Girls. . we need guidance. .

kanonxbou47

Wow, this is sexist. If one girl isn't treating you right, how about you take it up with her instead of stamping all of us with it?

amymrls

We want you . . constantly.. . .but you don't.. (not constantly).. .we try candles (lame) we try dinner (oh. . . he's just hoping to get lucky). . we try flowers (he knows he screwed up). . we try cleaning the house! . . . ok. . .we don't do that very often. . but the point is. . we try! and mostly. it's to make you love us. . not just to make you scr*w us. . . we like you ..and we want you to like us too. . why do you find it so hard to hook us up with some appreciation. ... an acknowledgement and a hug will do. We work hard for you...

You must have the wrong girl...

brittanyjeanxo

I hate feminists :grumble:

onewhodiets

I hate feminists :grumble:

. That comment seems to come from left field or maybe I'm missing the ironic tone or something?

DFWTT

it's so nice to live alone and not have to worry about these things. Really it is.

I clean my own house.
I do my own dishes.
If I need something, I take care of it.

<snip>

I got tired of being run over so I went this route.^^^^ I must say that I'm very happy with this lifestyle. Most women have/cause too much drama for me to deal. I'll keep my money and my sanity. No one get offended, seriously, please. Sounds like a break from caring what other people think is in order for the OP. If they don't like who you are at your core, minus surface imperfections of course, move on.

DFWTT

I hate feminists :grumble:

. That comment seems to come from left field or maybe I'm missing the ironic tone or something?

Looks like it came from right field...Feminists are generally on the left.

brittanyjeanxo

I hate feminists :grumble:

. That comment seems to come from left field or maybe I'm missing the ironic tone or something?

Pretty much from right field :P I'm grumpy today!

crisanderson27

I actually don't like getting cut flowers. lol. I've told my husband this - so he gets me chocolates or potted flowers instead. We go out to dinner a lot, he takes our son to spend time with so that I can have time to myself. He helps me cook dinner often and always does the dishes afterwards. He works his *kitten* off every day and sometimes even into the night doing what I would consider a very demanding job so that I don't have to. He gives me money every week, just to spend on myself. He tells me I'm beautiful every day, among other wonderful things that I never get tired of hearing. He's more than generous in all aspects of our relationship. He's just all around amazing and everything I could ever want in a partner. :happy: I definitely try my best to show my appreciation for him every day and to give what I get back to him. I'm a very lucky woman.

If your partner can't recognize the things you do for him / her to show your love, there's a problem somewhere! I think it's important those affections and actions go both ways.

This is what it's all about. If ever there is a day that I'm NOT the same way to my girlfriend...I've failed as a man for that day.

Failure isn't acceptable...period.

Also...I wanted to say, though you are lucky to have your husband (he's clearly a great guy!)...he's just as lucky to have you, if not moreso...if only because you recognize the things he does for you.

Good for you guys =D!

DAM_Fine

My husband and I have been together for pretty much all our adult lives. I met him when I was 17, and we've been married for almost 35 years. He doesn't buy me flowers (I'm allergic), but he does help with the housework, enjoys my cooking and does the dishes after dinner. He works very hard at a physically demanding job and sometimes comes home tired and a bit grumpy. I have been know to stop cooking dinner to give him a massage if that's what he needs - and he's done the same for me. He supports me in the things I want to do and is always there for me. Not to say its all been perfect - he went through a bad patch for a couple of years in his early 40s and I made life not very pleasant during menopause and with my weight gain.

But we muddled through, and I can tell you this - appreciation works both ways. Show her you love her no matter what and she will likely do the same for you.

Scott613

Sounds like you need a good wingman to get your point across! He can give you a hand saying I likes you kinda.

papastu

Good grief, people. He wasn't stereotyping. He was generalizing. If all the women he's ever been with were unappreciative, he has no reason no to generalize. Stop acting all holier-than-thou and give the guy a friggin' break. He was just trying to make a point.

Don't I know it. It's like they come in a bad mood and look for things they could someone distort to make them seem rude.

agreed :happy:

Picola1984

I get to chose my own presents at Xmas and birthday, which at first sounds cool but then it would actually be nice to receive a surprise or something where he has had to put thought in to the matter

Flowers, no I love them and have said how much I love them but don't see them

Don't get me started on cleaning up after himself

zinok

Okay, I have every right to feel offended at his very generalized topic.

Lets look at his generalisations against women.
"We want you constantly, but you don't"- I, and many other women I know, have very healthy sex drives that often surpass our partners. Even if this is not interpreted as sexual, it implies that we don't want to equal amounts of time with our partners.
If he does something nice (candles, dinner, flowers) women assume it's either A. because he wants to get laid. Or B. he did something wrong.- So in the first scenario, again, women don't want sex? I must have missed that memo. Second scenario, implies that women jump to negative explanations and often put blame on their men. (Based on the implication that if he didn't do something wrong, and brings us flowers, then we "invent" some sort of wrong that he must be making up for. If he DID do something then brings flowers... yeah, logical conclusion.)
We find it hard to "hook them up with some appreciation"- Not all women are like this, many of us are quite good at appreciating our men.

Lets look at his generalisations against men.
"We want you constantly"- really? So there's never a moment that you want alone time? Want to do something other than sex? Bull.
All men "try candles... dinner... flowers... cleaning the house", they "work hard for" us- Um, no. Not all men do that. Congrats that you're one of the few that does! That's awesome. But, no, many men do not do these things.
"We try cleaning the house! ... ok... we don't do that very often!" - Um, really? So men are untidy? Unclean? Wallow in their own filth if there isn't a woman around to clean for him? I call shenanegins. Many men I know are quite self-sufficient and would be offended that the idea that men only "try" to clean the house, and not very often.

It is understandable for you to feel frustration if your past experiences with women have been negative, but you are NOT going to get sympathy from me by making broad generalizations and promoting stereotypes that are offensive to women AND men. My oringinal point was that you have to take responsibility that you are allowing people to treat you this way. There are plenty of women, and men, out there who appreciate their partners. If you stay in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship, of course things aren't going to get better. And having an attitude that "all women are this way because these women were that way!" will not get you anywhere. Because the truth is, the women who you want to attract are going to be turned off by that attitude.

crisanderson27

Okay, I have every right to feel offended at his very generalized topic.

Lets look at his generalisations against women.
"We want you constantly, but you don't"- I, and many other women I know, have very healthy sex drives that often surpass our partners. Even if this is not interpreted as sexual, it implies that we don't want to equal amounts of time with our partners.
If he does something nice (candles, dinner, flowers) women assume it's either A. because he wants to get laid. Or B. he did something wrong.- So in the first scenario, again, women don't want sex? I must have missed that memo. Second scenario, implies that women jump to negative explanations and often put blame on their men. (Based on the implication that if he didn't do something wrong, and brings us flowers, then we "invent" some sort of wrong that he must be making up for. If he DID do something then brings flowers... yeah, logical conclusion.)
We find it hard to "hook them up with some appreciation"- Not all women are like this, many of us are quite good at appreciating our men.

Lets look at his generalisations against men.
"We want you constantly"- really? So there's never a moment that you want alone time? Want to do something other than sex? Bull.
All men "try candles... dinner... flowers... cleaning the house", they "work hard for" us- Um, no. Not all men do that. Congrats that you're one of the few that does! That's awesome. But, no, many men do not do these things.
"We try cleaning the house! ... ok... we don't do that very often!" - Um, really? So men are untidy? Unclean? Wallow in their own filth if there isn't a woman around to clean for him? I call shenanegins. Many men I know are quite self-sufficient and would be offended that the idea that men only "try" to clean the house, and not very often.

It is understandable for you to feel frustration if your past experiences with women have been negative, but you are NOT going to get sympathy from me by making broad generalizations and promoting stereotypes that are offensive to women AND men. My oringinal point was that you have to take responsibility that you are allowing people to treat you this way. There are plenty of women, and men, out there who appreciate their partners. If you stay in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship, of course things aren't going to get better. And having an attitude that "all women are this way because these women were that way!" will not get you anywhere. Because the truth is, the women who you want to attract are going to be turned off by that attitude.

Wow...we now know what keeps your boyfriend in line lol.

What a silly thing to be offended by. The poor guy was being cute...picking up some attention by playing on (and even purposefully reversing) generalizations that we ALL have made jokingly at the least at some point in our lives...and there you are...talons extended for the kill!

Note the lack of generalizations in my post?? I'm playing this one safe!!

hbrittingham

Is there a full moon tonight?

crisanderson27

Is there a full moon tonight?

Nope lol...its just that the thin skinned, self centered, opinitiated membership here is out in full force.

Oh...crap!!...a generalization...I've had it lol.

Cameron_1969

Wow.. I have to say thanks for all the advice and comments and anger! I certainly did not find the right woman and clearly have been jaded by a long sad marriage and sadder divorce. I realize now that much of what I wrote in my original post was derived from some cultural stereotypes that seem to pervade our television, radio, etc. . . . Also, i read a thread recently that may have exasperated me a bit. . I won't get into specifics. . Anyway, It's awesome to hear from all you women out there who don't see us all as a bunch of idiot cavemen who just want sex, and clearly appreciate what they have.

Thanks again and I'll TRY to get it right next time!

P.S. zinok. . keep up the great police work.

Bunnybeesweet

We want you . . constantly.. . .but you don't.. (not constantly).. .we try candles (lame) we try dinner (oh. . . he's just hoping to get lucky). . we try flowers (he knows he screwed up). . we try cleaning the house! . . . ok. . .we don't do that very often. . but the point is. . we try! and mostly. it's to make you love us. . not just to make you scr*w us. . . we like you ..and we want you to like us too. . why do you find it so hard to hook us up with some appreciation. ... an acknowledgement and a hug will do. We work hard for you...

To the op, I highly recommend reading the book, the five love languages. It is sorta cheezy, but I think it would really help you.

Cameron_1969

To the op, I highly recommend reading the book, the five love languages. It is sorta cheezy, but I think it would really help you.

I will check it out. thx!

CoryIda

To the op, I highly recommend reading the book, the five love languages. It is sorta cheezy, but I think it would really help you.

I will check it out. thx!

Definitely do - it is excellent.

pinuplove

To the op, I highly recommend reading the book, the five love languages. It is sorta cheezy, but I think it would really help you.

I will check it out. thx!

Another vote! It was spot on for us. It's designed to help couples understand each other, but being aware of your own love languages and knowing how to recognize others' is very valuable I'm sorry you've had a tough time in the love department. Hopefully the best is yet to come!

robot_potato

It's more that men seem to want a hero cookie for every bit they do. I clean house, do all the laundry, majority of the dishes, sweep daily, mop weekly, do most of the cooking, errands, take care of appointments, work full time, and expect nothing for it. He does chores too, and i appreciate it, but needs to bring it to my attention every time like he's climbed a mountain every time he helps out. I don't get acknowledged for every thing i do, so don't expect steak and a b.j. every time you vacuum.

Natx83

Okay, I have every right to feel offended at his very generalized topic.

Lets look at his generalisations against women.
"We want you constantly, but you don't"- I, and many other women I know, have very healthy sex drives that often surpass our partners. Even if this is not interpreted as sexual, it implies that we don't want to equal amounts of time with our partners.
If he does something nice (candles, dinner, flowers) women assume it's either A. because he wants to get laid. Or B. he did something wrong.- So in the first scenario, again, women don't want sex? I must have missed that memo. Second scenario, implies that women jump to negative explanations and often put blame on their men. (Based on the implication that if he didn't do something wrong, and brings us flowers, then we "invent" some sort of wrong that he must be making up for. If he DID do something then brings flowers... yeah, logical conclusion.)
We find it hard to "hook them up with some appreciation"- Not all women are like this, many of us are quite good at appreciating our men.

Lets look at his generalisations against men.
"We want you constantly"- really? So there's never a moment that you want alone time? Want to do something other than sex? Bull.
All men "try candles... dinner... flowers... cleaning the house", they "work hard for" us- Um, no. Not all men do that. Congrats that you're one of the few that does! That's awesome. But, no, many men do not do these things.
"We try cleaning the house! ... ok... we don't do that very often!" - Um, really? So men are untidy? Unclean? Wallow in their own filth if there isn't a woman around to clean for him? I call shenanegins. Many men I know are quite self-sufficient and would be offended that the idea that men only "try" to clean the house, and not very often.

It is understandable for you to feel frustration if your past experiences with women have been negative, but you are NOT going to get sympathy from me by making broad generalizations and promoting stereotypes that are offensive to women AND men. My oringinal point was that you have to take responsibility that you are allowing people to treat you this way. There are plenty of women, and men, out there who appreciate their partners. If you stay in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship, of course things aren't going to get better. And having an attitude that "all women are this way because these women were that way!" will not get you anywhere. Because the truth is, the women who you want to attract are going to be turned off by that attitude.

Sir. Yes sir!

_Christine_

Sir. Yes sir!

Ohhh, you're going to get in trouble!!

foodfight247

I personally have never been the lovey dovey person. If I care for you, if I let you sleep at my place, if I call you my woman, if I work hard to provide for you, if I take care of YOUR kids and try to become a good male figure in their lives, thats my way of saying I love you.

Also, while we at it, please, do not think I'm afraid of commitment or responsibility. I'm a responsible person and that is exactly why I dont jump into labeling the relationship or having kids. I have to think of the future as a man. How am I going to feed the kids? What kind of a parent would I be? How can I bring this child in this F'd up world? Can I handle the responsibility of having a daughter who might endup having big time daddy issues? Would my son make the same mistakes as I did when I was a kid? These questions drive me crazy and THATS my reason to not want kids.

Edit: yes I know my post didnt made alot of sense. Just try to understand that we are trying our best for the family and sometimes that might keep us from being the romantic person

Awesome. There are some good guys out there! :-)

Karrix

I've never had issues showing appreciation and affection to my partners. I also give 100% back. Those who I've been with
expressed how lucky they were. Looks like many men aren't looking at the right women. It takes two to make a relationship

Kenzietea2

Id like to help you out with an answer but my husband does none of those things. He doesn't even make his own dentist appointments.

Hahaha I just made an appointment for my husband!

As far as everything else, yeah... he would if I asked him too but he isn't creative enough to think of the rest on his own. But I definitely appreciate him, more than enough. He is a good man and does a lot for me!

By the way, OP... If you did clean the house, you would never have to worry about feeling under appreciated. Women love that.

BlueInkDot

Oh honey, I know. I know you need guidance. It's okay.

Men... are almost like children sometimes. You need to guide them and you watch them learn and mature and grow. Sometimes they're so dumb. And other times they really surprise you.

My fiance and I are together because we have the same ethical and moral standings, we have the same religious views, we love spending time together, and we have our own unusual brand of humor. He has this way about him that keeps me grounded and keeps me from stressing out too much. Being with him makes me feel like everything is going to be okay.

So..... when he's kind of an idiot when it comes to romancing, or buying me things, or doing things for me - despite how much I do things for him, buy him things, romance him, whatever..... I guess it's not a huge deal. He'll figure it out someday. We've got time. :P

Monti_e_lmt

We want you . . constantly.. . .but you don't.. (not constantly).. .we try candles (lame) we try dinner (oh. . . he's just hoping to get lucky). . we try flowers (he knows he screwed up). . we try cleaning the house! . . . ok. . .we don't do that very often. . but the point is. . we try! and mostly. it's to make you love us. . not just to make you scr*w us. . . we like you ..and we want you to like us too. . why do you find it so hard to hook us up with some appreciation. ... an acknowledgement and a hug will do. We work hard for you...

Whoever you are with is one lucky girl! I have only had one guy bring me flowers and that was for a dance, and whenever he took me to dinner he would insult me. And the candles would be very romantic. I would melt to have a man do all that for me especially since I spend everyday lighting candles and massaging people. No one ever does that for me. And if your girl doesn't appreciate that then she has never truly been treated like crap, you have to see the bottom to appreciate what is at the top. If a man did that for me, I'd do stuff for him, I already have some ideas of what to do for my man but in order for him to appreciate them, I feel like I need to drop a few pounds and gain some confidence. That, and actually find a man lol.

SueGremlin

I hate feminists :grumble:

Thanks.