DO ALL MEN!! WORRY ABOUT WOMEN WEIGHT

Jeff92se

As long as I can pick her up, throw her on the bed so I can make the sweaty, sweaty, I'm good

CrystalT

As long as I can pick her up, throw her on the bed so I can make the sweaty, sweaty, I'm good

That sounds like something my hubby would say!!! :laugh:

bushidowoman

I'm about 55kg (I think that's 8.5 stone or sth?) with a height of 169cm (could be about 5'7") and my boyfriend's absolutly not satisfied with my body

Yes, I'm wabbly around my tighs, but I'm working on it, and my boyfriend is always like "u look good, but u could look so much better" ~ he tells me that he wants to motivate me, but really, I just feel miserable

(I mean, how could a girl feel comfortable around a guy who isn't absolutely amazed by your body?)

Oh, sweetie. The first *boy* I married was like this. After I had his baby (and was about 15-20 lbs heavier), he began cheating on me, was physically abusive, and I left. No, I didn't get huge or "let myself go"--I was constantly exercising and dieting. But I was underweight when we got married, and I was at a normal, healthy weight after I had the baby. Looking back at pictures of myself then, I was beautiful! But all I could see in the mirror were flaws...because he pointed them all out to me.

Fast forward to today. I've been married for 12 years to a MAN, and we have had 5 children together in those 12 years. I accumulated about 50 pounds from those pregnancies, and never once he make a mean comment about my weight. Never did I catch him gawking at some other woman, much less comparing me to anyone else. He continued buying me chocolate treats, holding my hand in public, leaving me love notes where I would find them when he was gone...

I will be honest and say that there was a season in our marriage when I felt like he was no longer attracted to me. In my insecurity, I believed it was because I was fat and unattractive. But he maintained that it wasn't about my appearance as much as it was about our relationship; we had some stressors in our lives, had drifted apart, weren't spending time together, and weren't communicating. And because I felt bad about the way I looked, I abandoned the pretty undergarments and nighties I used to wear, wasn't teasing him like I used to tease...you get the picture. Once we reconnected and began working on our relationship, and once I began taking good care of myself and FELT better...well, the attraction came back (and then some!!!)

Dan112358

Some of us worry about punctuation & grammar in thread titles.

daffodilsoup

Some of us worry about punctuation & grammar in thread titles.

/swoon

Huggenkiss27

My man doesn't worry about my weight. I've put on over 20 pounds since we've met and he likes me with the extra curves and softness. He thinks that a woman should be soft and cuddly but I'm not a teddy bear so I'm losing weight for my benefit!

JanieJack

Yes, I'm wabbly around my tighs, but I'm working on it, and my boyfriend is always like "u look good, but u could look so much better" ~ he tells me that he wants to motivate me, but really, I just feel miserable

Who wants to be miserable all the time, knowing in the back of their mind their partner is not satisfied with their appearance??? So many guys out there would just be greatful to get to SEE those thighs (and what's attached to them). If this were me, I would run.

*Oh wait, this WAS me.*

I am sooooo glad I never have to go through another Valentines day hearing how I would have got chocolates but hubby didn't want to make me fatter. What's a shame is that, excluding times of pregnancy, I'm heavier NOW than I was when we were married!

Never again will I partner with someone who makes me feel bad about my appearance. I dated one guy who criticized me for a powerade after every long run (I was training for a marathon), "If you'd stop drinking so much sugar you could lose so much weight." I couldn't drop him fast enough.

amoffatt

TO ALL!!
DO ALL MEN WORRY ABOUT WOMEN WEIGHT AND WHY....You tell us that we are beautiful...but if we gain weight or have a baby...then you dont treat us the same anymore ....WHY?

Actually it goes both ways. Some women aren't as compassionate about sex anymore after having a child. Some females think it's about how they look and are embarrassed to be naked in front of their husbands after having gained weight.

A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

ME!!!! This is ME!!!!!

PlasticPsycho

Yes, I'm wabbly around my tighs, but I'm working on it, and my boyfriend is always like "u look good, but u could look so much better" ~ he tells me that he wants to motivate me, but really, I just feel miserable

Who wants to be miserable all the time, knowing in the back of their mind their partner is not satisfied with their appearance??? So many guys out there would just be greatful to get to SEE those thighs (and what's attached to them). If this were me, I would run.

*Oh wait, this WAS me.*

I am sooooo glad I never have to go through another Valentines day hearing how I would have got chocolates but hubby didn't want to make me fatter. What's a shame is that, excluding times of pregnancy, I'm heavier NOW than I was when we were married!

Never again will I partner with someone who makes me feel bad about my appearance. I dated one guy who criticized me for a powerade after every long run (I was training for a marathon), "If you'd stop drinking so much sugar you could lose so much weight." I couldn't drop him fast enough.

Good you got rid of them
But you probably know that when it's about feelings you can't just let the other one go ~
He is a great boyfriend besides, he just has no idea of how to talk to a girl :'D
Gonna just ignore him ~ I am exercising, not for him, but for me

Elf_Princess1210

Not all men are like that. My husband is seriously in love with me no matter what I weigh. That is why it pays to be with someone who loves you vs a douchbag.

JanieJack

Good you got rid of them
But you probably know that when it's about feelings you can't just let the other one go ~
He is a great boyfriend besides, he just has no idea of how to talk to a girl :'D
Gonna just ignore him ~ I am exercising, not for him, but for me

- It took a LOT of other misdoings to undo my marriage, so I understand not letting go
- but now, the minute I feel disrespected or belittled I cross the man off the "possible permanent" list, no matter how great they are or how much fun we've had up to that point (when they aren't making me feel like dirt). Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent," and that's true, but I'm not going to spend my life fighting people who are constantly trying.
- Glad he's a great boyfriend besides... if you feel like he's not belittling you (but rather just poorly communicating) then good for you having a great boyfriend. :-)

alidaroxana12

i asked my boyfriend to tell me if i ever started gaining weight. well i have gained about 30 lbs and this is the first time he has ever said anything. i am 5'4 and 182 lbs. he said my stomach looked fat but that he still loves me. he compliments me daily, but it is still hard to here. he encourages me to go to the gym and packs me healthy lunches but tonight he wanted to order pizza!! men.... they are so funny. he did what i asked him to do, kept his promise. i know he loves me either way, but i am very uncomfortable with this extra weight so it is a bit of a reality check. it is hard to hear criticism but it is a motivation. it is about myself and him, but it is about me first and foremost. i have more fun when i am thin... i have a ton of great clothes in my smaller sizes... i don't fit into them. i don't feel like i look all that bad but my clothes speak the truth!!

alidaroxana12

amen! sounds like my situation

CalJur

If we are being honest to a certain degree yes. I can't say all men but most men I know do. Granted having a baby and other life issues adds weight to a woman's body. It is inevitable that the woman you met and had children with is not going to remain the same weight ever again (in most but not all cases). That said a woman does not have to let herself completely go after a child and just give in completely to the weight gain. Work out. Eat right. Do the things you did before the baby.

I'm not saying you need to get down to 110, 120, 140 or whatever. Just care about yourself enough to get in the best shape you can once again. It is important for you and your family. I'm going to keep it real. Too often I see women who feel like I got him now (either married or been together forever) and have his baby. He ain't going nowhere no matter how I look now. What changed from when you were being sought after by him and wanted to look your best?

Granted, I understand all the responses from the women whose man loves them no matter how much they weigh now. That's beautiful. I, however, implore you to ask your man to truthfully tell you if he wishes you dropped a pound or two and got in better shape if you are no longer in shape. You want your man to look and feel his best right? Why not give him the same instead of making all these statements that he loves me just the way I am? Really? Ask him and tell him to be honest. Many times he is afraid to tell you for fear of hurting your feelings.

More importantly, why are you on this site if you are not concerned about your weight and overall health? Too often men and women make excuses about their weight and health such as I'm "big boned it." If you have children it is really important to stay in the best shape possible to enjoy and be there for them for years to come and hopefully run after your grandchildren some day.

Finally, as a wise brother said in an earlier post, it does matter when you are on top! Real talk.

ericalynn104

Not all men are like that. I was always chubby through my teenage years and my man still thought I was beautiful. Now that I am getting into shape, he's proud of me but says he's always thought I was beautiful... In fact, just a few months ago, I got a lecture for criticizing my body!

mrschappet

Not all men are this way. My hubby loves me and my body no matter my size :-) I guess I'm one of the lucky ones!!!!

lovetobethin86

My husband doesn't worry about my weight. He doesn't treat me differently when I'm overweight vs. skinny (the sex is better when I'm skinny but I think that is my own self confidence not him)....

I was going to say that maybe its because your confidence goes down if you weigh more and he can sense that?? I know if I'm heavier mine goes down and I am less open with him then...in bed, in small clothes etc..so maybe he doesn't want to hurt your feelings? Either that or he is a jerk lol.I've seen lots of them on tv

fragilegift

nope.

HonkyTonks

I think it's the men you have. I have been with my husband for 25 years (married for 23). When he met me I weighed 108 pounds. Throughout our marriage I have had 4 children and obviously my weight has been up and down. At my highest point I was just over 200 pounds. I currently hover between 135 and 140. My husband has never treated me any differently no matter what my weight was. If they truly love you, they aren't going to treat you different whether your fat or skinny.

I must be lucky too, my boyfriend didn't mind when I gained weight, doesn't mind that I have lost it or that I want to lose more. He is happy just to date me.

Ghette

I could take your man off your hands. I need something to throw darts at.:bigsmile:

paisley2288

Choose better men

Elizabeth_C34

That may be your man, but it's not men. Don't blame all of us for the actions of whatever insensitive *kitten* you're with. Wise up and start choosing better partners.

This!

You have a choice in who you stay with. If someone treats you like crap, leave. Yes, even if you have kids. You can work it out so that neither you nor your children are miserable or being treated like dirt.

I also have a supportive hubby who loved my body when I was fat and now.

lifeinpink09

My ex didn't really like when I randomly lost 10/15 lbs on him. He said my body felt different in his arms. He loved the softness of my body and the way my hips curved. My new guy loves my current weight too. Women just need to find guys who love them for THEM but still caring enough about their wellbeing to speak up when it gets unhealthy.

akiramezu

Don't generalize all men the same. I admit that i am shallow, but as a 20 year old, who isn't? but i have never treated my past girlfriends differently because they got fat, I don't think i would even treat my future wife any differently either. Some guys are just jerks

flyawaybyebye

That may be your man, but it's not men. Don't blame all of us for the actions of whatever insensitive *kitten* you're with. Wise up and start choosing better partners.

jesusHchris

Probably not a very popular point of view, but...

I see people (both men and women) let themselves go physically when they are in a relationship. It is showing a lack effort in the relationship. Sitting on the couch eating bon bons all day is basically a "*kitten* you, I already got you I don't need to work to keep you".

Now, of course having a kid or 10 is going to have some effect here and no one should get kicked to the curb for that. However, any good relationship takes effort to keep it going romantically. Whether that is renting a chick flick or getting you *kitten* on a treadmill... I think you get my point. If I noticed a significant other bending the floorboards, I think I would probably try to encourage them to participate in some outdoor physical activities with me. If they flat out refused and broke the bedframe, I would probably be out of there.

The preceding has been sound relationship advice from a chronically single male, please ignore.

paisley2288

Probably not a very popular point of view, but...

I see people (both men and women) let themselves go physically when they are in a relationship. It is showing a lack effort in the relationship. Sitting on the couch eating bon bons all day is basically a "*kitten* you, I already got you I don't need to work to keep you".

Now, of course having a kid or 10 is going to have some effect here and no one should get kicked to the curb for that. However, any good relationship takes effort to keep it going romantically. Whether that is renting a chick flick or getting you *kitten* on a treadmill... I think you get my point. If I noticed a significant other bending the floorboards, I think I would probably try to encourage them to participate in some outdoor physical activities with me. If they flat out refused and broke the bedframe, I would probably be out of there.

The preceding has been sound relationship advice from a chronically single male, please ignore.

a kid or 10... lol

ihateroses

Hahaha. My boyfriend is more in the "dont lose that *kitten*!" category.

ihateroses

Probably not a very popular point of view, but...

I see people (both men and women) let themselves go physically when they are in a relationship. It is showing a lack effort in the relationship. Sitting on the couch eating bon bons all day is basically a "*kitten* you, I already got you I don't need to work to keep you".

Now, of course having a kid or 10 is going to have some effect here and no one should get kicked to the curb for that. However, any good relationship takes effort to keep it going romantically. Whether that is renting a chick flick or getting you *kitten* on a treadmill... I think you get my point. If I noticed a significant other bending the floorboards, I think I would probably try to encourage them to participate in some outdoor physical activities with me. If they flat out refused and broke the bedframe, I would probably be out of there.

The preceding has been sound relationship advice from a chronically single male, please ignore.

I actually completely agree with this.

OregonNativ3

It's not all men for sure. I've dated bigger girls, and skinny girls. I care more about their level of confidence in themselves then their actual appearance. I am naturally attracted to girls who look healthy, but I by no means treat a woman badly because of her size. To skinny is just as bad as heavily overweight in my mind, but all of this is less important than their attitude and confidence in themselves.

It's not just men though. I've had a girlfriend who was 5'2 + 90 lbs tell me I was fat at 6'3" / 168 lbs (ribs showing all the way up on both sides). Some people are jerks, and some aren't.