Girls. . we need guidance. .
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Just wow ladies. Seriously....WOW!0
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Just wow ladies. Seriously....WOW!
I second that motion. :noway:0 -
It is often tough when you come out of a relationship that is tough - have been through abusive relationships but keep positive and one day the right person will come along - you shouldn't try to change yourself to be right for someone, the right person should love you for being you x0
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We want you . . constantly.. . .but you don't.. (not constantly).. .we try candles (lame) we try dinner (oh. . . he's just hoping to get lucky). . we try flowers (he knows he screwed up). . we try cleaning the house! . . . ok. . .we don't do that very often. . but the point is. . we try! and mostly. it's to make you love us. . not just to make you scr*w us. . . we like you ..and we want you to like us too. . why do you find it so hard to hook us up with some appreciation. ... an acknowledgement and a hug will do. We work hard for you...
Do you have a single brother? PLEASE send him my way...thanks!0 -
well here is my view.
If my husband cleans our home, I make a big deal out of it. Because it is. I let him know in so many ways how much I appreciate him cleaning OUR home..
if my husband buys me flowers, im gonna be upset cause flowers are expensive and unnecessary. i would prefer a nice dinner.
in my house, the way my husband shows me he loves me is by accepting me as I am. He doesnt try to change me. He has loved me at my worse.
one of my favorite gifts is every summer he and i take a trip. its just us, at an all inclusive resort. i dont have to do anything but just focus on him and vice versa. its our re-kindle time. this year we are going to jamaica for 5 days. i cant wait!0 -
. That comment seems to come from left field or maybe I'm missing the ironic tone or something?I hate feminists :grumble:
Looks like it came from right field...Feminists are generally on the left.
:drinker:0 -
Um what are flowers, candle light, a house I didn't clean, or a phone call made for one's self. My husband has it pretty damned easy I do it all and don't get the kind words back. I notice any little thing he does and say thanks because I don't know when he will put up a roll of TP again. I would love to appreciate the little, feel wanted and all that jazz.....who would like to train mine?
me! I say stop. stop doing everything for him. when he says why you arent doing xyz, tell him its because you love him.0 -
We want you . . constantly.. . .but you don't.. (not constantly).. .we try candles (lame) we try dinner (oh. . . he's just hoping to get lucky). . we try flowers (he knows he screwed up). . we try cleaning the house! . . . ok. . .we don't do that very often. . but the point is. . we try! and mostly. it's to make you love us. . not just to make you scr*w us. . . we like you ..and we want you to like us too. . why do you find it so hard to hook us up with some appreciation. ... an acknowledgement and a hug will do. We work hard for you...
Actually... it sounds more like you work hard for YOU rather than, well, us... I would think that working hard for somebody would mean doing things so they feel well, not so they show appreciation for the one doing those things? Or am I completely off the mark?
There is of course also the other side of it... most women would agree that they clean, cook, look after the children, take care of their husbands and get close to 0 appreciation for what they do... And what they really want is a partner to share the load rather than a bunch of useless flowers.0 -
I personally have never been the lovey dovey person. If I care for you, if I let you sleep at my place, if I call you my woman, if I work hard to provide for you, if I take care of YOUR kids and try to become a good male figure in their lives, thats my way of saying I love you.
Also, while we at it, please, do not think I'm afraid of commitment or responsibility. I'm a responsible person and that is exactly why I dont jump into labeling the relationship or having kids. I have to think of the future as a man. How am I going to feed the kids? What kind of a parent would I be? How can I bring this child in this F'd up world? Can I handle the responsibility of having a daughter who might endup having big time daddy issues? Would my son make the same mistakes as I did when I was a kid? These questions drive me crazy and THATS my reason to not want kids.
Edit: yes I know my post didnt made alot of sense. Just try to understand that we are trying our best for the family and sometimes that might keep us from being the romantic person
It made since to me.0 -
I've never really had this with any guy I've been with, but that may just be because I'm young and they were young too. Though that being said, my oldest boyfriend was twenty six and he never did anything like that for me either. I was only at his on the weekends but I did everything for him when I was there, got no thanks tash or anything though. I hope the right guy will come along one day though:/
You sound like such an amazing partner, your partner should count themselves lucky:)0 -
There are so many times I think I let the little things go unnoticed. But one thing that relieved a lot stress on me this past week was my husband cleaning the house while I was going to a movie with friends from work. I was super stressed this week, and he helped to alleviate that. Did he do it the way I would have? Probably not, but the the truth is... It made me appreciate him for how much he tries. Sometimes there are not enough of these for me through my eyes.. but he doe try, and I try to remember that! He is my one and only; and I am trying harder to treat him the way he treats me ( like gold!)0
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We want you . . constantly.. . .but you don't.. (not constantly).. .we try candles (lame) we try dinner (oh. . . he's just hoping to get lucky). . we try flowers (he knows he screwed up). . we try cleaning the house! . . . ok. . .we don't do that very often. . but the point is. . we try! and mostly. it's to make you love us. . not just to make you scr*w us. . . we like you ..and we want you to like us too. . why do you find it so hard to hook us up with some appreciation. ... an acknowledgement and a hug will do. We work hard for you...
My husband does all of those and I appreciate it each time and feel very lucky I have a loving guy. We're going on our 12th year of marriage and the romance still hasn't died 0 -
HOLY CRAP YOU CLEANED?????WHERE ARE YOU???????I WANT TO TRAID MY HUSBAND FOR YOU.....also the other crap would be nice......
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My hubby does all of those things as well. 17 years of marriage. And we got married when I was only 19! I appreciate all that he does and in return I make him special meals, leave notes in his lunch box for work, and tell him everyday I love him. WE CHOSE TO LOVE AND CHERISH EACH OTHER EVERY DAY. It doesn't just happen.
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You know how women complain that men can be oblivious jerks? Well.....women can, too. I'm not gonna speak for them all but I can sure speak for me. My ex was far from perfect, but looking back over our marriage I can def see times where he tried, and I failed to appreciate it. I can't undo the things that destroyed our marriage (we both agree that it was no more the fault of one than the other), but I can keep an open mind and learn from it, and not make the same mistakes again if I ever have another relationship. So yeah....I Iike knowing little things about how guys think. It may come in handy someday. :P0
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the one thing that sticks out in this statement is the "MAKE you love us." You can't make someone love you! If you are doing all of these things, and she isn't showing love in return, something is wrong. All the housework, flowers, meals in the world won't do it. Communication is key. Don't show her that you love her by just actions - we need to hear it too, Tell her she's beautiful, tell her she's your everything, tell her that you can't imagine life without her. If that still doesn't work, I'm sorry to say - it's time to move on. You mentioned a 5 year old, is this "girl" the mom?We want you . . constantly.. . .but you don't.. (not constantly).. .we try candles (lame) we try dinner (oh. . . he's just hoping to get lucky). . we try flowers (he knows he screwed up). . we try cleaning the house! . . . ok. . .we don't do that very often. . but the point is. . we try! and mostly. it's to make you love us. . not just to make you scr*w us. . . we like you ..and we want you to like us too. . why do you find it so hard to hook us up with some appreciation. ... an acknowledgement and a hug will do. We work hard for you...0 -
In an odd way this post gives me hope. It's been my experience that guys generally don't want me, there is no "constantly" or effort. My ex only contacts me when he's drunk, depressed, bored or needs money, and I always figure "new men" would be more interested in the blond bubbly barbie doll type of girl (which I am not).0
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We want you . . constantly.. . .but you don't.. (not constantly).. .we try candles (lame) we try dinner (oh. . . he's just hoping to get lucky). . we try flowers (he knows he screwed up). . we try cleaning the house! . . . ok. . .we don't do that very often. . but the point is. . we try! and mostly. it's to make you love us. . not just to make you scr*w us. . . we like you ..and we want you to like us too. . why do you find it so hard to hook us up with some appreciation. ... an acknowledgement and a hug will do. We work hard for you...
Sometime it does not always work that way...sometime it's the woman saying what you are saying.
My motto is to treat the person you love the way you want to be treated....however, that doesn't always work.
Hope the right one comes along for you.0 -
the thing is that you try, it should come naturally and not always seek a thank you for what ever much or lil you do... A woman to the most part could is the one who is in charge of the cooking, the cleaning, the taking care of the children but the few times that the man does it he is offended if a thank you is not given - thank you for what?
Don't expect anything in return for what you should be doing anyways, just saying. Here is something for you, research has shown that men who are more active in the household chores get it more often than those who are not... with that said, I am of the opinion it isn't a act of thank you but a direct consequence, she isn't as exhausted as she would be if she was in charge of everything (my opinion).0 -
10 yrs ago I could have written the same post but from a woman's perspective. Then I divorced my husband and met my current husband. I have none of these issues now. I know he loves me and I love him. We do things for each other and take care of each other. I had not met the right person and was focusing all my time and attention in trying to make him who I wanted him to be and trying to make the relationship something it wasn't. When I finally started to focus on my own happiness without him in my life I found someone who appreciated me and we have been happy. Sometimes some relationships just are not meant to be.We want you . . constantly.. . .but you don't.. (not constantly).. .we try candles (lame) we try dinner (oh. . . he's just hoping to get lucky). . we try flowers (he knows he screwed up). . we try cleaning the house! . . . ok. . .we don't do that very often. . but the point is. . we try! and mostly. it's to make you love us. . not just to make you scr*w us. . . we like you ..and we want you to like us too. . why do you find it so hard to hook us up with some appreciation. ... an acknowledgement and a hug will do. We work hard for you...0 -
Sex is never currency...it is not something to hold over someone's head as a prize. Been married 14 years, and never once withheld sex because of anger or a disagreement over household chores...that being said, sometimes it doesn't happen just because of the day to day stuff. Life is sometimes hard and exhausting.
My husband is a such a blessing in my life. He is my rock. I never wonder if he loves me or if he wants to be here, and I do my best to make sure he understands I'm in it for the long haul.0 -
I'm confused now. Am I happy I'm single or upset about it? All these responses made me change my mind too many times.0
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bump for later0
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im going to school for positive child guidences/ child development. sometimes i used things i know about kids on my boyfriend haha. certain sayings make children feel apreciated and acomplished, so why cant i use it on him. im always saying "im so proud of you!" or "thank you so much for helping me dear!" i dont think i need to change anything :] oh and for the record, im the one who wants constantly ahha.0
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My hubby says flower wilt anddie but my love never will . sohe never buys flowers lol0
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i just started seeing someone, and he brought me chocolate cake from the cheesecake factory! :-) i thought that was so sweet!!!!
for me, it's not necessarily the doing stuff for me, it's the way i'm treated and talked to. there is a great book called "the 5 love languages." not everyone communicates love the same way :-)
i want to know that i am respected simply for being a human being. i don't want to be treated dumb or weak. i don't want to be talked down to. i don't want to be treated like a second class citizen. i don't have to be over appreciated, just accepted for who i am. i want to know that it's OK for each of us to do things our own ways. like dishes. i accept the way you do them if you accept the way i do them. apply that to basically everything else in life.
i respect you, you respect me and amazing things will happen!!!!0 -
It is often tough when you come out of a relationship that is tough - have been through abusive relationships but keep positive and one day the right person will come along - you shouldn't try to change yourself to be right for someone, the right person should love you for being you x
I second that motion too :flowerforyou:0 -
the one thing that sticks out in this statement is the "MAKE you love us." You can't make someone love you! If you are doing all of these things, and she isn't showing love in return, something is wrong. All the housework, flowers, meals in the world won't do it. Communication is key. Don't show her that you love her by just actions - we need to hear it too, Tell her she's beautiful, tell her she's your everything, tell her that you can't imagine life without her. If that still doesn't work, I'm sorry to say - it's time to move on. You mentioned a 5 year old, is this "girl" the mom?We want you . . constantly.. . .but you don't.. (not constantly).. .we try candles (lame) we try dinner (oh. . . he's just hoping to get lucky). . we try flowers (he knows he screwed up). . we try cleaning the house! . . . ok. . .we don't do that very often. . but the point is. . we try! and mostly. it's to make you love us. . not just to make you scr*w us. . . we like you ..and we want you to like us too. . why do you find it so hard to hook us up with some appreciation. ... an acknowledgement and a hug will do. We work hard for you...
^well said! I spent 5 years trying to make a guy love me. I waisted way too much time on him and I kick myself for it daily. I had convinced myself that I would rather have been treated like crap than to be alone, but I see that it feels almost the same, I was alone when I was with him. I tried so hard to make it work. But when we moved in together I found out we were both too immature for a serious commitment and yet I tried harder, and then I found out that I could never trust him because I wanted children and I found child porn on our computer and that was the last straw in the relationship but stupid me wanted to be friends and get him help but the friendship thing made things worse. The moral of the story is that sometimes you have to let go. It hurts so much but you have to let go. No one has the right to treat you like dirt if you are trying that hard. I have been single since I left him years ago and sometimes I feel I will never find another, but I suppose when the time is right and I least expect it, he will walk into my life and it will be beautiful. It has happened that way several times in my life and in my family members' lives. Don't lose hope.-1 -
Sex is never currency...it is not something to hold over someone's head as a prize. Been married 14 years, and never once withheld sex because of anger or a disagreement over household chores...that being said, sometimes it doesn't happen just because of the day to day stuff. Life is sometimes hard and exhausting.
My husband is a such a blessing in my life. He is my rock. I never wonder if he loves me or if he wants to be here, and I do my best to make sure he understands I'm in it for the long haul.
Amen...this is so true.
The same can be said for emotional support, respect, or any other of those important facets of a relationship. My girlfriend and I have been facing a pretty serious subject lately, and last night it sort of came out into the open. The point though is that although we didn't resolve the issue (it's no small thing either), we still went to bed grateful to be there together. Anger, frustration...confusion or irritation...none of them should eliminate appreciation and/or love. I hope we'll make it through...but there's no guarantee. It doesn't mean I love her the less, or would keep from her the things that help to maintain that level of feeling while we try to sort it out. Whether it be sex...or just holding her tightly until she finally falls asleep.
As for all you girls coming down on this poor guy and dissecting his post word for word to pull out the things that annoy you...all I've got to say is...really? Do you have nothing better to do than to take things out of context like this and complain?0
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