hooking up on first date??

_Timmeh_

So what y'all are saying is that I should try to sack the chick on the first date? I don't think I could do that! Feels so cheap.

More like frugal rather than cheap.

Grlnxtdr0721

My hubby and I have talked about this several times. He was a little, um, wild back in the day. I wasn't. When we met, I laid it all out on the line. Told him it wasn't going to happen and if that's all he was interested in, there were many other girls at that party, he could talk to them. 6 years later, we are married with a child, and happy. He has told me that if we had had sex that night, there wouldn't have been a relationship to follow, and that he was glad that it didn't happen because he found out that I was a girl who wasn't going to give into him and go against what I had originally told him. It made him put things into perspective.

But, that isn't necessarily how it is for all guys/girls. Basically, you just have to figure out if that the kind of guy you want to be with or if you want to take things more slowly.

galegetsthin

Depends on how well the date went. If I still like the guy after a date. A real date. Then, yeah. I feel like sexual compatibility is JUST as important as anything else. If we hook up and I am just not feeling it, or he isnt, then it will probably not work. It may for a few months, maybe even a year. But good sex is paramount in any relationship I am going to be in. Dating is just an interview for the future. If I don't like you in the interview, you are not the right person for the job.

pa_jorg

If he tries and if he succeeds are two different issues. He controls the first, you control the second (at least in your scenario).

IronmanPanda

If you want a relationship with this guy then don't give him everything on the first date!

Agree i find when you give it all up the first night what is there to look forward too. Unless he sees his life with you that fast he will move on and you got played.

I don't get this "sex as a gift" thing. I'm not bestowing my vagina to someone as a present, complete with a card and a bow, I'm getting my own fun out of sex.

This is where it begins.

If this relationship magically holds up into marriage then you can use sex as a weapon and hold out whenever you dont' get your way. I heard this really helps in marriage and makes for a long lasting and happy one.

tenquilts

My hubby and I have talked about this several times. He was a little, um, wild back in the day. I wasn't. When we met, I laid it all out on the line. Told him it wasn't going to happen and if that's all he was interested in, there were many other girls at that party, he could talk to them. 6 years later, we are married with a child, and happy. He has told me that if we had had sex that night, there wouldn't have been a relationship to follow, and that he was glad that it didn't happen because he found out that I was a girl who wasn't going to give into him and go against what I had originally told him. It made him put things into perspective.

But, that isn't necessarily how it is for all guys/girls. Basically, you just have to figure out if that the kind of guy you want to be with or if you want to take things more slowly.

Good example. I was married for many years, single for quite a few, and recently married again. I think the only right answer to this question is that you have to communicate about what you both want, and be familiar with your own preconceived notions. There are a lot of insecure jealous people out there and not all of them are big enough to recognize it in themselves. Many guys will try to sleep with a woman (as well, many women will try to sleep with a man; sex is enjoyable for both parties) and if they succeed, right away start to wonder, "whoa, we just met ... if she did this so quickly with me, is she doing it this often and this quickly with other people?" Or substitute "he" there in the thought process. Generally, most people, when choosing a partner, want little pressure to move forward quickly. Even if it's just intended to be casual, studies have shown that in many brains (especially women's), sex releases chemicals that cause an emotional connection to form. Many people feel they are more "invested" in someone after sex than before. They might become more controlling or think that they know more about their partner than they do.

If both people are aware that sex can result in pregnancy, STD or a mixup in what it means to the other person and both are prepared to deal with it, then go for it. But I don't think that any person, male or female, looking for an honest, longterm connection to another human being can reasonably expect it to start off well by having sex instantly upon meeting. I'm not saying it doesn't sometimes work out that way, but generally, it doesn't build trust and it doesn't give both parties an easy exit route should it not be what they end up wanting. That said, I also don't think arbitrary rules like, "five dates" are anything but one-sided hoops to make someone else jump through. If you're not comfortable with honestly talking about what you both want short-term and long-term, your past experiences and your prejudices, then it's probably a good idea to hold off sex until you are.

fbmandy55

Honestly, I think it means he does not respect you. Do you really want a relationship BASED on sex or would you like a great friendship with your spouse where sex is the icing on the cake?

A relationship that starts by denial of sex makes sex the target, surely?

That isn't to say that you should have sex if you don't want to, but if you want to but feel you 'shouldn't' then I'd say it is making sex the focus of the relationship.

I'm assuming the guy tried, got knocked back and accepted it and didn't force himself upon her.

What is wrong with that? Just because his rules are different to hers is not a reason to dismiss someone.

What if someone thinks that people should wait til the 6th date before they can kiss. On date 2 the guy goes in for a kiss. Should he be rejected for trying?

All good points. Also, basing any relationship on all these rules and requirements is going to set up for failure.. maybe not right away but eventually someone is going to be giving more than getting and it will get old.

I think that's why my relationship is so great. We have no silly rules or expectations, we play things by ear and we are extremely easy going. Our realtionship is effortless..going on 8 months and not a single argument yet.

SwannySez

So what y'all are saying is that I should try to sack the chick on the first date? I don't think I could do that! Feels so cheap.

More like frugal rather than cheap.

This is one reason why I like you, Timmay!

galegetsthin

It depends on how you look at sex. For some people, sex is just sex. It isnt something to have hangups about. I am able to detatch emotions from sex. Making love is different and not at all in the same category and has higher emotional ties, but needs to be occassionally, rather than my preferred "swingin from the rafters" sex. I enjoy sex. I am a little high maintenance about sex. I like it often. I can be with a person (very carefully to prevent health issues) and not care one bit who he chooses to be with. If I am dating a man, though, I will only have sex with him and expect the same respect. When I started seeing my boyfriend, I let him know early on that I was borderline freak, I enjoy sex, a lot of it, never feel that "holding out" is acceptable, because it punishes ME. I also let him know that I am picky about WHO I have sex with. (I have only been with 5 men counting him) And he should be proud to be in that group. But we had only hung out for a couple weeks before we started having sex. We did THAT before we were actually "dating". He knows that I am a lady in the courtyard and a porn star when you shut the door. He is extremely respectful of me. We have been together for nearly 2 years now, and he is the best lover I have ever had, a really great boyfriend, and I would not change a thing about how we started.

Carl01

If you want a relationship with this guy then don't give him everything on the first date!

Agree i find when you give it all up the first night what is there to look forward too. Unless he sees his life with you that fast he will move on and you got played.

I don't get this "sex as a gift" thing. I'm not bestowing my vagina to someone as a present, complete with a card and a bow, I'm getting my own fun out of sex.

This is where it begins.

If this relationship magically holds up into marriage then you can use sex as a weapon and hold out whenever you dont' get your way. I heard this really helps in marriage and makes for a long lasting and happy one.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

tanman44

He clearly thinks you're hot.. i would just kiss on the first date (if you're into him) and move slowly from that. He won't think you're the one if u have sex on the first date, unless you're just trying to get some too.. make him work for it.. it'll be better for both of u in the end

supermom2002

I'm saving myself for marriage.

and i just recently bought a *kitten* load of batteries

EpiGaiaRepens

ugh. topics like this I wanna kick myself for wanting to respond.

every sitaution is different.

but i just can't stand all the "this is how guys are" responses. It's not true of all guys...no, really it's not.

EpiGaiaRepens

I'm saving myself for marriage.

and i just recently bought a *kitten* load of batteries

Hahahahaa!

ShandiH

I met this guy online and after four weeks of talking, we finally met. Hooked up that night. 8 years later (almost 5 years of marriage) I'm lucky enough to still hook up with that guy. Ha Ha.

My husband and I hooked up on the first date. Been married for 4 years now, together for 6 and kiddo #2 is on the way. It says nothing about the guy/girl/future whatever . . . if you want to, then go for it.

Darkskinned88

if she gives it up on the first date doesnt mean she does it with everyone...can a guy get some credit for perfectly executed seduction

KristysLosing

I had sex on a first date once....too bad she would not join me!

LOL - Love this! :laugh:

Smuterella

If you want a relationship with this guy then don't give him everything on the first date!

Agree i find when you give it all up the first night what is there to look forward too. Unless he sees his life with you that fast he will move on and you got played.

I don't get this "sex as a gift" thing. I'm not bestowing my vagina to someone as a present, complete with a card and a bow, I'm getting my own fun out of sex.

This is where it begins.

If this relationship magically holds up into marriage then you can use sex as a weapon and hold out whenever you dont' get your way. I heard this really helps in marriage and makes for a long lasting and happy one.

Is that aimed at me? I have no idea what you are talking about if so, it makes no sense.

galegetsthin

if she gives it up on the first date doesnt mean she does it with everyone...can a guy get some credit for perfectly executed seduction

AMEN!!!!!!!! If you do it right and she is up for it, then you, sir, could be a LOT of fun for a while.

SwannySez

If you want a relationship with this guy then don't give him everything on the first date!

Agree i find when you give it all up the first night what is there to look forward too. Unless he sees his life with you that fast he will move on and you got played.

I don't get this "sex as a gift" thing. I'm not bestowing my vagina to someone as a present, complete with a card and a bow, I'm getting my own fun out of sex.

This is where it begins.

If this relationship magically holds up into marriage then you can use sex as a weapon and hold out whenever you dont' get your way. I heard this really helps in marriage and makes for a long lasting and happy one.

Is that aimed at me? I have no idea what you are talking about if so, it makes no sense.

i was given a vagina once. It was a gag gift. *rimshot*