may need to be on the pill or something. You should see an OB/GYN. He or she could really provide a lot of insight for you.
  • Sweettart
    Sweettart Posts: 1,331 Member
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    bump for later.
  • Jbarbo01
    Jbarbo01 Posts: 240 Member
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    i love my boyfriend and i never used to be lacking in this area but seems i have been for about the last 12 months!

    i think he is attractive, sure he could loose a little weight and get more toned but thats not the issue at all. he know wat he is doing and makes me feel amazing, so why dont i want it???

    i like sex and everything leading into it so there is no reason as to why i shouldnt be wanting it. i think about it and i think about us doing stuff but i just cant literally make the move. fine once it starts but my bf isnt going to start it all the time and he wants me to take control for awhile and i jsut cant get motivated.
    i exercise daily and i eat right most of the time so i thoguht those things would help!
    i know moving in with eachother it slows down abit cause you see eachother everyday and stuf like that, but i dont want us 2 years in to be like those cliche married couples who only do it on anniversaires and birthdays!

    aghhhh doctor says women just go through that and dont have hormones like males. but how do i get some!!
    i mean i want this fixed asap! i want a quick fix of drugs or something that will spur my sex drive out of the roof!!!!

    anyone know of anything that has worked, remedies, meds, herbs, watever it may be????
    (im in australia so meds might be hard to get but im open to finding out)

    thanks, weird topic i know just dont know who else to ask.

    My libido is very high normally, but i do notice that it is zapped if I get depressed. A lot of times our appetite for sex is effected by how we feel about ourselves and stress. I would actually say that you may want to try yoga, make sure you get enough rest, and if you do feel depressed see if you may gain something by seeing a therapist. Your doctor is presenting an unsubstantiated cliche, a lot of women have higher sex drives than the men they're with, trust me. You can have a high sex drive too. Also if you cant achieve orgasm every time that may be something you want to address too, not quite as fun if you cant and that may be adding into your lack of desire. If you dont feel stressed or depressed at all, then Id try getting a multi vitamin supplement as a deficiency could be to blame.
  • 20lbsorless
    20lbsorless Posts: 27
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    i had the same problem. one night i was watching tv and they said to watch porn and to try new sex toys and longer foreplay. going out and buying new things makes you want to use them and to see how he likes them and in no time you get back into the habbit of wanting to do it.

    with me i wasnt confident about myself and i had got into a routine and i didnt want the same old stuff so spicing it up helped.
  • SilentRenegade
    SilentRenegade Posts: 245 Member
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    I have gone through this, and it sucks for both parties. I have gone up and down with weight in the last few years, and I notice when I start to lose weight, I am more likely to want to have sex, and when I am gaining weight I am least likely to have sex. This points to a self-esteem issue, but it's more that I do not enjoy sex when I'm heavier.

    Recently I've been dropping weight again, and notice that I enjoy the feeling of it more again. ie. It's easier for me to get off. I also notice this goes up with strength training more so than cardio.

    Somebody else mentioned it too, but a lot of it is getting in tune with what you like in the bedroom. *kitten*! See what you really like and what you're not so fond of, and then communicate that to your partner. It makes sex not only more fun, but much more enjoyable for both parties.

    Also, medications can screw up your libido. I was on anti-anxiety medication and had NO desire at all to have sex. I'm also on depo-provera, but do not really have an issue, so long as I'm only on that.

    Also some foods make me less likely to want to have sex! If I eat more meat, I want more sex (weird, right?). If I eat too many carbs (breads, rice, pastas) I want to just go to sleep and I get cranky (the opposite of many people). I also am not as "prepared" if I eat too many of those types of carbs. I've been playing around with different foods for the past few weeks and now I have an idea of what puts me in the mood and what doesn't.
  • angelaclassact
    angelaclassact Posts: 66 Member
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    Add alcohol, subtract self repect.

    HAHA! :laugh:
  • WifedUpMartin
    WifedUpMartin Posts: 167 Member
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    Bump, because I am going through the same thing (and am at work so I don't have time to read all the comments).
  • CMcBryer
    CMcBryer Posts: 139 Member
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    This is really sad. I am not judging you or your relationship, but if you are not switched on when your SO walks in the room, there's an underlying problem. Love is complicated and some people make trades between different things to have something close to what they want. When looking for a partner in life, you might say to yourself, "he's not super attractive but he's so freaking funny that it makes up for it". Years later, he's still funny, but the sex drives escapes you and you can't figure out why because you forgot about the little deal you made with yourself.

    Again, this is a generalized comment; nothing about you personally. Just saying, maybe dig deeper and see if it's something else. Do not go for the drugs. That's BS. No one needs drugs to switch on their sex drive. Alcohol, on the other hands, can make it fun.

    Haha! Alcohol is a drug.
  • ccarre81
    ccarre81 Posts: 134 Member
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    I know it's from the POV of the opposite sex, but with an ex I got to the point I just wasn't interested.

    Same sort of thing - it was awesome when we did, but basically it sort of just boiled down to laziness in a way.

    I got past it though, by basically just making the decision I wasn't going to be passive about it any more.

    For me, it sort of dwindled off a bit, as it does naturally - most people aren't going to be at it 4 times a night and again in the morning every time they see each other forever...lol

    But as it dwindled, it slowly became longer and longer between times until it became almost awkward? to start anything.

    I then decided I wasn't going to let it go down like that - as I say once we did, it was good, it was just getting started - so I forced myself to make the effort, pretty much nightly, until I forced myself to realise how it wasn't actually an effort. It became a regular part of our relationship again and honestly it was back like being in the honeymoon phase again.

    Moral of the story - just do it.

    This.
  • XXXMinnieXXX
    XXXMinnieXXX Posts: 3,459 Member
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    If your on medication it may be to blame. My partner is on antidepressants and its made his sex drive go down. I've also been ill and this has reduced mine. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong in our relationship x
  • legittuszynski
    legittuszynski Posts: 22
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    Opposite sex here ...

    Unfortunately my wife is currently battling vulvodynia (going on 3 years now). It makes spontaneous sex impossible, and even well planned sex almost too painful for me to be part of. I just can't see that look of discomfort on her face - and it seems as though she is just doing it as a duty or chore.

    Over the years, our sex life has virtually disappeared. The intimacy is gone, and it has gotten to the point where even attempting to initiate sex would seem selfish and awkward. In conjunction with this, I noticed that I too rarely think about or desire sex. My wife is fit, good looking, and an all around hottie - I just don't desire sex. Not sex with her, not sex with anyone. I recently went to the doctor for the first time in years and found out I had a host of health issues (all weight related) and my testosterone level was only 175 (should be around 600 for a dude my age). My doc said that my years of pseudo abstinence, my weight gain, and mental acceptance of my wife's medical condition are all likely contributing factors to my drop in testosterone.

    I say all this to come to the point that you may have a hormone imbalance or something medically causing your lack of libido. Sure, BC and other drugs may be causing it, but you may want to talk to your doctor specifically about your sex hormones and get a blood test. It couldn't hurt.

    From looking into increasing testosterone (as it aids muscle gain) that sex is one of the biggest things that causes your body to create testosterone. Going years without must have really knocked it down.

    Out of interest did you notice yourself becoming less...masculine? That's not an insult, it's a genuine question.

    I ask because since I got my game together and started getting it regularly and also since I started hitting the weights hard - I became much more aggressive so I just wondered how much of a part it might actually play.

    No insult taken. I haven't noticed less masculinity really - I mean I still grow a beard and get regular erections (even if not in the mood or whathaveyou). What I have noticed is a decrease in interest in sex, a decrease in general energy levels, and less aggression at work (I am an attorney) - I used to get fired up QUICKLY and would unload during cross on a witness that was being less than forthcoming and basically intimidate or confuse them into an answer. These days, I am much more apt to simply "walk the dog" as it is called (multiple questions revolving around a topic until you trap them into the answer you want).

    I would assume your increased sex and physical activity has spiked your Testosterone level - which will make you more aggressive. One I start shedding some of this weight quicker and can get my testosterone levels back to normal I am sure I will be all piss and vinegar on cross again. :)
  • mariposa224
    mariposa224 Posts: 1,269 Member
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    Our bodies change in many ways as we age. Just because you've been on BC for a number of years and were ok in the libido department before doesn't mean that it couldn't possibly be effecting you now. Also, anti-depressants have sexual side effects as well. I know that certain ones decrease libido... I used to take Celexa (weaned off of it with physician's supervision years ago) and the sexual side effect I had with it wasn't a lack of libido... It was difficulty in climaxing, which was AWFUL! Just some thoughts... I wish I had an answer for you. :-| I'm 39 and mine is through the roof, my boyfriend says he thinks I like sex even more than he does. lol I hope you find an answer soon and get things back on track in your bedroom.
  • Coolhand1969
    Coolhand1969 Posts: 833 Member
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    Do not go for the drugs. That's BS. No one needs drugs to switch on their sex drive. Alcohol, on the other hands, can make it fun.

    Ummm.... You DO realize that alcohol is a drug, don't you?
  • JNick77
    JNick77 Posts: 3,783 Member
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    i am taking birth control. ive been on the pill for about 15years but ive had a bigger libido than this and i was on it.

    Sorry if this is redundant, don't have time to read through everybody else's responses.

    This is likely the culprit. My wife had a strong libido and would damn near attack me and then she hopped on birth control, first the pill then the patch, and her libido disappeared. We could go months without sex and like you she claimed it had nothing to do with my appearance, performance, anything. She's been off birth control for a year now and her libido came back in probably Aug / Sep and has been fairly strong since then. Maybe something like Merena or whatever it's called might be better for you two.
  • krnlcsf
    krnlcsf Posts: 310
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    i know my "drive" turned off like a switch when i started on new birth control. it was really sad... i was in a newish relationship and i thought it was just that i was getting bored of him or something... but 2 years later i still find its lower than before, but if i just get started its fine from there. i love my boyfriend, so i made him aware of the "problem" and has no problems going for it! haha
  • rextcat
    rextcat Posts: 1,408 Member
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    to the OP if you find out ANYTHING that works let me know mine is totaly gone....and its driving my hubbie crazy
  • StarIsMoving
    StarIsMoving Posts: 437
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    Id love to share some of mine!! I drive my husband nuts!! We have been together since I was 18, nearly 10 years and he said Im just as big a horndog as I was back then and ive had 2 kids also, which most of my friends lost theirs during and after pregnancy.. He wants mine to find a new home lol

    I have this problem! LOL! Hubster and I together 13, almost 14 yrs... and he gets so frustrated with me. For the record, 3 kids under me and it never effected it. Maybe we have good vitamins? I will say when I was anemic for a short time I didn't want anything.... I take iron and Vit B daily though... and I'm back! :)
  • SueStubbs
    SueStubbs Posts: 17
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    Im going to be really honest. When you start a relationship it will always be more active in the bedroom. Ive been with my husband for 2 and half yrs. Sure in the beginning we did stuff all the time. Just dont put too much pressure on yourself and if you on any meds sometimes that can cause this. There is alot of things that could cause this. and if u get too upset about it talk to a doctor. add me if you would like!

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